Your experiences with GF going away without you

[jcm101]

so been with my girl 8 months and she asked me in October if I wanted to come on Spring Break I told her id let her know bc money isn't good right now. Fast forward to two weeks ago she texts me and says how she booked it awhile ago. I was like okay I didn't even know she officially was going. Honestly I don't care it's just I wanted to go somewhere cheaper with Her. shes going with her one group of what I've seem slutty group of girls so whatever.

 

I'll just let her be and I'll do my own thing

[d0nnivain]

Spring Break is a rite of passage for many college students. If you trust her it shouldn't be a problem but Spring Break is often filled with way too much booze which leads to poor decision making, sex, rape etc.

 

Can you still go with her?

 

I'm not initially as concerned about the fact that she's going but that she asked you, you didn't give her an answer, & then she booked without talking to you. That doesn't seem like something she should have done without mentioning it. I'm not saying she had to ask but a head's up as in Hey I really want to do this for Spring Break. I am locking in now. Are you in or out? would have been courteous.

[jcm101]

Spring Break is a rite of passage for many college students. If you trust her it shouldn't be a problem but Spring Break is often filled with way too much booze which leads to poor decision making, sex, rape etc.

 

Can you still go with her?

 

I'm not initially as concerned about the fact that she's going but that she asked you, you didn't give her an answer, & then she booked without talking to you. That doesn't seem like something she should have done without mentioning it. I'm not saying she had to ask but a head's up as in Hey I really want to do this for Spring Break. I am locking in now. Are you in or out? would have been courteous.

I don't have the money way too expensive and yeah that's whyit kind of bothers me. She even asked afterwards if I was mad

[d0nnivain]

Tell her you are upset. Be clear that it's not so much that she's going but the way she didn't really talk to you about it. Explain that you understand that you can't go but that she seemed unconcerned about you. Then wish her well on the trip.

[Shepp]

You trust her or you don't.

 

If she'd cheat on you stone cold sober at a funeral - you don't want her.

Likewise, if she'd cheat on you on a booze filled holiday - you still don't want her.

 

Why's the setting matter? You trust her or you don't

[CarrieT]

Honestly I don't care it's just I wanted to go somewhere cheaper with Her.

Okay, you DO care and you need to tell her as much.

 

Also, did you talk to her at all about wanting to go somewhere else with her?

 

Sounds like you both have communication issues. You need to tell her that you are concerned, but take part of the blame for not talking about an alternative trip also.

[regine_phalange]

so been with my girl 8 months and she asked me in October if I wanted to come on Spring Break I told her id let her know bc money isn't good right now. Fast forward to two weeks ago she texts me and says how she booked it awhile ago. I was like okay I didn't even know she officially was going. Honestly I don't care it's just I wanted to go somewhere cheaper with Her. shes going with her one group of what I've seem slutty group of girls so whatever.

 

I'll just let her be and I'll do my own thing

Do you spend a lot of time together in general? It always happens to me that I need to breath away from my boyfriends for some days, usually visiting family.

 

But I do think that the communication between you is not ideal. See it as an opportunity to discuss with her the issue and don't make it a big deal this time.

[jcm101]

Okay, you DO care and you need to tell her as much.

 

Also, did you talk to her at all about wanting to go somewhere else with her?

 

Sounds like you both have communication issues. You need to tell her that you are concerned, but take part of the blame for not talking about an alternative trip also.

 

To be honest, I didn't actually mention somewhere cheaper until after she told me she booked it. She felt bad afterwards and kept asking if I was mad. It's partly my fault so I blame myself.

[jcm101]

anyone else??

[No Limit]

If you take a few moments to google you'll find that many breakups and acts of cheating are done when the partner isn't around (= chances of getting caught as low as ever). Of course we can't tell you how your GF will behave on Spring Break (although there's a little voice in my head saying "Of course she'll screw around with guys there! Maybe even get some of them sued if she has a bad day!") because she's an individual person with an individual personality.

[ascendotum]

shes going with her one group of what I've seem slutty group of girls so whatever.

I'll just let her be and I'll do my own thing

 

lol. No its not a case of whatever, otherwise you would not have made this thread. A gf/bf going on spring break without their partner could be a concern but when they go with a group of slutty/playas friends its triple risky something could go down. There is this 'what happens on tour stays on tour' (for want of a better term) mindset that often happens with people when they are away on holidays. I think the setting does matter for some and can tempt people that otherwise would not cheat (well not in the short-term but maybe long-term) to go yolo especially when drunk.

 

I agree with CT, you somewhat landed yourself in this by not communicating more with her on an alternative vacation. She asked you 3 mths back and by staying quiet it looked like you didn't care either way and so she booked with her friends. I can't blame her for doing that + she did invite you. Do you get on well with any of her friends that are going on the trip, that you could trust? Have a chat with them about your concerns and hopefully you can get a report back from them, plus they might watch over her and sees she does not put herself in bad situations. Hopefully she will be a faithful gf, but trouble is without anyone giving you report back, your mind will still wonder what really did go down on spring break.

Edited January 11, 2015 by ascendotum

[Danda]

I don't think she has premeditated cheating or anything, or else she would not have invited you in the first place. And these are her friends, and it's probably going to be a fun time. I can see why she wants to go, for sure.

 

Also I am not sure how you personally define "slutty" - are these gals who cheat on their boyfriends, or just gals who show some cleavage and can get down in a free love sense? If it's the former, then I think the real issue is that your girlfriend doesn't seem to be bothered by it if her friends are cheaters (that would be a red flag to me). If it's the latter, then I think you need to chill out.

 

And I whole-heartedly agree that at the bottom line, either you trust her or you don't. Cheaters don't need a crazy vacation to cheat. Most cheating happens on a way more low-key level than that. If you don't trust her, then you need to determine if your lack of trust is an issue within yourself, or if she has actually given you reasons to doubt her so far in the relationship.

 

I am also wondering if there is a secondary source of your upset, as far as that she chose her friends over you for how she will spend her Spring Break. It could be that you have different expectations in a relationship, in that free time and adventures should be spent the two of you, and so maybe you are perceiving her decision as her being less invested than you are, which could then possibly be setting of a secondary anxiety train of "what if she cheats on me". What do you think?