newby Posted March 28, 2005 Share Posted March 28, 2005 well i broke n.c because i was feeling lonely and sad and i saw mm. he spent the night and it was strange. we had a conversation a few days afterwards where he basically told me he never wanted to see me again and that he never had any feelings for me whatsoever. i kept asking questions because i really wanted the truth. the answers were all harsh but i didnt stop. i wanted to know so much that i could never go back. i also found out that he sleeps with his wife alot! all the things that he told me were lies. and the stuff about how bad the marriage was etc all lies. i did obviously suspect that all was not quite the way he painted it, but during the end of the relationship i had thought i was getting the truth more, but even that was quite outrageous. i know that men are an alien breed to us, but i do find it hard to imagine that somebody can see someone for that amount of time and have no feelings whatsoever. i also can not imagine how a lowlife like that thinks that they are better than me. my ego is having a hard time with this, i know it is only the ego at the end of the day and in the grande scheme of things it doesnt matter. however i am still as lonely as i ever was and now i have to deal with the fact that it was all so cold and unfeeling and that i was nothing to him. probably just an inconvenience now that i am still around and he probably has the fear of exposure. so thats that then, i feel pretty low but hope i can put it into something positive like into my spiritual development somehow. i think logically when we get rejected our brains think the rejector must be superior to the rejectee. i cant handle this thought, either that he thinks he is better than me or that he is better than me. he really is a lowlife and yet i keep imagining him as this amazingly warm lovely intelligent person its just that i didnt have what it takes to bring that out of him and earn his love and respect. i know that i am better off without him and yet i still feel bad because of this. i (like most people) find it hard to swallow that i am unlovable and that even a lowly thug cannot love me. Link to post Share on other sites
newby Posted March 28, 2005 Share Posted March 28, 2005 it seems that this was sent anyway despite pc crashing. Link to post Share on other sites
ww Posted March 28, 2005 Share Posted March 28, 2005 and again: wear no underwear and feel great! Link to post Share on other sites
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