amyO Posted January 7, 2015 Share Posted January 7, 2015 The last thread I created discussed how the guy I was seeing stopped talking to me after 3 months of being together. I was pretty blindsided by it and I'm still a little confused and hurt over it.However, I do think my hurt comes from having my heart broken many times before. From posts I've made in the past, I've mentioned how I deal with anxiety and depression, but had not been to my therapist in a year. After the year I had in general and the "break up" in December, I decided to seek therapy again 2 weeks ago. I'm happy to be back in it, but it's tough bringing up issues and having to try and dissect what's wrong with yourself or what leads me to date certain people, etc,. I'm nervous for the future. There is a part of me that is terrified I'll never meet a decent guy. I feel like all i've had are these short term relationships or nothing too committed/serious. I would love more than anything to meet a truly wonderful person and be in a long, healthy and committed relationship. I believe sometimes it's just not in the cards for me. I've been thinking about what I do wrong in relationships or talking/hanging out with guys. I have no problem getting a man's attention and I don't mean to sound conceited, but I know I'm a pretty girl. However, I don't know if it's my personality or overall who I am that ruins it. I feel like sometimes I'm tooo nice and come across that I can't stand up for myself or I'm some sort of doormat. I've always lacked confidence, so I'm sure a guy can see that. I know when I'm uncomfortable or nervous I giggle and laugh A LOT. Some people see it as funny/cute while I'm sure others are weirded out or think I look stupid. In general, I am a friendly person and I'm good at having conversations and for the most part meeting new people. I also believe though it's my past that hurts me a great deal. I had a really really rough life. I'm only 22, but i've been through some traumatic things and it's played a big role in my life. I have a hard time truly being myself around others as I'm scared to be open and honest. I have a hard time trusting others and feel like everyone I meet will at some point hurt me (especially guys.) I'm not sure how to go about changing or at least making positive differences in my life. I try to be open, but I always end up getting hurt so it makes me even more guarded. I want to do things differently now as I think it's important for my overall future. I don't know how to gain confidence in general and how to seem more assertive with guys. I'm scared I'll always be in this pattern of meeting someone and then it only lasting a few months because they think of me as nothing special or too nice and boring or whatever the reason might be. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted January 7, 2015 Share Posted January 7, 2015 3 months isn't nothing. Someone enjoyed your company for three months. Staying in therapy is the right thing to do. Everyone has a series of failed relationships. It's called dating. It's true not everyone finds the right one or if they do, they can love them but not live with them. But your best bet is to just work on yourself, keep your goals in sight, work toward them one step at a time and just do your best and be your best true self. If you do all that, your self-esteem will rise over time because you'll be accomplishing things for yourself. Don't grade yourself based on whether a man sticks with you, because that is not an accurate measure. Link to post Share on other sites
Danda Posted January 7, 2015 Share Posted January 7, 2015 Well you know the whole thing about Quality > Quantity, yeah? But time is measured in units, time is a matter of quantity, not quality. I've known some people relatively briefly, in a romantic sense or otherwise, and there was for more depth and value there and in my 3+ year relationship with an ex. Some people can't or won't stay with you for very long. It's just the way life is. My first boyfriend and I were together for about a year and then he left the world. I don't imagine I will ever find that type of bond again, even if I were with someone for 10 years. Not that I could never love again, but every soul is unique and every bond is unique. Sometimes you just have to let yourself enjoy a person and not worry how long it's going to last. A certain five minutes can be more significant in your life than a certain 5 years. Just be open to the good in life and in people, and never tolerate the bad. Just because some of your relationships are fleeting, doesn't mean they were worthless, or that you were worth any less. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
JChristie Posted January 8, 2015 Share Posted January 8, 2015 we all have unique paths in life. used to be the only option a girl had was to get married. and if we found that great and perfect love, the marriage stayed together. nowadays, the social contracts have been broken. even though a gal may hope to find a loving boyfriend or husband, she can statistically end up with a deadbeat too. i really believe, if you keep becoming the best and most interesting person YOU can be, you will find that loving relationship. and it will be a great relationship because you didn't just get into the first relationship that came along. no, you are wise enough to know that if you are a good person and good looking, you will find the right person. don't worry, be happy. enjoy your life as it is now. and if loneliness is part of your problems, definitely address it with the therapist. good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
Omei Posted January 8, 2015 Share Posted January 8, 2015 Well you know the whole thing about Quality > Quantity, yeah? But time is measured in units, time is a matter of quantity, not quality. I've known some people relatively briefly, in a romantic sense or otherwise, and there was for more depth and value there and in my 3+ year relationship with an ex. Some people can't or won't stay with you for very long. It's just the way life is. My first boyfriend and I were together for about a year and then he left the world. I don't imagine I will ever find that type of bond again, even if I were with someone for 10 years. Not that I could never love again, but every soul is unique and every bond is unique. Sometimes you just have to let yourself enjoy a person and not worry how long it's going to last. A certain five minutes can be more significant in your life than a certain 5 years. Just be open to the good in life and in people, and never tolerate the bad. Just because some of your relationships are fleeting, doesn't mean they were worthless, or that you were worth any less. Wow I think this is one of the best things ive ever read on LS Link to post Share on other sites
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