my gf wants to end it all

[Poodle]

My gf has a very hard life, mostly because of her parents.

 

Nothing is ever good enough for them, and they treat her as their possession. She has no freedom. They dont let her make her own choices in life.

 

What hurts her the most is that no matter how much she loves them and cares for them, its not good enough. She feels the people she loves most in life will hurt her.

 

Me included.

 

When i started my relationship with her, we went thru hard times. I didnt realise i wasnt over my last crush and i broke up with my gf. This was abt a month into my relationship. I realised i did love my gf and got back with her. But it took me a while to get over the other one. It's now 7 months.

 

But now that i love my gf more than anything else in the world, she's become convinced that i will one day leave her. She can bring up a dozen reasons why i will stop loving her one day. And since i'm all that she clings onto in life, if she might lose me one day, she wants to end it all now. Not just her relationship with me. But her life too.

 

I do want to spend the rest of my life with her, because she's my best friend. there is nothing we cant talk abt. She and I can do anything together. But even more importantly, we can do just nothing together.

 

How can i love some1 else? why cant she see that?

 

what can i do?

[Tony T]

Your girlfriend has got serious emotional problems that could cause you a lot of grief later on if she doesn't get help. Undoubtedly, she picked these up from her early family life and her parents.

 

Should you ever decide for any reason that you must terminate the relationship, she may hold this suicide thing over you. You don't need to be held an emotional hostage.

 

Unless she gets help, you will never have a fully satisfying relationship with her because she's always afraid things are going to end.

 

Get her some help. Take her to see a counsellor. If you don't have money, there should be places in your town where it's offered at a very low cost or no cost. Many very large churches have counsellors.

 

Do this right away.

 

There is nothing else you can do. By using this extreme manipulation tactic, she is making you continuously do a love dance and profess your love for her. That's a lot of crap. Life is just too short to play those kinds of games. Tell her to take a cold shower and get real. The counselling...and the shower...should help her a lot.

[Poodle]

i really dont think my gf is a manipulative person.

 

i know she loves me more than anything else in the world.

 

she goes out of her way to see me, rearranges everything to be with me, sits around all day thinking abt me.

 

and she sincerely cares abt me.

 

it's just that she resents how much she cares for me.

 

i love her so much...but i dont show my love enough.

 

so...how would u recommend i go abt convincing her to c a councellor? it's not gonna work if i drag her kickin and screaming. doesnt work that way.

[Laurynn]

Hi there....

 

It sounds like your girlfriend does love you very much, but it also sounds like you are her whole world, which on the surface seems like a good thing......but I get the impression that she relies on you completely for her happiness..and because of her childhood/homelife, it scares the hell out of her to feel sooooo deeply for someone, knowing full well that if you were to leave (I know you aren't going to), she'd have absolutely nothing, maybe even nothing to live for. It's almost like she's set herself up to be hurt....she's just waiting for the other shoe to drop. It sounds like she's been emotionally 'let down' a lot by her parents. So instead of sitting back and waiting for what she fears is the inevitable, she figures she might as well just do something now.

 

It also sounds like she's possibly suicidal. I don't know what kind of relationship you have with her parents, but it might not be a bad idea to sit down and have a talk with them.........let them know the comments she's made, about possibly ending her life. I know you probably don't want to stick your nose in, and you'd probably be afraid that she'd hate you for it, but so many times people DO commit suicide.....and their loved ones end up having to live the rest of their lives thinking "If only I'd done something".....that's a horrible burden to carry.

 

Do you both go to the same school? Is there a guidance counsellor you could speak to about this? They could give you some suggestions on how to deal with this, seeing how you're right....you can't exactly force her to get help. I think you need to sit down with her and tell her that you're concerned by her feelings....her talk of ending her life......that you love her and you wish with all your heart that she would go talk to someone. If this girl does have a horrible time with her parents, she probably has so much pent up sadness, fear, feelings of insecurity, worthlessness. I'm not saying it's up to YOU to fix this all.....but someone has to step in, and you're the closest one to her.

 

If money is an issue, try finding the number for the local Crisis Line in your area. If you can't find it in the white or yellow pages of the phone book, call up your local hospital and they should be able to give you the number. The people at the crisis line can put you/her in touch with the appropriate people.

 

I know this must be tough for you too...it can be very emotionally stressful to have to constantly reassure someone you love that you're not going to leave them. It wears you out.

 

Hope this helps some,

 

Laurynn