Can a person being emotional abused ever get to the point were they start retaliating

[lizzygirl]

My fears for not leaving yet: I'm tired of this I want out but what if I'm making a mistake, what if I'm the one being hard on him, maybe he wants me to listen to him cause the stuff I do is really not right, will I regret this later, once I'm out they said I can't come back so this is it.. I've thought what if I really am abusing him and I just am blind to it and I don't know it..what if I am crazy.

Um, you probably ARE crazy at this point! Who wouldn't be! Every abuser tries to make you think that you are the crazy one, you are the one who made them do what they do. There are some basics here, rules of thumb for life in general that apply to everyone with a conscience and any shred of human decency: no father should approve of a man his age ever being interested in his daughter, EVER! No husband should ever speak to his wife the way he has to you for any reason whatsoever. No man his age should ever be taking pictures of someone your age in that fashion. Last and most important - a father's and a husband's job is to protect you, love you, build you up, put your welfare before their own, take care of you, and never, ever hurt you, especially on purpose.

I don't doubt that you have done some wrong things, very desperate things during the course of all this. You have cheated on him, stayed out all night, etc. Ok, I agree, those things are wrong. But what you are doing is taking those things, in combination with the beat downs you have suffered from him and your dad, and beat yourself up some more until you have no strength left and now you are blaming yourself for everything as a result. So take responsibility for what you have caused but at the same time, see the sickness of those who have driven a young girl who lost her mother to this point of being so desperate that she reached out to the wrong places for some shred of love, validation or attention. Then forgive yourself, see them for what they are, and move on. Separate every action and stop throwing them all in the "I am the wrong, guilty, horrible person" basket as you have been conditioned to do.

Go stay with that friend. Who cares how it looks? As long as you can lay your head down at night and know you are being the person you should be, it does not matter how it looks. You answer to yourself and no one else. They will beat you down for it of course, but that is just more manipulation, selfishness and mind games. Get mean. Get angry. Self preservation. Your mom was gone too soon and you have not had anyone help you believe in yourself or help you see reality and what real love is. Real love is not selfish and cruel. These two men have given you nothing but abuse and pain. Why on earth do you care what they think? Anyone who loves you would never tell you that you can never come back. A man who really loves you would never treat you that way no matter what you have done. A real father would always have his door open for you, protect you and even help you escape this animal you are married to.

Every abuser projects his own behavior onto you. Classic. Get online and educate yourself. The more guilt and reaction and passiveness he can evoke from you, the better he feels about his own insecurities and sickness. He is feeding off of your emotions and energy because he has none of his own. Your original post was asking if it was normal to retaliate. Abuse teaches you to deny your gut feelings and rely on that once source for approval and validation. Obviously it is very normal - something inside of you is trying to help you even when you do not know it, just like a wound that heals itself - your body, your mind and spirit will always give you clues and gut reactions if you listen. The way in which you handle it is up to you - obviously cheating is not ok, but that is for your own self respect, character and beliefs. Not him because he has lost that right and that level of devotion and respect from you. That part is normal. You have to start seeing everything for what it is instead of what you have been conditioned to believe. As I said earlier, do things healthy for you that make you feel good about yourself but not because they dictated it.

 

This is what helped me get past my abuse - I separated my behavior from them, as it related to me as a person and it made me realize I owed them nothing. On the contrary, I owed myself respect even if no one else wanted to give it to me....when you have this realization, life opens up and you realize that giving your abuser another thought, another mind control over you, is letting them win...and then they become distant, pitiful, pathetic, inconsequential, sad, wretched, tiny little unmanly, digusting, vile pieces of crap that they always were and you just couldn't see it before.

[Satu]

My dad is 72 years old the way he acts is like he isnfearful of him too and he's afraid to stand up for me my dad really sounds like a confused person in all this a person afraid to stand up.

 

Oh and on kicking me out for good my dad feels it's right because I had a affair and the church they go to says I need to be kicked out. And not aloud back. And unless the church tells my dad different he won't listen.. My husband shows the church his good side and thst I'm a bad person cause of all the mistakes I have made.

 

I think you should go and stay with your friends family until you have found a more permanent solution.

 

You're a young woman with most of your life ahead of you.

 

Just imagine how much better it can be.

[lizzygirl]

HE says once you are out just stay out while he lives in your dad's home rent free with no contribution from him whatsoever, treats you like a piece of dirt, and basically preyed on you when you were underage and has manipulated and abused you ever since and your dad backs him up. And this is even in question?

 

You have to ASK him if it is ok if you to leave? Do you get permission to go to the bathroom as well? To brush your teeth? To eat? How do you not see the mind control? You are asking him if it is ok that you get away from a mindless, selfish, sick, perverted husband and your very own father who condones it?

 

Good luck. God bless you.