Tips on <interacting> with self restraint...

[RandomName12]

Hi all, first of all thank you for reading.

 

Here's the situation, I have recently found myself getting involved with a woman who has a partner. The first day I met her there was a connection, however after asking her if she had a partner I backed off, this was about two years ago. We have worked in the same place for this time and never really got closer, I am in a supervisory position and she works in my department.

 

About two months ago we found ourselves talking more, still keeping it very casual just a lot of light jokes and small talk, this then led to her talking to me about how her relationship has been empty for quite some time. The first thing I said to her was "You know I'm not the best person to talk to about this" as we both knew we liked each other.

 

Long story shorter over the past 2 or 3 weeks we found ourselves ignoring the boundaries we shouldn't have until a few days ago where I went to her flat and we got intimate, it wasn't planned, we were only mean't to talk about what was going on between us. We have yet to sleep with each other however we have most definitely crossed the line I never thought I was capable of crossing.

 

The problem is I have never felt such a strong and intimate connection with someone as I have with her, and she says she feels the same, I am 23 and she is 21, I feel I have a fair bit more experience in relationships than her, the man she is with now has been her boyfriend since she was 17. I know the signs to look for and can see this woman is falling in love with me, and although I really don't want to admit it I know I am falling for her too. I have been in love a few times in my life but nothing has hit me so hard and fast as this, and she says the same.

 

Due to the situation, the fact that she can't just ditch her current relationship overnight, the fact me, her and her boyfriend all work in the same building and the fact that all this is distracting me from a very busy lifestyle (I work part time and study full time, set for top marks in multiple subjects as well as a hobby producing music which is starting to look like a viable career option...) I realise this is turning toxic very quickly.

 

I find it hard to sleep, she is always on my mind, we are finding any second we can to spend alone in work to be intimate, often putting ourselves in dangerous situations, it is hurting me and her at the same time as well as being incredibly addictive at the same time. My head is screaming at me to man up, stick to my morals and stop this but any time we end up alone together we can't resist each other...

 

Basically the reason I am writing this post, other than to rant is to ask anyone who has been in a similar position and had the will-power and self restraint to get out of it how the hell they did it. I realise the more time goes on the harder it will get and would just like to know anything that could help. Because I truly, cannot see this ending well.

 

Thanks again.

Edited January 10, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[whichwayisup]

Glad you see that this won't end well. There's just so much wrong here and it makes it worse that her boyfriend works there too, not only that but you're a supervisor in her department (are you her boss or someone she reports to?) which of course just adds to this even more.

 

You really have no other choice but to let it go and distance yourself from her, this has the markings on such drama and problems at work if people find out or suspect. Last thing you need (and her/boyfriend) is office gossip or even a law suit. What is your office policy when it comes to employers dating their employees? Reputations could be ruined with the fallout of this.

 

If she truly wants you, then she's going to have to break up with her boyfriend. Stop crossing the lines with her, no flirting or personal talk at work! If he catches you two, the sheyot hits the fan!! She knows this too, she isn't stupid.

 

If / when they break up and some time has gone by, then think about taking her out on a date but until then end it. For all of your sakes.

 

Oh and you might want to find out office policy too, just in case...

[GoldieLox]

This has the potential to get you both fired, especially if you're doing it on company time on company property. Take it from someone who did this for 8 months, almost got caught several times, and now has to work with the ex affair partner. None of it's worth it. It's not worth losing your jobs and it's not worth losing your emotional sanity when it goes south. You two need to have a serious grown-up discussion about where this is going, and if indeed it is leading somewhere (i.e. she leaves her boyfriend and you two start dating), I'd still recommend not working personally together. Transfer departments, transfer buildings, something. Working with someone you're sleeping with (whether you are dating them or not, or even worse, having an affair) never ends well, at least in my experience.

[jellybean89]

Neither one of you have much life experience at all and this

have never felt such a strong and intimate connection with someone as I have with her, and she says she feels the same, I am 23 and she is 21

 

...you both are young and really don't know what love is. You have attraction and she has now the tag of "cheater" attached to her at the very young age of 21. You both chose to ignore boundaries (which shows immaturity) and show you have little self control.

 

Time for both of you to grow up before this affects your life even worse. Once her boyfriend finds out, everyone at your place of employment will find out. She will be trash talked by everyone, and you will be part of the reason why (she also has her own accountability for cheating). You both are playing with fire and will get burned badly.

 

Trust me, there are plenty of single available girls out there -- you are all of 23 years old, you have barely begun to live the life on an adult.