tikay00 Posted January 5, 2015 Share Posted January 5, 2015 Basically, she texted me a happy new years on Jan 3rd, and then called me that same night. I answered, and played it cool. We laughed, caught up, and everything went well. It just seemed like a friendly chat, and she said she missed my voice, and all that. We ended up texting back and forth that night, and ended it there. I don't initiate any contact the following day. She ends up texting me that night, and asks if this isn't weird that we're talking again. I don't really answer, and just ask her why? She said, I don't know, just wondering how you felt. I call her, and we talk for a long while. I ask if she has a BF. She says she dumped her BF, because she wasn't over me, and her heart wasn't in it. Still thought about me too much. We talk for hours, and fall asleep on the phone together. I did ask her in the beginning if she called just to be her emotional crutch, she said no way. She says she never stopped caring, and never stopped loving me, but I don't know how I should approach this. Should I ask her if she cares about me as a friend, or play it cool, and see where this goes? I don't want to get too attached, and then it ends up she only wanted to be my friend. I kind of feel like this is a second chance, but I also don't know for sure. I don't want to assume too much, and find out it wasn't what I wanted it to be. How should I play this? Link to post Share on other sites
Jimmyjackson Posted January 5, 2015 Share Posted January 5, 2015 How long have you guys been broken up? seems obvious she's interested as she's telling you she just dumped someone because she's not over you. If I were you I'd just play it cool, make her chase you. If you come on too strong and start asking about getting back together and stuff you'll come off as being too eager. She broke up with you so she needs to make the effort to have you back, if that is indeed what she's doing. Link to post Share on other sites
Jimmyjackson Posted January 5, 2015 Share Posted January 5, 2015 Also, why did you guys break up? Link to post Share on other sites
Author tikay00 Posted January 5, 2015 Author Share Posted January 5, 2015 How long have you guys been broken up? seems obvious she's interested as she's telling you she just dumped someone because she's not over you. If I were you I'd just play it cool, make her chase you. If you come on too strong and start asking about getting back together and stuff you'll come off as being too eager. She broke up with you so she needs to make the effort to have you back, if that is indeed what she's doing. Over 3 months, give or take. She said the 2 months of no contact was great for us, because it took away all her resentment towards me, and if I would have stayed friends with her, that resentment would never go away. It showed her all the good times. I want to play it cool, but at the same time, I don't want to invest in this, and end up getting burned. It completely feels like a second chance, but at the same time I don't want to take that risk. Is it just a risk I have to take? Link to post Share on other sites
Author tikay00 Posted January 5, 2015 Author Share Posted January 5, 2015 Also, why did you guys break up? Taking her for granted, and arguing too much. I was hot headed a lot, and just wasn't a great BF. Link to post Share on other sites
Author tikay00 Posted January 5, 2015 Author Share Posted January 5, 2015 (edited) We're texting back and forth right now, and everything is BF/GF like. I want to ask her, "When you said you still cared about me, did you mean just as a friend, or something more?". Something like this. Is this a bad question, and coming off too eager? Edited January 5, 2015 by tikay00 Link to post Share on other sites
Jimmyjackson Posted January 5, 2015 Share Posted January 5, 2015 Over 3 months, give or take. She said the 2 months of no contact was great for us, because it took away all her resentment towards me, and if I would have stayed friends with her, that resentment would never go away. It showed her all the good times. I want to play it cool, but at the same time, I don't want to invest in this, and end up getting burned. It completely feels like a second chance, but at the same time I don't want to take that risk. Is it just a risk I have to take? That's why you play it cool and don't get your hopes up too much just incase it comes crashing down. If you dive into the deep end you'll get hurt if it ends again...act as if you're not too bothered either way, she'll show you how much she wants you by how hard she tries to stay in touch. I'm 2 months NC with my ex, but she left me because she didn;t feel the same anymore. I'd kill to be in your situation right now, but just keep it cool for now. Women like confidence, and like everyone else, they always want what they can't have..don't be too available. Link to post Share on other sites
Author tikay00 Posted January 5, 2015 Author Share Posted January 5, 2015 Also, why should I play it cool? She being the dumper, shouldn't she outright say what her intentions are. I'm pretty sure this is a second chance, but I'm not 110% sure. Link to post Share on other sites
Jimmyjackson Posted January 5, 2015 Share Posted January 5, 2015 We're texting back and forth right now, and everything is BF/GF like. I want to ask her, "When you said you still cared about me, did you mean just as a friend, or something more?". Something like this. Is this a bad question, and coming off too eager? I wouldn't ask because the moment's gone, you should've said that when she first said it to you. If you're texting I'm sure you'll get an idea of how she views you by what she says. Link to post Share on other sites
Author tikay00 Posted January 5, 2015 Author Share Posted January 5, 2015 That's why you play it cool and don't get your hopes up too much just incase it comes crashing down. If you dive into the deep end you'll get hurt if it ends again...act as if you're not too bothered either way, she'll show you how much she wants you by how hard she tries to stay in touch. I'm 2 months NC with my ex, but she left me because she didn;t feel the same anymore. I'd kill to be in your situation right now, but just keep it cool for now. Women like confidence, and like everyone else, they always want what they can't have..don't be too available. It's easy to play it cool in theory, but I don't want to think about what this is all day, all night. I'd rather know now, and whatever answer she gives me, I can live with that, and if it's a no, then I can move on again without being led on for months possibly. Link to post Share on other sites
Jimmyjackson Posted January 5, 2015 Share Posted January 5, 2015 It's easy to play it cool in theory, but I don't want to think about what this is all day, all night. I'd rather know now, and whatever answer she gives me, I can live with that, and if it's a no, then I can move on again without being led on for months possibly. Because I don't think many people would outright just say it how it is instantly, especially after not talking for 2 months. She's probably testing the waters to see how you feel first. You don't think about it all day, go about your daily life, go to work, see friends or whatever it is you do and text her back every now and then when you have the chance. If she has just got back in touch recently give it some time, I get that if it was months yeah that's different, but it's not been months has it? it's a process, not something you dive right into 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author tikay00 Posted January 5, 2015 Author Share Posted January 5, 2015 Because I don't think many people would outright just say it how it is instantly, especially after not talking for 2 months. She's probably testing the waters to see how you feel first. You don't think about it all day, go about your daily life, go to work, see friends or whatever it is you do and text her back every now and then when you have the chance. If she has just got back in touch recently give it some time, I get that if it was months yeah that's different, but it's not been months has it? it's a process, not something you dive right into I'm sure she knows how I feel though. I think she knows I'd be down for a relationship again. I mean, we spent the entire night talking on the phone last night. Shouldn't she know in her heart if she wanted this again? Link to post Share on other sites
me85 Posted January 5, 2015 Share Posted January 5, 2015 Clearly she wants you back. Do you want her back? How long have you been BU? How bad was the BU? Was there a lot of pain inflicted on you? Did she cheat? If there wasn't too much damage caused in the RS then there's a very good chance the two of you could try again and it work out. Link to post Share on other sites
Author tikay00 Posted January 5, 2015 Author Share Posted January 5, 2015 I can't not think about this all day, and night. I'd love to not think about it, but it's not that easy. Link to post Share on other sites
Author tikay00 Posted January 5, 2015 Author Share Posted January 5, 2015 Clearly she wants you back. Do you want her back? How long have you been BU? How bad was the BU? Was there a lot of pain inflicted on you? Did she cheat? If there wasn't too much damage caused in the RS then there's a very good chance the two of you could try again and it work out. Yes, I want her back. Broken up for a little over 3 months. Wasn't so so bad. I knew it was coming. I was being a prick lately. Pain as in post breakup heartache, yes. No, she didn't cheat. How should I play this? Link to post Share on other sites
Jimmyjackson Posted January 5, 2015 Share Posted January 5, 2015 I'm sure she knows how I feel though. I think she knows I'd be down for a relationship again. I mean, we spent the entire night talking on the phone last night. Shouldn't she know in her heart if she wanted this again? You say you were a bad boyfriend, then maybe she's holding back a bit at first to see if you've changed or anything? Just a thought. Yeah you did but she might be thinking the same, "what if he spoke to me all night lastnight because he views me as a friend and that's all?" Link to post Share on other sites
Author tikay00 Posted January 5, 2015 Author Share Posted January 5, 2015 You say you were a bad boyfriend, then maybe she's holding back a bit at first to see if you've changed or anything? Just a thought. Yeah you did but she might be thinking the same, "what if he spoke to me all night lastnight because he views me as a friend and that's all?" Dang, good points. Very good points. Wasn't looking at it from that angle. Yeah, she seems very interested just by the way we're texting right now, like a couple again, BUT, still gotta guard my heart. No lovey dovey stuff yet though. Just a bunch of joking back and forth. Kind of flirting. Link to post Share on other sites
Jimmyjackson Posted January 5, 2015 Share Posted January 5, 2015 Dang, good points. Very good points. Wasn't looking at it from that angle. Like I said, it's not something likely to be rushed, I think things like this take time. If of course a month from now you're no further along then maybe you get to the point where you ask what's going on. Link to post Share on other sites
me85 Posted January 5, 2015 Share Posted January 5, 2015 It's your call. But 3 months is hardly enough time for either one of you to make progress to become better people in RSs. Are you able to get past the fact that she has been involved with another guy since the two of you BU? Is that going to eat away at you over time until one day it's a big problem between you and her? In order for this situation to work out, you guys need to talk about everything over the phone and not see each other for another 3 months at least. And if the two of you do decide to get back together, you have to let the past stay in the past. You can never bring it up. Ever. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author tikay00 Posted January 5, 2015 Author Share Posted January 5, 2015 Like I said, it's not something likely to be rushed, I think things like this take time. If of course a month from now you're no further along then maybe you get to the point where you ask what's going on. That's the thing. My mental sanity can't handle months lol. Link to post Share on other sites
Author tikay00 Posted January 5, 2015 Author Share Posted January 5, 2015 It's your call. But 3 months is hardly enough time for either one of you to make progress to become better people in RSs. Are you able to get past the fact that she has been involved with another guy since the two of you BU? Is that going to eat away at you over time until one day it's a big problem between you and her? In order for this situation to work out, you guys need to talk about everything over the phone and not see each other for another 3 months at least. And if the two of you do decide to get back together, you have to let the past stay in the past. You can never bring it up. Ever. It really doesn't bug me. We basically talked about everything in the past last night. Like how we both felt after the breakup. Being joking about stuff like "OK, did you go through the same thing where you kept seeing my face everyday?" Stuff like that. She wasn't standoffish about talking about the past either which surprised me. The reason why it doesn't bother me is because she said she was working with the guy for almost 2 years. She was never attracted to him in that way, because he was kind of nerdy/corny, but she just gave it a try a month after we broke up, he finally asked her out, and they went out. She said she just wasn't into it, and a part of her was using him to forget about me, but in the end it didn't work, and she realized she loved me too much, and dumped him. Link to post Share on other sites
Jimmyjackson Posted January 5, 2015 Share Posted January 5, 2015 That's the thing. My mental sanity can't handle months lol. Haha I know I can imagine if I was in your situation I'd be gritting my teeth, trying my hardest to refrain from sending her a text confessing my undying love for her; but you have to keep your composure. I'm sure you'll know what she wants in the near future, I doubt it will take months, probably not even a month Link to post Share on other sites
Author tikay00 Posted January 5, 2015 Author Share Posted January 5, 2015 Haha I know I can imagine if I was in your situation I'd be gritting my teeth, trying my hardest to refrain from sending her a text confessing my undying love for her; but you have to keep your composure. I'm sure you'll know what she wants in the near future, I doubt it will take months, probably not even a month OK, I've made my mind up, and I'm going to play it cool, and just try and stop over thinking this. I'm gonna try to not be overly attached, and have the same mindset as if we were NC, but without going NC, if you know what I mean. I guess I'll find out soon enough. Not gonna sabotage this by acting all emotional, and needing answers or whatnot. Gonna act as if she's just a girl I'm getting to know again, and play it casual. Link to post Share on other sites
Jimmyjackson Posted January 5, 2015 Share Posted January 5, 2015 OK, I've made my mind up, and I'm going to play it cool, and just try and stop over thinking this. I'm gonna try to not be overly attached, and have the same mindset as if we were NC, but without going NC, if you know what I mean. I guess I'll find out soon enough. Not gonna sabotage this by acting all emotional, and needing answers or whatnot. Gonna act as if she's just a girl I'm getting to know again, and play it casual. Yeah do that, build the attraction again and what not. If it's bugging you go do something to take your mind off it for a while. Link to post Share on other sites
SoThatHappened Posted January 5, 2015 Share Posted January 5, 2015 It's your call. But 3 months is hardly enough time for either one of you to make progress to become better people in RSs. Wholeheartedly agree. If you do work on reconciliation, know that you have to make the right changes, not be a prick, not take her for granted, get a longer fuse, etc. I think it's vital for the people in relationships to learn and improve after a breakup. If you don't change, but get back together, you're going to head down the same path that broke you up in the first place. Trust me, I've done it probably 6 times with the same woman. I also think that sometimes after someone loses a person, a light bulb can go off in their head and they realize, "I truly love him/her." It sounds like she wants it just as much as you do. I remember how distraught you were when you first came to this forum. I don't think that 3 months is long enough for people to truly change, but it's long enough to realize what went wrong and make changes to improve it. Doesn't mean you have to make those changes without her in your life. You can still work on the things that broke you up... while together. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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