loveboid Posted January 5, 2015 Share Posted January 5, 2015 (edited) You've uncovered a would-be rapist. You've likely ruined your marriage (it probably wasn't great to begin with). The least you could is file a police report and put a mark on this guy's record so that he has less chance of hurting anyone else. Make something good out of this. Edited January 5, 2015 by loveboid correction 1 Link to post Share on other sites
DivorcedDad123 Posted January 5, 2015 Share Posted January 5, 2015 This is called extortion,and it's illegal. He's requesting a service (sex) in exchange for not sending the pics to your H. I hope you have that in writing. You need to contact the police. They'll assign an investigator to your case. You're going to have to tell your H. He's going to see your confession as nothing more than you getting your hand caught in the cookie jar,and that you wouldn't have confessed if this wasn't happening. So,be prepared. You'll live through it though. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Friskyone4u Posted January 5, 2015 Share Posted January 5, 2015 Everyone has basically told you the same thing in different words so if you don't stop this it is because you just want an excuse to keep having sex with him. Not only did you screw up by having an affair but you picked a real ass hole to do it with Sorry there is no way out for you with your secret still intact and your husband clueless Link to post Share on other sites
TrustedthenBusted Posted January 5, 2015 Share Posted January 5, 2015 While I agree that you should come clean with your affair, I still think the guy is totally bluffing. He has nothing to gain by exposing you, except maybe getting ass whipped by your pissed off husband. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted January 5, 2015 Share Posted January 5, 2015 You need to tell your Husband ASAP. He will find out. Link to post Share on other sites
aliveagain Posted January 5, 2015 Share Posted January 5, 2015 Tell your husband that you made the decision to save your marriage, that you picked your husband over O/M and in ending your affair the O/M is now blackmailing you to keep it going. Tell him before it comes out in a very nasty and dirty way if you want a chance at reconciliation. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Spectre Posted January 5, 2015 Share Posted January 5, 2015 Tell the husband, he deserves to know so he can rightfully divorce you. This will give the OM no real power over you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
harrybrown Posted January 5, 2015 Share Posted January 5, 2015 The OM is not such a nice person to do this to you. Did you ever think he would do this to you? I mean he will cheat on you, but to blackmail you? Write all of the A in a written timeline to give to your H, along with the threats. Go with your H to counseling and have the counselor help you tell your H. And also have your family alerted to the blackmail and see if the police and help. I would get tested with this OM behaving the way that he is. The OM could have told you other lies. I would get the OM out of your life as fast as possible. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Spectre Posted January 5, 2015 Share Posted January 5, 2015 That is a good point, from this point on there should be no more contact with the OM, period. Link to post Share on other sites
darkmoon Posted January 5, 2015 Share Posted January 5, 2015 once you tell your husband he's a cuckold, you lose him, do better Link to post Share on other sites
nightmare01 Posted January 5, 2015 Share Posted January 5, 2015 Probably not what you want to hear - but tell your husband. Doing so removes all leverage your OM has over you. Also telling your husband is your best chance of saving your relationship. I know the last sentence above is not what you want to do. BUT. how can you ever have a truly emotionally intimate relationship with someone you are keeping secrets from? Telling is also a sign of respect you are showing your husband. You are allowing him to make his own decisions, to choose for himself the path his life will take. By NOT telling you are playing with him like a puppet on a string, which is a very UN-loving thing to do. Link to post Share on other sites
Mal78 Posted January 5, 2015 Share Posted January 5, 2015 The other women/man forum. They might have a better perspective from your angle: The Other Man / Woman - LoveShack.org Community Forums Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted January 5, 2015 Share Posted January 5, 2015 While I agree that you should come clean with your affair, I still think the guy is totally bluffing. Agreed. Though I ask finer minds than mine - what law would he be breaking sending consensual faceless pictures to the OP's husband ??? Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
Clay Posted January 5, 2015 Share Posted January 5, 2015 Well Hopefully the Husband finds out and kicks OP to the curb. It sounds like something off of the Discovery Channel. I'm sure her Husband will feel sorry for her when the OM tells him all the details of there relationship. Hopefully in her next relationship she will think twice about cheating. I personally doubt it. Clay Link to post Share on other sites
spanz1 Posted January 5, 2015 Share Posted January 5, 2015 (edited) Let the police know what is going on. Your Affair is most likely going to be exposed but I think you don't have any choice in that matter. Your AP is going to expose you once everything ceases anyway. At least the police may be able to intervene before your nude photos go viral for all the world to see, which I think is worth trying to prevent. Yeah, get that frigin perv arrested. If my wife came to me, told ALL the sordid details, and threw herself on my mercy...I would probably take her back. If I found out the hard way she was screwing and being blackmailed ... it would not go over as well. And there is no way you can avoid this coming out, unless you want to be a slave to this perv for the rest of your life. Edited January 5, 2015 by spanz1 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BetrayedH Posted January 5, 2015 Share Posted January 5, 2015 One more vote for: Confess to your husband and contact the police. You can either begin digging your way out of this rabbit hole or go further in. Link to post Share on other sites
Realist3 Posted January 6, 2015 Share Posted January 6, 2015 Yes, I do. It is blackmail in the most basic form. I woulds talk to the police. I would also threaten him with criminal charges. His career would be ruined. Call the bluff. He does what he proposes and he gets none of what he wants plus a criminal record. You hold the cards. You can PM me if you want further instruction. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
loveboid Posted January 6, 2015 Share Posted January 6, 2015 I would also threaten him with criminal charges. I wouldn't bother threatening him. If I had evidence I would just file charges. Link to post Share on other sites
sidney2718 Posted January 6, 2015 Share Posted January 6, 2015 Blackmailed: As you know, your affair has gone very very bad very very quickly. I think you have little choice. The affair is going to come out. The OM has nothing to lose by sending your H the picture(s) and will probably get off on imagining how awful that will be for both you and your husband. So first, sit your husband down and tell him the truth, the entire truth. Throw yourself on his mercy, beg if you have to. It may do no good, he may still divorce you. But it will be a much happier divorce than it would be if your husband finds out from the OM. Don't forget to tell your husband EVERYTHING, even the things that you think will hurt him the most. His imagination will hurt him far more than any reality. Ask your husband for advice about going to the police, filing a lawsuit, and so on. Don't do it on your own, make him part of the process. It is possible that your husband will not divorce you. You have learned a painful lesson and he will know that. You will likely have to show serious remorse and promise total and complete openness. You have the short end of the stick here. Why should you do this? Because the last thing on earth you need is stuff out on the web without your husband knowing about it. It will be there for years and your husband finding out in 2017 will be far worse than him finding out about it now. Last, most everyone here at LoveShack means well. Some are betrayed wives, more are betrayed husbands and some of these will not wish you well because they have been so badly hurt. Don't be nasty to them, their pain is very real. I wish you well and hope it works out. Keep in touch with us, but waste no time in talking to your husband. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
BeholdtheMan Posted January 6, 2015 Share Posted January 6, 2015 I have a feeling OP wants to keep her husband in the dark...probably because she wants to "protect him" Link to post Share on other sites
jbrent890 Posted January 6, 2015 Share Posted January 6, 2015 I have a feeling OP wants to keep her husband in the dark...probably because she wants to "protect him" Translation: protect herself Link to post Share on other sites
truncated Posted January 6, 2015 Share Posted January 6, 2015 I would talk to a lawyer or the police, as the laws regarding this type of thing may be different in different places. best to aks those who know the law in your area. Before I did that, however, I would tell your husband. If you have any kids, send them to a sitters or reltaive for the night, so that you two have the house to yourselves while you break the news, and you won't have t worry about hem overhearing. After that, find out what the law is where you live regarding this. In many ways , it sounds similar to recent "sexploitation" cases ( where a man or woman was coerced into pproviding ore explicit photos or videos of themsleves under the threat that if they didn't, the person would relase them to their friends, family, etc.) , and it may fall under the same law. I can't predict what your hsuabnd will say or do, so you'll have to be prepared to ride out the storm, but no matter what, it's better he hear it from you than someone else. Link to post Share on other sites
Realist3 Posted January 6, 2015 Share Posted January 6, 2015 I wouldn't bother threatening him. If I had evidence I would just file charges. That is if you are wanting to take it public. Link to post Share on other sites
Bootsie Posted January 6, 2015 Share Posted January 6, 2015 Agreed. Though I ask finer minds than mine - what law would he be breaking sending consensual faceless pictures to the OP's husband ??? Mr. Lucky Actually the law being broken is that of extortion and blackmail, ie attempting to obtain a benefit for himself, by threatening to do something if she doesn't comply. I doubt it matters that the benefit is not financial. Sending the photos to her husband is probably not the problem it's using this as a threat that's the wrong thing. I'm a BW and now have nude photos of the OW that she sent my H. I have never made a threat to her to expose them if she doesn't do what I want, but I'd have no hesitation in actually exposing them (legally) if I feel she does anything to further damage my marriage. The difference is I'm not threatening her nor am I attempting to get a benefit from her, nor attempting to get her to do something. I'd just do it again, without advising her. I actually already have and there's nothing she can do about it because she voluntarily sent them to an account she knew I had access to, and I obtained them legally. They are neither pornographic nor obscene (she herself described them as arty) and I have not publicly disseminated them, so I'm safe from any repercussions. I'm also a lawyer and fully aware of what the law can and cannot do... Anyway what this guy is doing is almost certainly criminal, so I'd suggest either the police or an attorney, but you might have to come clean to your H first. If it were me in this situation I'd tell my H of the infidelity and then tell the MM to do his best. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Mal78 Posted January 6, 2015 Share Posted January 6, 2015 Of course I believe telling the truth is the best solution, however so many here believe by doing so her BS is going to jump on "helping her" nail the OM to the wall. "Oh sure honey, you cheated on me with this man and the *only* reason you are coming clean is because he is threatening to expose you so let me help you get that man whom you f*cked for this horrible thing he has done to you" Really? I see it going more like, "so now that you told me and he has nothing on you what's stopping you from going back"? Link to post Share on other sites
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