How Do You End Something That You Really Don't Want To End??

[whatamidoinghere]

I have to post again, I am really upset right now.

 

Luckily.. my situation hasn't gone far - a normal person would run for the hills until the matter straightens itself out. Since I come into this forum to write and am now crying... means I am not thinking clearly.

 

He's shown respect when I'm out with him. He doesn't push. He's always polite. He asks me about my day.

 

I have had this internal struggle for the past month now... he treats me well and still wants to see me despite me not giving him what he wants until he and his "ex" are under different roofs. I want to do the right thing but it is so hard and I try to justify it by telling myself: I'm not sleeping with him or getting intimate with him, he's not married, etc.. and that it's been a long time since I had so much fun with someone, apart from the few make-out sessions.

 

I have said to him - WHY NOT ASK HER TO LEAVE IF YOU ARE NOT HAPPY WITH HER? His answer is because she is not working yet and cannot move out on her own and take care of the kids the proper way, although she is supposedly now looking for work. He insists he's told her he won't marry her because he's not in love with her.

 

I don't think I am strong enough right now to tell him - CALL ME when the drama is over. It hurts when I am away from him, something that scares me because usually I don't miss people all that much. He is someone I want to talk to all the time. I don't call everyday and neither does he, but I miss him when he is away. I just don't know what to do with myself anymore or what to say to him to say in so many words "SH*T or GET OFF THE POT!"

[Owl]

Originally posted by whatamidoinghere

I just don't know what to do with myself anymore or what to say to him to say in so many words "SH*T or GET OFF THE POT!"

 

 

That pretty much sums it up friend. Tell him that, as bluntly and honestly as you can. Tell him that you can't take this anymore, that you feel as though he's just biding his time with you. Tell him that you truly don't believe him at this point that he's willing to give her up, and that you think that he's lying to you about it. When he fights about that, tell him that actions speak louder than words, and its his actions that you are looking at.

 

Then walk away. Remove his number from your phone, drop his email address from your computer. It will hurt like heck for a while, but as long as YOU do the right thing, then you will get to feeling better. Make no mistake...and look at all of the "I screwed up and contacted him" posts you see on the board...they all regret doing so. They are NOT happy after they've contacted their MM.

 

Recognize this...he's a liar, and a cheater. He's not in this for you...he's in it for HIMSELF. He's just playing the same game that all MM's (that are involved in an affair) play...he's got you RIGHT where he wants you, ready and available for him whenever, and at the same time he's got his wife at home as well...and while the relationship is probably not what it should be with her, I would be willing to bet you a hefty amount that its nowhere near as bad as he described. Again, look at all the other posts here where they're just finding that out. He's a player, and a BS'er. He's working you, and THAT SHOULD MAKE YOU MAD!!!!

 

Take advantage of that anger, and use it to give you the strength you need to tell him to kiss off. And once you've done that...go pamper yourself. Start doing things for YOU...not worrying about what HE wants. Hit the clubs, hit the gym, hit the spa, ...heck, hit the couch and some TV if you want to, but do it for YOU.

 

Good luck!

[whichwayisup]

I agree with Owl.

 

You are going to have to decide and soon. You can't go on like this, so much pain and wondering when and IF he actually is going to move. He probably doesn't have the heart to tell you he isn't and probably has no intention of moving either. Why should he when he is having his cake and eating it too?

 

I don't doubt his love for you, but he is doing what is best for his children. They come first and unfortunately for you, that means she is there in his daily life at the house.

 

Keep busy, get some hobbies, make new friends or hang out with old friends. Do not think about him, call him and just concentrate on getting over him. You have to decide. You both have to s*** or get off the pot. It isn't going to be easy for you I'm sure, but don't allow HIM all the power right now. As sweet and nice loving as you say he is, he KNOWS what this is doing to you and isn't doing anything to stop your pain...He's inflicting it all the time on you and you're taking it!! So stop!!

 

Cry, get it all out, and then remove yourself from the situation. If you had a bestfriend and you were hearing all this what would you tell her??? Think about it...Try to be very objective. Seeing and hearing her pain, you would want her not to hang around this situation and take on more of that pain right?? See where I'm going with this?

 

The ball is in YOUR court now. Stop playing.

 

I hope you're OK, hang in there and keep venting.