Author DarkAngel87 Posted January 15, 2015 Author Share Posted January 15, 2015 So it's official my mm wife knows about the affair. She called me 5 minutes ago calling a whole lot of names for like 10 minutes then she hung up. Then a few minutes later she calls me again but hung up before answer again. So now I don't even want to go work tomorrow because I don't know if she will up something at work. I can't imagine she would but I can't be sure anymore. I'm so mad at ex mm he promised to tell before he told his wife. But that was just another lie the least he could of done was send me a text or something. Everything is out of control right now. Link to post Share on other sites
DKT3 Posted January 15, 2015 Share Posted January 15, 2015 (edited) So it's official my mm wife knows about the affair. She called me 5 minutes ago calling a whole lot of names for like 10 minutes then she hung up. Then a few minutes later she calls me again but hung up before answer again. So now I don't even want to go work tomorrow because I don't know if she will up something at work. I can't imagine she would but I can't be sure anymore. I'm so mad at ex mm he promised to tell before he told his wife. But that was just another lie the least he could of done was send me a text or something. Everything is out of control right now. As a BS I can tell you on her short list is telling your husband. We tried to tell you MM would throw you under the bus, now I'm telling you its a race as to which will tell your husband. It has to come from you, clocks on zero its go time. Edited January 15, 2015 by DKT3 4 Link to post Share on other sites
jbrent890 Posted January 15, 2015 Share Posted January 15, 2015 As a BS I can tell you on her short list is telling your husband. We tried to tell you MM would throw you under the bus, now I'm telling you its a race as to which will tell your husband. It has to come from you, clocks on zero its go time. It go time. Take a few hours to get yourself together, but you need to tell your husband sooner rather than later. Honestly at this point, you probably should tell him that your APs spouse knows as well. I'm sorry to say this going to be a really sticky situation for you. Your husband is probably not going to see your confession as sincere because he was going to find out anyway. Good luck Link to post Share on other sites
beach Posted January 15, 2015 Share Posted January 15, 2015 So it's official my mm wife knows about the affair. She called me 5 minutes ago calling a whole lot of names for like 10 minutes then she hung up. Then a few minutes later she calls me again but hung up before answer again. So now I don't even want to go work tomorrow because I don't know if she will up something at work. I can't imagine she would but I can't be sure anymore. I'm so mad at ex mm he promised to tell before he told his wife. But that was just another lie the least he could of done was send me a text or something. Everything is out of control right now. He probably didn't originally tell her - he lies, remember? She probably found evidence today... Probably on his phone - and she called your number. Remind me why such a dirtbag is so important to you? Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted January 15, 2015 Share Posted January 15, 2015 So it's official my mm wife knows about the affair. She called me 5 minutes ago calling a whole lot of names for like 10 minutes then she hung up. Then a few minutes later she calls me again but hung up before answer again. So now I don't even want to go work tomorrow because I don't know if she will up something at work. I can't imagine she would but I can't be sure anymore. I'm so mad at ex mm he promised to tell before he told his wife. But that was just another lie the least he could of done was send me a text or something. Everything is out of control right now. He lied to the woman he said vows to in front of family and friends, the woman he promised his love to forever. Why would you truly believe that he would be 'faithful' and keep his word/promises to you if he can't do that for his wife to begin with. Reality is, you MUST tell your husband now, you have no choice. Own your part in this affair, don't put it all on the exMM. You and exMM are both equally at fault here, and as shi.tty as your situation is, I give credit to exMM for confessing to his wife. That's a first step in changing from dishonest to honesty. At least he has the courage to come clean. Time for you to find that same courage and confess the affair to your husband. It'll be so much worse if he hears it from exMM's wife. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
spookysonata Posted January 15, 2015 Share Posted January 15, 2015 He owes his wife the truth. He owes you nothing. I agree with the others; tell your husband immediately, because she will. It's only a question of who he hears it from first. Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted January 15, 2015 Share Posted January 15, 2015 Everything is out of control right now. Tell your husband immediately. Everything is not out of control; you - and you alone - still have control over how your husband hears about it. Since more are privy to the situation, the longer you wait the more chance your husband has of hearing it from someone else. You can mitigate that damage a bit by having it come from you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
GirlStillStrong Posted January 15, 2015 Share Posted January 15, 2015 I've often wondered how those conversations would go, someone in pain telling a totally clueless person that the life they have isn't what they believe it to be. While in my support group I heard stories. One that stuck with me was a BW tracked down a BH and said "you know that wh0re you call a wife has been F'ing my husband for 6 years and he thinks he may have fathered your children". Wow, how do you come back from that? Marriage is a complete sham. Link to post Share on other sites
Author DarkAngel87 Posted January 20, 2015 Author Share Posted January 20, 2015 After debating about telling my husband I kind of decided to come clean. I just brought my plane ticket I’m leaving early in the morning. I haven’t told my husband I’m coming yet. I’m too scared I have no idea how to tell. I never saw things ever turning out the way they are. I haven’t been able to sleep or eat. I’m constantly thinking about how I’m going to tell and how he’s going to react. I just don’t know how I could do this to him. Link to post Share on other sites
GoldieLox Posted January 20, 2015 Share Posted January 20, 2015 I think confessing depends on the situation entirely, and I don't think there's necessarily a one-size-fits-all model... however, in your situation in particular, I do believe you're doing the right thing. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
still_an_Angel Posted January 20, 2015 Share Posted January 20, 2015 I wish you strength and courage in what you're about to do. ((hugs)) Link to post Share on other sites
Author DarkAngel87 Posted January 20, 2015 Author Share Posted January 20, 2015 At this point I don't if it the right thing to do. I just know it's what I have to do. I can't keep living this. I have free my self of all the lies and hope I can get second chance. Link to post Share on other sites
DKT3 Posted January 20, 2015 Share Posted January 20, 2015 Write it all in a letter, then after you tell him hand it to him. This is important because he will likely not hear much your saying. Don't over do it with the "I love you" it means nothing at that point and will more likely enrage him more. I really hope for your sake the OBS doesn't reach out to him. Knowing that there is a really good chance it will happen at some point you have to be totally honest because you have no idea what MM told his wife. Link to post Share on other sites
jbrent890 Posted January 25, 2015 Share Posted January 25, 2015 What happened with your situation? Link to post Share on other sites
BetrayedH Posted January 25, 2015 Share Posted January 25, 2015 I can't keep living this. I have free my self of all the lies This is the best possible thing for everyone involved, particularly for you. If you can at least be truthful, you give yourself a good foundation of honesty to build upon and your self-pride can return. And if you hope to reconcile, as you say you do, it's the single most important thing you can do for your H. I hope it went well. Link to post Share on other sites
TG1 Posted January 25, 2015 Share Posted January 25, 2015 (edited) It is either you tell him now or he finds out from your MM's wife because she could very well tell him by calling him or e-mailing him telling him that way and just when you are about to tell him he could already know and put you on blast for what you did <Off-topic content redacted> But if you decide to tell your husband about this affair he is going to want to confront your MM and rightfully so considering you cheated on him <Editorial comment redacted> Edited January 26, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Link to post Share on other sites
Author DarkAngel87 Posted January 29, 2015 Author Share Posted January 29, 2015 It’s done and over with. I’ve told my husband everything. So he knows everything now form when it stared and how it came to an end. It wasn’t easy but I did it. It was the hardest thing I ever had to do. He wasn’t as angry he was more disappointed. I was kind of disappointed to I wished he would have chosen to be honest with me as well. As for what will happen with us I have no clue. Were both not sure if we both can make this more anymore. Even though I believe the both of us want it to work. We both agreed that the way things are now isn’t working and something has to change. Problem is neither one of is willing to change. What we both agreed to is wait until his offseason before we decided to do anything I didn’t really like the idea of waiting so long but it makes the most sense . It wasn’t all bad my last three days with him were great. It made me realize just how much I still love him and how much I still want to be with him. It just isn’t that simple anymore it’s like whatever I do I will lose something in the end. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
twosadthings Posted January 29, 2015 Share Posted January 29, 2015 You love him and want to be with him but you're going to wait to do anything. How can that make sense to you? You got on a plane and flew to him to lay yourself bare. Isn't that doing something? Even if your not going to remain in his company you can be doing and saying things that can pave the way to a successful recovery of your relationship. Now is not the time to cool off. Figure out what you want, what will make the both of you better off and go for it. The only thing I will say is that if you do tell your husband you want his forgiveness make sure the douche you cheated with is gone for good and is in no way missed. The truly saddest reconciliation stories are in my opinion the false ones. Good luck, Twosadthings Link to post Share on other sites
Timshel Posted January 29, 2015 Share Posted January 29, 2015 It’s done and over with. I’ve told my husband everything. So he knows everything now form when it stared and how it came to an end. It wasn’t easy but I did it. It was the hardest thing I ever had to do. He wasn’t as angry he was more disappointed. I was kind of disappointed to I wished he would have chosen to be honest with me as well. As for what will happen with us I have no clue. Were both not sure if we both can make this more anymore. Even though I believe the both of us want it to work. We both agreed that the way things are now isn’t working and something has to change. Problem is neither one of is willing to change. What we both agreed to is wait until his offseason before we decided to do anything I didn’t really like the idea of waiting so long but it makes the most sense . It wasn’t all bad my last three days with him were great. It made me realize just how much I still love him and how much I still want to be with him. It just isn’t that simple anymore it’s like whatever I do I will lose something in the end. Hold on. Don't you feel so much better now that everything is out in the open? The truth is out and now you and your husband have a shot at clarity. Hello, this is real and what is all about. Time is important for all of you to know how to move forward with integrity....so I for one am happy for you. This is a huge step. Use it wisely! Best Wishes Link to post Share on other sites
irishguy Posted January 29, 2015 Share Posted January 29, 2015 At least you did the right thing for once , even if you had no choice. It looks like you think you love your husband because you are going to lose him.Are you still working with your exAP .If you are you will have to change job if you want any chance of working things out with your husband. Link to post Share on other sites
goodyblue Posted January 30, 2015 Share Posted January 30, 2015 At least you did the right thing for once , even if you had no choice. It looks like you think you love your husband because you are going to lose him.Are you still working with your exAP .If you are you will have to change job if you want any chance of working things out with your husband. I don't know what you mean by 'for once' and she did have a choice, but I am glad things went ok. OP I hope you give it your all. Good luck and keep us posted. X 1 Link to post Share on other sites
gettingstronger Posted January 30, 2015 Share Posted January 30, 2015 Good for you- I know you have struggled with this and I bet it was difficult to actually say the words- Now the work begins-on you, on your marriage, on life- but I have no doubt that if you had the guts to come clean, you have the guts to walk the rest of the path- Take care of you, celebrate the little victories-ride out the tough times and most of all- stay honest and true- Be good and good luck- Link to post Share on other sites
Biere123 Posted January 30, 2015 Share Posted January 30, 2015 Do you really, truly love him? Be honest with yourself. I think you are scared and you are letting fear control your feelings. Link to post Share on other sites
Author DarkAngel87 Posted January 31, 2015 Author Share Posted January 31, 2015 Do you really, truly love him? Be honest with yourself. I think you are scared and you are letting fear control your feelings. I really do love him. That’s never been a question. If anything fear is what’s keeping me from him. The thought of moving to new country one I don’t even know the langue scares me. I’ve always been very independent and took pride in being able to take care of myself but if I do move then I will lose a lot of that. I will become very dependent on him I don’t know if I am ready for that. Link to post Share on other sites
ArtsAndCrafts Posted January 31, 2015 Share Posted January 31, 2015 I really do love him. That’s never been a question. If anything fear is what’s keeping me from him. The thought of moving to new country one I don’t even know the langue scares me. I’ve always been very independent and took pride in being able to take care of myself but if I do move then I will lose a lot of that. I will become very dependent on him I don’t know if I am ready for that. Really? People move to other countries all the time. Been there; done that. If you're as strong & independent as you claim to be, you'll adjust. To be blunt, grow up and stop being so selfish. Look, YOU had the A. YOU are now going to have to be the one who gives on on this living together thing. You cannot sustain a marriage in your current situation. If you love your husband and want this marriage, then YOU are going to have to go to him. Link to post Share on other sites
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