What has worked best for you

[Mysterio]

In your experience in dating and love. What has worked best for you. Going out there and chasing the woman/man or letting the man/woman come to you?

 

For me. For some reason. It seems like I get more my way in terms of a woman fitting in with how I think a romantic relationship would go if she comes towards me. Rather than when I chase after a women. When I mean chase. I am the one that is trying to set up a date with us.

 

I feel like my long term love is going to be in the pool that comes towards me. Not the pool that I go for.

 

Whats been your experience.

[candie13]

getting out there and meeting people. Going on dates. Continuing to date only those men I liked and gave me clear signs that like me back.

 

every time I continued to meet a man who was lukewarm about me I was wasting my time.

[Mysterio]

Candie. As much as you desire a romantic relationship with a man. Is there a part of you that resents it. Like why can't a lot of us just live our lives and not have it factor in our souls as much.

 

I sometimes feel like its a burden for me to desire love. Its not about the sex for me. Its about giving and recieving love from a woman, in my case.

 

In my mind it really does not make sense that I am single at age 43. I am out there and I meet women. Yet I don't feel like I should push anything. I believe in being natural. So I am not going force anything. It would be like taking 4 recreational activities and expecting to make a real life long friendship out of them.

 

I really think in my case. I really have to let it come to me. Thats not to say if I am at a house party and a woman is talking to me all night, that I would not suggest a get together in the future. Its just I don't always want to seem on the make.

 

All my friends with their wives. To me it was the women that made the moves. None of them are ladies men and they don't put themselves out there. I am more the one that goes out there. I guess everyones time comes when they meet someone they can settle down with. I guess mine will be later in life.

[candie13]

whom are you protecting out there? anyone else but yourself? Truth is, you fear rejection.

 

you know why I say that ? because when you meet a person, there is a certain energy in that interaction. you don't have to have her talking to you all night to notice it. If that energy is energizing you, you ask the chick out or get her contact. if you don't because she did not "come towards you", then you are missing out. You and no one else. Because that pretty woman with whom you had a moment will have another bloke asking her out.

 

your choice.

 

I like that "i let love come to me" theory. But in reality, you have to act, to make things happen. You take chances. You get rejected. You get accepted. She turns out to be horrible. She turns out to be fun. She turns out to be boring... you'll never know unless you go for it.

[d0nnivain]

When I would go out with the intent to meet somebody or hook up, it rarely happened. I always assumed I was giving off a desperate vibe.

 

However, once i decided I wanted to settle down, I started treating my question to meet somebody like a job search. I made sure I did at least one in person thing every week designed to expand my circle. I didn't go into feeling like I had to meet somebody right then & there but that I needed to meet new people in general in the hopes of finding somebody. That worked for me. Not everybody thinks the methodical approach is a good idea but you do have to put yourself out there.

[preraph]

If I'd followed some of the advice out there to just let men come to me, I'd have had a very dull youth. That only works for women in the top level of attractiveness. That "He's Just Not That Into You" book that said there was no point in women being proactive because if the man was interested, he'd be the proactive one was setting aside women who would never be the best looking girl in the room and all men who aren't confident and aggressive and the philosophy also didn't take into consideration at all that most people will like not just what a person looks like but at least to some extent what they're interested in and how entertaining of a person they are personality-wise. So for me, that book and that philosophy was a lot of hooey.

 

I don't think it's attractive for a woman to do anything too obvious to chase a guy, but if you think you might have something in common with them, there are other ways to approach other than just on the level of sexuality.

 

My best tool for making friends as well as meeting men I have things in common with was when i was working in a field that was my passion surrounded by other people who shared that passion and being around them on a regular basis so that looks wasn't the sole basis of the attractions.

[JuneJulySeptember]

Candie. As much as you desire a romantic relationship with a man. Is there a part of you that resents it. Like why can't a lot of us just live our lives and not have it factor in our souls as much.

 

I sometimes feel like its a burden for me to desire love. Its not about the sex for me. Its about giving and recieving love from a woman, in my case.

 

In my mind it really does not make sense that I am single at age 43. I am out there and I meet women. Yet I don't feel like I should push anything. I believe in being natural. So I am not going force anything. It would be like taking 4 recreational activities and expecting to make a real life long friendship out of them.

 

I really think in my case. I really have to let it come to me. Thats not to say if I am at a house party and a woman is talking to me all night, that I would not suggest a get together in the future. Its just I don't always want to seem on the make.

 

All my friends with their wives. To me it was the women that made the moves. None of them are ladies men and they don't put themselves out there. I am more the one that goes out there. I guess everyones time comes when they meet someone they can settle down with. I guess mine will be later in life.

 

There's no rulebook. It's different for everybody.

 

A woman has never pursued me, and it won't ever happen.

 

You might get get cancer and die within 3 years or get hit by a bus tomorrow. So, you date who you want.

 

With my thin options, my strategy is to take what I can get, play it out, see if there is enough compatibility to turn it into a long term, etc.

 

Obviously, for others, they pass up dozens, hundreds, thousands of options.

[candie13]

Females get a kick out of doing the rejecting. Worthless to even approach them anymore when they claim to want good guys but still go for the hot looking drunk and she keeps going back to him.

 

 

Nothing works.

 

I think you're right. Females do.

 

Why don't you start approaching women instead ? Try it out, it might work on you and you might enjoy the change of scenary

[central]

In your experience in dating and love. What has worked best for you. Going out there and chasing the woman/man or letting the man/woman come to you?

 

For me. For some reason. It seems like I get more my way in terms of a woman fitting in with how I think a romantic relationship would go if she comes towards me. Rather than when I chase after a women. When I mean chase. I am the one that is trying to set up a date with us.

 

I feel like my long term love is going to be in the pool that comes towards me. Not the pool that I go for.

 

Whats been your experience.

 

The bolded is what worked for me, using online dating. When I stopped making contact, and just had a good profile, in less than 2 years I had over 900 unique contacts, most of which of course were not worth pursuing. Of the rest over 50 resulted in dates, out of which a dozen I dated and handful became relationships - one of those is now my wife.

[candie13]

Can you define the "if she's coming towards you" part ?

[Danda]

I have never been just straight up approached in person and asked for a romantic date by a stranger before in my life. The two boyfriends I've had we met in person, and they both approached me and talked with me. This back and forth talking went on for several days (in the case of bf1) and a couple weeks (in the case of bf2). I was increasingly interested from our interactions so I was increasingly receptive and responsive. Bf1 invited to hang out with friends and it took off from there. B2 asked me on an official date after chatting and mildly flirting with each other for a couple weeks.

 

So really they both came to me, as in they physically crossed a room with their legs and started talking. And then eventually they extended some kind of invitation. But from there on out and otherwise it was pretty mutual.

 

And I prefer it that way, because initially a guy's attraction is almost entirely based on the woman's looks. If she isn't attractive enough then it doesn't matter if she is nice, smart, funny, whatever to him, the romantic interest won't be there. Whereas most men I encounter fall into a neutral category for me, rarely do I see a guy and think, "Wow he's hot." But the neutral guys could persuade my attraction depending on lots of variables/factors.

 

So by letting guys walk up to me first and initiate chat/flirting, and then extend the first invitation, I know that I must be okay enough in the looks department, and then we can proceed to get to know each other. Whereas there is rarely anything about a guy's looks that would make me want to walk up and start flirting with him, and I'm not about to ask every male stranger in my age range out on a date lol.

[preraph]

And I prefer it that way, because initially a guy's attraction is almost entirely based on the woman's looks. If she isn't attractive enough then it doesn't matter if she is nice, smart, funny, whatever to him, the romantic interest won't be there.

 

Yeah, but what I've noticed is that all the guys are focused on the same hottest girl or two in any situation. If those girls didn't happen to be there, then YOU might be that girl they're focused on. The guys that liked me, it had to be more about having things in common and liking my personality because I didn't have a rockin body.

[Mysterio]

Can you define the "if she's coming towards you" part ?

 

I guess what I mean by coming towards me, is that we are more in a tight social situation and we talk and I am not the major driving force. It may seem like I am being lazy, but four of my friends that are with thier ladies/wives. The guys did not do anything major with their wives, like give them flowers and candy and call them all the time.

 

If I am at a house party and I am talking with a woman, and she lets me know she is single and we are basically batting the ball back and forth in conversation. Of course I will lean towards asking her out. I guess for me I look at everything as a game. I just feel that being that major straight up with a woman from the first interaction is too over the top. The first thing she is going to think is that I want to just sleep with her, which is not the case format he beginning. I guess its there, but I feel like a woman don't want a man to put his sex on her from the beginning.

 

Just going based on what has really worked for me. I am in the presence of women and I let that woman that is attracted to me gravitate natually to me, as opposed to me being the one to convince her that I am the guy.

 

More Later.

[Frank2thepoint]

And I prefer it that way, because initially a guy's attraction is almost entirely based on the woman's looks. If she isn't attractive enough then it doesn't matter if she is nice, smart, funny, whatever to him, the romantic interest won't be there.

 

Yeah, but what I've noticed is that all the guys are focused on the same hottest girl or two in any situation. If those girls didn't happen to be there, then YOU might be that girl they're focused on.

 

Oh you dolls are a riot. Not all men go for the hot chick. Those girls usually have a horde of boys supplicating themselves, in hopes of earning a smile. The hot chick is nice to look at for a few seconds. Physical attraction plays a role for both genders, but many men do look beyond that and want someone to connect with. And no this does not mean the man is lower his standards just to get a girlfriend.