Yup OLD still a waste of time

[Moy]

Are you a spiritual person? Become a monk.

 

I virtually am one already. I live alone, I attempted suicide in September due to the loneliness and shame of being too ugly for anyone. I'm seeing a therapist now.

[LookAtThisPOst]

Message content is not too important.

 

Of course, again, have to disagree. Not sure where you come up with this stuff. You refer to them as "studies", but it is likely questionable where you're getting these studies.

 

I found the best initial message was 3-4 sentences long, references something in their profile (to prove you've read it)

 

Funny you mention this, I've actually seen women say IN their profile, "If you put the word 'lemon' in your message to me, then that proves to me you've read my profile!"

 

They prompt men to even use CODE words to prove you've read their profile.

 

Of course, jumped through those hoops only to have been ignored.

 

"I see you like skiing. I was in Italy last year, I rode my first black run. Have you managed to do any this year?".

 

Had done that as well, as I'm an outdoors enthusiast, I had mentioned in one of her pictures where she was kayaking in my area of what venue it was, what kind kind of kayak she prefers, and other favorite areas to kayak and other outdoor activities. Even mentioned specific parks. Most times, never got a response.

 

I once did have a woman very impressed with the informational initial email I did send her and was quite impressed compared to the backwater mouth breathers in her area having received too many emails from the local neanderthals.

[guest569]

Haha thats weird about the code word, who cares whether or not they read your profile? You will find out if the person gives a rats when you meet them.

[LookAtThisPOst]

Haha thats weird about the code word, who cares whether or not they read your profile? You will find out if the person gives a rats when you meet them.

 

Yeah...all this advice really is rather moot, because you don't know what someone is like until you actually meet them face-to-face.

[LookAtThisPOst]

I have to say, I've had more luck getting dates with rather attractive women in REAL life at real life social gatherings than I ever did with an even remotely average looking woman online.

 

Also, I've noticed a common thing with women I've succeeded in getting dates from in real life....they are pretty much ANTI-online dating. One I dated didn't even have a computer or internet at home, just a LG3 smart phone and she checked her emails on her lunch break at works.

 

One doesn't' even have a Facebook account just a LinkedIn profile and nothing more.

This goes to show they aren't blinded by the choices available to them by "holding out" for something

better or limitlessly exploring her options via the web.

 

That's where my success lies and likely other men who have pretty much grown weary of the online dating scene.

It's funny seeing the same faces of the women I've already emailed within only a 10 to 20 mi. radius of where I live

who had ignored me...permanent fixtures of these sites and likely unrealistic expectations.

 

There are only two real options for these people, relocate or re-assess their preferences.

[HazyCosmicJive]

Moy, why not practice talking to women in real life? Simple things like a quick compliment "I like your hat!" You might get a smile and a thank you. Happened to me today wearing the same hat as the one in the photo. Two different men. One was about 70 and the other wasn't attractive but I smiled, said 'thanks' and kept on walking. They smiled at my acknowledgment. Don't expect a long conversation unless she initiates one. As you get more positive replies your confidence will build. You can start with little old ladies if you are afraid to talk to women your own age. Elderly women are invisible and lonely so I often compliment them on a scarf, hat or brooch.

 

This is so true. I've noticed that most women will not initiate a conversation with me at work, but when I start talking to them they are very friendly. I think a lot of women are perhaps intimidated by me because I'm tall and (I've been told) can come off as aloof or stand-offish. That's why I go out of my way to be nice to them. It's so easy to give a woman a compliment and they always smile and thank me.

[HazyCosmicJive]

I wouldn't dare talk to women in real life. I've had my confidence crushed to the point where I rarely leave the house and when I do, I wear a cap pulled down and look at the floor.

 

In addition to the negative feedback on POF, I also fell for someone in autumn/fall of 2013. She was so appalled at the thought of somebody like me finding her attractive that she still refuses to speak to me now. I didn't even ask her out!

 

As for speaking in public to strangers, have you not seen the Shoshana Roberts 10 hours in NYC video? Saying hi to a woman is now considered sexual assault. Wayyyyy too risky.

 

There's an old saying: "Faint heart never won fair lady." You need to get over your lack of self confidence and start talking to women. I'm a naturally introverted person and had self-esteem issues when I was younger due to things that happened when I was growing up. I've found now that when I make an effort to be charming women really like me. My problem is that I tend not to be very social so I don't meet a lot of women, but I've made efforts to change that. I've always done well when I actually meet a woman who's available.

 

Damn the torpedoes, full speed ahead. That's how you have to think.

[Moy]

There's an old saying: "Faint heart never won fair lady." You need to get over your lack of self confidence and start talking to women.

 

Damn the torpedoes, full speed ahead. That's how you have to think.

 

If only! If I knew how, then I wouldn't have a problem. I'm terrified of them!!!!

[Moy]

I fooled around with different types of emails to see if it would help. Certain methods would have a better chance at getting a reply, but that's about it. In the end, message content was not helpful to me at all. It's not like sending a witty message is gonna make some girl suddenly decide she wants to blow you. You might get a few replies out of a really good message, but that's it. A simple one liner will do if she is into you.

 

 

 

Bravery is not the absence of fear. You just need to be brave and work through it.

 

I can't. I'm not good enough for anybody and women view me as something that they've just stepped in. How can I work through it when something as simple as sitting near one on the train sets off panic attacks?

[Rejected Rosebud]

My conclusion is quite simply that OLD is a collection of unsatisfiable people for the most part not all, other wise they wouldn't be on there.

Including you as well?

 

I workout and try and keep myself in really good shape and my only standard of was that I find a women who does the same but apparently that's a non existent needle in a haystack of haystacks.

 

I fear perhaps the obesity epidemic in the US really has lowered the standard for men since most average women are now 20lbs heavier than what they used to be.

So what exactly is your main concern, that the ladies are unsatisfiable, or that they're all fat ? I've never tried it but I have looked at the sites and see a LOT of attractive people on there! Or they just have really good pictures!

[spanishchick00]

I gave up on OLD last year. The majority of guys refuse to delete their profiles even if they meet an attractive, smart, nice lady. Its disgusting.

[Weezy1973]

I can't. I'm not good enough for anybody and women view me as something that they've just stepped in. How can I work through it when something as simple as sitting near one on the train sets off panic attacks?

 

I struggled with social anxiety for a long time, and basically the answer is to do the thing you're afraid of anyways. I would highly recommend therapy as that helped me a lot.

[Shining One]

I gave up on OLD last year. The majority of guys refuse to delete their profiles even if they meet an attractive, smart, nice lady. Its disgusting.

At what point do you expect a man to delete his online profile:

• Second date?
  
• X Number of Days in?
  
• Sex?
  
• Mutual agreement to be exclusive?
  

I can't speak for all, but I've made the mistake of stopping the search after meeting an attractive, smart, and seemingly nice lady. I only find out months later that she had no sexual interest in me. This has happened to me more than once. Now, I don't take down the profile until we agree to be exclusive.

[guest569]

At what point do you expect a man to delete his online profile:

• Second date?
  
• X Number of Days in?
  
• Sex?
  
• Mutual agreement to be exclusive?
  

I can't speak for all, but I've made the mistake of stopping the search after meeting an attractive, smart, and seemingly nice lady. I only find out months later that she had no sexual interest in me. This has happened to me more than once. Now, I don't take down the profile until we agree to be exclusive.

 

Mutual agreement to be exclusive.

 

Fair enough because you're still getting to know whether you want some sort of relationship with that person, or whether you even want to be exclusive with anyone at that stage. It doesn't stop me sometimes from thinking "wow, we've just had the most perfect romantic date ever and he is still looking elsewhere". But what can you do, its early days.

[insert_name]

Got dragged back to OLD by the first ever unsolicited message i have received on OK Cupid last night. It shows how jaded I am that I instantly thought "overweight, unattrative" and ignored the notification on my phone.

 

I decided to do the due diligence this morning and sure enough, my cynicism was well rewarded. It was a nice, thiughtful message too. I want to reply and say thanks but no thanks in a nice way but the words sound hollow as it feels like the lack of attrsction for obvious reasons is the elephant in the room. Doing nothing also feels lame though.

 

I get a dose of perspective when I consider that this is how an average looking girl feels when she sees thst shes got a new OLD message......and it turns out to be from me.

 

*sigh* OLD sucks, most of us are tilting at windmills and there are far too many victims than there are victors.

[okc85]

I can't. I'm not good enough for anybody and women view me as something that they've just stepped in. How can I work through it when something as simple as sitting near one on the train sets off panic attacks?

 

If you have this attitude, you should stop blaming online dating. The problem is your attitude.

[Moy]

If you have this attitude, you should stop blaming online dating. The problem is your attitude.

 

And do you know what's mainly responsible for leaving me with this attitude? That's right, the attitudes of people on dating sites. I'm certainly not the only guy with plenty to offer, with friends and family giving them positive feedback left reeling with their self-esteem crushed, wondering if they have anything to offer to even the 300lb catlady who reeks of urine and lives in a litter-strewn trailer, after being punked out, cussed out and generally sneered at by the general population of OLD.

 

But then, you have the name of a dating site in your username and you like to whiteknight the virtues of OLD. Hmmmmmm.........

[okc85]

And do you know what's mainly responsible for leaving me with this attitude? That's right, the attitudes of people on dating sites. I'm certainly not the only guy with plenty to offer, with friends and family giving them positive feedback left reeling with their self-esteem crushed, wondering if they have anything to offer to even the 300lb catlady who reeks of urine and lives in a litter-strewn trailer, after being punked out, cussed out and generally sneered at by the general population of OLD.

 

But then, you have the name of a dating site in your username and you like to whiteknight the virtues of OLD. Hmmmmmm.........

 

 

Then don't use OLD. But you seem to have lots of excuses. Do you go to bars? Clubs? Meet ups? How else are you trying to meet girls?

 

Will you go to bars and lament about those too? Do you try to get set up through friends? If you hate OLD, dont do it. But stop blaming it for your problems. It wont get you anywhere! Come on, cant you see that?

[okc85]

I met some hearbreakers on OLD. I had some bad experiences. I have also had some really great experiences. I don't believe in blaming others for my issues. Mostly because the common denominator is ME. When I find myself always repeating patterns, always heartbroken, I feel it is necessary to step back and think, okay, WHY is this happening to me?

 

How else will I learn and grow?

 

If I sit back and blame all the OLD jerkos, where is it getting me? Bitterness. Anger. Resentment.

 

And it is NOT productive. Its NOT a path to any type of happiness.

 

I think sometimes it is necessary to be a bit hard on ourselves if we're continually unhappy. We have to soul search and find out why our lives arent going the way we want them to.

[Rejected Rosebud]

I think you guys give the idea of OLD way too much power!! It's just a tool you can use; maybe you'll get results or maybe you won't. For sure there are people it works for so it's not totally useless!!

[insert_name]

I think you guys give the idea of OLD way too much power!! It's just a tool you can use; maybe you'll get results or maybe you won't. For sure there are people it works for so it's not totally useless!!

 

"There are people that it works for". How many people I wonder? What is the percentage of the online dating community who, if given a vote, would vote that yes, online dating has worked for them?

 

I guess it depends on aims as well, some dudes would class success as just getting laid occasionally. Some girls would say they got the validation they craved from it.

 

In another way of looking at it then, I wonder what percentage of the total number of people who have tried online dating got a relationship from it that lasted more than 6 months?

 

I reckon that percentage would be shockingly low.

[LookAtThisPOst]

"There are people that it works for". How many people I wonder? What is the percentage of the online dating community who, if given a vote, would vote that yes, online dating has worked for them?

 

I guess it depends on aims as well, some dudes would class success as just getting laid occasionally. Some girls would say they got the validation they craved from it.

 

In another way of looking at it then, I wonder what percentage of the total number of people who have tried online dating got a relationship from it that lasted more than 6 months?

 

I reckon that percentage would be shockingly low.

 

Everytime I've Googled "Online Dating Reviews" which takes you to sites that puts dating sites categorically on their page...I see a lot of "poor" reviews mostly complaints about unresponsive women, or with Match's numerous inactive members, etc.

[the tank]

I think you guys give the idea of OLD way too much power!! It's just a tool you can use; maybe you'll get results or maybe you won't. For sure there are people it works for so it's not totally useless!!

 

I agree it's a tool , but it make people more picky , more flaky and most of them can't settle because of it. Many girls are active for months... In october I dated a girl for six weeks, before she told me she go back with her ex LOL

Edited January 12, 2015 by the tank

[insert_name]

Everytime I've Googled "Online Dating Reviews" which takes you to sites that puts dating sites categorically on their page...I see a lot of "poor" reviews mostly complaints about unresponsive women, or with Match's numerous inactive members, etc.

 

Yeah people never have a good word to say about it. A far greater percentage seem to be complaining about it than see its positives as evidenced by no dating site having a decent star rating on that consumer reviews site.

[TigerLilly78]

I think people forget the internet is so much more then just OLD pick a hobby you like and find a blog site or go play some games or chat there are other ways to meet people on line all of witch I had luck with were straight up OLD never worked past a few awkward emails..one is a meat market the other is people sharing hobbies/time together basically its the on line equivalent to getting out and meeting people..lol