Poppygoodwill Posted January 6, 2015 Share Posted January 6, 2015 You could get a lawyer to send the guy a very formal letter stating that his threats are tantamount to extortion which is a serious crime and that unless he ceases and desists and returns all the photos to you, you will go to the police. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
loveboid Posted January 6, 2015 Share Posted January 6, 2015 (edited) That is if you are wanting to take it public. I would. There are so many nekkid pics on the internet who cares about headless photos? This guy is a turd and made a big mistake exposing himself. Plus, I hate to break it to you, but no one really cares about your situation, OP. After four days everyone's attention spans will be elsewhere. And if your family and friends can't get over it then they weren't great to begin with. Edited January 6, 2015 by loveboid correction Link to post Share on other sites
sandylee1 Posted January 6, 2015 Share Posted January 6, 2015 What a terrible situation you're in. At this stage you will have to reveal all to your H. Despite how hurt he's going to feel, I would imagine he'd be very angry that OM is trying to blackmail you. I would be majorly pi***d of if an OW threatened to blackmail my H. In fact I'd go as far as phoning the OW and telling her I know EVERYTHING and that she should take a very long walk on a short pier then hang up. Next I'd deal with my H and the stupid immature mess he'd created, without any thought about our marriage/family. The very tiny thing to cling on.....is that they were headless shots. I mean very very tiny. Let us know how you're getting on. There is no excuse for blackmail? It's very nasty. Link to post Share on other sites
Realist3 Posted January 6, 2015 Share Posted January 6, 2015 I still think the guy is totally bluffing. He has nothing to gain by exposing you, except maybe getting ass whipped by your pissed off husband. I agree with this. He is bluffing. As someone that has experience with this, it is an empty threat. Just tell him you have told your husband, and it is over. I'm not saying you should tell your husband, but that is all you have to do. Involving the police would be to exact punishment. Link to post Share on other sites
sandylee1 Posted January 6, 2015 Share Posted January 6, 2015 Actually the law being broken is that of extortion and blackmail, ie attempting to obtain a benefit for himself, by threatening to do something if she doesn't comply. I doubt it matters that the benefit is not financial. Sending the photos to her husband is probably not the problem it's using this as a threat that's the wrong thing. I'm a BW and now have nude photos of the OW that she sent my H. I have never made a threat to her to expose them if she doesn't do what I want, but I'd have no hesitation in actually exposing them (legally) if I feel she does anything to further damage my marriage. The difference is I'm not threatening her nor am I attempting to get a benefit from her, nor attempting to get her to do something. I'd just do it again, without advising her. I actually already have and there's nothing she can do about it because she voluntarily sent them to an account she knew I had access to, and I obtained them legally. They are neither pornographic nor obscene (she herself described them as arty) and I have not publicly disseminated them, so I'm safe from any repercussions. I'm also a lawyer and fully aware of what the law can and cannot do... Anyway what this guy is doing is almost certainly criminal, so I'd suggest either the police or an attorney, but you might have to come clean to your H first. If it were me in this situation I'd tell my H of the infidelity and then tell the MM to do his best. I've known a BW threaten to send such pics to the OWs entire family if she contacts her H again. Not sure of the legality or otherwise. Link to post Share on other sites
loveboid Posted January 6, 2015 Share Posted January 6, 2015 Involving the police would be to exact punishment. Punishment is the whole point. He should be punished. Imagine if he blackmails someone else who doesn't have advisors and gives in to him. If he blackmails without consequence he'll do it again. Oh, and by the way OP...if you don't want to spare someone else his predation, you could do it simply because: Justice. Feels. Good. Justice is a gourmet meal for the soul. Link to post Share on other sites
loveboid Posted January 6, 2015 Share Posted January 6, 2015 I agree with this. He is bluffing. I doubt if a guy holds up a store with a loaded gun the owner shouldn't call the cops because the guy is probably bluffing and won't shoot. Who cares if he is bluffing? The threat is enough. Guess what, OP, if you say nothing this guy still has your pics and can show up to blackmail you again... at your workplace or anywhere else in your life. And he can still upload your pics to amateur porn sites for his sick thrill. He could sell your pics to online advertisers of porn sites. I hope your family has ad blockers. Are you sure you would want to live under that threat your entire life? Link to post Share on other sites
Realist3 Posted January 6, 2015 Share Posted January 6, 2015 Punishment is the whole point. He should be punished. Imagine if he blackmails someone else who doesn't have advisors and gives in to him. If he blackmails without consequence he'll do it again. Oh, and by the way OP...if you don't want to spare someone else his predation, you could do it simply because: Justice. Feels. Good. Justice is a gourmet meal for the soul. This sounds good in theory; in reality, it is a completely different matter. It really depends on the seriousness of the issue. Calling the bluff is usually the best course of action. Link to post Share on other sites
autumnnight Posted January 6, 2015 Share Posted January 6, 2015 Are you sure you would want to live under that threat your entire life? THIS If this OM is a normal person, he will eventually lose interest in his little bitter vendetta and move on. But if he falls into that small percentage of neurotic or psychotic people, you will never be able to rest, ever. That is the practical reason you should just go ahead and come clean with your husband. The moral reason is just because it s the right thing to do. As far as pressing charges, talking to a lawyer, and the like, it depends on your end game. How public are you willing to go? Honestly, even though the threat does probably break a statute, you may or may not win any case, and the likelihood of you getting rich off a suit is next to nothing. For some people it isn't about winning though. It is about making life as big a hell as possible for the person who is attempting to make THEIR life hell. Winning is irrelevant. But the first order of business really is to tell your husband. Link to post Share on other sites
Spectre Posted January 6, 2015 Share Posted January 6, 2015 I agree with this. He is bluffing. As someone that has experience with this, it is an empty threat. Just tell him you have told your husband, and it is over. I'm not saying you should tell your husband, but that is all you have to do. Involving the police would be to exact punishment. Um just curious, why are you not saying she should tell her husband? It should be "tell him you told your husband, and then tell your husband" not "tell the guy you told your H, but then you don't really have to do so". I only point this out because waywards here have the funny notion of homing in on the FEW posts that aren't telling them to do the right thing. She will home in on yours like a shark who senses blood, and ignore all the other advice advising her to tell. Why? Because that is how cheaters and liars operate, they will look for any excuse not to tell, and will cling for dear life to any person giving them advice that doesn't end with "do the right thing and be honest". Link to post Share on other sites
Spectre Posted January 6, 2015 Share Posted January 6, 2015 Punishment is the whole point. He should be punished. Imagine if he blackmails someone else who doesn't have advisors and gives in to him. If he blackmails without consequence he'll do it again. Oh, and by the way OP...if you don't want to spare someone else his predation, you could do it simply because: Justice. Feels. Good. Justice is a gourmet meal for the soul. Okay, but remember the OP deserves punishment too. This is not a one or the other thing. The guy deserves it? The op also does, in spades. Should of never sent pics out to some dude in the first place. Link to post Share on other sites
Bartlett67 Posted January 6, 2015 Share Posted January 6, 2015 I have a funny feeling this is going to end badly for the OP. she's wallowed in a river of feces, and is now hoping it will all just go away without it stinking up the marital abode. That seems likely to work, doesn't it? To paraphrase Macbeth, she's waded far enough into the sewer, that either way she attempts to wade back out is going to result in an equal **** bath. I see this ending in disaster. Call me psychic. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Spectre Posted January 6, 2015 Share Posted January 6, 2015 Something tells me she isn't going to say a damn thing to her H. Almost as if a part of her *wants* to be forced to keep screwing this guy. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
loveboid Posted January 6, 2015 Share Posted January 6, 2015 (edited) Okay, but remember the OP deserves punishment too. This is not a one or the other thing. The guy deserves it? The op also does, in spades. Should of never sent pics out to some dude in the first place. Extortion and rape--which is what this would be if done under coercion--are illegal. Adultery is not. In some states she might pay for alienation of affections if she were the other woman. No adulterer, man or woman, deserves extortion much less rape. The days of stoning for adultery are gone. She deserves punishment from her husband no doubt but not from this guy. Edited January 6, 2015 by loveboid Correction 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Spectre Posted January 6, 2015 Share Posted January 6, 2015 Extortion and rape--which is what this would be if done under coercion--are illegal. Adultery is not. In some states she might pay for alienation of affections if she were the other woman. No adulterer, man or woman, deserves extortion much less rape. The days of stoning for adultery are gone. She deserves punishment from her husband no doubt but not from this guy. Oh I get you, yeah I did not mean she deserved legal punishment. Though DAMN, I wonder how many affairs would be stopped if it WAS illegal. I don't mean stoning someone for it. But like..a hefty fine? I don't know. You always hear about folks suing other folks over something, and they always add on some money to the lawsuit for "pain and suffering" and all that, and a spouse cheating on you is going to cause some huge pain. I'm shocked no cheated on spouse has tried suing their partner. I'd be ALL for it. Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted January 6, 2015 Share Posted January 6, 2015 Guys only 1 of 2 things are happening here. Either: 1. You're chasing Bunnies! Don't follow it down the rabbit hole! or 2. this is going to be a hit and run thread. She posted and is not liking what she's hearing, so she'll disappear. Link to post Share on other sites
loveboid Posted January 6, 2015 Share Posted January 6, 2015 Thanks, Chi. Link to post Share on other sites
Realist3 Posted January 6, 2015 Share Posted January 6, 2015 Um just curious, why are you not saying she should tell her husband? It should be "tell him you told your husband, and then tell your husband" not "tell the guy you told your H, but then you don't really have to do so". I only point this out because waywards here have the funny notion of homing in on the FEW posts that aren't telling them to do the right thing. She will home in on yours like a shark who senses blood, and ignore all the other advice advising her to tell. Why? Because that is how cheaters and liars operate, they will look for any excuse not to tell, and will cling for dear life to any person giving them advice that doesn't end with "do the right thing and be honest". Ummm... because I'm not the morality police, and neither is anyone else on this board. Extortion is a criminal act, infidelity is not. She's a big girl, she can determine what is 'right' for her to do. Extortion works because of fear. I'm just telling she should not fear him telling, because he won't... ever! He loses everything in that scenario. Link to post Share on other sites
No Limit Posted January 6, 2015 Share Posted January 6, 2015 (edited) Doesn't matter that the photos don't show your face, your H will recognize you. After all, what other reason would a stranger have to tell him this? Well, unless you follow your former affair partners' every whim your affair will be exposed. Good luck. And should you go for continuing the affair with this unstable man be sure to not travel into remote areas, he could be a potential killer, especially since no one knows but you two. Edited January 6, 2015 by No Limit 1 Link to post Share on other sites
TrustedthenBusted Posted January 6, 2015 Share Posted January 6, 2015 it really is amazing how often we find that a WS and an OP truly deserve eachother. These wonderful emotional saviors so often turn out to be complete jerks. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Blackmailed Posted January 6, 2015 Author Share Posted January 6, 2015 Update: First off, thank you all for taking the time to give me your two sense. The OM has taken back his threat. I told him what he was doing was blackmail and is illegal. That I could go to the police but I didn't want to because it would ruin his life and possibly lose half custody of his kids. I don't think he fully understood the seriousness of what he was doing. He wanted to continue the sex and thought I would enjoy it too but I made it clear that's not what I want. He is a powerful man at work and is used to getting his way so this confrontational act was his reaction to me calling off the affair. I'm not trying to make excuses but we all know how crazy people get when it comes to emotions. My H knows I had a EA with OM and that he has pictures. We are trying to put our marriage back together. Link to post Share on other sites
TrustedthenBusted Posted January 6, 2015 Share Posted January 6, 2015 Update: We are trying to put our marriage back together. Congrats. Now you are back to Step 1. Stop lying to your husband and tell him everything. Because believe me... he won't stop looking for evidence of a PA until he finds it. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Sub Posted January 6, 2015 Share Posted January 6, 2015 My H knows I had a EA with OM and that he has pictures. Hmmmm. Your H knows the OM has pictures, yet believes it was an "EA"? What does he think the pictures depict? Your feelings? I'm also amazed that a "powerful" businessman doesn't realize when he's committing an offense like extortion. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
BetrayedH Posted January 6, 2015 Share Posted January 6, 2015 He wanted to continue the sex...My H knows I had a EA with OM and that he has pictures. We are trying to put our marriage back together. So you're putting your marriage back together while still lying to your husband about the affair and still keeping in contact with your affair partner. Does this seem like a solid foundation to you? If you want to out your marriage back together, start by coming clean with your H and instituting 'no contact' with the OM. Anything short of that is a farce and just tricking your H into staying with you. Does he really deserve that? Link to post Share on other sites
road Posted January 6, 2015 Share Posted January 6, 2015 Update: First off, thank you all for taking the time to give me your two sense. The OM has taken back his threat. I told him what he was doing was blackmail and is illegal. That I could go to the police but I didn't want to because it would ruin his life and possibly lose half custody of his kids. I don't think he fully understood the seriousness of what he was doing. He wanted to continue the sex and thought I would enjoy it too but I made it clear that's not what I want. He is a powerful man at work and is used to getting his way so this confrontational act was his reaction to me calling off the affair. I'm not trying to make excuses but we all know how crazy people get when it comes to emotions. My H knows I had a EA with OM and that he has pictures. We are trying to put our marriage back together. Hmmmm. Your H knows the OM has pictures, yet believes it was an "EA"? What does he think the pictures depict? Your feelings? I'm also amazed that a "powerful" businessman doesn't realize when he's committing an offense like extortion. So you're putting your marriage back together while still lying to your husband about the affair and still keeping in contact with your affair partner. Does this seem like a solid foundation to you? If you want to out your marriage back together, start by coming clean with your H and instituting 'no contact' with the OM. Anything short of that is a farce and just tricking your H into staying with you. Does he really deserve that? Exactly what I was thinking. What kind of photos does the BH think the OM has of his WW? This story does not seem right. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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