I don't have to worry about my ex anymore

[dumbass2]

It's ok, I beat myself up too for a bit, but eventually I saw that I gave so much more than what I needed to work on. Just commit to being the best you can in your next relationship. Learn from this, but you truly need to move on. Call a friend or come on here if you feel the urge to text, but absolutely do not try and contact her.

[gnick]

I'm just going to say the worst most painful thing anyone has ever done to me is being given the silent treatment by this women.

[gnick]

After 3 months I feel worse than ever. Is this normal? I finally blocked my ex's number so I couldnt call or text and I'm terrified she might call now. The one thing I want more than anything right now is to set down with my ex and try to figure out what happened. I've mostly been given the silent treatment since it's happened. I know what I should do but it takes everything I got to get out of bed. I've been working out but I'm not eating enough so I'm losing weight. Can't sleep can't concentrate. I'm really ****ed up

[me85]

It's to be expected. I'm no one to preach no contact, AT ALL. But ultimately that's the only solution. At least you're working out. I finally started working out yesterday and I'm going to stick with it. It was cold and rainy today but I still got out and made it to the gym. YAY!

 

The little things will start to make you feel better. I promise. 3 months is nothing. I'm 17 months post BU and I'm only about 85% moved on. I love being all on my own but I do get lonely sometimes. Affection is very important to me and I just don't have it but that's ok. When I'm ready, open and an all around better me, I'll be able to get seriously involved again. But I don't even think about the future anymore. Not when it comes to romance anyway. I think of the goals I have set for myself and the places I want to travel to. Accomplishing those sort of things make me feel good.

 

I hope tomorrow is a better day for you.

[Satu]

After 3 months I feel worse than ever. Is this normal? I finally blocked my ex's number so I couldnt call or text and I'm terrified she might call now. The one thing I want more than anything right now is to set down with my ex and try to figure out what happened. I've mostly been given the silent treatment since it's happened. I know what I should do but it takes everything I got to get out of bed. I've been working out but I'm not eating enough so I'm losing weight. Can't sleep can't concentrate. I'm really ****ed up

 

RED FLAG.

 

If you're losing weight and missing out on your sleep, you should make an appointment to see your doctor.

 

Three months is still inside the crisis phase for most people.

 

Here a few tips that helped me:

 

 

1. You're still in the crisis phase - you are very hurt, disappointed and angry, but the intensity of your feelings will reduce.

 

2. Don't suppress your feelings, or tell yourself that you shouldn't be feeling what you're feeling - that never helps.

 

3. Externalise your feelings by writing them down, talking to a trustworthy person, or using any other mode of expression that feels right.

 

4. Remind yourself frequently that you can and will have a good life without this person.

 

5. Tell yourself frequently that you can and will love again.

 

6. Take care of your body:

 

Eat enough and eat healthily.

Drink enough water.

Get a bit more rest than you think you need.

Do some easy exercise - nothing too strenuous.

If you feel physically unwell go to see your doctor.

 

7. Do not allow yourself to become socially isolated or withdrawn.

 

8. Establish Total No Contact with your ex. No contact directly, indirectly, or by social media. Thats not easy, but it helps.

 

9. Keep up with all your responsibilities and things you have to do.

 

10. Do not use alcohol or drugs in an attempt to self-medicate.

 

 

Good luck.

[gnick]

Hey guys thinking of sending my ex a text trying to get a meeting we were supposed to have. I've been no contact but before that I've tried to email and text with no response. I have alot of questions that are driving me nuts. So I guess I want some closure along with a future friendship. I know I'll get bashed but here's the text I want to send.

 

Back in November you agreed we would meet again to talk . It's now the end of January and it hasn't happened yet. most of the emails and texts would not have been sent if we had any kind of 2 way communication. not being able to say what I need to say has caused me a lot of stress. I would very much appreciate if you would meet me for 30 minutes for a drink and allow me this courtesy

[NopeNah]

You're going to do whatever you want,BUT I would guess this,yet another attempt, will also go unanswered. Protect yourself,man! She left you! There's not one single thing you can say/do that is going to change that.

 

 

This what I meant to link, but both work

 

Edited January 29, 2015 by Praying4Daylight

[towardthefuture]

Hey guys thinking of sending my ex a text trying to get a meeting we were supposed to have. I've been no contact but before that I've tried to email and text with no response. I have alot of questions that are driving me nuts. So I guess I want some closure along with a future friendship. I know I'll get bashed but here's the text I want to send.

 

Back in November you agreed we would meet again to talk . It's now the end of January and it hasn't happened yet. most of the emails and texts would not have been sent if we had any kind of 2 way communication. not being able to say what I need to say has caused me a lot of stress. I would very much appreciate if you would meet me for 30 minutes for a drink and allow me this courtesy

 

You're just gonna get hurt my man. You gotta hold it together. If your motivation is still her, think of this: Stop reminding her of you. If your motivation is you now, think of this: Don't put yourself in a position to get hurt again.

 

Might as well think of both.

 

You gotta reel it in man. Be a fisherman. Reel it in.

[Invictus01]

Hey guys thinking of sending my ex a text trying to get a meeting we were supposed to have. I've been no contact but before that I've tried to email and text with no response. I have alot of questions that are driving me nuts. So I guess I want some closure along with a future friendship. I know I'll get bashed but here's the text I want to send.

 

Back in November you agreed we would meet again to talk . It's now the end of January and it hasn't happened yet. most of the emails and texts would not have been sent if we had any kind of 2 way communication. not being able to say what I need to say has caused me a lot of stress. I would very much appreciate if you would meet me for 30 minutes for a drink and allow me this courtesy

 

Ok, let's think about all possible outcomes. How will you feel if this text goes unanswered too (and believe me, there is a very good chance of that happening since her silence has already told you she has no desire to talk to you) and what will be your next move? Another email or text? Then another? This in addition to all the questions you have will drive you even crazier.

[sober and dry]

Ok, let's think about all possible outcomes. How will you feel if this text goes unanswered too (and believe me, there is a very good chance of that happening since her silence has already told you she has no desire to talk to you) and what will be your next move? Another email or text? Then another? This in addition to all the questions you have will drive you even crazier.

I would take this "think about all possible outcomes" a little deeper.

1-she doesn't answer, what would you do next? Try again? That's just stupid.

2-she does answer with empty talk. Would you be any better with that?

3-she tries to friend-zone you. Do you want that?

4-she tries to get you back. Do you still want her back after all of this?

5-she does any of the previous but with a crazier twist in it. Do you want to suffer any more?

[gnick]

I've thought of that believe me. I'm not trying to change her mind. I just want my say and to be heard. We were best friends. It's all senseless to me. I'm not saying I'm doing it but I'm tempted. I think eventually I'll talk to her again

[towardthefuture]

I've thought of that believe me. I'm not trying to change her mind. I just want my say and to be heard. We were best friends. It's all senseless to me. I'm not saying I'm doing it but I'm tempted. I think eventually I'll talk to her again

 

You won't if you keep bugging her. Let me tell you a story:

I like talking to my dad. My dad once called me 4 times a day for like two weeks because he was all bored and retired. I got to the point where a phone call from anyone stirred up this "Holy christ, again?" reaction from me. Now he only calls me once every couple of days but I STILL have that reaction. You've gotta NOT CONTACT HER consistently.

 

Don't be this woman: Woman Calls Ex-Boyfriend 65,000 Times - Forbes

 

There is no 'last contact'. You're always gonna think of something else to tell her tomorrow. Take it from me, I have a thread around here somewhere full of 'last words' that I (thankfully) never sent. You will think of a new last word tomorrow. I promise you that.

[sober and dry]

Man I feel like wanna bash you... Come one... Tell me that you can read your whole topic and gone trough everything about her, you still fell tempted? I promise I will bash you if you say yes. xD

[gnick]

That's the most I've laughed in a while. I need a good bashing

[Simon Phoenix]

I've thought of that believe me. I'm not trying to change her mind. I just want my say and to be heard. We were best friends. It's all senseless to me. I'm not saying I'm doing it but I'm tempted. I think eventually I'll talk to her again

 

She doesn't want to hear you right now though and the more you push, the less likely she'll ever want to hear you again. You have to stop pestering this woman. You just have to. You've been doing this for months and going nowhere. LEAVE IT ALONE. Every time you try to engage this woman you lower the chances of every being friendly with her again. You have to stop man. You aren't an 18-year-old kid. You're a middle-aged man. You are too experienced to keep contemplating and making these rookie mistakes.

 

Please do not send that text.

[gnick]

That's why I'm posting here. So I won't do it.

[Simon Phoenix]

That's why I'm posting here. So I won't do it.

 

Well, I hope you stick to it. The fact that you still are plotting these types of maneuvers is concerning, but if you don't act on them, then that is progress, which is good.

[gnick]

Obviously I've been around for awhile and I've went through my share of breakups. What makes this one particularly hard is the silent treatment. Never went through something like this. Someone who you know for a fact you never did anything wrong to . It's like being accused of a crime you didn't commit without being able to address your accuser. I know about all the info on here as well as other sources saying you have to find closure within but I tell you.....I would rather quit smoking Or drugs or breathing

Edited January 29, 2015 by gnick

[Simon Phoenix]

Obviously I've been around for awhile and I've went through my share of breakups. What makes this one particularly hard is the silent treatment. Never went through something like this. Someone who you know for a fact you never did anything wrong to . It's like being accused of a crime you didn't commit without being able to address your accuser. I know about all the info on here as well as other sources saying you have to find closure within but I tell you.....I would rather quit smoking Or drugs or breathing

 

Meh, the false hope of "being friends" when you still have feelings is much worse than the silent treatment. What she's doing by not communicating with you is actually best, because she's not filling you with false hope. Being cruel to be kind, if you will. Unfortunately, you seem so obsessed with interacting with her that you don't realize how much worse it would be if you actually achieved the goal in your head.

 

She's an ex. She's not your girlfriend and, right now, she's not your buddy. It sucks, but honestly, the sooner you accept it (the fact that you don't have any relationship currently) the sooner you'll move forward. I don't know what to tell you at this point because you are so focused on this silent treatment that you have lost perspective of everything else. You've built up this communication in your head to be this epic thing when in reality, it would turn into quite the letdown.

[gnick]

Thanks for listening to my rants

[Simon Phoenix]

Thanks for listening to my rants

 

No prob. I apologize if I come off a bit aggressive.

[gnick]

Nah you're right. I just miss my best friend and girlfriend. Don't know why she won't talk to me. I appreciate the help

[Simon Phoenix]

Nah you're right. I just miss my best friend and girlfriend. Don't know why she won't talk to me. I appreciate the help

 

She won't because it's uncomfortable for her. She knows how you feel and she doesn't want to deal with it. She knows you are hurting and grasping at straws and wants to be clear of dealing with that. She is also likely going through some withdrawal of her own and prefers to stay away from the situation until her awkwardness subsides.

 

What I wonder from you is, why are you so deadset on talking to her? Why do you feel it's necessary? Is there a logical reason for this, or is it to try to get her back? Is it because you are co-dependent? Is it a masking technique to try to hold on to the last straws of the relationship? I'm kind of curious what you feel the benefits or the endgame of talking to her would be, because you really seem set on this.

[gnick]

I guess I just want to find out what happened from her point of view and try to leave it where we both feel better about what happened

[Simon Phoenix]

I guess I just want to find out what happened from her point of view and try to leave it where we both feel better about what happened

 

That's not going to happen. First of all, the odds of her telling you the entire truth are slim to none. Second of all, whatever she does tell you will almost certainly prompt you to ask even more questions that she doesn't want to answer.

 

That's probably the main reason why she keeps avoiding you -- she knows that if she indulges you on this you are going to keep after it, because whatever she says isn't going to be good enough. If she tries to be nice, she'll give you false hope and you'll try to work your way back in. If she is overtly mean, she feels you'll beg and plead and try to convince her that you aren't as bad as she thinks you are. If she is evasive in her answers, you'll just keep peppering her with questions. It's a no-win situation for her (and for you for that matter), so she feels as if she's better off just staying silent.

 

And honestly, even on the 1 percent chance that she was completely honest with you and you actually took the answers at face value without trying to bargain, ask more questions, or try to get back with her, what's the point? You're still broken up. Nothing has changed. You aren't going to be able to use the answers to manipulate her and even if you could, would you really want to?

 

I know it sucks. It's completely natural to want to close that loop in your mind and you think that talking to her will do the trick. But it won't. It'll just be you chasing your tail even more.