Was I abused from my family?

[makeithappen]

Hello,

 

I still have difficulty expressing that my family may have been abusive towards me. When I am asked why I walked away, I usually say it's due to cultural differences, my rebellious attitude, my siblings, etc....I never say 'because my family was abusive'. Why not? I am worried of getting them in trouble and destroying their reputation. Yeah, I no longer have contact with them, but still worry for them!

But when I think about it, I feel I may have been abused [i am not sure if physical abuse would be accurate, though psychological definitely would].

Basically, i remember leaving home [my mum had prevented me from leaving and I struggled with her, as she hit me and I feel backwards, on my head]. I felt powerful and most of all, I felt safe. I felt no one could do anything to me. No one could touch my body. I felt safe only when I was out of the house.

I am not sure how to describe this, but I used to fear my siblings. Making them angry would result in violence. My parents did interfere, but my mum would constantly say she was tired of our fights [i never started being violent, I just defended myself]. She would constantly threaten to leave us together fighting and not intervene. She believed my sibling's rumours about a potential pregnancy, and tried to check my vagina [by putting her finger]. I struggled and she left me alone [thank God she did not touch it!]. I called my father for help as I was struggling with her, but when he came, he refused to come into my room and help, saying it's a woman's thing and he does not want to be involved! I am still horrified at this experience. I am scarred by a lot of things. Was it a case of parental neglect and not protecting me against my siblings, or can I talk of physical abuse?

My father tried to avoid hitting me and he was not violent towards me, but when abuse from others happened, he would not be much help. My mum would be violent at times, especially when it concerned challenging her. My siblings, let's not even go there. I am still terrified of them. They could come and hit me openly on the street!

I am not sure how to describe my experience.

I need to make sense of it. I don't want to sound like a victim by using the word abuse, and I am not even sure it is an accurate term.

 

Thank you for reading.

[Satu]

Yes, you were abused.

[WonderWoman911]

I'm sorry to hear that you've been going through this. Yes you were abused. You're family doesn't know how to keep their hands to themselves. If you have children or will in the future, I wouldn't leave them around your family, or honestly bring them around your family. Your family needs serious help!