Skeered Posted March 28, 2005 Share Posted March 28, 2005 Well I got to meet the Ex's new girlfriend this weekend and let me tell you what a joy that was...it was so uncomfortable. Here's how the weekend went...I dropped my daughter off with her dad for the weekend. I pull up in front of my old house and see a new truck in the driveway. My daughter tells me right away that it's his new GF's so I immediatly feel my stomach turn. I walk up to the door and knock...he opens it up and my daughter walks in I stay standing outside and he gives me this s***eating grin tellin me to come in..and then introduces me to her...I was nice and said it was nice to meet her etc. and she was nice in return..her daughter was sitting on the couch and looked all pissed off never smiled once or even said hi is return to me...I finished saying goodbye to my kiddo and told the Ex I would like her home early on sunday for easter and he said she'll get home when she gets there we all have plans...not wanting to argue I stated again I would like her home early he just shrugged and said she'll get there when she gets there... He ends up takin her kids and my daughter all out all weekend for all this activity and spends all this money after just tellin me he didn't have any and he's trying to to get his life in order and he doesn't pay me anything in child support. He was out of a job for a time so I was trying to be cool about it and not push...but when he dropped my daughter off on sunday he starts braggin how he spent $200 at the store because he's feeding 5 now..I wanted to flatten him right then and there. Don't get me wrong I am so happy that some woman is dumb enough to take this A** off my hands but on the same note I wish that same a** would take care of his kid before takin on a new project...but I guess he pays who he's gettin it from.. I'm so frustrated and upset about this it's hard to concentrate.. Link to post Share on other sites
blind_otter Posted March 28, 2005 Share Posted March 28, 2005 Does your state have any way for you to collect child support? His tax return, for example, should be garnered if there is a court order for childsupport that he is not paying. ANd if you don't have a court order, you should!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Skeered Posted March 28, 2005 Author Share Posted March 28, 2005 Yes we do have child support laws in AZ but I haven't gotten that far yet...lonnnnnnnnnng story...I am working on that as we speak it's just been a living nightmare dealing with him. He has put my emotions and my heart in a vice and he just keeps twisting it. Now it's like some sick entertainment for him since I left him it's his little way of holding some power over me and makin my life hell.. Ahhhh the joys of divorce... Link to post Share on other sites
CurlyIam Posted March 28, 2005 Share Posted March 28, 2005 Can you spell... court order? Fast, otherwise you'll have lots of regrets later!!!! You may look like a witch to him, by not asking for support, you are depriving her from a better life - like painting lessons or horseriding camp. And you can be sure that those money will be use for other persons... the law of the jungle! As for the gf: good for your ex, too bad for her. Prepare for this type of encounters from now on. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Skeered Posted March 30, 2005 Author Share Posted March 30, 2005 I took the day yesterday to get all my ducks in a row and plan my attack. I hate having to be like this but noone said divorce was easy or pretty and right now it looks like I'm gonna have to get down and DIRTYYYYYYYYYY...so be it. Stinks because of other legal matters we are going through at the moment I can't file divorce until it's all done but I am going to at least file a child support order...screw him helpin her family and not his own daughter. Wrote him an email this mornin tellin him what he needs to do...we'll see if it has any effect...yeahhhhhhhhh righhhhhhhht...lol Link to post Share on other sites
CurlyIam Posted March 30, 2005 Share Posted March 30, 2005 Wow, congrats for going through with it!!! I'm really happy for you. You are doing the right thing for your daughter, you'll see. Gosh, that's a good news ! Link to post Share on other sites
Mz. Pixie Posted March 30, 2005 Share Posted March 30, 2005 Yeah, I left my XH too and he punishes me by punishing the kids by not doing all that he should. I made the mistake thinking that because I wanted to do it in a civil manner that he did too. WRONG! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Skeered Posted March 30, 2005 Author Share Posted March 30, 2005 Originally posted by CurlyIam Wow, congrats for going through with it!!! I'm really happy for you. You are doing the right thing for your daughter, you'll see. Gosh, that's a good news ! Thank you very much...I am feeling quite empowered today.... Just when you think the world is crushing you something great pushes you back up and you take it from a different angle...he's not going to know what hit him...he knows I hate confrontations so he's not going to know what happened to me..lol Link to post Share on other sites
fyrwyfe Posted March 30, 2005 Share Posted March 30, 2005 [color=darkblue]Yeah, my oldest son's father pulled the same kind of crap with me too. He "used" our son to get back at me too - he acted like if he gave me money I'd go have a party with it or something. He cried poor all the time too, then I'd have to hear about his ski trips and other weekend adventures that he most certainly didn't go on for free. I was 17 when we split up (young, I know ) and had to file for child support to get anything out of him. It's so pathetic & immature to use the kids - the ex's just need to grow up & put their kids first for once! [/color] I am feeling quite empowered today.... [color=darkblue] Glad to hear it! Hang in there, and don't let him get to you - that his whole purpose for being an ass. Just smile & blow him off... [/color] Link to post Share on other sites
Author Skeered Posted March 30, 2005 Author Share Posted March 30, 2005 [Glad to hear it! Hang in there, and don't let him get to you - that his whole purpose for being an ass. Just smile & blow him off... [/color] Thank you, that's just what I'm doin... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Skeered Posted April 1, 2005 Author Share Posted April 1, 2005 *****UPDATE****** Well found out I can file legal seperation and start getting child support..hee hee yeahhhhhhhh no more living the free life for the X...his poor GF will have to start supporting him and then she can see why I left him...LMAO Thanks for all your support guys...I'll let you know how things progress.. Link to post Share on other sites
CurlyIam Posted April 1, 2005 Share Posted April 1, 2005 Originally posted by Skeered *****UPDATE****** Well found out I can file legal seperation and start getting child support..hee hee yeahhhhhhhh no more living the free life for the X...his poor GF will have to start supporting him and then she can see why I left him...LMAO Thanks for all your support guys...I'll let you know how things progress.. LOL! There's nothing like the way a man handles his finances that give a strong input on his real self, I guess! Link to post Share on other sites
Merin Posted April 1, 2005 Share Posted April 1, 2005 Yay for you in making him take responsibility for the child you share together! When I seperated from my EXH almost 3 years ago we had 2 little girls.. 5 and 2.. his idea of helping out was giving me 45 dollars and told me to make it last.. In the mean time he was living with a girl who also had 2 little girls about the same ages.. I filed on his butt and he was taken to court for temporary orders.. he was made to pay child support through the child support registry (because he'd been such an assclown in giving me any help financially) so I never had to go to him to ask for the support check, it was taken right out of his paycheck. He now has another kid with another girl (not the one he had been living with) LOL that one went south with a quickness when he figured out the grass wasn't only NOT greener there.. but she found out he had 2 kids he was going to be made to be responsible for, for the rest of his life. I do feel you on wanting your EX to step up and take care of what he's already committed to (your daughter) The new GF may or may not stick around.. who knows.. but always keep in mind what she's been told about you (by your EX) I'm sure he doesn't paint a pretty picture.. but also keep it real in the way of knowing if you happen to meet a new guy with an EXW that he shares kids with.. there are 3 sides to every story ya know? I commend anyone male or female who does the right things for thier kids without being forced into it.. not enough of those around. Hang in there Girl Link to post Share on other sites
Author Skeered Posted April 1, 2005 Author Share Posted April 1, 2005 Well see my ex thinks the way to a woman's heart is buy her everything under the sun..go broke for her, reel her in and then once he's got her drops the line and says OK that's it I got ya now you gotta buy me everything..LMAO so right now with the new girl he's at the "I'll buy you the moon baby" stage...pretty soon he'll be in the "it's not all about you, here you can have whatever I don't want" stage..lol Link to post Share on other sites
Merin Posted April 1, 2005 Share Posted April 1, 2005 Originally posted by Skeered Well see my ex thinks the way to a woman's heart is buy her everything under the sun..go broke for her, reel her in and then once he's got her drops the line and says OK that's it I got ya now you gotta buy me everything..LMAO so right now with the new girl he's at the "I'll buy you the moon baby" stage...pretty soon he'll be in the "it's not all about you, here you can have whatever I don't want" stage..lol I think they all get this way.. it's the honeymoon stage. Where everything is great.. they are on thier best behaviour breaking thier asses to do the right things.. but as you and I both know that stage never lasts long. Link to post Share on other sites
fyrwyfe Posted April 1, 2005 Share Posted April 1, 2005 Well found out I can file legal seperation and start getting child support. [color=darkblue] Now... don't let him talk you into agreeing for a lesser amount of $$ each month - my ex did this. The D.A. tried to raise the amount of support he was paying, and this issue brought us to court. I don't remember if that's typical for our county or what, but when he heard the upped dollar amount he'd have to pay each month, which wasn't all that much I might add, he begged me to accept something less cause "he could not afford it" - he threw this huge pity party & I fell for it. Don't do that, cause chances are you'll end up regretting it later. My good friend... same thing, and she's mad at herself for falling for it. The D.A. isn't out to screw them over; the calculations are based on earnings and % of time they have the kids, so they should have to pay accordingly. Unfortunately they don't always see it that way, so don't let him weasel a lesser amout out of you. [/color] Link to post Share on other sites
Author Skeered Posted April 1, 2005 Author Share Posted April 1, 2005 Great advice from all thanks.. No I at this point don't care if he comes to me bleeding out his eyes wanting me to lessen the amount...he has been putting me through the ringer for long enough I have no sympathy for him, I tried keepin this marriage alive and I did it 100% on my own, I supported him for long enough he can now take responsibility for his actions and realize he has to grow up it's not all about him anymore...too bad so sad... Link to post Share on other sites
fyrwyfe Posted April 1, 2005 Share Posted April 1, 2005 ...he can now take responsibility for his actions and realize he has to grow up it's not all about him anymore...too bad so sad... [color=darkblue] That's right, it's not all about him. Perhaps the out of pocket expense will make him realize that... Good advice Merin - there are 3 sides to every story Don't worry about what he's telling his new GF about you either, because I'm sure that one day in the not so distant future, when all the flutters wear off, she will realize that you probably aren't as bad as he has made you out to be. She will see all his flaws too, and might even wonder how you put up with them... [/color] Link to post Share on other sites
CurlyIam Posted April 1, 2005 Share Posted April 1, 2005 Originally posted by Skeered I tried keepin this marriage alive and I did it 100% on my own, I supported him for long enough he can now take responsibility for his actions and realize he has to grow up it's not all about him anymore...too bad so sad... It's not about your marriage either. It's about the kids' well being. Don't do it out of revenge for your divorce, he might corner you if he understands that. Let the DA do the maths and follow through with the law. That's all. A legal matter left unsolved. The more you get detached from this and see it as a way to make the life of your kids better, the better you'll handle it! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Skeered Posted April 11, 2005 Author Share Posted April 11, 2005 The saga continues... Friday nite supposed to meet up with Ex and get taxes done (so we can both get bene's on the house profit) well I get a call saying his new GF's son is in the hospital and going in for surgery...he is also supposed to be getting his daughter for her weekend with him...I tell him we will do taxes on monday so that he can spend the evening takin care of his GF and being there for her...but I did tell him that his daughter was anxious to see him (it was her b-day this weekend) so he says ok I'll wait till he goes into surgery and then I will meet you half way between. Well I call him because I was heading that way for something and told him to just call when he was on his way so that I could just meet him and he didn't have to be gone from GF too long. He said he appreciated that very much and was amazed that I was being helpful to her...I have no reason not to be I hope they stay happy I don't wish him any ill will...I was the one who moved out after all...well anyway long story short...I end up waiting in a parking lot of a mall that's not the best place in the world to be sitting in because he said he was on his way 45 minutes later his daughter calls him and asks where he is he says the boy still hasn't gone into surgery and I was pissed at this point..I was being cool but now he was putting the boy in front of his own flesh and blood...I was about ready to leave and say forget it...but my daughter begged me to stay so I did...he gets there finally and I let him know how very uncool that was to make her wait for someone elses child that he has no attachment too..other than to make the new GF think he's a "great" guy... Anyway meeting with him tonight to do taxes at the soon to be ex in laws house...this outta be fun...ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh in the midst of the enemy...LMAO wish me luck..I may not come back...lol Link to post Share on other sites
Author Skeered Posted May 18, 2005 Author Share Posted May 18, 2005 Ok now the GF is being nicer than the EX...lol I'm so confussed..I can deal with her but not with him...I try and try to make things liveable with him and the issues we still have yet to deal with but he treats me like I'm so vindictive bitch that has just been out to destroy him...some of you know my story, divorcing after 10 years, one child, going through some major financial changes, Ex doesn't feel he should pay child support because the courts haven't orderd him to yet, he lives with his GF and the only reason he does anything with his child now is because his GF convinces him it's right. He calls my cell phone and leaves a message with this total attitude saying that he wants me to make sure his daughter calls him because she called him and didn't catch him and he said I better not have left her home alone on a Tuesday night...what the hell because I don't hear my cell ringing and don't answer it that means I'm what out partying and being irresponsible...grrrrrrrrrrrr he makes me so mad.... Sorry guess I needed to vent....feeling better now...lol Link to post Share on other sites
Mz. Pixie Posted May 18, 2005 Share Posted May 18, 2005 Well, JMO- but there is NO WAY I would date a guy who didn't pay child support! I mean, if he won't support his own kids what does that say about him as far as boyfriend potential. God forbid I get pregnant or something! Geeze. She might be a great gal, but I couldn't deal with that. Does he know if he doesn't pay now he will have to pay arrears???? Perhaps that will shock the piss out of him??? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Skeered Posted May 18, 2005 Author Share Posted May 18, 2005 At this point I don't warn him or tell him about anything because he thinks I am the dumbest thing walking..he's tried on several occasions to get me to sign things and do things that would be a benefit to him and it's just irritating that he thinks I'm too stupid to take care of things myself... Again I'm venting...he's just pushin me to the hilt with the way he talks to me and assumes the worst in everything I do...for some reason he is always trying to blame me for not being a good mom or not providing proper care for our child and even tried to tell me that he is going to try for sole custody of her...he can't hold a job for very long, he never holds health insurance, he can't give me more than $30 a week for child support and even the last check he gave me bounced, he can't support himself financially at all...I have my own place, my own vehicle a job that I have been at for almost 10 years, I hold her health insurance (AND HIS) I don't have debt...it's just ridiculous that he feels he would be a better parent and that he feels he can't trust my judgement where she is concerned...ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh Link to post Share on other sites
Mz. Pixie Posted May 18, 2005 Share Posted May 18, 2005 I feel your pain. Document EVERYTHING- that will help in court. All the things he says, what he does everything! Link to post Share on other sites
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