Yup OLD still a waste of time

[PegNosePete]

You're likely in the minority. Considering you're described appearance....it's likely hard to believe what you are saying is even true.

That's your opinion and you're entitled to it.

[Moy]

Nope, that's totally false. I am heavily balding, rapidly approaching 40, normal looking, and divorced. It's not about what you've got, but how you package it. I've seen some excellent profiles from guys who are actually quite normal, but they have written it well so they sound like interesting, passionate people (as we ALL are).

 

But very few people actually listen to the advice of the successful, experienced guys on here. They prefer to join the OLD haters brigade, blame factors beyond their control, and make assumptions about all the women on there. It's easier to blame the system or other people than to bite the bullet, put in some effort, and follow advice.

 

Well obviously it works for you. That's great, you succeed in an area where many others fail. However, just because it has worked for you, it doesn't necessarily afford you the right to pour scorn on or belittle the OLD experiences of so many others with a series of condescending generalisations. Totally false, yes that's right we're lying because you said so.

 

But, as you say yourself - that's your opinion and you're entitled to it.

[Moy]

PS - Can you share the secrets of your experiences, please? What worked/didn't work for you etc?

[BlueIris]

You're likely in the minority. Considering you're described appearance....it's likely hard to believe what you are saying is even true.

 

Oh, I beg to differ. Pete has smarts and a great attitude and I bet he's good looking too. But no two ways around it-- a positive attitude is so very attractive- and yet attitude is utterly denied as a possible reason for lack of responses on the part of the negative and cynical.

 

Women are attracted to men with a positive and empowered attitude about themselves, life, women and love. People want a relationship to make them feel happier than they felt without the relationship.

 

OLD has a heck of a lot of mopey-faced, serious, grim or resentful men and their pictures and profiles usually reflect that. The pictures and profiles that convey intelligence, thought, happiness and positivity get more responses. Those ARE the strong and attractive guys, the guys you want to spend an hour with, then a few more hours with.

 

I doubt many men are any more attracted to the bored, sour, sad, clueless or shallow, cynical, or pretentious than women are. They look like work, not happiness.

[normal person]

In other words, you have to be Ryan Gosling just to win the right to COMPETE for the approval of Mama June Shannon. The effort required yields absolutely no reward. It's like being expected to study through Harvard just to qualify for a job burger flipping on minimum wage.

 

It simply isn't worth it, the nature of OLD and falsely inflated egos due to thirsty guys throwing around compliments that they don't even mean has priced most guys out of entering the market.

 

I think there's a bit of truth to this. The harsh reality of the situation that no one, especially the services themselves, ever really wants to address is that it's not such an egalitarian process. From what I've heard and read, for the most part you sort of do need to be Ryan Gosling to have a good degree of success because the odds are stacked against most guys. Most guys don't realize this and then they bang their heads against the wall complaining about what a waste of time it is (ex: this thread).

 

I can only speak for myself, but I've never had an issue with OLD. I've met a lot of beautiful, successful women and 100% of the time they've initiated contact or it's been a mutual thing like "liking" or Quickmatch. However, I attribute that to the fact that I've been really lucky and I've spent my youthful years trying to be that Ryan Gosling-esque guy.

 

I realized early on that if you want to make the women come to you, you need to give them a lot of reasons. Hell, you might need to give them every reason in the book. Be smart, attractive, fun, charismatic, funny, rich, etc. I enjoy the process of attraction and I enjoy incorporating all these things into my life. No one said it was easy, but it's fun for me so that's what drives me. That's why I pay a fortune to live in NYC (there are beautiful girls everywhere you look and they outnumber men), that's why I bust my butt to make money, that's why have a strict diet, that's why I try and dress appealingly most of the time, that's why when I go out I make sure everyone around me has fun and that strangers think I'm fun. I don't waste a lot of time watching TV or doing things like that because that time is better spent improving myself somehow. It's all because I like women, and it's so much easier to get them if you give them reasons to like you back.

 

But I think these really are the things you need to make OLD worth your time. The process highlights your good and bad qualities without much of the benefit of doubt or nuance that you might get in a real life interaction. You might be able to win a women over in real life easily, but if that process you use can't be translated to a profile, then you'll struggle. The only solution is to look good on paper.

 

So it's not that the technology is bad, it's just biased towards a more specific type of guy. If you struggle with it, it's not that there's something wrong you necessarily, but you'd probably have a lot better luck somewhere else where the circumstances were more favorable to you.

[SJC2008]

Nope, that's totally false. I am heavily balding, rapidly approaching 40, normal looking, and divorced. It's not about what you've got, but how you package it. I've seen some excellent profiles from guys who are actually quite normal, but they have written it well so they sound like interesting, passionate people (as we ALL are).

 

But very few people actually listen to the advice of the successful, experienced guys on here. They prefer to join the OLD haters brigade, blame factors beyond their control, and make assumptions about all the women on there. It's easier to blame the system or other people than to bite the bullet, put in some effort, and follow advice.

 

Not to say that a good profile shouldn't be a "must have", it's very overrated. The more were attracted to someone the more slack we cut them. That goes for real life and online. How many threads are there of women complaining they can't get dates online? There are exceptions (like you) of course but it goes without saying that men are victims of odds stacked highly against them from the gate. On the flip side, women are given the powe of choice. It's not a good formula for success.

[kolleamm]

In my case, the biggest red flag was that I had to resort to OLD as a primary means of attempting to meet women due to being too afraid/shy to approach them in real life.

 

Also, an external need for validation meant that I was too needy and I ended up having my confidence destroyed when it got to the stage where I had 250lb mean girls snubbing me repeatedly. It left me feeling no good for anybody, so I gave up.

 

That's me in my avatar, so draw your own conclusions regarding my appearance!

 

Judging by the photo in your avatar your not a bad looking guy. You have a fairly well toned body and your face is not bad at all, so remembering from your previous post women calling you ugly I would say screw them.

 

Another thing that just sort of hit me today. Would a respectable well educated women be on an online dating site where dozens of guys daily could send her dirty messages? No

My point being is that OLD contains bottom of the barrel material and that's exactly what we are competing for if we go there.

OLD is not a game where you look for a needle in a haystack,your looking through a pile of trash for a can.

[Moy]

Judging by the photo in your avatar your not a bad looking guy. You have a fairly well toned body and your face is not bad at all, so remembering from your previous post women calling you ugly I would say screw them.

 

Another thing that just sort of hit me today. Would a respectable well educated women be on an online dating site where dozens of guys daily could send her dirty messages? No

My point being is that OLD contains bottom of the barrel material and that's exactly what we are competing for if we go there.

OLD is not a game where you look for a needle in a haystack,your looking through a pile of trash for a can.

 

Thanks, man! You've just made my week!!!!!

 

That's why I eventually ditched POF, I felt like I was on Jerry Springer/Jeremy Kyle after a while. Shame on me for not deleting my profile sooner than I did!

[Moy]

I think there's a bit of truth to this. The harsh reality of the situation that no one, especially the services themselves, ever really wants to address is that it's not such an egalitarian process. From what I've heard and read, for the most part you sort of do need to be Ryan Gosling to have a good degree of success because the odds are stacked against most guys. Most guys don't realize this and then they bang their heads against the wall complaining about what a waste of time it is (ex: this thread).

 

I can only speak for myself, but I've never had an issue with OLD. I've met a lot of beautiful, successful women and 100% of the time they've initiated contact or it's been a mutual thing like "liking" or Quickmatch. However, I attribute that to the fact that I've been really lucky and I've spent my youthful years trying to be that Ryan Gosling-esque guy.

 

I realized early on that if you want to make the women come to you, you need to give them a lot of reasons. Hell, you might need to give them every reason in the book. Be smart, attractive, fun, charismatic, funny, rich, etc. I enjoy the process of attraction and I enjoy incorporating all these things into my life. No one said it was easy, but it's fun for me so that's what drives me. That's why I pay a fortune to live in NYC (there are beautiful girls everywhere you look and they outnumber men), that's why I bust my butt to make money, that's why have a strict diet, that's why I try and dress appealingly most of the time, that's why when I go out I make sure everyone around me has fun and that strangers think I'm fun. I don't waste a lot of time watching TV or doing things like that because that time is better spent improving myself somehow. It's all because I like women, and it's so much easier to get them if you give them reasons to like you back.

 

But I think these really are the things you need to make OLD worth your time. The process highlights your good and bad qualities without much of the benefit of doubt or nuance that you might get in a real life interaction. You might be able to win a women over in real life easily, but if that process you use can't be translated to a profile, then you'll struggle. The only solution is to look good on paper.

 

So it's not that the technology is bad, it's just biased towards a more specific type of guy. If you struggle with it, it's not that there's something wrong you necessarily, but you'd probably have a lot better luck somewhere else where the circumstances were more favorable to you.

 

That study done on OK Cupid a couple of years ago where the women considered 80% of the men on there to be below average attractiveness pretty much echoes this post. 80 percent considered below even entry level average attractiveness. That's some inflated diva ego s*** right there!

 

And fault of this? Desperate guys messaging women they don't even find attractive, swelling their heads with all kinds of simpy false compliments as they believe they'll be flattered by them due to being 'less hot.' Have some integrity, fellas. We've created a monster!!!!

[normal person]

That study done on OK Cupid a couple of years ago where the women considered 80% of the men on there to be below average attractiveness pretty much echoes this post. 80 percent considered below even entry level average attractiveness. That's some inflated diva ego s*** right there!

 

And fault of this? Desperate guys messaging women they don't even find attractive, swelling their heads with all kinds of simpy false compliments as they believe they'll be flattered by them due to being 'less hot.' Have some integrity, fellas. We've created a monster!!!!

 

It makes a lot of sense. I never message women because I'm always afraid of seeming transparent or douchey if I did. You have to make every effort to set yourself apart from the other guys. If the others are sending messages with feigned compliments and general inquiries "hey what's up?" then you can separate yourself from that contingent by not doing so. Wait for the girls to come to you. If they don't, keep working on yourself and your profile, increasing your odds until they do. If that's too much of a mountain to climb then keep all your stock in real life interactions.

[Moy]

It makes a lot of sense. I never message women because I'm always afraid of seeming transparent or douchey if I did. You have to make every effort to set yourself apart from the other guys. If the others are sending messages with feigned compliments and general inquiries "hey what's up?" then you can separate yourself from that contingent by not doing so. Wait for the girls to come to you. If they don't, keep working on yourself and your profile, increasing your odds until they do. If that's too much of a mountain to climb then keep all your stock in real life interactions.

 

The only people who messaged me first were morbidly obese and at least 7-8 (some upto 13-14) years older than me. Those who I messaged (and NO, I didn't go for hotties out of my league. I know my place in the food chain. That's me in my avatar) first ignored me.

 

I got the message as to the level of my attractiveness and the only kind of women who are attracted to me and I left the site.....and here I am, steeped in self loathing and anxiety, terrified of women and addicted to the gym, toying with the idea of steroids to look more manly. It sucks.

[kolleamm]

If it makes you guys feel any better, I know a women who's still waiting on Prince Harry to show up.

[BlueIris]

...

Another thing that just sort of hit me today. Would a respectable well educated women be on an online dating site where dozens of guys daily could send her dirty messages? No

My point being is that OLD contains bottom of the barrel material and that's exactly what we are competing for if we go there.

OLD is not a game where you look for a needle in a haystack, your looking through a pile of trash for a can.

 

Awful. This big fat elephant of nasty attitude in your mental living room hurts you. It doesn’t hurt women. Women stay away from it. It hurts you.

 

We’re not stupid (or trash). We’ve dated more men than you have. So we can spot it and politely walk away. Even my 23 year old could sniff it years ago. She’s a knock-out, respectable, and well-educated and has used Tinder and Match here and there, as have her friends. In the spirit of helping you: change your attitude toward women if you want to attract them.

[normal person]

 

I got the message as to the level of my attractiveness and the only kind of women who are attracted to me and I left the site.....and here I am, steeped in self loathing and anxiety, terrified of women and addicted to the gym, toying with the idea of steroids to look more manly. It sucks.

 

If you use it as a barometer like that then you're bound to have a skewed vision of yourself. There's much more to people than what they can write about themselves in a profile. However OLD makes you view everything about the person through that very narrow lens. If you meet people in the real world then the lens widens quite a bit and you give others the real life interpersonal experience that just can't be communicated through a computer. I'm sure you're a great guy, but the uncertainty of the internet makes it require a bit of effort to see.

 

 

Another thing that just sort of hit me today. Would a respectable well educated women be on an online dating site where dozens of guys daily could send her dirty messages? No

My point being is that OLD contains bottom of the barrel material and that's exactly what we are competing for if we go there.

OLD is not a game where you look for a needle in a haystack,your looking through a pile of trash for a can.

 

I'll be sure to ask the beautiful Columbia architecture student that I'm meeting tonight why she's so trashy. Or the pharmacist, or the Broadway star that I met on there. They're all pretty pathetic, untalented, and uneducated, right?

 

Just because girls get a ton of messages from guys they're disgusted by doesn't mean they don't want to go out with guys with whom they aren't. OLD still remains a very affective way of meeting people you never would have crossed paths with otherwise. A lot of the times I go out with girls they tell me they messaged because I seemed normal and not like a giant tool like every other guy on there. Here's a thought, since you're so smart, maybe you could make the "educated" decision to not be one of those guys who messages 400 women with complete banality, actively labeling yourself as a guy they should avoid like the plague.

[BlueIris]

...

I'll be sure to ask the beautiful Columbia architecture student that I'm meeting tonight ....

 

Wait… What?… Oh please fall in love with her. Ok, fine… That's a bit much. Or one day have a picnic on the plaza of the Seagram Building and kiss her, just once, lingeringly. Architecture. Mies. New York. Sigh. Very very good luck! I hope she’s great.

[insert_name]

Another reason why OLD sucks for men: OLD never sleeps.

 

Case in point, really hit it off with a girl just before christmas, lot of shared interests, went on a date and got on really well, she was very complimentary of me (ive now learned that this is actually a red flag) and how interesting I was yadda yadda. So the 2nd date she invites herself round my house(!) to watch a film, one thing leads to another etc. We spend the next day together getting on well then we both go home for christmas and make plans to meet when we get back. We are texting all over christmas and NYE and arrange to go to the cinema to see a film just after NYE. When we meet to go to the cinema she greets me with a token hug like we are friends. We watch the film and then we walk back to our homes together as we live near each other. When we say goodbye again a token hug and a non-committal agreement to meet up the next weekend. I left it at that point as I have enough friends already thanks, she hasnt been in touch in the meantime so thats thatbut of course she is all over OLD still and must have had someone else swoop in despite all her compliments and us getting on well.

 

I have found that girls IRL who arent OLDing arebt putting themselves out there so hard so you have a chance to get to know them better without having to perform like a ****ing seal to keep their attention before they move on at the drop ofa hat.

[HazyCosmicJive]

Laugh my f*ckin a** off.

 

95% of women on Match.com screen for race and/or height.

 

So, how is a guy screening for weight any different? At least a woman can lose weight.

 

Being overweight is also an indicator of poor health, whereas height has nothing to do with how healthy a man is. It cracks me up what double standards some women have.

[kolleamm]

Another reason why OLD sucks for men: OLD never sleeps.

 

Case in point, really hit it off with a girl just before christmas, lot of shared interests, went on a date and got on really well, she was very complimentary of me (ive now learned that this is actually a red flag) and how interesting I was yadda yadda. So the 2nd date she invites herself round my house(!) to watch a film, one thing leads to another etc. We spend the next day together getting on well then we both go home for christmas and make plans to meet when we get back. We are texting all over christmas and NYE and arrange to go to the cinema to see a film just after NYE. When we meet to go to the cinema she greets me with a token hug like we are friends. We watch the film and then we walk back to our homes together as we live near each other. When we say goodbye again a token hug and a non-committal agreement to meet up the next weekend. I left it at that point as I have enough friends already thanks, she hasnt been in touch in the meantime so thats thatbut of course she is all over OLD still and must have had someone else swoop in despite all her compliments and us getting on well.

 

I have found that girls IRL who arent OLDing arebt putting themselves out there so hard so you have a chance to get to know them better without having to perform like a ****ing seal to keep their attention before they move on at the drop ofa hat.

 

So yeah IRL less competition assuming their not on OLD.

Basically that's what Ive learned from OLD if anything, if you wanna be neck deep in guys all chasing for the same woman than by all means feel free, IRL if you wanna put in the time and effort for the search to find someone that doesn't have guys constantly bombarding them with messages then even better.

[LookAtThisPOst]

So yeah IRL less competition assuming their not on OLD.

Basically that's what Ive learned from OLD if anything, if you wanna be neck deep in guys all chasing for the same woman than by all means feel free, IRL if you wanna put in the time and effort for the search to find someone that doesn't have guys constantly bombarding them with messages then even better.

 

Sometimes I've seen the same women in my social circles (ie - Meetups) ON these dating sites as well. So they got their feelers in both online and offline venues. Though, nowadays, they tend to overlap.

[JuneJulySeptember]

So yeah IRL less competition assuming their not on OLD.

Basically that's what Ive learned from OLD if anything, if you wanna be neck deep in guys all chasing for the same woman than by all means feel free, IRL if you wanna put in the time and effort for the search to find someone that doesn't have guys constantly bombarding them with messages then even better.

 

There is no way it can be that distinct. People are talking about OLD like it is a bizarro world.

 

If a woman can get dates through OLD, she is getting dates. Period. And she has options. So, that will carry over into 'real life' in terms of her standards.

[LookAtThisPOst]

Wow...sometimes a woman on OK Cupid will "reach their message limit" if they get too many emails, prompting us (the men), to pay additional to squeeze an email through to her.

 

Sad.

[JuneJulySeptember]

Wow...sometimes a woman on OK Cupid will "reach their message limit" if they get too many emails, prompting us (the men), to pay additional to squeeze an email through to her.

 

Hahaha. Serious?

 

That's so funny!

[ascendotum]

Awful. This big fat elephant of nasty attitude in your mental living room hurts you. It doesn’t hurt women. Women stay away from it. It hurts you.

 

We’re not stupid (or trash). We’ve dated more men than you have. So we can spot it and politely walk away. Even my 23 year old could sniff it years ago. She’s a knock-out, respectable, and well-educated and has used Tinder and Match here and there, as have her friends. In the spirit of helping you: change your attitude toward women if you want to attract them.

 

I think he went over the top on his summary of women who use OLD too, but out of frustration for sure. I do find though that quite a few women who I think are great (mid 20s to mid/late 30s) don't use OLD and say they wont, because of its rep plus they really don't need to as they have plenty of guys buzzing around them IRL. You could probably say the same about men. I do suspect more quality men will use OLD though simply for the easy sex.

 

I think you (and other women) also overstate the attitude factor. Its definitely a factor but its very much a chicken and egg thing. Success will breed positive attitude and vice versa. At one of the job sites I work at last year a couple of people were taking about this attitude aspect with two of the guys there. They seem to miss the point that one guy was a really good looking guy and the other wasn't really so much. The good looking one who said positive things about women, had lots of great nsa stories and was currently servicing 3 fwbs (one of them a married woman at the site nearby that was dropping in after work and S&Fing him. The other cynical shorter bald guy with glasses, you can bet your paycheck that if he was getting even just the married one dropping into his place a couple of times a week he would change his attitude fast and be smiling a lot more.

 

I do think they need to change their attitude because the negative certainly wont help them unless it motivates them to change other aspects of their life but I doubt it will result in a miraculous turn around in their success. I know a woman that's obese (waddles when she walks) who has had 10 STR/FWBs from OLD over the last 2-3 yrs. She's a single mom so as much as she would like a LTR she realizes her limitations and is fine with a part time lover. I haven't seen these guys she dates, but someone I know has met one and said he wasn't a bad looking guy. The majority of the women I know seem to have just STRs from OLD, I suspect its the guys they choose are just not interested in anything more with them.

[TouchedByViolet]

I think he went over the top on his summary of women who use OLD too, but out of frustration for sure. I do find though that quite a few women who I think are great (mid 20s to mid/late 30s) don't use OLD and say they wont, because of its rep plus they really don't need to as they have plenty of guys buzzing around them IRL. You could probably say the same about men. I do suspect more quality men will use OLD though simply for the easy sex.

 

I think you (and other women) also overstate the attitude factor. Its definitely a factor but its very much a chicken and egg thing. Success will breed positive attitude and vice versa. At one of the job sites I work at last year a couple of people were taking about this attitude aspect with two of the guys there. They seem to miss the point that one guy was a really good looking guy and the other wasn't really so much. The good looking one who said positive things about women, had lots of great nsa stories and was currently servicing 3 fwbs (one of them a married woman at the site nearby that was dropping in after work and S&Fing him. The other cynical shorter bald guy with glasses, you can bet your paycheck that if he was getting even just the married one dropping into his place a couple of times a week he would change his attitude fast and be smiling a lot more.

 

I do think they need to change their attitude because the negative certainly wont help them unless it motivates them to change other aspects of their life but I doubt it will result in a miraculous turn around in their success. I know a woman that's obese (waddles when she walks) who has had 10 STR/FWBs from OLD over the last 2-3 yrs. She's a single mom so as much as she would like a LTR she realizes her limitations and is fine with a part time lover. I haven't seen these guys she dates, but someone I know has met one and said he wasn't a bad looking guy. The majority of the women I know seem to have just STRs from OLD, I suspect its the guys they choose are just not interested in anything more with them.

 

Exactly. I was on okcupid tonight and almost all the women's profiles said "replies very selectively". I checked the guys and almost all of them said "replies often." Unless you are a handsome guy getting a date online will be at a minimum difficult.

[JuneJulySeptember]

Exactly. I was on okcupid tonight and almost all the women's profiles said "replies very selectively". I checked the guys and almost all of them said "replies often."

 

Wait a second. What is that?

 

That's hilarious. Can you explain how that works?