suspected then proved/convinced wrong.. ever?

[Clay]

Contact his Dr. See if you can get a copy of his medical records. That way your not just taking his word for it. Someone else pointed out a Var. You can purchase one those at best buy or wallmart. If you have access to his computer there are key logger programs that can record what he is typing.

 

Take your time and copy everything you find. If you ever confront never give out how you found your evidence.

 

I truly hate this part of relationships. My xW drove me to no end and she was a complete idiot.

 

I hope your day goes better.

 

Clay

[WhiteWingedDove]

Thanks for your levelheaded response, Clay.. yeah. This is not the fun part. I feel a bit like I'm in a mine field!

 

I'm asking him one more time for the test results. Then I'm going over to his doctor myself. He told me he'd filled the forms to grant me access to his medical records.. but damn, does he have to make this so hard? If it were role reversed, I'd be like, 'here, SEE; in black and white, it's HSV type 1, it's high antibodies, etc etc etc, do you feel better, now" (shakes head)

 

If he has nothing to hide (as he says) than hide nothing!

[Clay]

I think you are going to find what you already know. I would recommend you have nothing to do with him sexually until he shows you the papers.

 

Clay

[LadyLuck2014]

Thanks for your levelheaded response, Clay.. yeah. This is not the fun part. I feel a bit like I'm in a mine field!

 

I'm asking him one more time for the test results. Then I'm going over to his doctor myself. He told me he'd filled the forms to grant me access to his medical records.. but damn, does he have to make this so hard? If it were role reversed, I'd be like, 'here, SEE; in black and white, it's HSV type 1, it's high antibodies, etc etc etc, do you feel better, now" (shakes head)

 

If he has nothing to hide (as he says) than hide nothing!

OP, I think you're not seeing the bigger picture here.

 

Someone who actually GIVES A SH*T about you would NOT make you beg for honesty, beg for explanations, and beg for positive reinforcement.

 

You're basically begging this guy for every scrap of information and begging him to prove you WRONG and he just doesn't care. He cares SO freakin little for you that he doesn't give a rat's ass how crazy this has been driving you. He's purposely NOT sharing his medical info with you and actually making YOU go down to the doctor's office to get his damned results because he thinks it serves you right for DARING to ask.

 

Are these the actions of someone who loves you and wants to earn your trust???? Are these the actions of someone who actually gives a crap about your emotional well being?

 

No, they're not.

 

I can guarantee you that if I broke out in genital blisters and basically told my husband that it wasn't a big deal and I'd contracted it 'years ago' and was vague about the medical results and acted like he had no right to ask me questions about it, I'd find my ass in divorce court. And I'd DESERVE it.

 

People who love each other DON'T treat each other the way he's disrespecting you. He's basically laughing at you while you jump around like a trained seal trying to get answers. Hurt, in pain, devastated at what's going on, and he barely gives you the consideration he'd give a homeless wino on the streets. He's acting as though you're a nuisance and a drama queen and a pain in the ass and if you want the damned medical results, you can march right down there and get them yourself because HE'S not going to do you any favors.

 

Who the hell ACTS like this?

Edited January 6, 2015 by LadyLuck2014

[oldshirt]

Please forgive any graphic details. About midway during my 12 year marriage, I developed what appeared to be a small mole on my penis. I inquired with my dermatologist about it. It was removed and a biopsy revealed that I had herpes. I was shocked. Having been faithful to one woman for somewhere around the last 10 years, I immediately thought that I must have contracted it from my wife. However, the dermatologist assured me that somewhere around 80% of the population has a form of herpes, many of them don't know it, and many of them had it inadvertently passed to them by parents during childhood. He said that the diagnosis did not at all mean that I had gotten it from my wife and that I may have had it for years

 

 

Herpes or HPV? Herpes comes and goes as a painful sore. HPV can manifest as warts or moles that stay. Most adults have one form of HPV or another.

[LadyLuck2014]

I think you are going to find what you already know. I would recommend you have nothing to do with him sexually until he shows you the papers.

 

Clay

Honestly, I wouldn't even touch this guy if I were encased in 2 Hefty Garbage Bags. Someone like this isn't worth risking your health for.

[oldshirt]

If this was Law and Order you would have enough probable cause for the judge to issue a search warrant.

 

You definitely have enough valid suspicion to very actively and aggressively investigate this and leave no stone unturned.

 

Stop talking to him about it and stop asking him. Go underground and into spy mode. Install key logger programs onto his computers so you can get into what he is doing on computer. Get into his phone somehow or obtain an itemized accounting of his phone history of txts and calls etc. put a voice activated recorder in his car and other areas where he may be having private conversations. Put a GPS tracking device in his car or better yet a GPS tracking program on his phone that shows you where he is at any given time.

 

He is cheating obviously, you just don't have the smoking gun yet. Go into detective mode and start thinking like a CSI guy and you will have your smoking gun shortly,

[WhiteWingedDove]

LadyLuck, I DO see the bigger picture. I guess I needed someone with a outside perpective to see it too, tell me I'm not being 'sensitive'.

I would NEVER treat my partner this way. Ever.

 

You are TOTALLY RIGHT and this is total B.S. I DO see that. I'm being a frickin' coward to protect myself right now, but... that will not last.

 

And -no way- is us having sex happening any time soon!

[WhiteWingedDove]

It was herpes, oldshirt; definitely. Blisters. I had HPV many many years ago... one outbreak, treated, never came back (thanks to the first man I ever slept with!) AND... I have always told eery single sexual partner of mine that I carried it and there is a slight risk they can get it from me. It's called giving a damn about the other person.

[oldshirt]

It was herpes, oldshirt; definitely. Blisters. I had HPV many many years ago... one outbreak, treated, never came back (thanks to the first man I ever slept with!) AND... I have always told eery single sexual partner of mine that I carried it and there is a slight risk they can get it from me. It's called giving a damn about the other person.

 

I was referring to Betrayed post. What he was describing sounded more like HPV than herpes.

[HereNorThere]

If you both have contagious conditions, it's probably wise to start using condoms (although they only provide limited protection in your case) I couldn't imagine being a known carrier of hpv and exposing other people to it, but hey, to each their own. From a medical standpoint, you're actually the one with an STD, not your husband. Hsv1 is not considered a sexually transmitted disease because the majority of infections do not come from sexual contact. Sure, it can be spread through sex, but so can Ebola, Influenza and pretty much any other contagious infection. Most hsv1 infections occur in childhood and with over 80% of the population carrying it, it's not really high on the list of medical conditions. The same can certainly not be said for HPV. In fact, there really is no treatment for Hpv and very limited, almost non-existent testing for men, so there's a pretty good chance your husband has it too. His regular check up or std test will not find this in him. You'll probably only find out if he gets cancer or passes it to another person. Nearly 30,000 people a year are diagnosed with hpv related cancer, so you've really put a lot of people at risk.

 

With that being said, it's obvious he's hiding something somewhere. Most normal people wouldn't be this weird and secretive. Now you have to lay quiet for a while until he slips up. Otherwise, you're going to blow your cover and he's going to go more underground.

Edited January 7, 2015 by HereNorThere

[BetrayedH]

I was referring to Betrayed post. What he was describing sounded more like HPV than herpes.

 

Could have sworn he said herpes. After looking at some images, it might be HPV. Ugh. I really hate my ex.

[HereNorThere]

Could have sworn he said herpes. After looking at some images, it might be HPV. Ugh. I really hate my ex.

 

Hpv is almost completely asymptomatic in men and there are no FDA approved male hpv tests, so the chance of you being diagnosed with male hpv is pretty low. Also, since there is no approved test, you'd most likely have to see a specialist and pay out of pocket for an Hpv DNA test. You would also have been informed of the cancer risk, what to watch out for etc.

 

It's way more likely that you just have cold sores like everyone else. Hsv1 is so common, it's just safe to assume that you have it or will acquire it in your lifetime.

[WhiteWingedDove]

SO HereNorThere, I should have stopped ever having sex again, at age 18?

 

I had my insides lasered to kill it. Never recurred. Always was open about having it. Was told not to be concerned if I did not have an outbreak, but that a recurrance was possible. In other words, I did what the doctors told me to do.

 

By the way. I put a 'lot of people' at risk? How the Heck do you know that?

Geesus.

 

Husband tested negative for HPV, btw. I told him to tell his doc I had had it years ago. They tested him for everything when he got tested. I *also* tested negative for it, now despite having it 30 years ago.

 

So, no thanks for your judgement.

Edited January 7, 2015 by WhiteWingedDove

[WhiteWingedDove]

Googled 'how common is HPV:

 

"HPV is so common that most sexually-active men and women will get at least one type of HPV at some point in their lives. "

 

and

 

"The types of HPV that can cause genital warts are not the same as the types of HPV that can cause cancers."

 

HIDING or being secretive about an STD is way more a problem to me than the disease itself.

Especially for the purpose of this thread. But that's just me.....

Edited January 7, 2015 by WhiteWingedDove
facts man get the facts

[BetrayedH]

Hpv is almost completely asymptomatic in men and there are no FDA approved male hpv tests, so the chance of you being diagnosed with male hpv is pretty low. Also, since there is no approved test, you'd most likely have to see a specialist and pay out of pocket for an Hpv DNA test. You would also have been informed of the cancer risk, what to watch out for etc.

 

It's way more likely that you just have cold sores like everyone else. Hsv1 is so common, it's just safe to assume that you have it or will acquire it in your lifetime.

 

From what I just read, the strains of HPV that cause genital symptoms are not the ones that cause cancer.

 

I also read that nearly every sexually active person is likely to acquire HPV at some point in their lifetime as it is the single most common STD.

 

That said, I hear you about the unlikelihood of me being "diagnosed" with HPV. There are no tests except for the HPV related cancers. I can't help but wonder if the biopsy could be definitive; it was after the biopsy that I was called in.

[BetrayedH]

Googled 'how common is HPV:

 

"HPV is so common that most sexually-active men and women will get at least one type of HPV at some point in their lives. "

 

and

 

"The types of HPV that can cause genital warts are not the same as the types of HPV that can cause cancers."

 

HIDING or being secretive about an STD is way more a problem to me than the disease itself.

Especially for the purpose of this thread. But that's just me.....

 

Oops. Looks like I cross-posted (and said just about the same thing).

 

My apologies for hijacking your thread; I'll stop now.

[WhiteWingedDove]

BetrayedH, no apologies necessary. you didn't turn my thread around on me or anything. Thanks for posting your experience.

 

but while I'm 'here', this is 'for HereNotThere:

 

"Traditionally, genital HPV infection has been detected as abnormal cell changes on a Pap smear,"

I have never had an abnormal pap smear, and I'm in my 40's.

Edited January 7, 2015 by WhiteWingedDove

[BetrayedH]

OP, what do you think about the VAR suggestion? Having been around this block for a while, it's really probably one of the easiest and effective ways of investigating when you don't have access to the phone or computer.

[WhiteWingedDove]

^^^ it's definitely up for consideration, BH!

[HereNorThere]

Since you kinda accused me thread jacking, I'll just skip the 10 page post I'd like to write about high vs. low risk hpv, how you can't "laser" a dormant virus from your bloodstream, etc and stick to what is relevant.

 

Even though your husband doesn't have an "std", If he told you he was tested for hpv, unless you've seen this paperwork, there is a SUPER high chance he was not telling you the truth. Basically, there is no male test for hpv. Technically, there is some super highly specialized DNA sequencing test, but they're most for research purposes. You can also have biopsies of warts for cancerous tissue, things like that, but any guy that tells you he's been tested for HPV is probably not telling truth.

 

Don't take my word for, look it up.

[BrokenPrincess]

Since you kinda accused me thread jacking, I'll just skip the 10 page post I'd like to write about high vs. low risk hpv, how you can't "laser" a dormant virus from your bloodstream, etc and stick to what is relevant.

 

Even though your husband doesn't have an "std", If he told you he was tested for hpv, unless you've seen this paperwork, there is a SUPER high chance he was not telling you the truth. Basically, there is no male test for hpv. Technically, there is some super highly specialized DNA sequencing test, but they're most for research purposes. You can also have biopsies of warts for cancerous tissue, things like that, but any guy that tells you he's been tested for HPV is probably not telling truth.

 

Don't take my word for, look it up.

 

I think you're mixing up the posters.

OPs husband has herpes and said he was tested and those are the results she wants to see.

 

BetrayedH shared his experience suddenly developing a genital mole & tested positive for herpes despite a committed (?) marriage. another posted suggested maybe it wasn't herpes that his dermatologist had diagnosed all those years ago, but possibly HPV (the 80% common std). then commenced discussion about maybe, maybe not because testing men for hpv doesn't really exist.

 

last but not least, yes you can have HPV lasered off, I also had that done 17 years ago with no recurrance or abnormal Pap smear since then.

 

OP, good luck, I hope you get your Hs results, but like others have said, I suspect your gut has already told you the answer.

[HereNorThere]

I think you're mixing up the posters.

OPs husband has herpes and said he was tested and those are the results she wants to see.

 

BetrayedH shared his experience suddenly developing a genital mole & tested positive for herpes despite a committed (?) marriage. another posted suggested maybe it wasn't herpes that his dermatologist had diagnosed all those years ago, but possibly HPV (the 80% common std). then commenced discussion about maybe, maybe not because testing men for hpv doesn't really exist.

 

last but not least, yes you can have HPV lasered off, I also had that done 17 years ago with no recurrance or abnormal Pap smear since then.

 

OP, good luck, I hope you get your Hs results, but like others have said, I suspect your gut has already told you the answer.

 

In post #40, OP specifically mentions the he said he tested negative for HPV. It's relevant to the post because it's highly unlikely due to current medical technology and the fact there is no FDA approved male test. It's just another indicator he is not telling the truth.

 

Also, the laser surgery helps remove the lesions or warts, but it does not kill the virus in your bloodstream which can lie dormant for a number of years before reoccurring. Kinda similar to chicken pox or something else. The pap smears are designed to check for lesions or abnormal/precancerous cells and make sure the virus hasn't been been reactivated.

 

Sorry, but there is no way to cure hpv, even with a laser. The human immune system can clear or keep the virus dormant dependent on the strain, but you will never know for sure that happened. Instead, you go can 20 years with perfectly normal pap smears and then suddenly find out you have cancer. The worst part that since there is no male test and since males are mostly asymptomatic, they can easily unknowingly keep passing around the strain from you until they infect a woman who's immune system doesn't react in the same way as yours did and ends up with fertility problems or even death.

 

And how many times to have to keep reiterating this, HERPES SIMPLEX 1 is NOT considered an std and could easily have been in his system beforehand from childhood. HSV1 is not a reliable indicator of him cheating. It could have easily been dormant in his system for a number of years before reactivating in his genital area. Of course, he could be lying about hsv1 vs hsv2 since he hasn't really shown any paper work proving hsv1.

 

C'mon, you're on the internet. Look this stuff up if you need to. It should be common sense that lasering off the symptoms (warts) doesn't remove a virus from your bloodstream... Ugh.

 

http://lmgtfy.com/?q=No+cure+for+hpv

Edited January 7, 2015 by HereNorThere

[WhiteWingedDove]

HereNorThere, I don't even feel welcome in my own thread. Look. Having virus in your bloodstream is NOT equivalent to being able to pass it to someone in any definitive sense whatsoever. active HSV on the genitals means STD to me.

 

AND. this thread's purpose it not to discuss "should a woman (seems we are your target here) become a freaking nun her whole life becuase some one gave her HPV". The POINT of HSV in this thread is the following:

 

No disease, past or present, should be hidden, covered up, avoided, denied between husband and wife, particularly one occurring on the genitals as that arouses an extra layer of fear and suspicion.

 

Can we lay off this axe you have to grind, now? Thantks.

[Friskyone4u]

White winged

None of us can be sure in the advice we give, but there sure are red flag signs there.

First , unless your husband is James Bond and is in a job for CIA or something top secret, why would either of your phones need to be locked when you are at home in your house.???? Second, the hiring of computer from you and closing it down when you enter room makes no sense??? Either he is chatting with someone or looking at porn, which would explain some possible loss of sex drive.

Third, temper seems to be being used to put you back on your heels and is a common defense mechanism of cheaters. Fourth, the "genital" outbreak seems like quite a coincidence with these other behaviors. And lastly, the history of infidelity.

Many say past behavior is a predictor of future action.

So the big question is you have red flags and what do you do. That is clear cut. It is bothering you enough to post here so you either confront, snoop, or suck it up and hope that you are wrong.

I would choose option 2, snoop. Don't be intimidated. He is giving you reason to snoop but you have no firm evidence. If you talk to him he will become aggressive and more careful. The techies can give you advice on key loggers and VAR devices. You know your husband better than any of us. Many people kick themselves when they ignore their gut feelings and then discover they have been lied to.

The other option is to calmly sit him down, tell him that it is safe to talk to you and that he can feel like he can tell you anything without you flipping out or threatening him with divorce or anything like that .

Inaction of any kind will play on your nerves so I would choose some form of action