Trying to be sneaky and find out what my unfaithful spouse isn't telling me.(Updated)

[Jayhawks1988]

A while back I caught my wife having affairs with 3 different men for a very long time. I gave her a chance to explain herself, but I don't feel like she had come clean. I'd like to trick (?) her into revealing the truth if I can. I've thought about about making a fake email account and contacting her as her lover. I'm not quite sure how to do that effectively. If anybody has any ideas of how I can use that to get to the truth, or any other ideas that could work please offer me suggestions. I just gotta know the real story.

[TylerTyrone]

I am not sure if I am reading this right.....Your wife is having affairs with 3different men?!

Holy s***!!! Why do you need to know the why/what!when she did it? The hard truth is, you have been played like a fool! Get out asap...why are you still with her? Where is your own worth, pride and dignity? Be a man and walk away!

[Satu]

A while back I caught my wife having affairs with 3 different men for a very long time. I gave her a chance to explain herself, but I don't feel like she had come clean. I'd like to trick (?) her into revealing the truth if I can. I've thought about about making a fake email account and contacting her as her lover. I'm not quite sure how to do that effectively. If anybody has any ideas of how I can use that to get to the truth, or any other ideas that could work please offer me suggestions. I just gotta know the real story.

 

No. You don't need to do those things. You already know enough.

 

Just walk away.

[Jayhawks1988]

That probably will happen. However she explained things in a way that makes it easy to forgive. She was drunk...she hated it...she loved me the whole time, etc. I went to find the boyfriends (one of them was a serial rapist on parole...ew) and they told me something entirely different. Then I beat them all up. Bad. I feel like o took ally frustration put on them bc OM trying not to be angry with her. If what she is saying is true perhaps o can live with it. But none of her story adds up.

[Jayhawks1988]

^^typos...sorry...

[SomeDude16]

You deserve better boss and you know it. You are attempting to rationalize her behavior which is normal but there is no excuse for it. You are just attempting to delay the inevitable. Get a running head start and leave right now.

[HereNorThere]

That probably will happen. However she explained things in a way that makes it easy to forgive. She was drunk...she hated it...she loved me the whole time, etc. I went to find the boyfriends (one of them was a serial rapist on parole...ew) and they told me something entirely different. Then I beat them all up. Bad. I feel like o took ally frustration put on them bc OM trying not to be angry with her. If what she is saying is true perhaps o can live with it. But none of her story adds up.

 

You really think you can live with that? Look, the OM's didn't cheat on you, she did, repeatedly, with multiple partners.

 

Her excuses might work one time with one person, but not with 3 different people. At this point, you can safely say she is a serial cheater. It's not just these guys you have to accept into your relationships, it's also the guys in the future. There really isn't any doubt that she will continue this behavior especially now that she knows you'll stick around no matter what. Some dudes can handle or enjoy the cuckold thing, but some can't. You have decide if it's something you can handle. Either way, you HAVE to start using condoms now.

[Danda]

That probably will happen. However she explained things in a way that makes it easy to forgive. She was drunk...she hated it...she loved me the whole time, etc. I went to find the boyfriends (one of them was a serial rapist on parole...ew) and they told me something entirely different. Then I beat them all up. Bad. I feel like o took ally frustration put on them bc OM trying not to be angry with her. If what she is saying is true perhaps o can live with it. But none of her story adds up.

 

Her explanations are irrelevant. You found it easy to forgive her likely because you were so shocked and devastated and it was too much to process so suddenly and at once. Now you've had more time to process it and should hopefully be coming to your senses. You already caught her. It doesn't matter if she was drunk or what she felt about it. Point blank she cheated on you and with three different dudes. Come on now you are getting closer to a sane reaction, you're analyzing yourself a bit. No, you don't want to blow your top and do something stupid like hit her. Just leave. No fight, no nothing.

[Jayhawks1988]

Yeah, I'm really pissed at her. I haven't told her that. Haven't given her a hard time. Want to be a gentleman. High road. But I feel so f'ing angry. Humiliated bc she did all this quite in public where all my friends and family could see. It was my oldest child who told me.

 

So yeah, pissed.

[Jayhawks1988]

And yet I do want to know the whole story. She will not ever tell me willingly. there's missing money...lots. The three dudes she admitted to were the ones with whom she was caught red-handed. I'm just not sure I'm making an informed decision of whether I should give it another chance.

 

She says she has cut it all off. My phone bill shows them texting back and forth every day. She says the bill must have glitches and I should love her enough to believe her. I want to believe her but I've never heard of phone bills glitching. Never so specifically.

[HereNorThere]

When she starts with the apologizing, just think about how you've probably had these other men's sexual fluids in your body. Yup, that's right. Do you have oral sex with her? Chances are that tasted their semen without even knowing it. You really wanna get one of those guys stds in your mouth or throat? You want to explain to your next partner that you have an std?

 

You're in such denial right now, I don't think you truly get what she did. Don't worry, the male mind is extremely visual and you'll eventually drive yourself mad thinking about how you've probably tasted these other men, had them inside you, etc.

 

Or you're cool with that and you won't but I doubt it. Truth is, their DNA is probably all over everything in your house now and you don't even know it. She probably thinks about them while she's having sex with you. It's probably pretty easy for to imagine because you know she did it in your bed, right where you normally lay. You may be sleeping with their swimmers on your pillow. Even your kids have probably been exposed to their fluids at this point.

[Jayhawks1988]

Ew!..........

[HereNorThere]

Ew!..........

 

Yeah, man. The truth of cheating is actually pretty brutal. Some men are able to forget about it, but the majority of them are just co-dependent or desperate. Have some respect for yourself and set some boundaries. She still lying to you, texting with them, etc. so they only thing that's really changed is..

 

Now ya know!

 

Sorry, hope you're okay. Go have a beer down on Massachusetts... Go Jayhawks!

[BeholdtheMan]

That probably will happen. However she explained things in a way that makes it easy to forgive. She was drunk...she hated it...she loved me the whole time, etc. I went to find the boyfriends (one of them was a serial rapist on parole...ew) and they told me something entirely different. Then I beat them all up. Bad. I feel like o took ally frustration put on them bc OM trying not to be angry with her. If what she is saying is true perhaps o can live with it. But none of her story adds up.

 

I have a bridge to sell you

[Friskyone4u]

No one can give you any advice that really means anything. If you stay with this woman all I can do is wish you good luck

[dreamingoftigers]

My husband when he was cheating (and ALL efforts to cover it up, including fake reconciliation )etc. was the most mamanipulative prick ever.

 

I swear that theyes will never give you the truth just because you want it so bad.

 

They want to fill that void they have somehow, that one where they could be investing in the well-being and acceptance of ththemselves and their family. They view you as being the one that one"should have filled the empty feelings" for them . and since you didn't (because NO ONE CAN) they go around trying to get whatever user satisfaction they can from others.

 

You know the phone bill isn't glitching. So does she.

 

What else does she know? That she would rather confuse and degrade you than respect and love you.

 

Please read The Verbally Abusive Relationship.

 

What you are experiencing here is totally abusive. it's hard to reconcile that with whom you married.

 

I wish I could give all of your betrayed feelings a hug. I know withholding the truth is so painful to endure.

 

And yet I do want to know the whole story. She will not ever tell me willingly. there's missing money...lots. The three dudes she admitted to were the ones with whom she was caught red-handed. I'm just not sure I'm making an informed decision of whether I should give it another chance.

 

She says she has cut it all off. My phone bill shows them texting back and forth every day. She says the bill must have glitches and I should love her enough to believe her. I want to believe her but I've never heard of phone bills glitching. Never so specifically.

[bathtub-row]

Wow. So, you'll need to worry for the rest of your life if she gets drunk again and makes excuses for her behavior, right? I hate to tell you this but your nice behavior spells 'doormat' and 'sucker' to her. She has completely lost respect for you.

 

I hate to state the obvious, but this situation is completely broken and unrecoverable. I don't know of a single person who could get past their spouse cheating on them with 3 different people. Game over.

[Mr. Lucky]

A while back I caught my wife having affairs with 3 different men for a very long time.

there's missing money...lots. The three dudes she admitted to were the ones with whom she was caught red-handed.

She says she has cut it all off. My phone bill shows them texting back and forth every day.

 

I'm curious enough to ask you a question - what would constitute a dealbreaker for you? What act would be heinous enough to convince you that she doesn't have your interests at heart ???

 

Mr. Lucky

[No Limit]

You want the whole story? I'll give it to you;

 

She had sex with many men whenever you were out of sight and the opportunity offered itself. 3 of the men she cheated with detected her as a slut and agreed to be her affair partner so they could have sex with her more often.

 

Get tested for STDs and get a lawyer.

[HurtHusband]

Your wife is an opportunist, she will cheat when she has a chance to cheat. Also your wife is use to lieing, how do you know if she's lieing? Her lips will be moving.

 

Now, look after the kid. That's your number one priority. Get some legal advice. Make a plan. If you can't move out right now, than just work, look after the kid, and pretend you forgive her. Than behind the scenes work on getting your new life set up. Also look after yourself, don't get depressed or wallow in self pity. You are she'll shocked, join the club buddy! I was the same afew months ago.. Rationalizing, forgiving. Accept that she is flawed.. She will never be 100% committed to you.. Also if it helps than go off and have an erotic massage or have a coffee with that nice woman at work.

 

Your confidence is probably in the ****ter, so you need to detach yourself emotionally from your wife and get some of your confidence back.

 

So, don't blame yourself, it's your wife who is flawed and it's not your fault. Keep a cool head, don't despair and start making a plan.

[harrybrown]

Get checked for stds, and have her get checked as well.

 

How old are your kids? Do dna tests on them, and have your wife leave.

 

That is too many OMs, and she will not stop, she has not given you a timeline of all her affairs. Until she gives you the medical reports and the timeline and is remorseful, time for D.

[HurtHusband]

In the interest of fairness, I think it's best if you invite the other 3 men around for tea and develop a roster system where OM #1 can be with your wife mon/tues and OM #2 weds/Thurs etc that way everyone gets there turn..

 

I apologize for making fun of your situation.. But 3 OM.? It's ridiculous.. I am in the **** myself. I am sorry my friend, sometimes if you don't laugh you cry... One day she will be out of your hair and you will be with a decent woman, any woman would be better than your current wife. Stay strong, get back on your feet, and get your life back.

[Toodaloo]

That probably will happen. However she explained things in a way that makes it easy to forgive. She was drunk... well if all I have to do to get laid is get drunk it should be pretty easy! Never known my knickers to be yanked off by a beer bottle though... she hated it... so why do it in the first place has she reported them for rape? No didn't think so... she loved me the whole time, because you are such a sucker and believe all this rubbish yah! she loves you like I love washing dog poo off my shoe... etc. I went to find the boyfriends (one of them was a serial rapist on parole...ew) Oh God this gets worse she isn't even shagging half decent blokes she is just putting it about... and they told me something entirely different. Then I beat them all up. Bad. I feel like o took ally frustration put on them bc OM trying not to be angry with her. If what she is saying is true perhaps o can live with it. Really??? Even if it is true it shows a complte lack of consideration, caring or respect for you... But none of her story adds up.

 

One of you later posts says that your daughter told you!

 

Dear Lordy man get rid of this woman quick. Get down the clap clinic and get checked out quick and never speak to her again unless through a lawyer! Protect yourself and your children as she is consorting with dangerous people that could do harm. Time to cut that out and wipe the slate clean.

[aliveagain]

That probably will happen. However she explained things in a way that makes it easy to forgive. She was drunk...she hated it...she loved me the whole time, etc. I went to find the boyfriends (one of them was a serial rapist on parole...ew) and they told me something entirely different. Then I beat them all up. Bad. I feel like o took ally frustration put on them bc OM trying not to be angry with her. If what she is saying is true perhaps o can live with it. But none of her story adds up.

 

She had affairs with 3 men for a very long time, your daughter found evidence and brought it to your attention, one of them was a serial rapist on parole and you write that she was able to explain it to you in a way that made it easy for you to explain, seriously? You don't need to go undercover pretending to be a new paramour, you need to find a pit bull of a lawyer so you can protect your children and your finances. If she can claim to have been drunk and hated it but went back continuously for years or whatever a long time is than she really has your number. Her story doesn't add up because it's all bullsh*t, it will never add up because most of the truth is missing. You don't need more evidence, you have all the evidence you need.

 

The truth is staring you in the face but you refuse to accept it. The problem is not the other men, the problem is your wife. She is the one you have a vowed commitment with, the O/M have no commitment with you. Your best predictor of your future together is to look at your past, your history together. Run.

[theendisnear]

Seriously, if you already know this much you have enough. You may think that you are upset now but the more information you receive the more upset you are going to get. Anytime you are betrayed there is a desire to fully know and understand what was going on, but it (at least in my experience) never makes anything better. Liars lie. Good luck man. Try to refrain from beating people up, it's assault and you could end up not just brokenhearted but with jail time.