New to the forum! Break up question..

[KatZee]

Together for 2.5 yrs, he left saying "I love you and I know I want to be with you but I'm so stressed out right now And I need time to clear my head." (what the hell does that mean anyways?!)

 

You got me. Your story is an exact copy of my own. I was with my ex 2.5 years when he pulled the "I still love you, I see us being together, but right now I need to be single to clear my head."

 

Because it sounded like such an internal struggle he was going through, I calmly let him go. I said, "Take all the time you need. I love you too."

 

Turns out, it WAS BS. He met someone new and he wanted to be single to explore that new chick. Turns out he had emotionally cheated on me before dumping me and jumped immediately to her.

 

He was radio silent for 5 weeks when I reached out with a casual text. A week later I found out he was seeing someone else, but was just too much of a coward to be honest. Also, he wanted to keep me on the back burner just in case other girl didn't work out.

 

I assure you, some guys do just walk after years of being with someone, never to be heard from again.

 

I never heard from mine again, and no, he never came back.

[Hija77]

Cut this guy off. NC. Move on with your life. I know those are 2 pretty tall orders. Take it day by day, and wait for something better to come along. Have faith!!!

[Superkitty]

First mistake, agreeing to a break. You are either together or you are not.

 

Second mistake, not specifying a time limit of said break and establishing what is allowable and what isn't.

 

*We are not on a break, it is broken. I told him love me or dump me so he said his speech and ended it.

So I guess there is no need for a time limit because I was dumped.*

 

You got me. Your story is an exact copy of my own. I was with my ex 2.5 years when he pulled the "I still love you, I see us being together, but right now I need to be single to clear my head."

 

Because it sounded like such an internal struggle he was going through, I calmly let him go. I said, "Take all the time you need. I love you too."

 

Turns out, it WAS BS. He met someone new and he wanted to be single to explore that new chick. Turns out he had emotionally cheated on me before dumping me and jumped immediately to her.

 

He was radio silent for 5 weeks when I reached out with a casual text. A week later I found out he was seeing someone else, but was just too much of a coward to be honest. Also, he wanted to keep me on the back burner just in case other girl didn't work out.

 

I assure you, some guys do just walk after years of being with someone, never to be heard from again.

 

I never heard from mine again, and no, he never came back.

 

 

*Oh ****. If this happens to me again I'm going to lose it I think. My ex husband left me for another married woman when I was pregnant. So I've just about had it with cheaters.*

 

 

*Thank you dyna85 this was what I was kinda thinking in the beginning but now I'm just starting to loose it. This sucks. If I only new in my relationship hand book that this was the case then I could continue on my merry way and have fun until he figures out his foggy mind. But now I'm just left in limbo. I think I need to put my big girl panties on and try to move on and have fun anyways. I was asked on a date, so I think I'm gonna go. Even though I'm not really interested. Totally selfish I think for the ex to do this. Especially my girls. But the romantic side of me can't help but think this is the plot to a beautiful love story where it strikes him that he can't bare to lose me and comes to get me. Right?! (nervous laughter) *

 

*Thank you light breeze, you words are always so helpful.*

Edited January 13, 2015 by Superkitty

[Superkitty]

My ex really lacks a certain motivation in life in general. Sometimes I've wondered if he's depressed since the passing of his father a few years back.

I'm concerned he will let this time go on to long and keep putting it off until he's so overwhelmed with the mess of us, that he doesn't ever contact me. I know, I know, wouldn't I want to be with someone who wouldn't just let me walk if he loved me. But our entire relationship he has followed my lead due to his lack of all relationship experience.

 

Would it be ok to ask him for coffee in a couple of months to gadge where he's at and whether or not I need to lose all hope for a future with us? I could return all his stuff to him then too. Or would that be a terrible idea?

[Superkitty]

Nevermind.. That is a bad idea. He needs to come to me regardless

[coolheadal]

Did he ever take your girls out and do things with them? Or did you and him go out with your girls? Sounds like it was too much for him to deal with. He said it clearly at the end. I was so stressed out right now! In other words he wanted out of the relationship!

 

It's you + girls + ex husband + separated boyfriend. No matter what the ex husband will always be in your life because you two had kids. The 3rd guy he has to deal with all of this. Some men can't. You should have told this guy that you had kids from the get go. Never hide your kids when starting a relationship. So after 9 months you told him. I am sure he wasn't prepare for it. No matter what he told you.

 

That ending message you just said really was too much for him. So he gave you his last words. He's move on, and you really can't change his mindset. You shouldn't have made your life to fit around him too so you change things in your life to make him happy but you are not living the truth of those results! Because now it's a mess. Your sitting there waiting for him to come back he's long gone!

 

Right now he's gone and you need pull yourself together and find someone else who been married/divorced and have kids because you both will have much more in common. Next time you be upfront about having kids so the person your with can know what to expect in the relationship with you.

Edited January 13, 2015 by coolheadal

[gnick]

This has nothing to do with anything but I love the name superkitty. Sooooooperkitty lol

[Superkitty]

Did he ever take your girls out and do things with them? Or did you and him go out with your girls? Sounds like it was too much for him to deal with. He said it clearly at the end. I was so stressed out right now! In other words he wanted out of the relationship!

 

It's you + girls + ex husband + separated boyfriend. No matter what the ex husband will always be in your life because you two had kids. The 3rd guy he has to deal with all of this. Some men can't. You should have told this guy that you had kids from the get go. Never hide your kids when starting a relationship. So after 9 months you told him. I am sure he wasn't prepare for it. No matter what he told you.

 

That ending message you just said really was too much for him. So he gave you his last words. He's move on, and you really can't change his mindset. You shouldn't have made your life to fit around him too so you change things in your life to make him happy but you are not living the truth of those results! Because now it's a mess. Your sitting there waiting for him to come back he's long gone!

 

Right now he's gone and you need pull yourself together and find someone else who been married/divorced and have kids because you both will have much more in common. Next time you be upfront about having kids so the person your with can know what to expect in the relationship with you.

 

Oh wow, gess. I'm not a psycho. Of course I told him the first moment we started dating that I had children. We just waited for us to have been together for 9 months before he was introduced to them. He saw my kids after that point all the time and we even went on two 1 week long family camping trips with my kids and him. We did stuff all the time as family, beach days, park picnic, bday parties, aquarium, zoo, you name it we did it and he loved it as much as we did.