The other life

[mourningMM]

I loved my husband, and still do...but he left, divorced me, and is engaged to the other woman. This hurts more some days than others. I'm adjusting, I'm trying to move on.

 

But today was a holiday, and the kids had to spend time with him and her. They had to go to their other life, the one that I can never be a part of. The life that he has created for them and for him that excludes me because he would rather have another woman in his life than me.

 

Yes, I know it is his right to be with his children. No, I don't get angry at them, and I send them off with a smile. And I try to stay busy or distracted while they are gone.

 

But it is almost time for bed, and I'll lay there and imagine all of the fun that they had without me...laughing with him, and even worse with her, and it is hard not to hate all of them. So I'm coming here to vent.

 

I love my children, and I want them to be happy. If they knew that I was upset it would put them in the middle, and I really don't want to do that.

 

But it really, really, really hurts. Deep down in my heart and soul it hurts and I don't don't know how to stop the pain.

 

They are my children, but they have this other life with him. A life he as excluded me from...a life I wish I were still part of ...

 

I hate that he still loves them, but doesn't love me. I am angry that the love he promised to me forever, he took away, and is going to promise to this other woman. And for the rest of my life, she will be the person to share that time in the other life with my children instead of me.

 

I need to find a way to comfort myself, that I have been a good mother. I may not have been the perfect wife, but I did the best I knew how, and I loved him and always put him first. But he just wasn't happy with me...and found that happiness with someone else.

 

I feel alone, and abandoned...usually I can just remind myself I did my best...and would have continued to work as long as I live to find ways to make the marriage work. He quit. I had no choice. Usually that will help me cope.

 

But I have a feeling that will not work for me tonight.

 

Maybe I'm PMSing...or maybe it is the holiday...or maybe it is because I have fallen in love with another man who isn't able to love me the way I need.

 

Or maybe I just am depressed and anxious.

 

I've eaten a good meal, walked a bit, gotten good sleep and done all of the preventive measures I can think of...

and now I've written here...

 

I'll go make a cup of tea to help me sleep.

 

But I have a feeling that I won't be able to stop crying for a long long time.

 

How have you all learned to accept the other life without feeling abandoned? And excluded? And hurt?

[reservoirdog1]

Hey MMM... I know what you mean. Up here Easter is a 4-day weekend, and the ex wife picked up the kids on Friday morning and took them off to her BF's place. Doesn't help either that most of my friends are in relationships and have weekend plans, and the single ones all live in other cities. Decided to get out of the city and help my Dad build a new house... anything better than just hanging around at home.

 

I've reached the point of acceptance, but it took time. Still doesn't mean I'm happy about it, though. Like yours, the promise my ex made to me so many years ago wasn't worth sh*t. I wish I could tell you when you'll reach acceptance, but I can't... time will heal it. Hang in there.

[mourningMM]

Sleep is hard to find, and my children have heard and seen me crying.

 

My son, a wise old soul in a young body, said that he loved me and that no one could replace me. I said that I knew that no one could ever be his mother but me. I thanked him, but I also said that his dad had replaced me with her, and that it still hurt sometimes and made me angry. But I pointed out that I'm not as sad or as angry as I used to be...and that is true. He and my daughter both said that they were sorry.

 

I don't want my kids to be sorry... for me or about me. But I'm just not a good enough actor to hide this.

 

Part of me is angry at myself for feeling so much after all of this time, but part of me is horrified that I have the capacity to feel at all.

 

Thank you RD1, it sounds like a productive way to distract yourself...yes time will help, and distance, but I think what I really need is to accept that my ex will never really understand the pain that he caused and still causes by his choice. Living in the moment is the best I can hope for; trying to forget the past I had, and the future I expected that she has now, and enjoy each minute I have with my children while they are with me is the goal. And finding things that will fill the void when they are gone is another.

 

I hope your work on the house went well, and I'm glad for you that your father is around to help and distract you.

 

It is only a few hours until the gym opens...maybe time on a treadmill will help.