Why do guys constantly think a girl is going to "trap" them by getting pregnant?

[spanishchick00]

What is it with guys worrying about a girl purposely getting pregnant? They always think a girl "lies" about being on birth control. I find that insulting. Do guys really think about this when they are dating a girl? I'm not understanding this, if they say that, does that mean they don't ever want kids?

[autumnnight]

What is it with guys worrying about a girl purposely getting pregnant? They always think a girl "lies" about being on birth control. I find that insulting. Do guys really think about this when they are dating a girl? I'm not understanding this, if they say that, does that mean they don't ever want kids?

 

It's only a loud and dysfunctional minority that actually think this. It just seems like more because they are so obnoxious about it

[WonderWoman911]

Some guys think this way because a lot of girls want to have a baby with a guy because she thinks it will "keep him around" or even get money out of him(child support). Sad but true.

[d0nnivain]

It's been drummed into their heads that they have to be smart. Unless I was in a long term committed relationship if I were a guy I wouldn't assume a woman was telling me the truth about her BC routine.

[regine_phalange]

No, I think they're just scared of being trapped with a specific woman when they don't see her as "forever" material.

[MissBee]

What is it with guys worrying about a girl purposely getting pregnant? They always think a girl "lies" about being on birth control. I find that insulting. Do guys really think about this when they are dating a girl? I'm not understanding this, if they say that, does that mean they don't ever want kids?

 

If a man thinks this about a woman he's dating, he shouldn't be dating her. Simple.

 

I've never had a man I'm dating thinking I would do that. Mainly because I have my own dreams, ambitions, career and the rest to work on and they know the kind of woman I am where "trapping a man" is the LEAST of my concerns and I have zero desire to "trap" someone to be with them.

 

I want to get my career going foremost, I can get married before that, but babies, I was literally just telling my sister that I'm not going to have babies until my career is underway and I'm already married, so the whole "trapping a man" thing isn't anything I'd do and from a man talks to me and meets me and hears my plans there is nothing which would let him believe I would do that.

 

Further still, I always used condoms. This last relationship was the first I did not (after getting tested and getting the pill) because my bf at the time really had issues of sensitivity and not being able to feel with condoms. But aside from that, it's back to condoms for me so a man has no chance to believe I'm lying about BC since he's the one wearing the condom and has brought it himself.

 

But like I said: if you feel a woman is going to do that, clearly you think poorly of her and don't trust her and obviously see her as a woman with nothing better to do, and if so, you're the fool for continuing to date a woman you feel that way about.

[Diezel]

For the same reason you wear a seat belt every time you get into a car and drive off.

 

Think about it.

[SomeDude16]

Because it's the same thing as women wan ting a guy to wear a condom, having kids aren't something to **** with or take lightheartedly.

[serial muse]

If a man thinks this about a woman he's dating, he shouldn't be dating her. Simple.

 

I've never had a man I'm dating thinking I would do that. Mainly because I have my own dreams, ambitions, career and the rest to work on and they know the kind of woman I am where "trapping a man" is the LEAST of my concerns and I have zero desire to "trap" someone to be with them.

 

I want to get my career going foremost, I can get married before that, but babies, I was literally just telling my sister that I'm not going to have babies until my career is underway and I'm already married, so the whole "trapping a man" thing isn't anything I'd do and from a man talks to me and meets me and hears my plans there is nothing which would let him believe I would do that.

 

Further still, I always used condoms. This last relationship was the first I did not (after getting tested and getting the pill) because my bf at the time really had issues of sensitivity and not being able to feel with condoms. But aside from that, it's back to condoms for me so a man has no chance to believe I'm lying about BC since he's the one wearing the condom and has brought it himself.

 

But like I said: if you feel a woman is going to do that, clearly you think poorly of her and don't trust her and obviously see her as a woman with nothing better to do, and if so, you're the fool for continuing to date a woman you feel that way about.

 

Totally agree. And if a woman is dating a guy who thinks this about her, she shouldn't be dating him, either. It's never going to go anywhere good.

[Quiet Storm]

I don't think it means that they don't ever want kids. It just means that they don't want kids with that person or at that time in their life.

 

Guys worry about this because it's a real possibility, especially if they trust their partner to handle the birth control. People of both sexes can be manipulative. I've known 2 women over the years who admitted this to me, and a few men who suspect their women got pregnant on purpose. The women appeared from the outside to be well balanced, successful people.

 

One woman stopped taking her pills, and then when she got pregnant, she told him that she didn't realize the antibiotics she was taking would affect the pill. It was a lie- she wasn't taking any antibiotics, but had researched it and knew the lie would be believable. She loved him, but felt him distancing himself from her. He was spending less time with her and more time with his friends. She knew he came from a good family with values and thought that getting pregnant would make him commit. Her plan worked, as they are still married 10+ years later with two more kids.

 

Many couples in long term monogamous relationships prefer to not use condoms, especially when the woman is on the pill, shot, etc. However, this choice means the men are not in control of pregnancy prevention. If the woman decides to stop taking her pill and doesn't tell him, then he is at the mercy of her decisions. He has no say in the outcome of the pregnancy, and will be obligated to support the child. This is a real risk, and can derail a person's life, so I can't blame guys for being cautious.

 

The fact is, there are many people out there that have emotional issues. And people lie. A woman may seem honest and well balanced, but inside she could be insecure and fear abandonment, which could possibly prompt her to take extreme measures to "keep her man". I'm not saying that men don't have issues, too, but I'm just using "fear of abandonment" because I think it is the main issue that prompts women to do this type of thing. I don't underestimate the lengths some will go to when they feel that sense of desperation, as I have a sister with BPD who operates in this way.

 

Now, do I think emotionally healthy women would do this? No. But many people have all kinds of issues - bad childhood, abuse, neglect, past trauma, etc. We don't live in a perfect world where everyone handles their life properly, honestly and with the consideration of others in mind.

 

Another thing is that some guys actually want to raise their kids in a family unit situation, and a pregnancy will present a huge dilemma for him if the woman is someone that he would not have chosen for a wife. Does he marry someone who he doesn't see as "the one" in order to provide his child with the upbringing he wants his kids to have? Or will he be a part time dad, leaving the possibility of another man moving in to raise his kid? Most men want to be established and emotionally ready before they have kids.

 

As a mom of an 18 year old son, my husband and I have explained this risk, among others, to our son. Not to imply that all women are manipulative, but just to make him aware of one of the many consequences of unprotected sex. I suspect other parents warn their sons about this, as well, so it's not surprising that many men would see this as a risk. And even if the risk is overstated (and most women would never do this), being careful and taking responsibility for pregnancy prevention (instead of leaving it up to the girl), is a smart thing for any guy to do.

[MissBee]

No, I think they're just scared of being trapped with a specific woman when they don't see her as "forever" material.

 

This as well.

 

And some take the chance of going bare back with a woman they don't feel that way about...why is beyond me.

 

All sex, even with BC, has a small chance of leading to pregnancy. Some people choose not to have sex with people they don't see a future with. I get that most people won't make such a choice, but if you're having sex casually or with women you don't see "forever" with, use a condom then and take matters into your own hands instead of going bare back relying on her word about BC.

 

I would never have condom-less sex, on BC or not, with a man I'm seeing casually. That's how I protect myself from possibly getting pregnant (not to mention diseases) for a man I don't want to be with long term. Men have control over this. Use a condom if you don't want to be with this woman longterm or are paranoid about pregnancy. But to be going bare back all willy-nilly based on her word ( esp if you don't have an established relationship of monogamy, trust etc.) is foolhardy.

[thefooloftheyear]

Its a legitimate concern....It does happen...I dont think its even really rare..I mean, lets face it, it can either be the greatest thing that happens to you, or it can absolutely ruin someones life...depending on the circumstances..

 

And dont forget this important fact...Abortion is legal...But its still the womans choice whether the fetus goes to term or not...The guy has literally no say...So technically his hands are tied...

 

Any guy who doesnt go into this with his eyes WIDE open is not very smart...

 

TFY

[Mangina]

The situation is rare it maybe only a select few girls who do this but it happens. Just like rape only a select few guys do that but girls still need to be cautious because it can happen to any of them.

[toscaroscura]

I agree it can happen and I've heard girls talk about it in a sad attempt to get love from some noncommittal guy. Where it differs from the paranoia I hear on the internet is, these girls don't do it to squeeze money out of a guy. They do it out of a desperate "love" or needy attachment.

 

I have told at least one girl how stupid it is. Not only doesn't this keep men around, 99% of the time it's the girl's life forever changed with a baby, while the dad gets to get off scott free and live like he's carefree and single. Sure, he might get the baby every weekend or every other week, but that's nothing like having a baby 24/7. Out of about a dozen or so young single moms I know off the top of my head, I only know one young dad that is fully involved with his daughter and has full custody. The others, the fathers are not in the picture and there's no child support.

 

This is not to incite some kind of gender war. I don't condemn single mothers or fathers. All I'm saying is, if a girl does this in the hopes this will get her family life bliss, she is sorely mistaken.

[thefooloftheyear]

I agree it can happen and I've heard girls talk about it in a sad attempt to get love from some noncommittal guy. Where it differs from the paranoia I hear on the internet is, these girls don't do it to squeeze money out of a guy. They do it out of a desperate "love" or needy attachment.

 

I have told at least one girl how stupid it is. Not only doesn't this keep men around, 99% of the time it's the girl's life forever changed with a baby, while the dad gets to get off scott free and live like he's carefree and single. Sure, he might get the baby every weekend or every other week, but that's nothing like having a baby 24/7. Out of about a dozen or so young single moms I know off the top of my head, I only know one young dad that is fully involved with his daughter and has full custody. The others, the fathers are not in the picture and there's no child support.

 

This is not to incite some kind of gender war. I don't condemn single mothers or fathers. All I'm saying is, if a girl does this in the hopes this will get her family life bliss, she is sorely mistaken.

 

 

Uhhh,,,not really...

 

He is obligated to pay support, whether he likes it or not....And if he doesnt his drivers license will be suspended and he'll go to jail...Its not a "scott free" situation..

 

TFY

[Danda]

I think there's a difference between a guy being concerned about it and bringing it up, even asking for some kind of confirmation if it's a casual sex thing (all of which is simply smart), and a paranoid guy who mistrusts women inherently and always assumes they are all lying liars who lie, hehe.

 

The latter type of guy usually can't achieve a LTR anyway, due to his attitude problems, so he will then typically be in a very uncomfortable limbo of resorting to lots of casual sex while also being paranoid towards every woman he ****s, and he'll typically never overcome that paranoia since he never develops a LTR with anyone.

 

The former type of guy is simply being responsible and using common sense.

[No Limit]

Because it's happening too often these days, usually around 3 years into the relationship. A friend from a different forum once wrote how she knew of 4 girls who unexpectedly got pregnant - all of them were left by their BFs, 3 aborted soon after they were left and went off into the dating scene.

 

Not feeling very sorry for guys who are "trapped" this way though. Deception isn't nice, but it's not like the guy was forced to have sex with her or isn't aware that sex can cause pregnancies. If you're not up for the risks, don't have sex. At the very least not unprotected sex.

[thefooloftheyear]

Because it's happening too often these days, usually around 3 years into the relationship. A friend from a different forum once wrote how she knew of 4 girls who unexpectedly got pregnant - all of them were left by their BFs, 3 aborted soon after they were left and went off into the dating scene.

 

Not feeling very sorry for guys who are "trapped" this way though. Deception isn't nice, but it's not like the guy was forced to have sex with her or isn't aware that sex can cause pregnancies. If you're not up for the risks, don't have sex. At the very least not unprotected sex.

 

So then with that logic, would you be OK if a guy flat out refused sex unless the time was right...whatever time he deems is needed...in order to "make sure she is the right one"? What if its a year??? Would you then drop him due to sexual frustration or boredom on your part??

 

TFY

[toscaroscura]

Uhhh,,,not really...

 

He is obligated to pay support, whether he likes it or not....And if he doesnt his drivers license will be suspended and he'll go to jail...Its not a "scott free" situation..

 

TFY

 

To be fair, none of the girls pursue the fathers for support. One of the dads had schizophrenia and abused her pretty badly and she's just glad he's out of the picture.

 

IME usually the mother has to chase for it. If they do, I agree with you, the dads are held responsible.

 

I still stand by what I said about the mothers' lives being far more changed. Paying some money every paycheck and seeing the child a couple days here and there isn't the same as being responsible for a child 24/7 (as any parent will tell you). For this reason, I tell girls it's a really stupid idea, especially if they are really young and want to go to school and value their freedom.

[serial muse]

The situation is rare it maybe only a select few girls who do this but it happens. Just like rape only a select few guys do that but girls still need to be cautious because it can happen to any of them.

 

Perhaps but I wouldn't go ahead and date a guy I suspect might be a rapist. It's the suspicion that we're talking about here, yes? That's what the thread is about.

[toscaroscura]

So then with that logic, would you be OK if a guy flat out refused sex unless the time was right...whatever time he deems is needed...in order to "make sure she is the right one"? What if its a year??? Would you then drop him due to sexual frustration or boredom on your part??

 

TFY

 

Well, yes. Anyone can have the standards they wish and anyone can drop someone if those standards are unacceptable, no?

 

I actually knew a few young people like that recently, two men one woman. They ran with a more religious crowd. They weren't necessarily saving themselves for marriage, but they waited a long time for sex in general.

[No Limit]

So then with that logic, would you be OK if a guy flat out refused sex unless the time was right...whatever time he deems is needed...in order to "make sure she is the right one"? What if its a year??? Would you then drop him due to sexual frustration or boredom on your part??

 

TFY

 

Personally; no, I wouldn't drop him. Anyway; condom use only (his own, not those which were purposely damaged before the act) + at the very least waiting for some time to see if the person is trustworthy is a pretty good trick. Of course, that's not a good tactic for people who prefer ONS.

 

Sex is a team-sport. Again, deception sucks, but you can still do you part to prevent it.

[somedude81]

Great post Quiet Storm!

 

Right now aside from condoms and a permanent vasectomy men are pretty much at the mercy of women and what they want to do about birth control.

 

Guys know that most women will want to have the baby if she gets pregnant. It really is a scary thought.

 

Right now I'm waiting till Vasalgel gets released to the market. It's a long-term though not permanent method of birth control for men. Personally I'm interested in participating in the clinical trials.

[MissBee]

So then with that logic, would you be OK if a guy flat out refused sex unless the time was right...whatever time he deems is needed...in order to "make sure she is the right one"? What if its a year??? Would you then drop him due to sexual frustration or boredom on your part??

 

TFY

 

I said something similar in my response.

 

Sex, even with BC and no one lying, has a chance to end up in pregnancy. Some people simply don't have sex with anyone they wouldn't want to take that risk with. However, most people aren't going to do that. But it's not like this is the 13th century, if a man is absolutely paranoid he can take BC into his own hands by insisting on condoms and bringing his condoms when he's going to have casual sex especially.

 

But if you're paranoid about being trapped, yet choose to have unprotected sex and rely on someone's word that they're on BC, it's foolish.

 

As a woman I don't want to be pregnant for a man I don't want to be with. That said I'm pretty choosy about sex partners and INSIST on condoms always and I also take BC. That severely decreases my chances of accidental pregnancy. Unlike if I just used the pull out method or had casual sex carelessly or with men I didn't trust or thought wanted to get me pregnant (which has also happened on a man's end). I remember when I first started having sex I was so paranoid and would occasionally check to see if the condom was still on because I had friends who said they had guys who would pretend to put it on or slipped it off in the dark. Long story short: if you are unsure about a woman, aren't committed to her, don't want to be her baby's father, you can do things to make it less likely, which includes insisting on condoms esp if she isn't you're exclusive gf that you're serious about. For me sex with a condom is the rule, not the exception, so like I said, no guy can accuse me of that or be paranoid because he brings his condoms and I have to trust he doesn't have old expired ones and that he knows how to use them. But I also don't even fully rely on that as I also take BC. He does his part and I do mine.

Edited January 7, 2015 by MissBee

[Danda]

Perhaps but I wouldn't go ahead and date a guy I suspect might be a rapist. It's the suspicion that we're talking about here, yes? That's what the thread is about.

 

Maybe. The OP made a thread very recently about her casual sex partner wanting to stop using condoms and wanting her to go on birth control, so I am wondering if he is now suspicious of her not really being on birth control or something.

 

I think casual sex is always going to have a mountain of issues for both genders, in exchange for the primal pleasure sans emotional attachment or official commitment.

 

In a LTR though I don't understand why someone would be with someone, in a serious relationship, whom they can't even trust to be honest about something like birth control. I mean I am sure it happens, where someone gives every indication of being trustworthy and then BAM out of nowhere turns out they're bat**** crazy. But I'd think it would be at least somewhat rare.