Rude boy Posted January 9, 2015 Share Posted January 9, 2015 I have a daughter who was born in April, she is the best thing to ever happen to me. My ex and I broke up because she cheated then got pregnant behind my back. I've also recently gotten out of rehab. She and I stopped speaking for awhile and she kept me away from the baby until recently. We are starting to heal now and they come spend the night twice a week. We don't sleep in the same room when she's here. My child support offer is paying half her rent, obviously medical for the baby, and utilities too. If my math is correct it's almost 2,000 a month. In a perfect situation, they'd come live with me. Honestly, I sleep better when they're here. I like knowing that if they need something I'm right there. However, that won't happen. So, is my original offer reasonable? What factors should I take into account? Link to post Share on other sites
jezzika Posted January 9, 2015 Share Posted January 9, 2015 You really need to contact an attorney. If you don't have an iron clad deal that is legally binding, she could accept that money and then take you to court later for back child support. The money given to her will be seen as a gift...at least it's that way in some states. However, when dealing with support, guaranteed visitation and such...this needs to be handled within the legal system. The total also seems a bit much for one child. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
CC12 Posted January 9, 2015 Share Posted January 9, 2015 Why haven't you asked an attorney about this? Link to post Share on other sites
MJJean Posted January 9, 2015 Share Posted January 9, 2015 (edited) In our state anything given to the custodial parent is considered a gift unless it goes through the court or the check or money order given specifically says in the notation area "for child support". This means that if the custodial parent goes to court to open a case they get arrearages from birth tacked on immediately. Once arrearages reaches a certain dollar amount the court beings to garnish wages. They also have the option to suspend drivers licenses and boot cars as well as issuing an arrest warrant. This is serious. It could ruin your life. Besides, you'll want to establish parental rights and have a legally binding visitation agreement. Once an agreement is in place you'll have a copy to keep with you. If she decides in the future to keep the baby from you you will be able to get help from the police and the courts. Once a visitation agreement is in place, if she refuses to let you see the baby you can take her to court and have her charged with contempt of court/failure to comply with a court order unless she complies. Yes, you need to either speak to an attorney or go to the court and begin a case yourself. Stop giving her money without going through the court or using a check/money order that specifically states the dollar amount is for support. Also, no offence intended, when contacting the court you might want to consider asking for a DNA test. She cheated on you and got pregnant behind your back. There is no guarantee the child you are supporting is actually yours. Best to know for sure now than to live with any doubt later. If the baby is biologically someone else's he should be the one paying out the nose for the next 18 years. Edited January 9, 2015 by MJJean 4 Link to post Share on other sites
BlueIris Posted January 9, 2015 Share Posted January 9, 2015 Definitely open a case to establish your legal rights as a father and to pay support. Child support is usually set by formula, and there are child support calculators online for many jurisdictions. Opening a case doesn’t necessarily mean battle. You and the mother can agree to terms and do it together. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted January 9, 2015 Share Posted January 9, 2015 If I remember right, you wouldn't want that child in your parents house because they are not good, but if you are out in your own place now and can keep the child away from parents (but how would you work?) then that would be better. I know when I first encountered you, it was something bad about your parents that was abusive. Don't let your child be influenced by that. Congratulations on rehab. You need an attorney. You will not need to pay that much in child support in all likelihood and they will grant you some custody once you are out of rehab for some months probably. Judges love willing fathers like you, so your good attitude about wanting to help and wanting to be involved will be rewarded once you prove you are past addiction of whatever type sent you to rehab. But you need to get an attorney and do all this legally. Then the payments can be made automatically and if it does get to where it's awkward to see your ex, you won't have to as much. Don't do this without attorney help! Call around different "family law" attorney offices asking their hourly fee. Yes, it costs quite a bit, but in this it could save you quite a bit too. Let them know you are a willing father and participant and that there isn't too much friction between you and the mother so they don't gear up for a long legal battle. Tell them you just want to get things done quickly and legally in the best interests of the child, not screw over your ex. Because a lot of their clients are trying to do just that and it just runs up the bill. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Rude boy Posted January 9, 2015 Author Share Posted January 9, 2015 I have the same attorney that I did a year ago. Unfortunately, when I should've gotten this done I was really messed up. It's no one's fault but my own and I wish I'd been better about things then. Now that I'm straight I want everything done right and everything that will make their lives easier done. I am seeing my attorney the last week in January but I wanted some ideas down to get the ball rolling and to make things easier on myself. I was unaware of the state calculators, but I found my state's resource and I'm going to start messing around with it to get an idea. Link to post Share on other sites
SJS Posted January 9, 2015 Share Posted January 9, 2015 Wow...that seems like a lot, do you have money to live on for yourself? Link to post Share on other sites
CC12 Posted January 10, 2015 Share Posted January 10, 2015 I have the same attorney that I did a year ago. Surely your attorney gave you guidance with regards to any child support you'd owe? This was the same attorney who guided you through the process of establishing paternity before the baby was even born, so I'd imagine that he or she has given you advice on child support, right? My advice is to wait until the last week of January when you have an appointment with your lawyer. Since you're actually paying a professional for legal advice, I'm not sure why you're here asking for our opinion. Link to post Share on other sites
beach Posted January 18, 2015 Share Posted January 18, 2015 Have your payments documented through the court. That way years from now she can't say you didn't abide by the court order. Has the child been tested for paternity? Pay what the court orders. Allow your wife to live on her own and find her way in the world. She needs to learn to support herself too and provide for the child as well. What did your attorney suggest? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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