MadameB Posted March 27, 2005 Posted March 27, 2005 Greatly appreciate any enlightened comments to my situation with a MM manager. I am currently in a relationship of over ten years. This has over the course of the last five years evolved into more of a brother/sister relationship, we cuddle, we kiss, its just devoid of any sexual contact. We have discussed this many times, He has had this problem in past relationships and its , I have initaited these discussions, however, we have yet to make any conclusions together, I do believe he avoids this ... My partner is 14 years older, I am 29 and very sexually aware. We have broken up once in the past due to my infidelity (I admitted it immediately and broke up with my partner) we did though get back together and I promised myself that I would never risk this relationship again. I have been employed at a company for just under a year now and am attracted to my indirect manager. He has recently gotten married to his partner of many years, has children, and due to my own situ, I have never, conciously, expressed my attraction to him. However, he is witty, charming and, in a nutshell, has an air about him that made me think we would could have a breathtakingly, smutty good time together. He is older than me, I guess he is in his late thirties. At a work event, ahh how appropriate, his behaviour towards me was bizarre. Firstly approaching a colleague and I, wrapping his arms around my hips as I was sitting there whilst speaking to my colleague, my colleague left to get drinks, and he then started to tell me how fantastic it was to have me in the company, etc. During the course of the evening, he then said it was a damn shame he was married, and if he werent, well he didnt divulge .. I interpreted this as if I meant that I was flirting with him the whole evening (which I was not, I spent most of the evening on the dancefloor) and said well it was a shame that he was married however I was also attached (hence: nothing would come of it anyway). I assumed that this was all alcohol fuelled and thought nothing more of it. I approached him with a work related query a few days afterwards, he was so distant and cold, which practically forced me to tease him a little re what must have been a massive hangover the next day. Nothing more came of this, he kept up the cold front, I just thought he was ashamed a little for being so drunk that night and we remained professional. At the next work event, yes we have loads, we all sat as a group for dinner and got more drunk. I was very aware of him "checking" who I was talking to during the course of the evening, joining the groups I was with for a while and then speaking to nearly everyone in that group other than me. As we all wanted to move onto somewhere a little more lively he then came over to me, took my hand and gave me a "knowing" smile. As the evening progressed, we did flirt with each other and ultimately, and of course completely coincidently, were the last two left in the club. Walking to the taxi stand (quite a distance), I was hounding off his attempts to kiss me, he asked if had an affinity towards each other (I confirmed) I then relented and kissed him, I find him as sexy as hell, before breaking it off and telling him that, due to both of our situations, this could never, ever, evolve... typically indesicive of me ... Concluding this evening, I was completely confused, he did not call me, which was understandable as I did tell him that I did not want this, however, I believe I was secretly hoping he would. After two weeks I called him and asked, god how dramatic, if we could meet that very evening. He could not, he had a family related event he had to attend, I did not ask for any other evening and ended the call. We were then both assigned a one day external meeting. Both of us remained very professional (completely bizarre) until after the meeting. Aside from a few knee and hand brushes over dinner on his part, he did not make any other moves. Ultimately, on the journey home, I expressed to him how confused I was regarding what had happened and kissed him, we kissed contently and constantly for two hours, just stopping to breathe. On the journey to my office, he did attempt to molest me a few times which I brushed off, though I understand his behaviour, he is a guy and the kiss ultimately was like a whole array of fireworks going off for both of us. I asked him if he had done this before, he said to me it would make no difference what he told me because I would not believe him anyway. His answer stems from a rather nasty comment I made to him regarding his fidelity on the way to the taxi stand after our second encounter. However I get the impression that this may be the first time he has done this, though I do not know for certain. Anyway, as he is older and I am assuming he is a serial cheater. I asked him for some guidelines: Firstly, we are following our feelings, true. Secondly, when this ends he wants us both on the same side of the fence, understandable that he would from his position. I have expressed to him my concern that if we are to "evolve" that I am afraid of my feelings growing for him, which I can foresee. He told me I shouldnt discect things and just enjoy the moment. I cannot stop thinking of how smuttily good this is. Should I let this evovle for the sake of a good f$§k at the risk of losing myself in this damn sexy MM? Urgently seeking advice and similar experiences here !
CurlyIam Posted March 27, 2005 Posted March 27, 2005 Get yourself a real man, not a brother. As far as the "boss", you'll end up losing your job. I think you should enjoy the moment thinking about that. The OM will tell you anything to get you into bed, that I can confirm you.
sylviaguardian Posted March 27, 2005 Posted March 27, 2005 Is this a joke? Have you read any of the other posts on this site?
only1life Posted March 28, 2005 Posted March 28, 2005 Do you love your current partner? Do you realize how much you are going to hurt him by continuing this affair? Is it worth the risk of losing him for "the sake of a good f$§k?" Put all this energy toward your partner, and leave this guy at work alone. Save yourself the pain that will certainly result if you keep playing this game.
Mz. Pixie Posted March 28, 2005 Posted March 28, 2005 It is SOOOO not worth it. You will ruin your relationship with your partner and if he's caught it may ruin his marriage. Plus hurt this person you know nothing about. For him to say, "Don't discect it" means it's just about sex for him already. Speaking as a former OW, it's not worth it. My A was very short, a fling really but it ended up causing so much pain I will never ever do anything like that ever again.
ThumbingMyWay Posted March 28, 2005 Posted March 28, 2005 swim away.....swim away.... NOTHING GOOD COMES FROM GETTING INVOLVED WITH A MM.... DONT DO IT.....
RecordProducer Posted March 28, 2005 Posted March 28, 2005 First of all, you're obviously not in love with your boyfriend no matter how much you love him and you will never be happy with him. For some reason you think you don't deserve to be happy. You're trying to make a great salad out of two average ingredients, but it's not what your heart is looking for. You don't need any of those men. You desire the boss sexually, because you miss that part with your BF. On the other hand you think it's okay to just be sexual with someone as you're getting the emotional part elsewhere. You're so young. Why letting yourself be stuck in a relationship like that? You better not mess with a married man from work. He might break your heart and you'll be condemned to look at him. But the game already started so it's up to you now. He is obviously hot for you and for him it's just sex. That's why he put his hands around your hips. It's a gesture from a wild sex. Make sure you use a condom!
newby Posted March 28, 2005 Posted March 28, 2005 go into the other woman forum and read all the posts there. it will be EXACTLY the same as every one of those situations. you said you are concerned that you will get emotionally involved, i dont know if you realise it buts its your way of fishing from him if its safe to do so. he said dont dissect it, enjoy the moment, he wants to do this and he knows what to say to avoid responsibilty, he is saying, it is just for the moment and that is all. the hotter he gets for you, which of course he will the more he will think up ways to get you to do what he wants. eventually he will outright lie to you. get over him now else you will have to be doing it later down the line with a whole load more problems, such as dealing with your own failed relationship.
blind_otter Posted March 28, 2005 Posted March 28, 2005 Don't seek solace from another man because you are not getting what you want from your partner. I was already separated from my partner but in retrospect he did NOT need me to disrespect him like that. I should have ended the relationship completely. I should have given him that minimal respect. You should do the same. If you are bored, sexually frustrated, whatever....do what needs to be done -- end the relationship, or put in the effort to make the relationship satisfying. Leave the married man to his own devices. At my workplace I do have married male coworkers/superiors flirting with me a lot. They are married. They have babies with their wives. So it would never occur to me to fool around with them.
Author MadameB Posted March 29, 2005 Author Posted March 29, 2005 I appreciate all who have taken the time to respond regarding my current dilemma. Thank You. Regarding flirting, I do know the difference. I work in a 90 % all male environment and it would have never occurred to me in the past either ... god how predictable, however, this situ is different ... I am very much attracted to him... How in heaven do I stop this?
Mz. Pixie Posted March 29, 2005 Posted March 29, 2005 You just STOP. Don't go around him, don't take his calls or e mails. If he confronts you tell him you were attracted but that the relationship is inappropriate and that you've reconsidered and do not want to get involved with a MM. Trust me, you cannot continue to flirt and enjoy the attention- eventually you will cross the line. When you do afterwards when you look at yourself, it's not pretty.
Bubbles Posted March 29, 2005 Posted March 29, 2005 MadameB, Please, please do not do this - ESPECIALLY with a co-worker. That is as crazy as having an affair with your next door neighbor. First of all, having an affair is going to cause you trouble any-ways.....don't make it any worse by having one with a co-worker. For the same reason that people DO NOT date people they work with........."what if it goes wrong?" bubbles
only1life Posted March 31, 2005 Posted March 31, 2005 Originally posted by MadameB How in heaven do I stop this? Ask your partner if you can take two pictures of him, one with a nice smile and another of sadness when he feels hurt by something. Put these two pictures in a place where you can see them at work. And whenever you get in a flirting situation, glace over and look at how you are going to make your partner feel, when he finds out. And how you will also feel, after this MM has his fling with you and then leaves you behind.
Recommended Posts