Baby123 Posted January 10, 2015 Share Posted January 10, 2015 I think tell MM to leave his marriage and get a divorce and then talk to you, and remind him he's getting divorced because he's unhappy in his marriage not because of you. Then go NC and really give your relationship with the single guy a shot - see if it's something that may make you happy and that you want to invest in. By then you may have a clearer picture of things, and maybe ready ditch MM for good- or things might not work out of there own accord, and if they don't- there MM will be, divorce papers in hand- win win. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
beach Posted January 10, 2015 Share Posted January 10, 2015 It's hard not to have second thoughts about those words I've hoped to hear for 4 years, but I agree with all of you that it's fear of losing me causing him to say these things. I know I need to be strong and initiate NC and see where things go with the single man. If he ends up really leaving his wife, I'm sure he'll figure out a way to let me know, and that's a big "IF". Second thoughts of what? Empty promises and no action to prove he's changing things? I think that's what he's offering you. And stick by during the rough divorce? He'll NO! He's asking you if you want a $hit sandwich and you are considering it? Empty words are just that. He's only offering because he knows you're more quiet than before - so this is his manipulative tactic to get you back to participating more - only to have nothing change. IF he's planning to divorce - he should divorce! That means with or without anyone else waiting in the wings...ie = you. And waiting you will - waiting and waiting and waiting - while nothing changes from him. The new guy is participating - keep doing that with him. Attempt no contact with MM - you don't need anymore $hit sandwiches. He's selfish and self centered - all at your cost. Going NO contact shows him with certainty and action that your over his crappy behavior and the manipulative way he participates. He's essentially offered you nothing but MORE lies! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
TylerTyrone Posted January 10, 2015 Share Posted January 10, 2015 How much worth is your MM's word? Can you count on him? Do you really want to stay in the fog and uncertainty? Now you finally found a single great guy, you just risk it like that? You now have a chance to have an authentic relationship with a man fully for yourself. Get rid of the addiction that your MM is. You don't want to stay in that mess, you can not trust him, the chances are too low that your MM will divorce and start a authentic relationship with you. Wake up! Choose wisely....you may have only one chance to do it right with this new guy. Don't blow it! Good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
GirlStillStrong Posted January 10, 2015 Share Posted January 10, 2015 Second thoughts of what? Empty promises and no action to prove he's changing things? I think that's what he's offering you. And stick by during the rough divorce? He'll NO! He's asking you if you want a $hit sandwich and you are considering it? Empty words are just that. He's only offering because he knows you're more quiet than before - so this is his manipulative tactic to get you back to participating more - only to have nothing change. IF he's planning to divorce - he should divorce! That means with or without anyone else waiting in the wings...ie = you. And waiting you will - waiting and waiting and waiting - while nothing changes from him. The new guy is participating - keep doing that with him. Attempt no contact with MM - you don't need anymore $hit sandwiches. He's selfish and self centered - all at your cost. Going NO contact shows him with certainty and action that your over his crappy behavior and the manipulative way he participates. He's essentially offered you nothing but MORE lies! This. And once you go NC and are out of the picture, MM just moves on to the next one. It's what cheaters do. They CHEAT. They use you and your specialness, and being unhappy with their BS as EXCUSES to cheat. While you think you are in a bona fide relationship, you're just being PLAYED by a player. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Sassy Girl Posted January 10, 2015 Share Posted January 10, 2015 I have no malicious intent towards the new single man, nor am I using him. All I'm doing is being very honest with feelings that stem and linger from a 4 year affair that I thought many on this forum could relate to. I apologize for my honesty and appreciate the nonjudgmental feedback. No ne said you were being malicious. I think its more selfish. You need to put yourself in the single guy's shoes. So you have 2 guys that make you feel the same. One has integrity and is single and available. No history, no baggage, no drama. The other is a liar and a cheater and has strung you along for 4 years. His relationship will come with baggage and mistrust and probably break a family to boot - which you are partly responsible for. And he still hasn't filed, has he? This is surely a no brainer. Take up with the cheater and that's exactly what you'll get - a cheater who doesn't value marriage. What are you hoping for in your own future? Link to post Share on other sites
Jesuischarlie Posted January 10, 2015 Share Posted January 10, 2015 No one would make the decision to leave at the start of a affair... I dont get why people are going on about 'he had four year'. Thing is you blow a tree to the precipice. It will take root after time He needs to think what it is live with not u in. He has only not thinking this with his wife until now. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts