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are fwbs exclusive or can u ask them to be exclusive with u?

emotionsmessmeup

By emotionsmessmeup,
in Friends and Lovers

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tokyo

tokyo

Posted
Posted
Originally posted by ReluctantRomeo

Maybe you need to come on the study tour too? Seeing is believing :D

 

Seriously, I can't imagine sharing a girl. It would drive me wild. And I wouldn't expect her to share me. If you don't believe this, you should note that the law in many European countries reflects this attitude by giving a lot of latitude to the violent behaviour of jealous lovers. The French penal code is a good example - jealousy can even be used as a defence in murder.

I did not say that I would do it. And I'm so sorry, I don't need any study tour, I'm already on the "continent". :laugh: Despite this, I don't know that much about the European laws in respect to manslaughter, etc. perpetrated by crazy lovers.

 

Do you intend to drag your reluctant Juliet to France? :p

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ReluctantRomeo

ReluctantRomeo

Posted
Posted
Originally posted by kooky

I did not say that I would do it.

 

 

Sweet Kooky, I didn't mean this to be personal.

 

 

And I'm so sorry, I don't need any study tour, I'm already on the "continent". :laugh: Despite this, I don't know that much about the European laws in respect to manslaughter, etc. perpetrated by crazy lovers.

 

 

Well, now you have been warned. Or enabled. Whichever :laugh:

 

 

Do you intend to drag your reluctant Juliet to France? :p

 

 

Now there's a thought...

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emotionsmessmeup

emotionsmessmeup

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and sometimes you both have feelings but would not take it to the next level.

I heard him talking to someone the same evening and saying..I am not looking for a relationship right now ...

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clynn

clynn

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of course not.

I think cuz he has a 'relationship' of some description with you right now.

and whatever it is suits him.

cuz he can still mess about.

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Merin

Merin

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Is this the same guy you've been talking about?

 

The one you were upset over when he was saying he didn't want to date you..

 

Sorry.. I do think you're attached, I do think you want more from this guy.. thats just my opinion.. you seem to care waaaayyyyyy to much about establishing things with this guy and if he would date you or not.

 

FWB.. Nope I wouldn't do it.. someone always ends up wanting more and getting hurt.. hope it isn't you.

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emotionsmessmeup

emotionsmessmeup

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here is the thing..i am taking a break from him and realizing...No...i actually dont want more...

not from him..maybe its coz he is 8 years older..

maybe its coz he aint that tall...

maybe its coz i have always looked at him flirteously...

but i dont want more...btu yea if he messes around..it does get me off..!

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blind_otter

blind_otter

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It always feels better to f*ck without a condom on, of course he would want to do that.

 

It does sound to me like you are getting attached, and you DO sound like you are in denial about it. You can't f*ck someone regularly, spend the night at their house, and hang out all the time without this happening, if you are a woman.

 

I used to think you couldn't, but I was wrong, and I lost a good friend in this process.

 

Man, you make it so convenient for him....

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d'Arthez

d'Arthez

Posted
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But he is not confused about the whole situation EMMU. You are. And that is why this relationship is soo much more convenient for him than it is for you.

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d'Arthez

d'Arthez

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Walking out would be the best thing in all probability.

 

You have serious issues, which you acknowledge. These issues affect how you perceive men, and make you easily confused with regards to men and feelings for them.

The fact that you post here with questions like that, also point in that direction. These issues do not make you less of a woman, but these issues make you more vulnerable for now. The best thing you can do is work on yourself, and work on your issues. That is the best way for you to get over the loss of your relationship, and become ready for a new stable long term relationship.

 

It is hard to move on. I won't deny that. But if you look at yourself and your behavior, and your thoughts, you will realize that that in ot how you want to be. Find some ways to motivate yourself if that does not give sufficient motivation to move on, and work on your issues.

 

You deserve so much better than all of this misery you are going through. Make certain by the things you do, that you will find happiness. Then, and only then, you will not be confused and have much less problems in your interactions with men and your feelings.

 

Good luck

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emotionsmessmeup

emotionsmessmeup

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i understand what you are saying d'arthez..

but here is teh thing..I feel happy!

I feel happy after i am almost over my ex of 5 years...

I feel happy with someone from whom i dont really expect...

i just feel happy..i dotn feel miserable like i did when i first broke up with my ex.

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blind_otter

blind_otter

Posted
Posted

Bless your heart, you are already over your relationship? I was only with my exhusband for 3 1/2 years and I am still not completely over him.

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d'Arthez

d'Arthez

Posted
Posted
Originally posted by emotionsmessmeup

i understand what you are saying d'arthez..

but here is teh thing..I feel happy!

I feel happy after i am almost over my ex of 5 years...

I feel happy with someone from whom i dont really expect...

i just feel happy..i dotn feel miserable like i did when i first broke up with my ex.

 

If you are genuinely happy about the FWB, don't you think you deserve a better relationship than an FWB?

It would tick you off if he messes around, but that is a liberty both people involved in a FWB have. The 'ticking off' definetely suggest to me, that you are not genuinely happy about everything, nor completely detached.

 

If you are happy on the moments that your FWB spends some time with you, but miserable and confused about everything the rest of the time, that is NOT good enough. You can't be happy for 1 day and miserable for 6. That is still a lousy life.

 

There is no shame in acknowledging that EMMU; it is in fact needed before you can move on. "You feel happy with someone ", also suggests that you find your happiness not from within but by attention a man gives to you. And that is very detrimental to your healing and for your future relationships. You should be happy because you are you.

You deserve better than the crumbs of a relationship you are fed. And you know that! Do something about the situation, and work on your issues.

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emotionsmessmeup

emotionsmessmeup

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I have moved on. I dont think the feelings will ever go away..but i know and have accepted that me and him will never be able to work it out...and this is for the best.

I was with him 5 years long distance...I guess the distance also helped...

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RecordProducer

RecordProducer

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Blind_Otter, it doesn't matter how long you've been with your husband (actually the shorter the worse, because you don't get to get bored of him). What matters is how much time after the break-up it's been. It took me about 2 years to completely get over my ex-husband. The boyfriend I was with then helped me. We met online and I fell in love. At that moment I forgot about my ex-husband. Then I met the BF in person and the feeling of being in love wasn't really there, but we loved each other and stayed in the relationship for 4 additional months. My feelings for my ex-husband never came back again. Time and new love cure broken heart. At least that's how it's been for me.

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blind_otter

blind_otter

Posted
Posted
Originally posted by RecordProducer

Blind_Otter, it doesn't matter how long you've been with your husband (actually the shorter the worse, because you don't get to get bored of him). What matters is how much time after the break-up it's been. It took me about 2 years to completely get over my ex-husband. The boyfriend I was with then helped me. We met online and I fell in love. At that moment I forgot about my ex-husband. Then I met the BF in person and the feeling of being in love wasn't really there, but we loved each other and stayed in the relationship for 4 additional months. My feelings for my ex-husband never came back again. Time and new love cure broken heart. At least that's how it's been for me.

 

I had an 11 month relationship in the interim, but my exH and I have been split up for almost 2 years, and in all honesty I can truely say I am still in love with him..... :(

 

We still talk and write and stuff. He is in federal prison for growing pot. I can't help but fantasize about us getting back together. But I know that us, being together, would be a totally different dynamic now because he is sober. And I'm not, yet, I still toke regularly if not as much as I used to. He is a different person now. I wonder if he's stronger now, or if being in prison has made him more insecure.

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emotionsmessmeup

emotionsmessmeup

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well..my feelings havent gone either...

everytiem i talk to him, they come rushing back...

but he also ends up hurting me one way or another...

so i know its just going to hurt me..coz he will never change..

 

 

d'arthez...No...Its happiness from within..the glow that you get...when u are happy from inside....happy where u r... happy with urself...

not the happiness u get coz of man....and the thing is i dotn get miserable ..i dont think i have spent time in misery at all...

but yes definately now i am questioning wtf do i need a fwb...i needed one before to get over my ex...now what am i doing with this man...so........am i the sexual types..nope...do i simply wanna have fun after 5 years....MAYBE...live the life i missed......i dont know...this is a quetsion i need to find the answer to..why do I need a fwb at this point!

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ReluctantRomeo

ReluctantRomeo

Posted
Posted
Originally posted by naiveguy

What does fwb stand for?

 

Friends with benefits. Benefits being occasional (or not-so-occasional) sex. But without relational commitment :(

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