lizzygirl Posted January 6, 2015 Share Posted January 6, 2015 My boyfriend and I were dating for a few months when he was fired from his job. He couldn't find work in the area, was unemployed for a year and ended up getting a job 3 hours away, staying with a single guy friend who is very rich and plays the field a lot. As if this wasn't hard enough to deal with, I find out shortly after his practically moving away (I see him every other weekend pretty much) that he had been talking to his ex and didn't tell me about it. He says it was innocent and completely initiated on her part which seems funny since she was about to be married in the months leading up to their contact. He talked about her all the time, even told me that she called him the day before her wedding with cold feet, which to me sounds like she was wanting some assertion from him as to his feelings for her/save me from this, etc. Didn't help that he rode past her parents house all the time and would tell me they lived there. Found her picture on his phone, which he says SHE sent to HIM only because he needed to prove a membership to an organization he was in because they lost his paperwork and their being at this party in this picture proved his membership, which sounds like total BS to me. He talked about her so much that I sent her a fb request, which she messaged me immediately afterward then him 20 mins later asking him why I sent that to her. I found their messaging by chance - he thought he'd deleted it but when I typed her name in, it came back up but his part of the convo was missing, which I haven't figured out yet. Maybe his old android phone? He marked his part to delete and didn't mark her part and it saved it on fb? I don't know. The fishy part is why did she message him asking why I sent her a friend request as if she was paranoid about what I may "know?" Her part of the convo asked why I wanted to know what she was doing, which tells me he obviously flattered her by letting her know that (even though I hadn't asked him a thing really at this point), then she wrote "aww, thanks for that" which he obviously said something very sweet. Of course he claims he never saw this message, never participated in it, which sounds like more BS. Around this same time we "bumped" into her and her husband at a lounge one night. He acted so nervous and stared at her practically the entire time. Didn't know I was even in the room. After we left, I looked down and she had texted him "it was good to see you." What?! She was sitting right beside her husband and texting my boyfriend at the same time. I finally talked to her a few months later and she said that my boyfriend messaged her to see if she was going to be there that night. He says he did not. I flipped at this point to which his solution was telling her to never contact him again, which took about 20 text messages and 6-7 hours to accomplish - weird considering he said nothing was going on between them - so why all the texts and time? To regain my trust, I asked him to save the texts, but he deleted them. Easier to get forgiveness than permission, seems to me. He searched her name on fb and his search engine all the time. One last kicker - he always searched for jobs where she lived, an hour away and also in the town he is in now, which is where her husband is from and his family lives - very ironic. Either way, they would both have an excuse to be around each other and be together. Yes, he now works in that same town, 3 hours away where her husband's family is from so if she ever visits, no one would think anything about it and he is far enough away and I would never know it. Oh and when he first went to work there, his navigator searched for an address to a house he has no connection to, which he says he never searched for - odd, because 4 months later his navigator searched for the same address, from the exact house where he is staying TO this same address as before, on his day off, late at night - yet he says he never searched for that either, that the navigator is mistaken and sometimes inserts addresses so you will go there, as in advertisements, etc (what?!!). I hardly think that, let's call it floogle, would care if you visited someone's private residence or not. Again, he denies everything with no explanations. FB is wrong and so is floogle. Am I just an idiot here or being overly paranoid? Link to post Share on other sites
J2911 Posted January 6, 2015 Share Posted January 6, 2015 Wow , reading this . Reading your words , no you are not paranoid in my opinion . I would not stay in that relationship at all. That's my own opinion. It's too much drama there on their part. I wonder what her husband feels about it all too ? My guess is that he is oblivious , nieve, or they have an open policy . Link to post Share on other sites
Author lizzygirl Posted January 6, 2015 Author Share Posted January 6, 2015 I don't think I am being paranoid either. Just recently we went to a company dinner and I happened to turn around and found his female coworker scratching his back with her nails in intimate circles. He was sitting right beside me and she has interjected herself, standing, between him and a male coworker and was back behind me where I was not suppose to see it. He says there is nothing to it and she must have had too much to drink. When I asked why he didn't stop her, he says he thought it was his male coworker who would have had to reach all the way around her to scratch his back...what?! Yeah, that's logical.... Link to post Share on other sites
justwhoiam Posted January 6, 2015 Share Posted January 6, 2015 Was he really fired? Or did he actively search for a new job elsewhere? Can you find out? If you want to save yourself from playing 007 the whole time, just drop him. I guess he alternates you and her to fill his sexual needs? You could surprise him with an unexpected visit, but would you be able to face the scene? You could download invisible spy software in his computer and/or cell phone. But is it worth it? It'd cost you a hundred bucks or more. And the outcome would probably be the same: a breakup. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted January 6, 2015 Share Posted January 6, 2015 Doesn't look good, OP. You're not being paranoid, in my opinion. I would wager there is or was something going on with this ex-girlfriend. All indications point to an inappropriate relationship there. As for his female coworker getting touchy: BS he thought it was a male colleague. Please. He doesn't respect you or think you're very bright if he really expected you to believe that. I would not be able to trust him. He sounds shady and not worth your time. Link to post Share on other sites
LadyLee Posted January 13, 2015 Share Posted January 13, 2015 Yeah it's pretty obvious. I know that there are two sides to every story but he's making it obvious. His excuses are preposterous! Really? GPS and "floogle" just made these legit addresses up? I'm wondering why he continues the relationship w/ u at this point? Link to post Share on other sites
hoping2heal Posted January 13, 2015 Share Posted January 13, 2015 Around this same time we "bumped" into her and her husband at a lounge one night. He acted so nervous and stared at her practically the entire time. Didn't know I was even in the room. After we left, I looked down and she had texted him "it was good to see you." What?! She was sitting right beside her husband and texting my boyfriend at the same time. I finally talked to her a few months later and she said that my boyfriend messaged her to see if she was going to be there that night. He says he did not. I flipped at this point to which his solution was telling her to never contact him again, which took about 20 text messages and 6-7 hours to accomplish - weird considering he said nothing was going on between them - so why all the texts and time? To regain my trust, I asked him to save the texts, but he deleted them. Easier to get forgiveness than permission, seems to me. He searched her name on fb and his search engine all the time. Yes, all of the details sounded sketchy but suppose he actually has not done anything with her. My relationship (were I in your shoes) would be over because of the bold above. If we are out together and my SO spends the entire night starting at another woman and doesn't know I am in the room, I think that really says it all. He doesn't have to be physically cheating or talking behind my back. If he's in love with another woman then what's the point? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted January 13, 2015 Share Posted January 13, 2015 Time to fade to black. Link to post Share on other sites
Author lizzygirl Posted January 15, 2015 Author Share Posted January 15, 2015 Yes, all of the details sounded sketchy but suppose he actually has not done anything with her. My relationship (were I in your shoes) would be over because of the bold above. If we are out together and my SO spends the entire night starting at another woman and doesn't know I am in the room, I think that really says it all. He doesn't have to be physically cheating or talking behind my back. If he's in love with another woman then what's the point? hopingtoheal...that was when the lightbulb went off for me. That night. And I told myself I should break up with him then, that was my sign, and I didn't. That was over a year ago. And still, here I am. Him working 3 hours away and me seeing him every other weekend, which has been the case for almost 2 years now. Oh, I think I left out the part where he invited me down there, where he works, so I could go to his company dinner. He had been mentioning a new female cop he works with (he is a cop) on his shift and how he had to train her. I looked her up and she is very pretty. So, I went to this dinner. The two of them acted very uncomfortable around each other, very nervous. Obviously avoiding one another. The night progressed and we all went to another bar someone suggested. She sat all the way, furthest away from us, across the bar and I caught her staring at him and him staring at her. Next thing I know - my boyfriend is sitting next to me and another male buddy next to him, in a line - I see her make a bee-line over to where we are. Squeezed herself between my BF and his buddy talking about something, then I look behind me and she is scratching his back in little sweet, intimate circles like a woman would do if she is comfortable with a man. And he is just sitting there. His reasoning? Aww, she was just drunk and touchy-feely. Funny, I never saw her being touchy feely with anyone else that night. She sat by herself the whole time until she made a beeline to my BF. Why did he not stop her out of respect to me? He thought it was his male buddy who would have had to reach across her to scratch his back and how many males do that to other males? He knew she was standing to his immediate right yet never was startled and taken aback when someone started scratching his back and looked around to stop it so I would be ok with it. He giggles at the absurdity of my accusations. Even recorded him talking to his Sgt. about it, at my request, telling him what happened and he is not comfortable with it. Well I guess not since you are now found out. Now that I know and have called her up, these two cops are now on the defensive trying not to lose their jobs. This is what I think and I just feel in my gut is what happened. Link to post Share on other sites
hoping2heal Posted January 15, 2015 Share Posted January 15, 2015 Lizzygirl, The behavior with the female cop sounds like something is going on there. I guess for him, this wouldn't be the first time that he's been juggling 2 women would it? I guess you know how he is, you have known for quite awhile. So, I suppose from here ball is in your court. You had a pretty damn good justification for leaving a year ago but you swept that under the rug. Will you do that now? Link to post Share on other sites
justwhoiam Posted January 15, 2015 Share Posted January 15, 2015 I'm not sure why he invited you to that dinner with colleagues. Maybe it would have felt odd if he didn't? Like you might have thrown a tantrum? I guess instructions were she had to behave for that night while you were being around. She complied all night, but towards the end, she couldn't anymore and she let herself go a bit. I sense that she took some liberty because she must have seen that there was no special chemistry between you and your boyfriend. No public display of affection between you two maybe? He was not being attentive/caring or loving with you, and you weren't either? That was a tricky situation, because the context might have been a bit formal to you, especially if you don't know the people. And he, in turn, could keep it a bit cold, as he was in his professional environment. The clue here is that when the night progressed and they moved to a bar, he could have simply declined and spent the rest of the night with you. But he didn't. At that point, it was clear he was in a cleft stick. I'd say he keeps her for the sex. Obviously, he must be attracted to her, but he doesn't consider her as girlfriend material. Otherwise, he would have broken up with you by now (unless he was giving it some time to figure out if they get along well enough, but also I think he wouldn't like to have a cop for a girlfriend). You need to have a honest conversation with him and see if he's cheating because you are far away all the time or if something's lacking sexually. In both cases, it doesn't sound good. Probably the former case is better than the latter. If the latter were the case, you should definitely walk away, because you'd be sexually uncompatable. Link to post Share on other sites
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