Marie1973 Posted March 28, 2005 Share Posted March 28, 2005 Hello All - Ok beginning of April my MM says that he is leaving his W. Now, is this going to be a tough step going from having a W , 2 kids & a dog in the house everyday to having just me & him in an apartment?? He's going from a big house full of people to an apartment of just "us". This is just something that crossed my mind today! Link to post Share on other sites
ww Posted March 28, 2005 Share Posted March 28, 2005 don`t mean to sound harsh but: HELLO WAKE UP Link to post Share on other sites
Naive Posted March 28, 2005 Share Posted March 28, 2005 Do you find something wrong with that? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Marie1973 Posted March 28, 2005 Author Share Posted March 28, 2005 WW what do u mean wake up?? Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted March 28, 2005 Share Posted March 28, 2005 Now, is this going to be a tough step going from having a W , 2 kids & a dog in the house everyday to having just me & him in an apartment?? He's going from a big house full of people to an apartment of just "us". what do u mean wake up?? I think she means, how could anybody go from a family life, being married, kids and a dog...A life...Family, friends, routine, work, neighbours, the everyday dynamtic, ins and outs of their life THEN...Beginning of April he's just gonna UP and leave his wife, start over fresh and things are gonna be hunkydory right away. I think you know this deep down. I hope you both find happiness together if he actually does leave his family. I guess what I just don't understand is, how one person can go from a marriage and relationship and have a family one day and the BOOM straight into another relationship and start all over so fast!! Isn't that slightly unfair to you? Everybody needs time to get over a relationship, good or bad, time is needed. Why live together so fast? Why not date, enjoy eachother and allow him to deal with all the emotions of leaving his family? I smell trouble and alot of pain for you if this actually happens. Noone can manage this and this is probably why most MM end up heading back home to their wives and family. I'm sorry, I don't mean to come off harsh, I just see alot of heartache from where I sit and from what you've said. You have realized this, has he? (Referring to the first quote...) Link to post Share on other sites
lynnered Posted March 29, 2005 Share Posted March 29, 2005 Originally posted by Marie1973 Hello All - Ok beginning of April my MM says that he is leaving his W. Now, is this going to be a tough step going from having a W , 2 kids & a dog in the house everyday to having just me & him in an apartment?? He's going from a big house full of people to an apartment of just "us". This is just something that crossed my mind today! I'm sure everything will work out!! just you two, it will be a change , but since he's been involved in A, I'm sure he's thought about it!! it will probly be different at first ,of course , think of things positive , don't let negative thoughts(and comments)take over !! its nice to post here to get input , but only you know what's best for you!! i wish you the best of luck &i think if you don't over think &let negative thoughts take over you &him will be fine !! my XMM plans on leaving ,has not set date ,so we are semi NC .anyway he cant wait to leave ,but he will have to stay somewhere else for awhile a few months ,and slowly bring me out like we just met,we have already discussed how things will be ,i would prefer he move right in ,that was plan before ,but in out state you have to legal separate for 1 year we wont wait that long ,but for appearance sake ,at least a couple of months, and as for emotions someone said as far as him dealing with ? i told my XMM when he gets"temporary place "i wont deal with him,he became upset stated he needs me more then ever at that point, anyway i could go on but,you &him ,I'm sure have discussed this ,maybe you need to talk a little more , again i am happy for you , i don't think you need to wake up , you are thinking things through , questioning things, communication(and good loving )thats in my opinion the key to a perfect relationship , please keep posting after he leaves !! i would love to hear a happy ending!!! Link to post Share on other sites
girlfallin4justin Posted March 29, 2005 Share Posted March 29, 2005 [font=courier new][/font][color=cyan][/color] okay well you should just get over it and i have a question if a guy really likes you but is in the process of moving and says he dosen't want to date you cause he is afraid of breaking your heart what do udo? Link to post Share on other sites
ww Posted March 29, 2005 Share Posted March 29, 2005 well do you want him to leave or what? why do you suddenly have second thoughts? so what if he goes from full house to apartment with you? why you bother about that? ...or deep down inside you fear that it will happen to you same ol` story that you read in posts in here? you fear he will go back to her after few months? If you feel so than don `t go living with him. I think i told you once before: LET GO. find yourself a nice SG all for you , have babies and enjoy your life.... However it`s all up to you. Good luck M. I really wish you the best. Link to post Share on other sites
erika2610 Posted March 29, 2005 Share Posted March 29, 2005 I agree with ww.. move on. He doesn't deserve you. And look at alot of the other posts.. and look at the statistics at how many MM left the W for the OW, and the ended up going BACK to the W after not very long.. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Marie1973 Posted March 29, 2005 Author Share Posted March 29, 2005 Lynnered Thank you very much for your reply. You seem to be the only one that understands what i'm saying. No i am not having second thoughts at all, I'm just thinking of his feelings. I'm just thinking everything through. We have been dating for 2 1/2 years now, why should we go back to dating and not move in together & why would he tell me that he doesn't want to date me in case of breaking my heart, that is kinda ridiculous. MY MM is a very smart man, he would not leave his wife & then tell me he won't date me. He is leaving his wife "for me". Like i said before, his marriage died 10 years ago. They are not in a normal relationship. He travels & tries to stay out as long as he can. So there will be no getting over that relationship with his wife, cause there is no relationship to get over. THey just exist, & have for the passed 10 years. When he leaves there is no way that he would ever go back to that miserable relationship with his wife. & i do no think if he left that he would ever go back, the thought never even crossed my mind. I don't care what the statistics say, my MM would never hurt me like that. Lynnered it seems like we are in the same position. We were going to wait a bit to move in & then after the separation have me come out, but my MM wants to move in right away. We are in the exact same boat. I'll keep u all posted coming this beginning of April :-) Link to post Share on other sites
StillHurtin Posted March 29, 2005 Share Posted March 29, 2005 Marie, I wish you the best in whatever happens. I don't want to make you feel bad but some of the replies here stated that the MM will go back to his W in a few months and you disagreed as they haven't had a good M for 10 years. Well, I didn't have a good M for 11 years and my H finally filed for a D, I kicked him out, and he had an A w/ a co-worker. He said we were both unhappy and I deserved better and that is why he filed. But he did admit she was part of the reason. Anyhow, we both went on w/ our lives w/o eachother (besides having to talk about our kids) and a few months he came crawling back to me. He realized once me and the kids were gone he missed us and wanted us back. He made A LOT of life changes to make us work on our M. He gave up a lot. Our M is much better than what it use to be. I am not saying that all MM go back to their W, but I have seen where 90% of the time they do. GL! I hope you find happiness. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Marie1973 Posted March 29, 2005 Author Share Posted March 29, 2005 Hello Yes i understand what u r saying. However, this September his oldest daughter goes away to college & next year the 2nd one goes away to college also. So if he does go back it will only him & his wife & that he says he can't imagine. I will keep u posted. Link to post Share on other sites
sami Posted March 29, 2005 Share Posted March 29, 2005 No one is sure of anything. We just guess. That's better and safe to say. Link to post Share on other sites
lynnered Posted March 30, 2005 Share Posted March 30, 2005 " We have been dating for 2 1/2 years now, why should we go back to dating and not move in together & why would he tell me that he doesn't want to date me in case of breaking my heart, that is kinda ridiculous. MY MM is a very smart man, he would not leave his wife & then tell me he won't date me. He is leaving his wife "for me". Like i said before, his marriage died 10 years ago. They are not in a normal relationship. He travels & tries to stay out as long as he can. So there will be no getting over that relationship with his wife, cause there is no relationship to get over. "very similar i agree so much ! i mean really me XMM were together almost 4 years, we know each other very well &are past the dating stage & same thing as far as marriage ,his was over before it started !! thats why i said while he has own place ,don't want to be involved sexually ,told we can hang out , when you move in we resume , I've been through hell with this man, wasted years of my life, made those years of hell with her bearable , i told him if after he leaves , if he cant be patient with me, i don't know what to tell you, find someone else , a little different from yours Marie, i am nc except for text &im , but i understand because me &him have had those conversions,i know he loves me ,i love him but that alones not enough anymore, i understand your feelings, and if things work for me XMM or they don't ,i wont regret ,even if in angrier i say i do sometimes, i followed my heart ,i would rather regret doing something then not doing it ®reting , and i dont remember who said or if someone said how many success stories , i don't think the success stories have the need to post anymore if there are from these posts!! good luck Marie!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Marie1973 Posted March 31, 2005 Author Share Posted March 31, 2005 Hello All Well I just spoke to my man this morning & I asked when he is leaving & he said that he'll take care of it this weekend. So wish me luck all! This is a huge step for him. If he doesn't leave this weekend, he's never going to do it & I'm walking away once & for all!! Wish me luck. I'll keep u posted!! Link to post Share on other sites
lynnered Posted March 31, 2005 Share Posted March 31, 2005 good luck Marie!! i will be putting positive thoughts out there for you!!! remember never resist a temporary inconveince to result in a permanent improvement !! things will be great!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Marie1973 Posted April 1, 2005 Author Share Posted April 1, 2005 THanks Lynnered You are so nice. U say XMM in your posts. Does that mean u aren't seeing the MM anymore or are u in a current relationship with him?? I'm a little confused!! Link to post Share on other sites
newby Posted April 2, 2005 Share Posted April 2, 2005 good luck marie! is it this weekend? Link to post Share on other sites
izzybelle Posted April 2, 2005 Share Posted April 2, 2005 marie, good luck with everything! every time a relationship changes its status there are adjustments. don't pay attention to the statistics, they are just numbers, not people. think about all the times that they talk about beating the odds. whether its relationships, sickness or whatever, there is very little that is ever 100% sure. they always say that MMs will never leave. never is a powerful word, and as we know.... sometimes it does happen. i wish you luck and lots of happiness! izzy Link to post Share on other sites
lynnered Posted April 3, 2005 Share Posted April 3, 2005 Originally posted by Marie1973 THanks Lynnered You are so nice. U say XMM in your posts. Does that mean u aren't seeing the MM anymore or are u in a current relationship with him?? I'm a little confused!! well semi NC!! 2 months ago i iniated NC, told him don't call or visit until you get legal separation, well a month ago , he starts IMING&emailing, so its kind of weird right now, he misses me is freaking out,jealous,like never before we've had great conversions regarding "future", i understand your situation because its very similar &we love each , but i just got to that enough is enough , if i keep giving him me , i am keeping him there , almost 4 years !!! so i know he will be leaving for him ,not me ,as he was unhappy with her 5years before me ,and stayed was insecure ,hoped she would change ETC, then she gets preg ,we met &were friends (me &him not her)when she was preg, he got married when we were just friends, we've been involved A most of marriage i feel I've been keeping it together!! and that sucks , anyway ,i have hope ,but at the same time he knows if he takes to long i will move on,and by standing firm now ,I'm showing him my word is good. anyway its Sunday here Marie did he leave ?? i hope so keep us updated and best of luck!!! Link to post Share on other sites
sami Posted April 4, 2005 Share Posted April 4, 2005 All O/Ws should very well understand and expect what kind of a relationship they'll develop with their MM. No surprises, they'll only get whatever a MM may be able to give away of his leftover. Link to post Share on other sites
ww Posted April 4, 2005 Share Posted April 4, 2005 Shallow relationships? Link to post Share on other sites
sami Posted April 4, 2005 Share Posted April 4, 2005 Both are looking for convenience. They'll never get it. Link to post Share on other sites
LucreziaBorgia Posted April 4, 2005 Share Posted April 4, 2005 So.. any updates? He was supposed to be moving in to the apartment this past weekend... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Marie1973 Posted April 4, 2005 Author Share Posted April 4, 2005 Hello All Well he didn't leave this weekend. :-( His daughter has a week's vacation planned the week of april & he said that he couldn't do it before she left, but he swears to god that he will leave when she gets back! So we will see. I give him one last shot!! I love him to death, but i can't be lead on like this anymore, it honestly is taking a toll on me & killing me. My heart just breaks to pieces every single month that passes. Its going to be hell not to have him in my life, but i have to do it!! Wish me luck again!! Link to post Share on other sites
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