kolleamm Posted January 7, 2015 Share Posted January 7, 2015 Tried it again for about 3 weeks messaged about 400 women and got a date with someone I wasn't compatible with. Been on off OLD like this for literally years and I'm starting to ask myself what's the point in even messaging people anymore. Practically anything else I do has a greater return than OLD even mowing a lawn for $1. My conclusion is quite simply that OLD is a collection of unsatisfiable people for the most part not all, other wise they wouldn't be on there. I workout and try and keep myself in really good shape and my only standard of was that I find a women who does the same but apparently that's a non existent needle in a haystack of haystacks. I fear perhaps the obesity epidemic in the US really has lowered the standard for men since most average women are now 20lbs heavier than what they used to be. I really have no choice but to stop doing OLD altogether been doing it for far too long with absolutely no results. Anyone else experience this? 4 Link to post Share on other sites
neowulf Posted January 7, 2015 Share Posted January 7, 2015 No offense man, but you just sound burnt out. Seriously.. 400 women in 3 weeks. That's roughly 20 approaching a day, for 3 weeks. So.. instead of going hell for leather on it, why not limit it to say 10 approaches a day, but they can ONLY be the women you *really* want to approach or that you think you stand a chance with. Instead of the shot gun approach, try going for the women you *actually* think you'd be a good match with. If you do that for a couple of weeks and get no bites, have a female friend help you with your profile. Maybe you need new photos? Maybe something in the wording is putting women off. The last time I tried online dating, I managed to get at least a couple of dates a week, for 3 weeks (till I met my last ex). 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Moy Posted January 7, 2015 Share Posted January 7, 2015 Tried it again for about 3 weeks messaged about 400 women and got a date with someone I wasn't compatible with. Been on off OLD like this for literally years and I'm starting to ask myself what's the point in even messaging people anymore. Practically anything else I do has a greater return than OLD even mowing a lawn for $1. My conclusion is quite simply that OLD is a collection of unsatisfiable people for the most part not all, other wise they wouldn't be on there. I workout and try and keep myself in really good shape and my only standard of was that I find a women who does the same but apparently that's a non existent needle in a haystack of haystacks. I fear perhaps the obesity epidemic in the US really has lowered the standard for men since most average women are now 20lbs heavier than what they used to be. I really have no choice but to stop doing OLD altogether been doing it for far too long with absolutely no results. Anyone else experience this? Oh yes, and I was criticised harshly for my physical appearance at the same time. It left me feeling that I need to be uber-ripped just to seek the approval of Mama June! The UK isn't much different. I'm sure that many women have experiences like yours, too. But that's just a symptom. OLD allows people to hide behind a keyboard and inflate their standards without the fear of being called out on it and rejected as they would in real life. Look at this article from ok cupid. 80% of men aren't good enough apparently. Your Looks and Your Inbox « OkTrends 4 Link to post Share on other sites
bathtub-row Posted January 7, 2015 Share Posted January 7, 2015 I see stuff about this a lot. Just curious, what is OLD? Link to post Share on other sites
Moy Posted January 7, 2015 Share Posted January 7, 2015 I see stuff about this a lot. Just curious, what is OLD? OnLine Dating. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Danda Posted January 7, 2015 Share Posted January 7, 2015 My conclusion is quite simply that OLD is a collection of unsatisfiable people for the most part not all, other wise they wouldn't be on there. But you're on there and every gal you get a date with seems to not be attractive enough for you. I workout and try and keep myself in really good shape and my only standard of was that I find a women who does the same but apparently that's a non existent needle in a haystack of haystacks. Did all 400 women you messaged meet these requirements? There is no point in putting time/energy into pursuing someone that does not meet your basic requirements. I mean you say these requirements are needles in haystacks but messaged 400 women. So either these requirements are actually found all over, or you are putting time/energy into pursuing women that you wouldn't find attractive anyway. I fear perhaps the obesity epidemic in the US really has lowered the standard for men since most average women are now 20lbs heavier than what they used to be. I fear that men don't realize how many overweight men there are, as well, and instead blame overweight women for their own inability to get a date with a woman they find attractive, whatever that is for them. I really have no choice but to stop doing OLD altogether been doing it for far too long with absolutely no results. Yes OLD sucks for men. Women are social and intuitive creatures, so to speak. We are also more programmed for caution than risk-taking. This means that we perceive dates from OLD as risky while men generally do not, and what makes us grow comfortable with a man (in-person interaction so we can 'read' him and gauge that he's probably not a psychopath or otherwise crazy and dangerous) doesn't happen on OLD. Please get yourself out there and flirt in person before you become totally bitter and depressed. 10 Link to post Share on other sites
Author kolleamm Posted January 7, 2015 Author Share Posted January 7, 2015 Please get yourself out there and flirt in person before you become totally bitter and depressed. Thanks, I really have no other choice. There really is no click of a mouse easy solution. Link to post Share on other sites
neowulf Posted January 7, 2015 Share Posted January 7, 2015 Thanks, I really have no other choice. There really is no click of a mouse easy solution. Why would you say "I have no other choice"? I'm curious? In addition, if the solution isn't easy.. does that mean it's not worth pursuing? Link to post Share on other sites
Author kolleamm Posted January 7, 2015 Author Share Posted January 7, 2015 Why would you say "I have no other choice"? I'm curious? In addition, if the solution isn't easy.. does that mean it's not worth pursuing? In the case of OLD it's not so much that it's hard, it's more like impossible. There's a certain point where the benefit of the relationship to be found is out weighed by the effort required to get it. I've given it years of effort with virtually very little rare return. It's actually one of my greatest regrets as I could have used all that wasted time trying to meet people in the real world, even though that's not too different either. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted January 7, 2015 Share Posted January 7, 2015 (edited) There really is no click of a mouse easy solution. Did you think it would be like going to Amazon and pressing "Add to basket"? That's your mistake, right there. OLD is not mail order hotties. Anyone else experience this? No. I found it a very efficient and effective way of meeting people. I got approx 10% response rate, around half of responses lead to a phone number and almost all of those turned into a real life meeting. Everyone I met was interesting, attractive, shared interests and compatible personalities although often we didn't "click" so it didn't go beyond the first meeting. I was never stood up, and only once or twice did anyone cancel a date. I met around 30 women in approx 10 months of OLD usage and I am still with my amazing gf that I met on there, planning to move in together in the near future. Edited January 7, 2015 by PegNosePete 10 Link to post Share on other sites
LookAtThisPOst Posted January 7, 2015 Share Posted January 7, 2015 No. I found it a very efficient and effective way of meeting people. I got approx 10% response rate, around half of responses lead to a phone number and almost all of those turned into a real life meeting. Everyone I met was interesting, attractive, shared interests and compatible personalities although often we didn't "click" so it didn't go beyond the first meeting. I was never stood up, and only once or twice did anyone cancel a date. I met around 30 women in approx 10 months of OLD usage and I am still with my amazing gf that I met on there, planning to move in together in the near future. Must be your.....location, location, location. Some areas are predominant with superficial types that have unrealistic expectations while other North American cultures are a bit more open minded. Chances are you live in the latter. Where I live, I refer to it as "Little Hollywood" because people are obsessed with "Keeping up with the Jonses". Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted January 7, 2015 Share Posted January 7, 2015 Must be your.....location, location, location. No. It's my profile, photos and messages. Chances are you live in the latter. As my info on the left shows, I'm in the UK. POF admins have frequently stated that they get more complaints about inappropriate and sexual messages here than anywhere else in the world. So no, it's not my location. And it's not because I'm a movie star. I'm almost 40, heavily balding and divorced. But I had good photos, a good profile, and sent out good messages. So I got success. It's really that simple. But guys who fail just love to blame factors out of their control. 9 Link to post Share on other sites
Lernaean_Hydra Posted January 7, 2015 Share Posted January 7, 2015 Thanks, I really have no other choice. There really is no click of a mouse easy solution. There's always another choice. OLD is a modern invention. People did just fine without it for centuries. Nevertheless, there are plenty of less in shape/less attractive guys out there who are getting more returns on their investment. I'm not sure what that means but I feel confident your lack of success has nothing to do with the supposed falling standards of men or the obesity epidemic. However, it sounds a lot more like your problem isn't with not getting responses, it's that you don't like the reposes you're getting. Last week you admitted to getting dates but not feeling sexual attraction. Who's fault is that? It is certainly not the fault of OLD if you aren't attracted to the women you're messaging. Could that perhaps be because you're doing so at a rate of something like 135 women per week?? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
LookAtThisPOst Posted January 7, 2015 Share Posted January 7, 2015 No. It's my profile, photos and messages. As my info on the left shows, I'm in the UK. POF admins have frequently stated that they get more complaints about inappropriate and sexual messages here than anywhere else in the world. So no, it's not my location. And it's not because I'm a movie star. I'm almost 40, heavily balding and divorced. But I had good photos, a good profile, and sent out good messages. So I got success. It's really that simple. But guys who fail just love to blame factors out of their control. Oh, you're in the UK, I'm in the states. Apples and Oranges. If I lived over there, my chances of landing a date in the UK would be greater. Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted January 7, 2015 Share Posted January 7, 2015 If I lived over there, my chances of landing a date in the UK would be greater. Yeah, I imagine your chances of landing a date in the UK are pretty slim at the moment. 7 Link to post Share on other sites
Moy Posted January 7, 2015 Share Posted January 7, 2015 Oh, you're in the UK, I'm in the states. Apples and Oranges. If I lived over there, my chances of landing a date in the UK would be greater. I'm in the UK and my OLD experiences have left me disillusioned as to whether or not I have anything to offer anybody at all. I guess it really is that random and down to the individual! 3 Link to post Share on other sites
neowulf Posted January 7, 2015 Share Posted January 7, 2015 In the case of OLD it's not so much that it's hard, it's more like impossible. There's a certain point where the benefit of the relationship to be found is out weighed by the effort required to get it. I've given it years of effort with virtually very little rare return. It's actually one of my greatest regrets as I could have used all that wasted time trying to meet people in the real world, even though that's not too different either. I've met.. well, the last 3 girlfriends via online dating, dating each of them between 12 months to 2 years. Not sure what to tell you man. Online dating has always worked really favorably for me. If I were you, I'd get serious about getting a consult on your profile. There has to be a reason for it man. The worlds a huge place, FILLED with women. You only need a small fraction of them to like you enough to go on a date. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
BluEyeL Posted January 7, 2015 Share Posted January 7, 2015 Sounds like you're go for women out of your league and have standards that only a small percentage of the population can meet. It's not the OLD fault. I found my boyfriend through OLD, I'm crazy attracted to him, but he's not in super shape or movie star looking, and attraction built in time. I think both men and women make the same mistake, everyone goes for the "hottest" people, and have no patience to know a person. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
LookAtThisPOst Posted January 7, 2015 Share Posted January 7, 2015 Yeah, I imagine your chances of landing a date in the UK are pretty slim at the moment. Well....that is you're opinion and you're entitled to it Link to post Share on other sites
normal person Posted January 7, 2015 Share Posted January 7, 2015 (edited) Anyone else experience this? Quite the opposite. OLD has been my de facto way to meet girls for quite some time. I'll still meet people in real life, but OLD really just facilitates the process to where you're not limited to merely who you cross paths with at a bar. I think if you're in a circumstance where you actually have to send out messages, then OLD isn't for your for some reason or another. Maybe your mistake is thinking that simply creating a profile should automatically grant you success. First consider the demographics. If you live in a small city (or even worse, a town), you aren't going to have much success. There just aren't that many women to go around. If the girls you're looking for are under 26 or so, you'll have even less success because at that age they can get any guy they want and OLD is just a fun curiosity for them. Secondly, consider yourself in this context. What do you bring to the table? Are you actually someone who piques an interest, someone who raises eyebrows, or are you just like everyone else? Women have a lot of power to pick and choose from the top rung of guys, so why would they settle for less? I hate to say it, but it's very much a survival of the fittest scenario. Here's my guide to OLD success: - Spend your formative years becoming the best possible version of yourself - Have an interesting, engaging, original, welcoming profile with a lot of great pictures - Whatever it is, there needs to be a reason to like you - Boost or promote yourself during peak traffic hours - Pick who you go out with from the pool of women who then message or "like" you, and you'll never be turned down If that doesn't work, you need to: - Improve yourself dramatically somehow - Move to a much more populous area If you can't do that, you shouldn't hold your breath with OLD because the odds aren't in your favor. Meeting people in real life will be simpler and not as much of a tease. Best of luck. Edited January 7, 2015 by normal person 6 Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted January 7, 2015 Share Posted January 7, 2015 I'm in the UK. POF admins have frequently stated that they get more complaints about inappropriate and sexual messages here than anywhere else in the world. The only time a guy I was talking to from OLD texted me a picture of his penis was a guy I was talking to from the UK. I've never had that from American men. Must be that puritanical thang... Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted January 7, 2015 Share Posted January 7, 2015 Sounds like you're go for women out of your league and have standards that only a small percentage of the population can meet. It's not the OLD fault. I found my boyfriend through OLD, I'm crazy attracted to him, but he's not in super shape or movie star looking, and attraction built in time. I think both men and women make the same mistake, everyone goes for the "hottest" people, and have no patience to know a person. I agree. The guy I mentioned above from the UK was bald on top, had a bit of a pudge around the middle, looked like George Washington, but had the best wit and was very gentle and loving in his dealings with me. Unfortunately, his life blew up on him right before the end of the year (new, heavy pressured promotion at his job and sister becoming extremely ill), so he had to end things for the time being. But I must say, I was extremely attracted to him and was making plans to go meet him this year. Ah well... Link to post Share on other sites
LookAtThisPOst Posted January 7, 2015 Share Posted January 7, 2015 I find my greatest success with getting dates with women had been with women who little to do with social media and anti-online dating. They don't get all caught up in the white noise of cyber space Link to post Share on other sites
Author kolleamm Posted January 7, 2015 Author Share Posted January 7, 2015 I've had a few long distance relationships before but when it comes to meeting women here in LA I pretty much strike out every time other than a few I knew long back in high school which are all married by now and have kids. Maybe it is the location that's the problem but then again I'm still not sure. I could try and workout harder maybe to improve in that sense but other than that I'm pretty lost. Link to post Share on other sites
WomenWubber Posted January 7, 2015 Share Posted January 7, 2015 I wouldn't say it's a waste of time, but yeah it's not for everyone. My experience was not a success. I received some replies and had some interesting conversations, but nothing really came of it. I found myself lowering my expectations until I no longer cared. Then it finally hit me, the question "why even bother?" Inmediately after that I was done with it. To be honest with you, I don't feel like my time was wasted and I don't have any regrets. Maybe my expectations were not that big to begin with, so I was able to cope up with the disappointment better. Also I learned some things about myself that probably I would not have known otherwise. This is something I found on google. Maybe it'll be helpful. http://christiehartman.com/how-to-handle-online-dating-burnout/ Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts