pink_sugar Posted January 11, 2015 Share Posted January 11, 2015 (edited) After living relatives for nearly a year, we're moving into our own place next month. My husband and I. This past year, I have learned several things about living with relatives. The biggest things are that I can not and will not live with family again. I'd rather live in a shelter. Both my parents are still emotionally abusive and always will be. They are going to be kept at a distance in my life. To be honest I wish mu parents never had kids. Despite paying my way at my mom's, she constantly gripes and complains about anything and everything. She turns everything around to guilt trip me and does everything she can to make miserable. Her negativity has taken a toll on me. Today I bought something for my grandmother in the hospital and set it in a bubble wrapped bag on the couch because I need a card. When I came home, I discovered it was eaten and gone without my permission. Understandably I was irritated because it was a gift for my grandmother. My mom tries to defend herself by saying she texted me to ask what it was for 45 minutes before. (She ate it anyways without waiting to hear back from me). When I got annoyed, she flipped out and said she wasn't in the mood for me to "pick on her". She was asking for the $3.50 I owed her and I said I would deduct the cost of the gift she had eaten from that amount. She flipped her ***** and didn't think it was right for me to deduct the amount. She also never offered to replace said item. Then she says I never think I am wrong about anything and how she wouldn't do this to me. Well, if I took something that did not belong to me, I would replace it. I broke down and went to my room to cry silently. I stay away all the time to avoid this stuff and I cannot even relax at home. I am criticized all the time and never a positive word is said. Edited January 11, 2015 by pink_sugar 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Tayla Posted January 11, 2015 Share Posted January 11, 2015 Pleased to hear (read) that you are establishing a home of your own. May your place bring peace and harmony . 2 Link to post Share on other sites
SpiralOut Posted January 12, 2015 Share Posted January 12, 2015 I'm glad to hear that you'll be getting your own place. It's not good to be around crazy-making behaviour like that. Link to post Share on other sites
Author pink_sugar Posted January 12, 2015 Author Share Posted January 12, 2015 I think it is best to get my mom off of our phone plan, but she won't take it lightly, so I would like some advice as to how to approach this. I was thinking of saying that we're each switching to another carrier and terminating the family plan to save money. Thoughts? Link to post Share on other sites
writergal Posted January 12, 2015 Share Posted January 12, 2015 Don't bring up the phone plan switch until AFTER you've taken care of it and canceled her off your family phone plan. If you give your mother an inch, she'll take a mile. Just cancel her off your family plan, and buy her a pay as you go phone instead, which is much cheaper anyway. Then tell her you did it to save money for her and for you and your husband since you just moved into your new home. End of discussion. If your mother rants and raves, well, let her because it won't change the fact that you drew a very strict boundary by canceling her off your family phone plan. Otherwise, if you kept her on it would be enmeshment and just be more cause for continual stress and tension between you and her. I've learned to do that with certain people in my life as a method of self preservation. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author pink_sugar Posted January 12, 2015 Author Share Posted January 12, 2015 I don't really feel right about suddenly shutting off her line without her knowing as she does pay her share, but I do need a crafty way to tell her we're stopping the family plan and she needs to decide which way she wants to go on her own. Link to post Share on other sites
writergal Posted January 12, 2015 Share Posted January 12, 2015 Be matter of fact about it at least? Being crafty about it would mean that you cancel it first, then let her know afterwards what her options are. But if that's not an option for you, then perhaps you just be matter of fact with her that you need to save money since you have your own home now, and have to remove her from your family plan and then present her with alternative phone plans. Link to post Share on other sites
Author pink_sugar Posted January 12, 2015 Author Share Posted January 12, 2015 Last night I told her that we were thinking of switching carriers and since she does not want to switch, she will be on her own once we terminate our contracts. I was frank and told her that it's too much of a pain to keep splitting up the cost and figuring out who is using more data and etc. My husband and I might even get our own individual plans since he uses most of the data package, while I might scale back to a smaller plan. If he wants to use more data, he can pay for it accordingly. Link to post Share on other sites
writergal Posted January 12, 2015 Share Posted January 12, 2015 Last night I told her that we were thinking of switching carriers and since she does not want to switch, she will be on her own once we terminate our contracts. I was frank and told her that it's too much of a pain to keep splitting up the cost and figuring out who is using more data and etc. My husband and I might even get our own individual plans since he uses most of the data package, while I might scale back to a smaller plan. If he wants to use more data, he can pay for it accordingly. Sounds like you handled the situation well last night pink_sugar. Glad it went well. Cell phone plans and data packages can be such a pain I think. Almost as much as a monthly car payment. I hope cell phone plans will eventually become better priced. Just seems like such a racket to me. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author pink_sugar Posted January 12, 2015 Author Share Posted January 12, 2015 Sounds like you handled the situation well last night pink_sugar. Glad it went well. Cell phone plans and data packages can be such a pain I think. Almost as much as a monthly car payment. I hope cell phone plans will eventually become better priced. Just seems like such a racket to me. Exactly. I am tired of worrying about why the bill always seems more expensive than it should be or who should pay what or ect. Each person get their own plan and call it a day. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
writergal Posted January 12, 2015 Share Posted January 12, 2015 Exactly. I am tired of worrying about why the bill always seems more expensive than it should be or who should pay what or ect. Each person get their own plan and call it a day. Exactly! Sounds like a great plan! Less stress on your shoulders if everyone is responsible for their own cellphone plan. (I wish I could cancel my cellphone plan and save up that money for future travel. LAN Line phone would make my life a lot easier in some ways although I'd miss having access to GPS and email.) 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author pink_sugar Posted January 13, 2015 Author Share Posted January 13, 2015 Exactly! Sounds like a great plan! Less stress on your shoulders if everyone is responsible for their own cellphone plan. (I wish I could cancel my cellphone plan and save up that money for future travel. LAN Line phone would make my life a lot easier in some ways although I'd miss having access to GPS and email.) I don't miss a LAN line as I don't have to worry about telekmarketers or calls in the wee morning hours. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted January 13, 2015 Share Posted January 13, 2015 Glad to hear you're getting your own place, pink! Personally I have a cell phone plan and no land line. DEFINITELY prefer the cell phone - I can put it in blocking mode when I'm sleeping so only important calls get through, etc. Don't really need a land line in this day and age. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
writergal Posted January 13, 2015 Share Posted January 13, 2015 I don't miss a LAN line as I don't have to worry about telekmarketers or calls in the wee morning hours. Ha, ha, ha! I keep thinking of the money I'll save. I have to wait one more year before my 2-year contract expires and then it's LAN line for me! But glad that you got it sorted out with your mother and husband. Now you can relax about it hopefully! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
MuscleCarFan Posted January 13, 2015 Share Posted January 13, 2015 Ha, ha, ha! I keep thinking of the money I'll save. I have to wait one more year before my 2-year contract expires and then it's LAN line for me! But glad that you got it sorted out with your mother and husband. Now you can relax about it hopefully! We might moved to Metro PCS or something. $60 for unlimited everything. Service can be kind of spotty though. Link to post Share on other sites
Radu Posted January 13, 2015 Share Posted January 13, 2015 Pink, i hope this doesn't dampen your spirit, but i think you two should scrounge and save like madmen this next yr. You do not want to get back there, and you do want to move forward from this [house, kids, white picket fence ... ]. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Arabella Posted January 13, 2015 Share Posted January 13, 2015 Metro PCS is the bottom of the barrel. Unless you live in a big city and don't go outside the metro area much, I'd steer clear from them. My husband and I use Straight Talk. $45/mo, unlimited everything... and it runs on the AT&T network. It works great. One added bonus.. when I cancelled my service early with AT&T, I didn't even get charged an early termination fee because they didn't notice I was gone. Technically, I wasn't gone because I was still on their network 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author pink_sugar Posted January 13, 2015 Author Share Posted January 13, 2015 Thank you for the advice guys. Elswyth, I definitely agree! Radu, yep that is the plan. We found a place for $825 a month, so it is much more doable than the $1550 we paid before we moved. It was impossible to pay that without a dual income. I have resolved to never look back. I will collect cans if I have to before I ever go back to this situation. Arabella, we will definitely look into that too! 3 Link to post Share on other sites
TigerLilly78 Posted January 13, 2015 Share Posted January 13, 2015 My husband and I use Straight Talk. $45/mo, unlimited everything... and it runs on the AT&T network. It works great. Yeah us to we don't have a land line and only use straight talk the service is excellent and for unlimited everything at 45 bucks a month its a great deal plus they have a nice range of smart phones at decent prices..Congrats on the place pink! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Arabella Posted January 13, 2015 Share Posted January 13, 2015 Pink_Sugar, I think that's a very positive attitude. Something has got to give, right? Now that you've experienced what it's like to live with your parents again, it's a lot easier to do or give up whatever it takes to be on your own. Good for you, truly. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author pink_sugar Posted January 13, 2015 Author Share Posted January 13, 2015 Will definitely be looking into Straight Talk when contract is up. That sounds awesome! Link to post Share on other sites
LuckyLady13 Posted January 13, 2015 Share Posted January 13, 2015 Pink Sugar, congrats on getting a new place! That's so good to hear. Just one thing I want to mention. I noticed how downright scared you are of the repercussions from your mother over a phone plan change. You said you paid your way living at her house and yet, you don't feel you can sit down and discuss a phone situation with her like two adults because she doesn't act adult about these things? Try your absolute best the moment you move to put your foot down hard and not be afraid. It will be a lot easier to do when you're not living with her. She can rant, rave and guilt-trip the walls in her house when you're not there. You won't have to see it, at least. I feel bad that she's got you so scared and nervous like this. Probably from years of putting up with this behavior from her. I remember how I was downright terrified to do simple things (like discuss a phone change situation) with my own mother because she'd get immediately abusive and after years of it, I was too afraid to speak. I see something similar happening with you, just on a lesser scale but you're at the point I started at before she got worse. Good luck, Pink Sugar! And again, congrats! 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author pink_sugar Posted January 15, 2015 Author Share Posted January 15, 2015 Pink Sugar, congrats on getting a new place! That's so good to hear. Just one thing I want to mention. I noticed how downright scared you are of the repercussions from your mother over a phone plan change. You said you paid your way living at her house and yet, you don't feel you can sit down and discuss a phone situation with her like two adults because she doesn't act adult about these things? Try your absolute best the moment you move to put your foot down hard and not be afraid. It will be a lot easier to do when you're not living with her. She can rant, rave and guilt-trip the walls in her house when you're not there. You won't have to see it, at least. I feel bad that she's got you so scared and nervous like this. Probably from years of putting up with this behavior from her. I remember how I was downright terrified to do simple things (like discuss a phone change situation) with my own mother because she'd get immediately abusive and after years of it, I was too afraid to speak. I see something similar happening with you, just on a lesser scale but you're at the point I started at before she got worse. Good luck, Pink Sugar! And again, congrats! I told her that we're planning to get something cheaper and she seemed to take it well despite the "a lot of other cheap carriers have dropped calls and not sure what else I can afford yada yada". I told her it's for the best we all have individual plans since we use very different amounts of data and to keep it simple and less confusing when the bill comes each month. I told her we initially got our own cell phone plan for a reason when my husband and I first got together. I don't want to deal with this family plan business anymore. Link to post Share on other sites
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