cptkurt Posted January 8, 2015 Share Posted January 8, 2015 I thought an affair would be fun. No strings attached fun with a sexy housewife right? Wrong! So wrong! I immediately developed feelings and she did too. Less than two weeks in and her husband asks about me. She constantly says the divorce quote isn't going to happen overnight. Meanwhile he doesn't have a clue she's planning on leaving him.. I am looking over my shoulder all day bc I don't know what he knows... Awful! What's worse is my heart is broken. She's being nasty towards me bc I'm freaked out and want us to be public and exclusive. She refuses to tell her husband or make moves towards separation but expects to be my only lover and act like everything is okay. I was a lonely guy before this but I feel even worse having tasted something I can never have. She acted like she was going to always be there for me and loved me but just broke my heart as bad as my ex. I upgraded my prof account... I'm really hoping things turn around soon guys. I've been single for nearly 3 years. Link to post Share on other sites
7andcounting Posted January 8, 2015 Share Posted January 8, 2015 Awe... I am so sorry. I dont know what to say because I am just like you. But walk away before you get deeper. Link to post Share on other sites
whatatangledweb Posted January 8, 2015 Share Posted January 8, 2015 I am sorry you are hurting. Your affair is only two weeks? That is very quick to expect everything to happen overnight. Link to post Share on other sites
georgia girl Posted January 8, 2015 Share Posted January 8, 2015 I thought an affair would be fun. No strings attached fun with a sexy housewife right? Wrong! So wrong! I immediately developed feelings and she did too. Less than two weeks in and her husband asks about me. She constantly says the divorce quote isn't going to happen overnight. Meanwhile he doesn't have a clue she's planning on leaving him.. I am looking over my shoulder all day bc I don't know what he knows... Awful! What's worse is my heart is broken. She's being nasty towards me bc I'm freaked out and want us to be public and exclusive. She refuses to tell her husband or make moves towards separation but expects to be my only lover and act like everything is okay. I was a lonely guy before this but I feel even worse having tasted something I can never have. She acted like she was going to always be there for me and loved me but just broke my heart as bad as my ex. I upgraded my prof account... I'm really hoping things turn around soon guys. I've been single for nearly 3 years. Okay, let's be honest here. Your heart is NOT broken over this woman. Instead, you've been lonely too long (there's a great 60's song by that title). So now, you're in love with the thought of being in love. This is a critical - and wonderful - distinction for you to recognize. Why? Because while it may not solve your immediate problem of being lonely, it means that you haven't stepped into an absolute disaster of a personal life with a doomed relationship to a married partner. Instead of being fixated on her - because right now you've amplified all of her qualities and all of what you saw in this budding relationship which makes you think she and it are perfect for you - instead, take a break from dating. A complete and utter break. Spend time with friends and family. Enjoy being you. Decide what are healthy boundaries YOU will accept in a relationship. Make some clinical choices. Observe others' relationships and see what you like and don't like about how they interact. How will you bring those observations into your next relationship? The one fundamental mistake we all make when we find ourselves getting into unhealthy or disastrous relationships is that we don't fully appreciate how we set ourselves up for the exact disaster we're experiencing. Instead of dating on the fly and seeing who you can catch, decide who you want to catch, how you want your relationship to work, what kind of partner you will be and what kind of partner you need. Then, when you do date again, you'll be able to date very successfully and significantly reduce your "lonely" time. Trust me. I had to do this myself and it worked remarkably. We all somehow think dating is about chemistry and chemistry alone. But even the best chemical reactions happen in a controlled environment. Link to post Share on other sites
GoBlue Posted January 8, 2015 Share Posted January 8, 2015 I am going to put it to you plain and simple - better to be lonely and single then to be in a bad relationship. Any relationship with a married woman is BAD! It's a "no win" scenario. How in the world would you like it if you do find the right woman, marry her, love and adore her, and then discover that she is having an affair? Let me tell you something - you don't know pain until your world crashes like that! Maybe the best thing that could happen to both of you is for her husband to find out. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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