Philosopher Posted January 11, 2015 Share Posted January 11, 2015 A couple of days ago I was discussing with a friend whether getting a girlfriend is a particularly difficult task. Like him, I have struggled with dating over the past few years and have never really had a proper girlfriend so I agreed with him that it is particularly difficult task. That said I do know quite a few guys whom seem to have been able to find a girlfriend with seemingly very little effort. What do others here think? For those wanting a girlfriend, do you think it is an easy or difficult task? If you looking for a boyfriend, is that any easier, or is that too a tricky task? Link to post Share on other sites
Danda Posted January 11, 2015 Share Posted January 11, 2015 Well I think there are several factors that contribute to how easy or difficult it can be, and that these factors can and do vary quite a bit from one person to the next. Also to consider is that simply having a boyfriend/girlfriend in itself is not the same thing as having a genuinely enjoyable and fulfilling relationship. Some people have a rather easy time obtaining a boyfriend/girlfriend but then a much more difficult time keeping the relationship together, for example. Some people are able to cycle through several boyfriends/girlfriends yet still haven't ever felt truly in love, as another example. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
SpiralOut Posted January 11, 2015 Share Posted January 11, 2015 It depends on how picky you are. Most people can find a partner easily if they are willing to settle for less than what they want. I guess it also depends on how often you get out to meet new people and how comfortable you are talking to the opposite sex. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
JuneJulySeptember Posted January 12, 2015 Share Posted January 12, 2015 A couple of days ago I was discussing with a friend whether getting a girlfriend is a particularly difficult task. Like him, I have struggled with dating over the past few years and have never really had a proper girlfriend so I agreed with him that it is particularly difficult task. That said I do know quite a few guys whom seem to have been able to find a girlfriend with seemingly very little effort. What do others here think? For those wanting a girlfriend, do you think it is an easy or difficult task? If you looking for a boyfriend, is that any easier, or is that too a tricky task? Very difficult for me. Even if I wanted to date any woman without regard to attractiveness, age, or compatibility, I cannot tell you how long it would take me to find somebody. I knew the guys you speak of too. I feel there's somewhat of chasm between guys who have multiple women wanting to date them and guys who have no options in sight. Of course, the game totally changes once those guys get married and have kids. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Weezy1973 Posted January 12, 2015 Share Posted January 12, 2015 Statistically at least, as most adults are in a relationship - more than half are married - finding someone to be in a longterm relationship with is relatively easy. Things like becoming a professional athlete, climbing Mount Everest or becoming a doctor would be far more difficult. Link to post Share on other sites
endlessabyss Posted January 12, 2015 Share Posted January 12, 2015 It's been brutal for me the last two years. I've adjusted though. I really don't care about finding anyone. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
kolleamm Posted January 12, 2015 Share Posted January 12, 2015 Depends how attractive you are and how many people you're exposed to. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
somedude81 Posted January 12, 2015 Share Posted January 12, 2015 Getting a GF has been a near impossible task for me. I got my first GF at 31. I became friends with a girl who had a boyfriend in one of my classes. Somehow she started to develop feelings for me, dumped her boyfriend and basically gave me a green light. It was pure luck. Though the luck ran out at six months when she suddenly dumped me. I have yet to successfully pursue a woman; for example the typical, meet a girl ask her out, she says yes and we go on dates. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
kolleamm Posted January 12, 2015 Share Posted January 12, 2015 Getting a GF has been a near impossible task for me. I got my first GF at 31. I became friends with a girl who had a boyfriend in one of my classes. Somehow she started to develop feelings for me, dumped her boyfriend and basically gave me a green light. It was pure luck. Though the luck ran out at six months when she suddenly dumped me. I have yet to successfully pursue a woman; for example the typical, meet a girl ask her out, she says yes and we go on dates. In the same boat here. Just gonna keep moderately trying and leave it up to destiny. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
GoodOnPaper Posted January 12, 2015 Share Posted January 12, 2015 Getting the GF was far more difficult -- often excruciatingly difficult -- than navigating the relationship. OP, don't you how old you are but if you are young and relationship-minded, it can be very difficult. So many early 20s women are like kids in a candy store and monkey-branch from guy to guy -- of course, the guys with whom they want relationships the most are the guys who are good at attracting women for short-term flings. Be very patient with yourself. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Philosopher Posted January 12, 2015 Author Share Posted January 12, 2015 For me progressing from the dating to the girlfriend stage has always been the tricky part. I have usually been able to meet at least some single girls fairly often, particularly after I started online dating, however I have never been able to jump across the hurdle from dating to having a girlfriend, despite having about six or seven good chances over the years. The first girls I met at university I never really had the courage and I didn't really know how to progress to the dating and girlfriend stage, even if I was pretty sure they fancied me. One girl in any case overheard a rumour that I fancied her and subsequently told me she wasn't interested. Later on I met a girl through a friend. I never pursued it though as she lived quite far away and I was not really in the mood for a long distance relationship. This probably was for the better as she turned out to be crazy. I went on holiday with her as a friend a few years later and that turned out to be a bit of a disaster. About a year later I met a girl at work and asked her out and we went on a few dates. However I got the impression that she saw me as a friend rather than a boyfriend and therefore I never attempted to progress it further. That said I have remained friends with her. After this point I decided to switch to online dating and by this stage I was more confident in what I needed to do. However the first girl I seriously liked from online dating gave me the cold shoulder when I tried to kiss her and then a couple of dates later said we should just be friends. I suspect on this occasion I overestimated her level of attraction to me. I did end up going on quite a few dates with a couple of girls I liked whom I met online later and got to the make out stage, however both of these girls decided to end it after a little while and neither really explained why. So despite a few chances, I have never been able to successfully jump the hurdle from going on dates to having a relationship. Either I bottled it, they never really saw as boyfriend material in the first place or they decided to end it for some other reason, hence why it seems so difficult. Link to post Share on other sites
GravityMan Posted January 13, 2015 Share Posted January 13, 2015 The overwhelming majority of people (95%+) will have at least one significant other at some point in their lives...and most of them will have had several SO's including one marriage. Forever-aloners are very rare. Very. That alone tells me that finding a romantic partner is not difficult. Intellectuals, shy people, nomads, ruffians, douchebags, smart people, witty people, people good with their hands, dudebros, you name it...chances are excellent they will have had at least one GF/BF. Most people start dating in high school and have their first relationship in HS or college. And most of them didn't have to put forth much effort to get to that point, either. When someone's highly attracted to you, they tend to give you a decent amount of leeway...she probably won't care about the occasional awkwardness or minor mistake or misjudgment. When someone's not into you then it probably won't matter what you do or don't do...it's just not meant to be and you may as well accept it. If someone's finding it difficult finding a partner, then it's likely that he or she's being his own worst enemy. For example, perhaps he isn't doing the obvious (e.g. asking her out). Or he is overthinking things or trying too hard. Or he is approaching the situation too logically (attraction is based more on feelings than rationalization). Or he/she can't get outside his own head and thus isn't in-the-moment. Or he's too uptight and won't live a little. All of those things make matters more complicated than they need to be. Humans are social creatures and bonding with others is a pretty natural process for most of us. Now, finding someone that's actually a great match for you (and vice versa) can be tougher. Some meet that person in grade school while others go through 5-10 relationships before that person crosses their path. Link to post Share on other sites
JuneJulySeptember Posted January 13, 2015 Share Posted January 13, 2015 (edited) The overwhelming majority of people (95%+) will have at least one significant other at some point in their lives...and most of them will have had several SO's including one marriage. Forever-aloners are very rare. Very. That alone tells me that finding a romantic partner is not difficult. Intellectuals, shy people, nomads, ruffians, douchebags, smart people, witty people, people good with their hands, dudebros, you name it...chances are excellent they will have had at least one GF/BF. Most people start dating in high school and have their first relationship in HS or college. And most of them didn't have to put forth much effort to get to that point, either. When someone's highly attracted to you, they tend to give you a decent amount of leeway...she probably won't care about the occasional awkwardness or minor mistake or misjudgment. When someone's not into you then it probably won't matter what you do or don't do...it's just not meant to be and you may as well accept it. If someone's finding it difficult finding a partner, then it's likely that he or she's being his own worst enemy. For example, perhaps he isn't doing the obvious (e.g. asking her out). Or he is overthinking things or trying too hard. Or he is approaching the situation too logically (attraction is based more on feelings than rationalization). Or he/she can't get outside his own head and thus isn't in-the-moment. Or he's too uptight and won't live a little. All of those things make matters more complicated than they need to be. Humans are social creatures and bonding with others is a pretty natural process for most of us. Now, finding someone that's actually a great match for you (and vice versa) can be tougher. Some meet that person in grade school while others go through 5-10 relationships before that person crosses their path. I agree that it is pretty easy for most people. But that doesn't mean everybody. I mean, regardless, if it was easy for you (and it was REALLY EASY FOR YOU based on your post and attitude), then you should have even more sympathy for people who have it hard no matter what the reason. If I was born rich, then I'd have more sympathy for poor people and give away more of my money. Edited January 13, 2015 by JuneJulySeptember Link to post Share on other sites
Frank2thepoint Posted January 13, 2015 Share Posted January 13, 2015 What do others here think? For those wanting a girlfriend, do you think it is an easy or difficult task? I have no problem with talking, flirting, wooing, and asking a woman out on date. I even get some of the women to be interested in me. But getting the said woman into a relationship has been a tricky endeavor. Majority flake out on me. They panic and use the excuse they aren't ready for a relationship, too busy for one, or they were recently hurt. It's quite frustrating, because I wish these women expressed these excuses on the first date, which would have signaled for me to not continue pursuit. Getting a girlfriend is neither easy or difficult. It is frustrating. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Philosopher Posted January 13, 2015 Author Share Posted January 13, 2015 I have no problem with talking, flirting, wooing, and asking a woman out on date. I even get some of the women to be interested in me. But getting the said woman into a relationship has been a tricky endeavor. Majority flake out on me. They panic and use the excuse they aren't ready for a relationship, too busy for one, or they were recently hurt. It's quite frustrating, because I wish these women expressed these excuses on the first date, which would have signaled for me to not continue pursuit. Getting a girlfriend is neither easy or difficult. It is frustrating. Your experiences of dating seem like they have been pretty similar to what I have experienced since I started online dating. I usually can get dates fairly easily, sometimes even a second or third one. After that however the women will make some excuse to end it. Usually this will be along the the lines that they are not ready, despite previously appearing very keen for a relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
hotpotato Posted January 14, 2015 Share Posted January 14, 2015 It's difficult for me, unless I want to date someone 50 years my senior. If I can get a boyfriend every 2 or 3 years, that would be doing well. For me it's a struggle from first date to break up. At some point I just get tired. *shrug* I've known guys who could easily swing from branch to branch. Link to post Share on other sites
nerd Posted January 14, 2015 Share Posted January 14, 2015 After that however the women will make some excuse to end it. Usually this will be along the the lines that they are not ready, despite previously appearing very keen for a relationship. That's also a line cowards use when they really mean they don't want a relationship with you. Unfortunately there's no reliable way to know whether they mean it or not, since torture is outlawed in most places. Link to post Share on other sites
AVarma Posted January 14, 2015 Share Posted January 14, 2015 It really depends on the individual. Most people who have normal social skills and a bit of self-esteem can usually find somebody. They may not have a new partner every week and they may spent a few months or even a few years single but most of the time they can usually find somebody. However those who are abnormally shy or who have self-esteem problems usually find it more difficult. They may have to work harder for something that comes quite naturally to others. Link to post Share on other sites
Lokin4AReason Posted January 14, 2015 Share Posted January 14, 2015 its hard .... because everyone is looking for their perfect match ( well around that is what it seems ) wnd_171a923bf8e30b11a42b7c7f510f1311.jpg Photo by jfreakofkorn | Photobucket Link to post Share on other sites
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