Ex came back???

[tikay00]

Dude, she's stringing you along. STOP IT.

 

MOVE ON. This isn't a Hollywood movie. Because now you are holding onto a small glimmer of hope that you two are going to get back together... and that's why she said the things she said about the distance "not being forever". She's keeping the possibility of you two open just in case she can't find anyone else.

 

She's going to yo-yo the crap out of you and you don't even know it.

 

You're probably right. I mean, if you could hear us last night though. It was the deepest sobbing cries ever. It wasn't anything I heard from her. She was genuinely dying that I said we weren't meant to be, but in the end, it's not her that's purposely doing what she's doing (I know it is, but you know), it is genuine love, and can't let go. I know I know, still stringing me along, but either way, it's NC for life, because now I've felt the full brunt of breaking it when you're not ready, and I don't think I'll ever be ready, so it's for life.

 

Again, this isn't excuses or anything. I'm going NC for life, but just saying the love is real.

 

I wanna post our last texts, but this is dead, and onto a new chapter for me.

 

For me, and myself, can you guys just not say stringing me along, and all that. I get it, but I don't wanna hear it now. Not because I'm going in the mindset with second chance, but because I just need to be right now. And I don't want to hate her, and start flickering a flame of resentment.

[tikay00]

^^^^

 

And I read the posts saying, "she's this or that", and it hits me hard, and I just don't need that right now. You guys know what I'm talking about?

 

And she's not that girl. Trust me on this (I know, my situations not different). I'm serious.

 

Just please, none of that talk for my own self. Really love ya'll.

[Ducktape]

Honestly, I wish you good luck. You took a tough decision, and I think it was for the best.

 

Now that you took said decision, you need to assume it. And not only assume it, you gotta work on becoming a better person. It's one thing saying you weren't meant to be because you guys didn't grow enough, it's another thing to actually work toward that goal, of growing up. LoveShack is a marvellous ressource on the subject of moving on, internal growth, always striving to become what you desire and never satisfy yourself once you reach that goal.

 

My tip for you, every morning, watch Matthew McConaughey's acceptance speech at the 2014 Oscars.

 

I know, that's stupid. But do it.

 

Again, the best of luck to you, and keep posting if/when things go south!

[IfiKnewThen]

its almost 4 am here. and i had one of the worse days of my life ..but i am not here to higjack this tread with my troubles. i spent what felt like hours reading this post and im so very glad i came here.

 

#1 tykoo you rock

 

#2 i really related to your situation...and the anxiety of someone who holds out on you and doesnt "really" reveal themselves to you....like your ex did. its like you get half truths. i know how you love them so, and dont want to live in regret (so that you can heal fast and proper), and so you almost have to split your mind and thinking in half to support what might be genuine on their part, and at the same time protect your heart for what might be false. what an incredible balancing act it is. you have done everything to save this relationship. i commend you. and i relate. i didnt read everyone else's opinions here because i was focused on just your story, and wanted to read it as fast as i could, but it seemed like you also had the daunting task of having to explain yourself and your actions here on LS because you were so trepid. but sheesh thank GOD you were trepid. who can really blame you. i GOT and UNDERSTOOD where you were coming from 100%, i think. you have to do things your way because YOU, my friend have to live with that decision and God knows you know her best.......even if shes being an enigma. people who arent consistant.....or who acted one way once and now are polar opposites are nothing short of a mind, F. to anyone. i wouldnt wish this situation on a dog. i have been going through this madness for 4 months straight now myself. i had to end it today myself. i too was in a long distance relationship for 3 years and i know how rough this is.

 

i am interested in the wind up of the conversation. but i dont want to pain you with anymore typing.....explaining etc. dont. but if you want to copy and paste or write the texts i think you said you had...it might help me wrap my head around the bs stories i get. (i cant explain this right now)

 

#3 i know how you got so fed up and tired with playing games . trust me i know. i understand how you just wanted to ask questions straight up and wanted and hoped to get straight up answers and you got so very tired of walking on a tightrope. it does get to that point where the pain is so great and you get so tired of hanging on to a cliff that you just assume jump off. no relationship or potential one should be that much work or mental exercise or what feels like a very bad homework assignment.

 

i know what its like to have to think out one freaking sentence of a text to hope to get it perfect...so you dont step on their toes or so that you can enhance the relationship..maintain the attraction. its enough to drive anyone mad. its ridiculous and it sux. but because they are not the people we once thought we knew...you cant TRUST them anymore. and you cant trust them because they DO act SHADDY. but we 2nd guess ourselves because they sound sincere. they do love us...perhaps... but the real question is...do they love us ENOUGH? and do we want their BRAND of love? and do we now want the economy version of it now? the one with all the cut backs. its a very hard pill to swallow. no one wants to be demoted or except less than they were getting or deserve. especially if YOU are the one trying hard and THEY arent now. people want to be comfortable with each other. not suddenly be mysteries to each other, and be isolated. thats painful. once having a steady rythem and now an irregular dying beat, that makes you wonder when you will suddenly and finally flatline. love is work. 2 have to work at it. youre either in or out. you were in. she was in and out. like my ex. off beat.

 

#4 relationships are work but BOTH parties have to be working on it. and long distance requires more time spent together for the most part....not less...or less quality.

 

#5 she might have been great...she might have been grand....but she is definitely "withholding". and those who have nothing to hide ..hide nothing. so youre not crazy. now you can or should peacefully say this much to yourself. ---> I TRIED. because YOU DID. so you dont have to regret that you hid so much of yourself and she didnt like the you that isnt you. most of the time you were you. you know what i mean : ) be proud of yourself...even in youre tremendous grief. pray for continued strength and eventual peace and love and light to enter your life again. one day at a time...thats all we can do. im dead tired from the fatigue and stress of my life and grieving heart too. so if i made typos forgive me. hope this all makes sense to u. God bless.

Edited January 14, 2015 by IfiKnewThen

[hea]

From my point of view, who has been with someone, split, got back together, split, and now he wants back again (him leaving me each time through no fault of my own, with year intervals before reconciliation).

 

If it's your fault you split up, and you know this to be true. You need to show her you've changed and can treat her well. If she's left you, for you being a prick, the responsibility in reconciling is not just hers.

 

Ask her out on a date, she what she says. It must have taken some guts to contact you in the first place and tell you that she isn't over you. Just play it by ear, but don't forget that your attitude (if true) was the reason you split in the first place.

 

If you get back together and you get hurt again, it's not as bad as the first time.

[hea]

Actually just read your last posts.

 

Leave it be! She said she's not ready? Then she's not that interested.

[IfiKnewThen]

just wanted to say i am convinced now she was stringing you along. has lingering feelings for you but wants the guy she is with or can be with in person. i only say this because i have a very similar situation LD etc. he ended up picking up with a female on his job and he tells me shes crazy...he doesnt want her...he wants be....but guess what? hes not spending ANY quality time with me AT all. not his days off, not his evenings. its all about her. hes a dog who tells me hes going to leave her and wants to spend the rest of his life with me...yet clings to her and doesnt call me anytime other than to throw me a bone during the daytime. go by true actions not words. thats what i will be doing forever more. he hurt me to the core. it really hurts when they dont love you like they used to. youre not the priority. i pray you meet someone nice and better. im going to try to take him off that rickety pedestal...and try not to see the image of him in my mind. and im going to try to see his face as ugly in my mind..as his lying cheating personality is. i hope you and i are gonna laugh at them someday when things come unglued for them too. im not really wishing bad. i dont want to be like that. i do want to be more Godly like..etc. but i cant help wish a tiny bit it comes back to bite them too somehow. only for how they tried to string us along...hurt etc. or at least humble themselves to admit it. he did apologize for not telling me about for 4 months. but still tries to lie and say he loves me and is in love with me. yet hes choses to be with her and not call me on his days off of work...sighs.

Edited January 19, 2015 by IfiKnewThen