Eddy Street Posted January 8, 2015 Share Posted January 8, 2015 I ask because it's extremely uncommon, at least in my area. It's certainly less common overall than Asian female/white male couples or black male/white female couples, which have been largely accepted by society at this point in time due to their sheer numbers. There are a lot of African Americans in my area and there are a few women from this group that I find attractive. One of them, in particular, has become sort of my crush. She's really nice, she has this sort of nerdy vibe to her, she's about 4 years younger than me but I don't think that matters that much. I could see myself with her but how would society react? How would the black community react? Link to post Share on other sites
coolheadal Posted January 8, 2015 Share Posted January 8, 2015 Why do you care what they think? As along as your two are happy together that's what counts! You can't change the mind of others as they can't change the mind of you who want to date and have relationship with. It's that simple! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Eddy Street Posted January 8, 2015 Author Share Posted January 8, 2015 Why do you care what they think? As along as your two are happy together that's what counts! You can't change the mind of others as they can't change the mind of you who want to date and have relationship with. It's that simple! Because I haven't asked her out yet, I want to gauge my chances for success. The pervading opinion (especially the opinion of white males in the black community) will no doubt influence her reaction to me. Link to post Share on other sites
SomeDude16 Posted January 8, 2015 Share Posted January 8, 2015 Because I haven't asked her out yet, I want to gauge my chances for success. The pervading opinion (especially the opinion of white males in the black community) will no doubt influence her reaction to me. The fact you think that tells me a lot about you 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Eddy Street Posted January 8, 2015 Author Share Posted January 8, 2015 (edited) The fact you think that tells me a lot about you Sorry but that could be interpreted as a compliment, be more specific. I'm just worried about how white males are seen in general by the black community. With terms like "white boy" used to designate any white male who isn't elderly, for example, I'm justified in having my doubts. Edited January 8, 2015 by Eddy Street Link to post Share on other sites
EveAFlame Posted January 8, 2015 Share Posted January 8, 2015 I'm a black female who has exclusively dated white guys, not on purpose but that's just the way it turned out. I'm in So Cal and from a rather racially mixed neighborhood. I haven't encountered anyone who actually cared with the exception of my mother. If she likes you, she likes you! Nothing anyone says is going to make much of a difference. Even my mom asking me WHY I only dated a handful of these white geeky guys rather than pursuing her friends' sons didn't sway me. I likes who I likes. I have heard that black female nerds are a rarity so hopefully I'm a hot commodity. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
Quiet Storm Posted January 8, 2015 Share Posted January 8, 2015 It depends on where you live. In my area (Maryland) it's not as common as black guys with white girls, but you definitely see it a lot more than you used to. I'm white & married to a black guy. My husband's niece, who is black, married a white cop and they have a beautiful little boy now. My husband's family is very open minded. They are a military family, so they have lived a very integrated life on military bases and in the suburbs. Regarding our niece's husband, they don't say anything negative about him being white. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
coolheadal Posted January 8, 2015 Share Posted January 8, 2015 Because I haven't asked her out yet, I want to gauge my chances for success. The pervading opinion (especially the opinion of white males in the black community) will no doubt influence her reaction to me. Stop living in the past. Things are changing now. Taken many hundred of years though not 100% yet. Why can't you be different? If you like this girl so much, pull in your gut go where you have to go to ask her out. If your scared then don't go. Being scared not going to help on a date where you always be in fear where she lives and who lives there. If your mindset is like this no changing it now. As you know already know have the understanding that no one be changed nor anyone can try to change it. But why did you started this post if your wasn't going to ask her out or you were unsure about doing it because you feel too much what other people will say and do. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted January 8, 2015 Share Posted January 8, 2015 I'd say don't go there until you lose your hang-ups about perceived mentalities of a whole entire race. People are just people. Some are nice and some are ass holes. And that's just the way it is. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Eddy Street Posted January 9, 2015 Author Share Posted January 9, 2015 I'd say don't go there until you lose your hang-ups about perceived mentalities of a whole entire race. People are just people. Some are nice and some are ass holes. And that's just the way it is. I don't have hang-ups, I'm reacting to hang ups which I perceive in the culture around me. Link to post Share on other sites
SomeDude16 Posted January 9, 2015 Share Posted January 9, 2015 I'd say don't go there until you lose your hang-ups about perceived mentalities of a whole entire race. People are just people. Some are nice and some are ass holes. And that's just the way it is. I don't have hang-ups, I'm reacting to hang ups which I perceive in the culture around me. Hahahahaha, that was funny. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
JuneJulySeptember Posted January 9, 2015 Share Posted January 9, 2015 I'd say don't go there until you lose your hang-ups about perceived mentalities of a whole entire race. People are just people. Some are nice and some are ass holes. And that's just the way it is. Ehhh. It doesn't quite work like that. Sign yourself up for Match.com and see how many people exclude every single race except for their own. Or maybe they'll throw in one other race. As a person, you tend to have this naive idea that people think like you. So, as a person who would date any race, I think most other people would too. Wow, so wrong on such a large scale. This IS the real world. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
JuneJulySeptember Posted January 9, 2015 Share Posted January 9, 2015 I ask because it's extremely uncommon, at least in my area. It's certainly less common overall than Asian female/white male couples or black male/white female couples, which have been largely accepted by society at this point in time due to their sheer numbers. There are a lot of African Americans in my area and there are a few women from this group that I find attractive. One of them, in particular, has become sort of my crush. She's really nice, she has this sort of nerdy vibe to her, she's about 4 years younger than me but I don't think that matters that much. I could see myself with her but how would society react? How would the black community react? To answer your question, not too many people from the younger generations care about the social ramifications and stigma of interracial dating, if there is any much left. But hordes upon hordes upon HORDES of people exclude entire races (and corresponding millions and billions of people) due to not being attracted to their facial features. So, there it is. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Timshel Posted January 9, 2015 Share Posted January 9, 2015 I don't have hang-ups, I'm reacting to hang ups which I perceive in the culture around me. Well to be honest, stay friends with her for now. I say this because if you are asking whether or not you will encounter racism, bigotry or prejudice if you date her, the answer is yes, you will. Not everyone will have a problem with it but some will. Unless have strength of character that you could give a rat's a** who disapproves, you are not ready. Strong people change the world. I'm not going to have my head up my butt and tell you otherwise. If and when you know that no matter what negativity could occur you are behind her and yourself 100% Do it and join the changers. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted January 9, 2015 Share Posted January 9, 2015 Are you really asking if you will be safe in her neighborhood because you are white? It depends on the neighborhood and I presume she doesn't live in a rough neighborhood so the answer is yes you will be safe and it is doubtful that anyone cares. If she lived in a rough neighborhood whether it's a black or white neighborhood the answer would be no - don't go. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Eddy Street Posted January 9, 2015 Author Share Posted January 9, 2015 (edited) The problem is, I'm not a very large dude, and right next to our neighborhood is the ghetto, where people are notorious for their progressiveness and open-mindedness. I don't care if I piss people off, in fact I would be overjoyed if I pissed off some older racists in the white community, but they are never a realistic threat. Edited January 9, 2015 by Eddy Street Link to post Share on other sites
Danda Posted January 9, 2015 Share Posted January 9, 2015 Look OP, the (insert race here) people who would attack you because of your race, would attack you or otherwise give you a hard time regardless of your relationship. Your relationship wouldn't really make a difference. All races are capable of racism and resulting hostility, and you can usually gauge if that element exists in a community without actually dating anyone from that community. Where I live some black people are extremely racist towards white people, and I've received some very dirty looks and rude behaviors simply from being in the 'wrong' Walmart before. I don't have to date a black person to know that those people are racist as hell towards my race. But then there are some parts of the general area where I live, where different races can co-mingle just fine and there are no crazy hotheads making anyone uncomfortable. It's not about the race itself, it's about the particular community at hand, because like-minded people tend to flock together, so to speak. That's why where I live I don't go to that particular Walmart and give them my money because I don't tolerate racist disrespect from anybody, but there are plenty of places I can go where black people aren't like that. So it's not a matter of "what will gender/race think" but rather a matter of, if a community is hostile towards you, don't give them your patronage to their stores, restaurants, etc. And if someone "hates the evil white man" that's their problem, not yours. Black people who hate whites represent black people about as much as the KKK represents white people. Just hostile control freak minorities, who think that because they prefer to date within their own race only means that everyone else should have to do the same. Those people are unstable anyway and don't really need a 'reason' to have a hostile attitude towards someone else. So whatever. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Timshel Posted January 9, 2015 Share Posted January 9, 2015 So you only have a concern with black people against you? There is not a concern of white people for dating a black woman? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
coolheadal Posted January 9, 2015 Share Posted January 9, 2015 The problem is, I'm not a very large dude, and right next to our neighborhood is the ghetto, where people are notorious for their progressiveness and open-mindedness. I don't care if I piss people off, in fact I would be overjoyed if I pissed off some older racists in the white community, but they are never a realistic threat. Why not wait for her come out of area so you can run up to pop the question! If where she lives is tough area then don't put yourself in harms way. Of course you didn't say this in the first post. Like we have to pull it out of you the issues that's making you stand firm on your ideal method on what to do next. It's your decision now what to do next? Choose wisely. Link to post Share on other sites
Radu Posted January 9, 2015 Share Posted January 9, 2015 The problem is, I'm not a very large dude, and right next to our neighborhood is the ghetto, where people are notorious for their progressiveness and open-mindedness. I don't care if I piss people off, in fact I would be overjoyed if I pissed off some older racists in the white community, but they are never a realistic threat. Chances are, you won't piss off an old white racist ... there have been cases of this reported in the media where the white guy got beat up/put into a coma/killed for daring to date a black woman/girl. The media is not big on reporting this, and the black teenagers/men who do this end up being reported with the race 'forgotten'. Link to post Share on other sites
Danda Posted January 9, 2015 Share Posted January 9, 2015 So you only have a concern with black people against you? There is not a concern of white people for dating a black woman? It makes perfect sense. It's not the fault of black people, it's the fault of the media and the government for creating the situation. But if five black people gang rape and shoot a white person, it's not a hate crime. If a white cop shoots a black person, it's a hate crime. And any time the media/government try to paint a very skewed and ridiculous extreme picture, the inverse picture is often what people get, because people tend to be naturally suspicious when you try to hoodwink them. So if the media/government paint this ridiculous picture that only white people can commit hate crimes, most people are not that stupid and will therefore get a picture in their mind that it's all the other races committing the hate crimes. When in reality hate crimes happen by and to every race out there, because hate crimes are the result of mental instability which can happen to anybody. So it's the fault of the media/government for making such a huge deal about race and putting everyone on edge, when in reality it doesn't really matter why someone murders a person, it's just friggin wrong. I'd say at least 80% of the racism that still exists is because of the media and government being really stupid about it. And that's where seemingly biased fears like the OP's come from. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Eddy Street Posted January 9, 2015 Author Share Posted January 9, 2015 Chances are, you won't piss off an old white racist ... there have been cases of this reported in the media where the white guy got beat up/put into a coma/killed for daring to date a black woman/girl. The media is not big on reporting this, and the black teenagers/men who do this end up being reported with the race 'forgotten'. Right, I've read those online. That's exactly the problem I'm getting at. She probably has male relatives and friends who are hostile. But I'm getting way ahead of the situation here... I don't even know if she would go out with me. Link to post Share on other sites
Timshel Posted January 9, 2015 Share Posted January 9, 2015 It makes perfect sense. It's not the fault of black people, it's the fault of the media and the government for creating the situation. But if five black people gang rape and shoot a white person, it's not a hate crime. If a white cop shoots a black person, it's a hate crime. And any time the media/government try to paint a very skewed and ridiculous extreme picture, the inverse picture is often what people get, because people tend to be naturally suspicious when you try to hoodwink them. So if the media/government paint this ridiculous picture that only white people can commit hate crimes, most people are not that stupid and will therefore get a picture in their mind that it's all the other races committing the hate crimes. When in reality hate crimes happen by and to every race out there, because hate crimes are the result of mental instability which can happen to anybody. So it's the fault of the media/government for making such a huge deal about race and putting everyone on edge, when in reality it doesn't really matter why someone murders a person, it's just friggin wrong. I'd say at least 80% of the racism that still exists is because of the media and government being really stupid about it. And that's where seemingly biased fears like the OP's come from. Well, at this point the OP should weigh in. His last post was regarding her neighborhood. However, my POV was not centered around the extremes of hate crimes, rather the nuances of daily or dating life. I don't want to have the thread closed for what typically becomes a very opinionated discussion. If the OP is interested in pursuing I will follow. For the record, I do not entirely disagree with you but would have 2 cents. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Gloria25 Posted January 9, 2015 Share Posted January 9, 2015 Right, I've read those online. That's exactly the problem I'm getting at. She probably has male relatives and friends who are hostile. But I'm getting way ahead of the situation here... I don't even know if she would go out with me. Well, hang out with her as friends.... I mean, more time you spend with her, you'll probably meet family (i.e you gotta swing by her house to drop off something you borrowed, she invites you to a barbecue)...Also, you'll observe her (i.e. music she listens to, TV shows she watches)....And, she'll become trusting and candid with you. When I feel I can trust someone, I get diarrhea of the mouth. I've said candid stuff to Caucasian and Black people I know well. BTW, I am a "equal opportunity hater"...I even have a key chain saying that. I have something bad to say about every race, gender, nationality, ethnicity - you name it. I mean, every race, gender, nationality etc have differences...some call it stereotyping, profiling - whatever. I'm not saying what you profile and/or stereotype about a particular group applies to everyone either.... Like me...I'm an odd ball. I have such a mix of race, cultures, ethnicity, etc, that I don't fit in to what I guess people expect me to be. I only date Caucasian guys, have certain views on things, etc....but you'd never know that until you took the time to get to know me. In my family, there's interracial dating. My dad would probably be the only hostile one against Caucasians (even though my mum and I got the brunt of Caucasian in us)...but my dad is nobody in my book. This reminds me of this movie I saw long time ago with the Mentalist guy...he was dating a Black woman and her family and friends gave them heck cuz of the race and cuz her family were snobs...I don't get what he saw in her, she was a snob too. Link to post Share on other sites
Danda Posted January 9, 2015 Share Posted January 9, 2015 Well, at this point the OP should weigh in. His last post was regarding her neighborhood. However, my POV was not centered around the extremes of hate crimes, rather the nuances of daily or dating life. I don't want to have the thread closed for what typically becomes a very opinionated discussion. If the OP is interested in pursuing I will follow. For the record, I do not entirely disagree with you but would have 2 cents. Alright I gotcha, it's chill. I just noticed you made a valid observation about the OP's concerns, and you are right, it can be a very sensitive and triggering topic for lots of people. And I just wanted to get it into the thread quickly that it's the media/government who paint the picture that often leads to that perspective, such as OP being concerned that black men would get violent over it but seemingly not concerned that white men would. Just don't want it to devolve into black men vs white men as threats when we're all in the same boat with a media/government handling the topic poorly. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts