ConfusedHere1 Posted January 7, 2015 Share Posted January 7, 2015 My ex called me today to relay some account information to me so I could switch my cell service off of his account. He had texted me several times this morning to ask how I was doing and what I've been up to and such, trying to "chat" back and forth like we used to when we were together, or more likely, how he wants us to interact as "just friends." Some background: He and I were together since February of 2014 and broke up right before Halloween of last year. The reason being that he was moving to a new city a couple of hours away for a new job and after some thinking, he said he wasn't sure if he wanted "all of the expectations of a relationship while he was trying to get his **** together." So I said I wasn't looking for a FWB situation and if he doesn't want a relationship, then we shouldn't be in one anymore. I've had some highs and lows in the process of getting over him. I have a long way to go still. He wanted us to remain friends and still acts like nothing's changed between us, but it is much harder for me to accept this new dynamic. So, when he called me today, he mentioned he was coming up to my city (his old city) to visit this weekend and he said he'd call me to see if I'd want to hang out with him while he was up here. I'm going to talk to my counselor about this on Friday, but I still don't know what to do. Should I see him? Should I see what he wants? And if he's not trying to get back together, should I tell him that I don't think he and I should be "just friends" for awhile until I've healed, essentially enforcing the no-contact rule I've been breaking myself? tl;dr: Ex wants to possibly hang out this weekend. There's no animosity between us, but I am not over him. Should I meet up with him to see what he has to say? What should I say to him? Will this bring me closure or just make everything harder? Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted January 7, 2015 Share Posted January 7, 2015 It sounds like you broke up due to circumstances not because the relationship was broken. Because you are still not over him, don't meet up. It will be too easy to fall back into bed & even if you resist that temptation, having for a short time something you want but can't have (him) will only set your recovery back. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
tikay00 Posted January 7, 2015 Share Posted January 7, 2015 As someone that's kind of in the same situation. Don't do it. You're gonna waste valuable NC healing time. Trust me on this. Even though I'm still in the rekindle process, this sucks, and I'm probably gonna have to tell her NC again. Link to post Share on other sites
newlyborn Posted January 8, 2015 Share Posted January 8, 2015 i don't think you should do it. he broke up with you for valid reasons. he knows himself and knew he wasn't going to put in the work to maintain the relationship over distance. what has changed since then? likely nothing. he wants to see you because you are part of the tapestry of his life "back home." the fact that he said "just friends" in advance was to let you know that this is NOT a reconciliation attempt. he doesn't want you to go into this even thinking that rekindling the relationship is on the table. even if he flirted with you and even slept with you after meeting up, he would return home with no plan to follow up with you and no sense that he needed to. given that you are not over him, you have to decide whether this is worth the heartache and potential set-back. i think you should politely decline. thank him for thinking of you, say that it is a super busy time and that you will hope to see him on his next visit. and then block him forever more... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
tikay00 Posted January 8, 2015 Share Posted January 8, 2015 i don't think you should do it. he broke up with you for valid reasons. he knows himself and knew he wasn't going to put in the work to maintain the relationship over distance. what has changed since then? likely nothing. he wants to see you because you are part of the tapestry of his life "back home." the fact that he said "just friends" in advance was to let you know that this is NOT a reconciliation attempt. he doesn't want you to go into this even thinking that rekindling the relationship is on the table. even if he flirted with you and even slept with you after meeting up, he would return home with no plan to follow up with you and no sense that he needed to. given that you are not over him, you have to decide whether this is worth the heartache and potential set-back. i think you should politely decline. thank him for thinking of you, say that it is a super busy time and that you will hope to see him on his next visit. and then block him forever more... Trust me on this. It's not. You will go back to square 1, and maybe worse. Let that feeling of the initial breakup fuel you to not tempt fate. TRUST ME ON THIS. Link to post Share on other sites
Superkitty Posted January 9, 2015 Share Posted January 9, 2015 I wouldn't see him. He either wants his cake and eat it to. To have you when he is only in town. Maybe to sleep with you or maybe just to use you to satisfy his loneliness. You said it yourself. You are not over him. Tell him your not really interested in being just friends and remain NC. Link to post Share on other sites
Light Breeze Posted January 9, 2015 Share Posted January 9, 2015 No, don't see him. If you want to get over him then go NC strictly, ruthlessly. Breakups are akin to addiction withdrawals, in order to kick the habit don't feed it with any stimuli, you being in contact will delay your recovery over and over again. Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted January 9, 2015 Share Posted January 9, 2015 What the others said: you are not over him and seeing him won't do any good. Link to post Share on other sites
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