hasekninh Posted January 8, 2015 Posted January 8, 2015 Guys: Do you usually paid when you go out w your gf? Ex, dinner, vacation/travel, movie etc.. Ladies: Do you think the bf is cheap, if he doesn't paid when you hang out.. Overall: who should pay the bill? Guys? Ladies? 50/50? Rotating?
Paige712 Posted January 8, 2015 Posted January 8, 2015 (edited) My belief is first date definately but after it should be 50/50 or at the least the girl should offer to pay for him or just her share. For the first date its understandable as he asked you out (unless you asked him then maybe not) then he should be the one to pay but afterwards it is only fair to pay your share and not mooch off him. Just my thoughts of course. Edited January 8, 2015 by Paige712 2
WonderWoman911 Posted January 8, 2015 Posted January 8, 2015 In a relationship, it should be 50/50.They should take care of each other. 5
d0nnivain Posted January 9, 2015 Posted January 9, 2015 This debate will rage forever. Both should pay. Whether it's 50/50 or some other split, depends on the circumstances & everybody's finances. Since I'm self employed & get paid sporadically, in my house DH covers the basics (food, mortgage, utilities) & I get the extravagances: cars, vacations, home renovations, etc. It works for us but might not be ideal for others. 1
Jules Dash Posted January 9, 2015 Posted January 9, 2015 I think it should roughly be 50/50 but also depend on income. I realize that most of the women I date will not make close to what I make so I try to be fair and cover most everyday or date expenses but on the other hand, I don't want to be taken advantage of and assumptions to be made. It looks good in my eyes if you are willing to pay at least occasionally or offer to pay the tip. I will let you do so and you will score points in my book.
veggirl Posted January 9, 2015 Posted January 9, 2015 50/50ish in relationships, imo. Not to say you bust out a calculator but you treat each other. My bf pays for more than I do because he makes a lot more, but that doesn't mean I never pay. And on the other end, I do basically all of the cooking / dishes, so imo it evens out. In our situation I think we pay proportionate to our incomes and that's what I like. I'd feel awfully guilty if I made as much as he does but he still paid a lot more than I do. 1
acrosstheuniverse Posted January 9, 2015 Posted January 9, 2015 No, I think that's quite a selfish attitude when women expect to be paid for all of the time. I like a guy to pay for the meal on the first date... and I will get the drinks. It's fine if we end up paying equal for the evening (such as my first date with current boyfriend... I bought my own drink before he arrived, he bought his own when he showed up, he bought us two drinks then I bought us two drinks) but it would turn me off if someone was tight enough to try and split an expense, such as a round of two drinks or a bill for a meal. If a guy pays for the first date, I will insist on paying for the second and so forth, so it works out equal overall. Regarding actual relationships, I tend to think the ones where you're calculating every last penny are quite unhealthy... I think my boyfriend and I even out, he certainly don't pay for everything when we go out, we always take it in turns. When it's nearly my payday and I'm skint he'll get the groceries, ditto with him. I've loaned him cash before his paydays before and think nothing of it, I earn more than him (so I take on a little more of the home expenses, such as running the car we both get benefit from) but the income disparity ain't so bad that we don't pay for everything in the house 50/50 when it comes to rent and bills. I would just find it really weird if a man insisted on paying every single time we went out. Like, I earn my own money, more than many of my friends and most of the men I've dated. I love to treat someone to something, especially if I'm in love with them. It's a wonderful feeling to take someone out and grab the check, irregardless of their gender.
A O Posted January 9, 2015 Posted January 9, 2015 Guys: Do you usually paid when you go out w your gf? Ex, dinner, vacation/travel, movie etc.. At the begging yes,always - no. Once in to the relationship my/her money tends to become our money so it becomes a non-issue,especially when comes to such minor bills as meals.
preraph Posted January 9, 2015 Posted January 9, 2015 Whoever asks who out the first date definitely should pay. Until there is some sort of commitment and it's still a courtship, I think the guy should pay. Now, there is room for reciprocation without cutting off the guy's dignity during that phase. For example, if the woman happens to get tickets to a concert, she can say, "Hey I got tickets to ____ and you should be my date." She can also invite him to any parties she's invited to, where there would be free food and drinks or whatever. And by all means, she should periodically reciprocate by inviting him over and cooking dinner for him and bake cookies once in awhile and share. Doing it that way avoids any confusion. As you see on this board, some guys think if a girl offers to pay, this means they're on their way out. And that can actually occasionally be true if it's done early in the relationship. Because there's always this fear with women, well founded, that the man thinks paying for dinner is buying him something. A woman may get a whiff of that attitude and pay for it herself so she doesn't feel obligated. Barring things like that going wrong, until commitment, he pays in public and continues to enjoy providing for you enough to satisfy this innate instinct of the male role. You're not freeloading because you are reciprocating in a different but just as valuable way. If a man during the dating phase before commitments starts whining about wanting the woman to pay, it's going to set off alarms as far as their ability to be financially sound for the future. With the woman already reciprocating while continuing to let him pay for dates, she is in no way freeloading and he isn't paying for everything, so it well should set off an alarm if he is making noise about paying for dates under those circumstances. Once there's commitment talk, that's when to talk about finances going forward and work as a team, and that's when you agree to contribute. He may have specific ideas of in what ways he envisions this, but most men would enjoy if you did contribute some. Be prepared that his ideas may not gel with your own. Like he may be seeking old-fashioned roles and want to pay your dinner if you do all his housework -- in which case it's time to negotiate and let him know you don't find that acceptable. If you wanted to be a paid maid, you could make better money than dinner twice a week. But get it straight now so you know if you're really going to be financially compatible. Don't agree to anything you aren't comfortable with. If it's a huge gap in thinking between you, this is when you decide maybe not to commit after all or share space. Hopefully it will be more like, "We'll take turns paying when we go out", or we'll split the bill." A good way to do that is one person pays and then the other person hands them cash for their part.
Davey L Posted January 9, 2015 Posted January 9, 2015 If you invite someone out for dinner, drinks or whatever it is then obviously you, as the person inviting the other, should pay. When I used to date many years ago I always paid. But I would expect that if the girl was interested she would at some point reciprocate by inviting and treating me. That might include her cooking me a dinner at her home, which had the advantage of allowing me to sample her cooking and thus knowing if she was potential wife material (fails included one who fed me chicken Kiev from a packet, not made herself, and one who got her mother to cook for us, to which I thought maybe I should marry the mother not the daughter). 1
ktya Posted January 10, 2015 Posted January 10, 2015 Guys: Do you usually paid when you go out w your gf? Ex, dinner, vacation/travel, movie etc.. Ladies: Do you think the bf is cheap, if he doesn't paid when you hang out.. Overall: who should pay the bill? Guys? Ladies? 50/50? Rotating? Best relationships ive had/have the girl paid her own way. Worst relationships i paid for everything. They werent good or bad based on the money alone, but the correlation of financial independence to relationship quality was direct. Sometimes if you want arm candy and a chick to have sex with you gotta pay the way. Just dont confuse those types of women with real relationship material, think of them like dirt cheap prostitutes. I was seeing this cute 26 yo for a couple months. Wed party and drink in my backyard and shed wander around with no panties on all the time, table dance for me every night, all i had to do was keep the beer and cigarettes flowing. Im 38. It was expensive, but it was worth it. Once summer ended and i turned off the taps, she was gone just as i expected. She was a train wreck in real life, but it was a fun summer. 1
ktya Posted January 10, 2015 Posted January 10, 2015 one who got her mother to cook for us, to which I thought maybe I should marry the mother not the daughter). Sounds like the best of both worlds man. Bang the daughter and get the mother as a bonus.
jcm101 Posted January 11, 2015 Posted January 11, 2015 With my GF, i'll pay for most of time out to eat if it's just two of us. If we're with friends she'll chip in. I don't mind because she pays for me plenty in regards to drinks and such and always offers to pay for other things. I went away with her and bunch of her friends on vacation in summer and one friend has been with her BF for like 8 years. I found it disgusting how he literally paid for everything for her while on vacation. I think this girl did not pay for a single thing.
clevelander321 Posted January 12, 2015 Posted January 12, 2015 I feel the "Who asks should pay" is more or less an excuse to just say "The man should pay". When a girl phones her friends of the same sex and says "hey let's grab a beer", I never heard of that meaning that girl must now pay for all of her girlfriends because she did the asking.. It is quite silly. In the future, I feel the keeper will be the woman who has absolutely no issue paying for herself while we are together.. She is looking at me as a partner, and not as a wallet. For those women who also say "Oh, if the man cannot pay it shows he is not financially responsible" are also making excuses.. You have no idea of this man's finances.. He might be 100,000 in credit card and school loan debt for all you know..
todreaminblue Posted January 12, 2015 Posted January 12, 2015 I believe dutch is the way to go or turn about......so it feels like you are being treated sometimes...i dont depend on a guy for my entertainment...and if i go on a date i take my own......if i dont have any money which is quite possible week to week....i would suggest free dates where he didnt have to pay anything either...plus it uses my brain coming up with something awesome that is free.....i wouldnt think at all a guy was cheap if he suggested free dates...i think he would be imaginative.... when i have gone to the movies on a date, the last movie i went to see was gravity ...pretty cool movie.... ....my date insisted that he pay for my ticket....i said fine ill buy the snacks....... i went out dancing a few months ago with my now ex bf.....and i drink water .....not because i couldnt afford a drink but to rehydrate so i can dance more.....while i was lining up for a jug of iced water.....this guy started talking to me and offered to buy me a drink pulled out his wallet flashed a heap of fifties....didnt impress me....money never does...i was with a guy anyway......but..if i wasnt i wouldnt accept a drink from a guy ...i buy my own....same on dates....its dutch mainly or i love free dates...no money required by either........deb
somedude81 Posted January 12, 2015 Posted January 12, 2015 (edited) If both people are working things should be about 50/50. In my experience a mix of going Dutch and rotating who pays works very well. Edited January 12, 2015 by somedude81 2
insert_name Posted January 12, 2015 Posted January 12, 2015 I feel the "Who asks should pay" is more or less an excuse to just say "The man should pay". When a girl phones her friends of the same sex and says "hey let's grab a beer", I never heard of that meaning that girl must now pay for all of her girlfriends because she did the asking.. It is quite silly. In the future, I feel the keeper will be the woman who has absolutely no issue paying for herself while we are together.. She is looking at me as a partner, and not as a wallet. For those women who also say "Oh, if the man cannot pay it shows he is not financially responsible" are also making excuses.. You have no idea of this man's finances.. He might be 100,000 in credit card and school loan debt for all you know.. That raises a good point, kind of like the whole "if a tree falls in a wood and there is no-one there to hear it does it make a sound" thing: If a group of girls are in a bar and there is no man around- who pays for the drinks?!
insert_name Posted January 12, 2015 Posted January 12, 2015 Another thing that makes me laugh is the way women rationalise it: "i'm kind of traditional" "I've always been told that a man should pay" The problem with the 'traditional' reasoning above is that it cuts both ways. When you suggest that you are kind of traditional too and think a womans place is in the kitchen all of a sudden tradition goes out the window! And as for being told by relatives that a man should always pay- if they told you that women always pay would you still respect tradition or would you suddenly find that tradition is for a bygone era and you would rather set your own rukes based on splitting 50/50 The issue is that its totally transparent that they dont care what people say or are traditional or whatever its a handy excuse that allows then to take the path of least resistance. 2
WomenWubber Posted January 12, 2015 Posted January 12, 2015 I always pay for the girl I take out, unless we agree to split beforehand. If she's the one to take me out, then I think she should pay. I will still offer to pay my share or even 100% in the latter case, depending on the circumstances.
ponchsox Posted January 12, 2015 Posted January 12, 2015 Early on in the dating process, the guy should always pay. After all, your trying to make your date feel special. When you become a couple, it's nice when the woman picks up the bill once in a while. It makes you feel good and it helps with the expense. A woman offering to pay on the first date is obviously not a good sign.
WomenWubber Posted January 12, 2015 Posted January 12, 2015 Early on in the dating process, the guy should always pay. After all, your trying to make your date feel special. When you become a couple, it's nice when the woman picks up the bill once in a while. It makes you feel good and it helps with the expense. A woman offering to pay on the first date is obviously not a good sign. This has been my experience. Out of all the women who offered to pay on the first date, none of them wanted to keep dating me. I think they felt bad for having me pay for everything, since they were not interested in me anyway.
Frank2thepoint Posted January 12, 2015 Posted January 12, 2015 A man should pay for the first date. Beyond that, in theory, it should be 50/50 or rotating for dates. In practice, usually the man ends up paying majority of the times. 1
StringsAndSticks Posted January 12, 2015 Posted January 12, 2015 Yes, of course the guy should always be the one to pay! That's just the right thing to do. Man, when I think of the amount of debt that I've accumulated on my past girlfriends.... Sure it sucks to be broke, but that's just the way it goes.
central Posted January 12, 2015 Posted January 12, 2015 IMO, the man should pay for the first couple of dates, and afterwards, they should split or take turns, either 50/50 or according to their ability to afford it. The woman should at least offer to pay part or occasionally treat the man, even if all she an afford is a drink or a movie ticket. It shows mutual respect and a willingness to contribute to the relationship. Not even offering is a red flag for me. 1
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