emotionsmessmeup Posted March 28, 2005 Share Posted March 28, 2005 are fwbs exclusive or can u ask them to be exclusive with u? Link to post Share on other sites
Author emotionsmessmeup Posted March 28, 2005 Author Share Posted March 28, 2005 and before everyone jumps at me...i just dont want std's...and it'd be gross..thats all! NO I AM NOT FALLING FOR HIM..and I AM NOT IN DENIAL! Link to post Share on other sites
Ms_Sweetness Posted March 28, 2005 Share Posted March 28, 2005 I have had one fwbs and I was the only one he was having sex with outside of his ex gf. I think the whole point of fwbs is that you don't HAVe to be exclusive, you just kinda always have this "friend" around who is willing to take care of your needs when called upon. Link to post Share on other sites
Artscrafter Posted March 28, 2005 Share Posted March 28, 2005 I'm sure it depends on the situation. FWB's tend to give way to serious relationships if they occur, and I don't think it's fair to deny him the opportunity to seek one if he so chooses. Since you mention STDs, though, it sounds like you're more worried about him hooking up with random people in addition to whatever you two have going. If that's the case, you should discuss that concern with him. If he insists on sowing his wild oats and you're concerned about catching something, that might be the time to break it off. Link to post Share on other sites
CurlyIam Posted March 28, 2005 Share Posted March 28, 2005 I hope you use a condom with the guy. You'd be insane not to protect yourself even if he swears on his mother's grave he's exclusive. As for asking him to be exclusive... that's a long shot. I've never had a FWB, but I think the advantage is that no one is telling you what to do, whom to do it with and what not to do. Just meet, have safe sex and "Good bye"!! Link to post Share on other sites
Donut Posted March 28, 2005 Share Posted March 28, 2005 FWB's usually aren't exclusive. The understanding is that it's just sex, with no emotional restraints. Personally, it's not for me but if it's something you both are comfortable with and neither of you secretly want more out of it, make sure you always use condoms and it's a good idea to be on the pill too. Link to post Share on other sites
tokyo Posted March 28, 2005 Share Posted March 28, 2005 What's the difference between a fwb relationship with exclusivity and a normal relationship? Link to post Share on other sites
CurlyIam Posted March 28, 2005 Share Posted March 28, 2005 You simply have sex, no strings attached. No emotion, no going out, no relationship. Plus you do get to see/meet other people, but you're sexually intimate only with your FWB. Link to post Share on other sites
tokyo Posted March 28, 2005 Share Posted March 28, 2005 But then why ask for exclusivity. People usually demand exclusivity because of their feelings, because they associate sex with love. If there is not emotional attachment, why restrict yourself to one person. Link to post Share on other sites
RecordProducer Posted March 28, 2005 Share Posted March 28, 2005 Wow! So many new terms here! Honestly I was surprised about this American trend of non-exclusive relationships. When I first heard about it I was shocked and couldn't figure out why would people who like each other very much date other people for months until they agree upon an exclusivity. You're either in a one-on-one relationship or you're not in a relationship at all. All this sexual freedom and choice of women and men as if we're in a candy store makes me sick. I mean like we haven't been waiting for years (fulfilled with lonely cases of empty one-night stands once in a while) to meet someone we really like and now we need to date other people cuz maybe something more interesting will come along, so why miss the opportunity to screw whatever you can screw? And then you're saying the Europeans f*ck like rabbits! Or is it just me being old-fashioned for thinking that sex - love = crap? So...if I am fantasizing about Eric Roberts and only about him and nobody else, does that make an exclusive one-sided platonic relationship between me and him? If you ask me. a "non-exclusive relationship" is just another name for promiscuity. Anyway, this post has nothing to do with was Emotions originally asked, but I got the impression that she would prefer to be exclusive with this guy. Hence the nickname. Link to post Share on other sites
CurlyIam Posted March 28, 2005 Share Posted March 28, 2005 Oh, please... promiscuity is such an old concept! I have a younger sister - three years younger. Jez, I feel totally old also... What can I say, menthalities evolve. Maybe it's us being old and them being young ??? I would like to have the balls to have a FWB. I'm too silly and fall inlove the minute I hit the sheets, LOL! I say whatever works for you! kooky: you ask for exclusivity in order to diminish the risks of getting (other) STDs. It's rather cold blooded, but then it does the trick! Link to post Share on other sites
tokyo Posted March 28, 2005 Share Posted March 28, 2005 Originally posted by CurlyIam kooky: you ask for exclusivity in order to diminish the risks of getting (other) STDs. It's rather cold blooded, but then it does the trick! Ok, thanks! RecordProducer, I don't completely understand this concept either, but I don't think that's something exclusively American, it happens everywhere. Link to post Share on other sites
Author emotionsmessmeup Posted March 28, 2005 Author Share Posted March 28, 2005 OK... 1) No I always use a condom but lately I dont know why in the freaking world, he wants to do it without one..! I mean why would he wanna do that? I was kinda alarmed... 2) No, we dont go out...but then we have the same circle of friends...and ona friday evening..we are usually in the same bar meeting ppl, etc. etc. and then go to his place together. 3) I almost always stay over at his place. Sometimes we go out for lunch. We talk sometimes during weekdays... and sometimes meet during week days too...like i go over to his place and then leave for work from there.. 4) I saw the massive attraction between him and this other girl this weekend....And i was just thinking..what if he has two FWBs..I mean I would rather not have that...if u know what I mean... The funny thing is when him and her were dancing....he looked at me...and we kinda started at each other for 45 seconds or so ... We do that...if i am talking to som other male really closely...or he is with some other female really closely... But I went home with him after that...But I didnt like the girl holding his hand in front of me...throughout... so...i am here..i kinda spacing out...! BTW when we went to his place..this was the first time we didnt do it coz we were both so tired... Link to post Share on other sites
CurlyIam Posted March 28, 2005 Share Posted March 28, 2005 Limit yourself to making him wear condoms. IF he starts protesting, be frank and tell him that you're just FWB and you don't know or want to know what he's been doing lately. And because you DON't want to ask him questions, you're happy with this role and make him wear a condom. See? Easy. No condoms = questions. No questions = condoms. Start the pill just in case. Link to post Share on other sites
Author emotionsmessmeup Posted March 28, 2005 Author Share Posted March 28, 2005 pill too? ill gain weight Link to post Share on other sites
CurlyIam Posted March 28, 2005 Share Posted March 28, 2005 Or lose weight . Try the third generation one (15 mg). I hope you have never accepted to have with him while not wearing a condom, especially since you're not on bc pills. Link to post Share on other sites
Author emotionsmessmeup Posted March 28, 2005 Author Share Posted March 28, 2005 nope never i was so stunned he asked.. Link to post Share on other sites
EC Posted March 28, 2005 Share Posted March 28, 2005 OK... 1) No I always use a condom but lately I dont know why in the freaking world, he wants to do it without one..! I mean why would he wanna do that? I was kinda alarmed... 2) No, we dont go out...but then we have the same circle of friends...and ona friday evening..we are usually in the same bar meeting ppl, etc. etc. and then go to his place together. 3) I almost always stay over at his place. Sometimes we go out for lunch. We talk sometimes during weekdays... and sometimes meet during week days too...like i go over to his place and then leave for work from there.. 4) I saw the massive attraction between him and this other girl this weekend....And i was just thinking..what if he has two FWBs..I mean I would rather not have that...if u know what I mean... The funny thing is when him and her were dancing....he looked at me...and we kinda started at each other for 45 seconds or so ... We do that...if i am talking to som other male really closely...or he is with some other female really closely... But I went home with him after that...But I didnt like the girl holding his hand in front of me...throughout... so...i am here..i kinda spacing out...! BTW when we went to his place..this was the first time we didnt do it coz we were both so tired... OK I may sound a little mean here but please thats not my intention..but in my honest opinion: 1-He asked without a condom because I dunno from what I've heard it definitely feels better without a condom. 2- I know you say your not in denial, and that your not falling for him..but I think you are getting attatched. A FWB is just that. Going into a relationship with FWB is agreeing that it is just sex and thats it. If you want something more, or something exclusive then it would be a relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
Author emotionsmessmeup Posted March 28, 2005 Author Share Posted March 28, 2005 arent they bothered at all.. i mean if i were a man i would be like.... my precious penis has to go in there...it better be worth it and all... cant be an ugly pussy..cant be a random one.. yea so it feels better...but doesnt a man know the risks...or they lose their minds! I am spacing out to see if i am getting attached...but i dont think i am attached... Link to post Share on other sites
EC Posted March 28, 2005 Share Posted March 28, 2005 arent they bothered at all.. i mean if i were a man i would be like.... my precious penis has to go in there...it better be worth it and all... cant be an ugly pussy..cant be a random one.. yea so it feels better...but doesnt a man know the risks...or they lose their minds! I am spacing out to see if i am getting attached...but i dont think i am attached... I'm thinking you are getting attached, with calling him, and sleeping over and things like that. Your getting into a zone. Based on your previous posts, if you are getting attatched I would be worried because I don't think its what you need right now. If you think you are then the best thing to do would be to cut it off now before you get pregnant or really attatched to him..with him thinking this is only a FWB kinda thing. Link to post Share on other sites
clynn Posted March 29, 2005 Share Posted March 29, 2005 INteresting. I had no idea this was such a North American phenomenon and not a European thing. I should move to Europe then cuz I get so bloody confused with blurred lines! Originally posted by RecordProducer Wow! So many new terms here! Honestly I was surprised about this American trend of non-exclusive relationships. When I first heard about it I was shocked and couldn't figure out why would people who like each other very much date other people for months until they agree upon an exclusivity. You're either in a one-on-one relationship or you're not in a relationship at all. All this sexual freedom and choice of women and men as if we're in a candy store makes me sick. I mean like we haven't been waiting for years (fulfilled with lonely cases of empty one-night stands once in a while) to meet someone we really like and now we need to date other people cuz maybe something more interesting will come along, so why miss the opportunity to screw whatever you can screw? And then you're saying the Europeans f*ck like rabbits! Or is it just me being old-fashioned for thinking that sex - love = crap? So...if I am fantasizing about Eric Roberts and only about him and nobody else, does that make an exclusive one-sided platonic relationship between me and him? If you ask me. a "non-exclusive relationship" is just another name for promiscuity. Anyway, this post has nothing to do with was Emotions originally asked, but I got the impression that she would prefer to be exclusive with this guy. Hence the nickname. Link to post Share on other sites
ReluctantRomeo Posted March 29, 2005 Share Posted March 29, 2005 Originally posted by RecordProducer Wow! So many new terms here! Honestly I was surprised about this American trend of non-exclusive relationships. When I first heard about it I was shocked and couldn't figure out why would people who like each other very much date other people for months until they agree upon an exclusivity. You're either in a one-on-one relationship or you're not in a relationship at all. All this sexual freedom and choice of women and men as if we're in a candy store makes me sick. And then you're saying the Europeans f*ck like rabbits! Or is it just me being old-fashioned for thinking that sex - love = crap? Yeah, the concepts of fwb and non-exclusivity came as a bit of a shock to me too. I guess we do things differently over here. Not to say that we don't f*ck like rabbits - this bit *is* true IMHO - but we would expect to do it exclusively Clynn should come visit us for a "study tour" Link to post Share on other sites
tokyo Posted March 29, 2005 Share Posted March 29, 2005 Originally posted by ReluctantRomeo Yeah, the concepts of fwb and non-exclusivity came as a bit of a shock to me too. I guess we do things differently over here. Not to say that we don't f*ck like rabbits - this bit *is* true IMHO - but we would expect to do it exclusively Clynn should come visit us for a "study tour" If it's only purely physical, then what's the point in exclusivity? And sorry, I absolutely do not believe that Europeans are better in this respect. Link to post Share on other sites
ReluctantRomeo Posted March 29, 2005 Share Posted March 29, 2005 Originally posted by kooky If it's only purely physical, then what's the point in exclusivity? And sorry, I absolutely do not believe that Europeans are better in this respect. Maybe you need to come on the study tour too? Seeing is believing Seriously, I can't imagine sharing a girl. It would drive me wild. And I wouldn't expect her to share me. If you don't believe this, you should note that the law in many European countries reflects this attitude by giving a lot of latitude to the violent behaviour of jealous lovers. The French penal code is a good example - jealousy can even be used as a defence in murder. Link to post Share on other sites
WithOrWithoutYou Posted March 29, 2005 Share Posted March 29, 2005 Originally posted by emotionsmessmeup OK... 1) No I always use a condom but lately I dont know why in the freaking world, he wants to do it without one..! I mean why would he wanna do that? I was kinda alarmed... 2) No, we dont go out...but then we have the same circle of friends...and ona friday evening..we are usually in the same bar meeting ppl, etc. etc. and then go to his place together. 3) I almost always stay over at his place. Sometimes we go out for lunch. We talk sometimes during weekdays... and sometimes meet during week days too...like i go over to his place and then leave for work from there.. 4) I saw the massive attraction between him and this other girl this weekend....And i was just thinking..what if he has two FWBs..I mean I would rather not have that...if u know what I mean... The funny thing is when him and her were dancing....he looked at me...and we kinda started at each other for 45 seconds or so ... We do that...if i am talking to som other male really closely...or he is with some other female really closely... But I went home with him after that...But I didnt like the girl holding his hand in front of me...throughout... so...i am here..i kinda spacing out...! BTW when we went to his place..this was the first time we didnt do it coz we were both so tired... 1. He doesn't want to use a condom because it feels better without one. This is factual. Having sex without one, however, is a bad idea outside of a long-term exclusive relationship. 2. There is nothing wrong with going out for drinks or whatever with your FWB. Hence, the term FRIEND with benefits. You go out with your friends, right? These relationships need not be any different, it's just that after enjoying a few laughs, some drinks, and some decent converstaion (or bowling, or a sporting event, or whatever you normally do with your friends), you go back to someone's place and get physical. I greatly prefer a stong emotional connection, but sometimes a good friend who you know well enough to know it isn't going to screw up the friendship can be good company during lean times when neither of you is attached. 3. Nothing wrong with staying over at a FWB's place. Just don't make a habit of it, or start leaving large amounts of your stuff there, or start to feel at home. 4. The massive attraction between your FWB and some other girl is normal, and suggests that he really may be just your FRIEND with benefits. The idea of a FWB is that you are good friends, and you are filling each other's sexual needs at a time when neither of you is involved with someone you are deeply emotionally involved with and with whom you would presumably rather be having sex. If you are feeling jealous at all about this, or if you even care, this may be a FWB relationship going bad. If he is just your friend, you should be happy for him he is finding someone to pursue a deeper relationship with (and at the same time, it's ok to feel like it kind of sucks that your source of regular no-strings-attached sex will probably be drying up pretty soon - but that is all you are supposed to be feeling about it, unless you are developing some strong emotional feelings of love, etc.). Some people can seperate having sex from making love (and believe me, there is a huge difference), but others really can't. As for the STDs factor, make him use condoms, and while nothing is ever 100%, your problem is mostly solved. Oh, and go on the pill too - that was good advice. Your extra comments (after the numbered ones), kind of suggest that you are developing some feelings for your FWB and POSSIBLY vice versa. Nothing wrong with that exactly, as sometimes relationships change, often for the better, and can become more - just make sure it is MUTUAL. It appears your days of truly "no-strings-attached" sex with a good friend who is nice to spend time with but nothing more, may be numbered. The fact that you didn't do it that day, does suggest he had some feelings for the other girl (and/or that you were just kind of turned off by seeing him hold her hand and didn't feel like doing it with him either). My advice? Have a talk with your FWB. If he wants to take the relationship to the next level (and actually date you and/or perhaps pursue a loving relationship rather than only sleeping with you), great. If he doesn't, you will probably have screwed up the FWB thing, and if his feelings are not mutual, you should probably stop the benefits. But look at it this way, the no-strings-aspect wasn't working really well anymore since one or both of you obviously have some deeper feelings, and if you continued as "FWBs" with people having deeper feelings, somebody would probably be using someone else, which is just bad anyway. You need to know if there is really something there or not. Since it sounds like someone has some feelings for someone based on what you have said (the stares while dancing, bad feelings about seeing him hold hands with other girl, etc.), you should explore if this is mutual. Sometimes good friends become good lovers - and this certainly does not exclude friends with benefits. Sometimes things were fun, but just end. Either way, you should find out where you really stand. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts