Leticia Posted January 9, 2015 Share Posted January 9, 2015 So I had a thing with this guy and then we hung out at my house as a double date. With my best friend that knew him really well and set us up. Anyways when we hung out he asked me out. I asked my dad a few days later if I could go to his house the next weekend (we live half an hour away and don't go to the same college so can only see each other on weekends) my dad said no, so I asked him why. He said that I was the girl and he wanted to make sure this guy would stay with me. I told him that that was kinda rasist and then left it. I asked him another day why he said that and my dad said that he had to come to my house or we can't hangout at all. Well we gonna hang out this weekend and he texted me saying that he can't come over because his mom didn't want him having anything to do with people who live where I do cause it's too far and that she didn't want him getting attached to something that wouldn't last, but now I know how he felt when my dad hated him. I don't want to lose him we have been through so much and he was there and so sweet the entire time and I just don't know what to do. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted January 9, 2015 Share Posted January 9, 2015 From where I sit, your dad's comment might be sexist but unless there are factors I don't know about, I don't see any racism. It's also not an indication that your father doesn't like your BF. It's more that he's trying to protect your virtue. When he & your mom were dating, "good girls" didn't chase boys or go to their houses. While times may have changed your dad isn't there yet. Both of you seem influenced controlled by your parents, which is not a bad thing. If you are going to overcome their prejudices you will have to work at it. If your parents are willing, perhaps invite your BF & his parents to your home for dinner. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted January 9, 2015 Share Posted January 9, 2015 Sit down with your dad and ask him what in his opinion are the conditions under which he would allow you to see this guy. Does he need the guy to come over and have a sit-down talk with him? Does he just not want you off alone with him? Has your dad let you date other guys? If he's been reasonable about you dating other guys, then he may, in his older wisdom, have picked up on something about this guy that you are too young and inexperienced to see yet and just be protecting you. If this is your first guy you're dating, then Dad just may want things to go very slowly and right under his nose for awhile, and rightly so because that would mean you are very inexperienced and he must protect you. But don't sull up at him. Initiate another conversation and ask him what he considers ideal in this situation and if there's any way for him to sanction it going forward. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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