Unhappy return to Forum: Fight about sex

[highfive]

Hi all,

 

It has been many years since I posted here.

 

Well, I'm back. Things between my wife and I have been great, up until last year but an unfortunate medical condition caused a sudden entry into menopause. Her libido rapidly reduced to zero and I am having a difficult time adjusting. We have talked about it, and she feels bad and "accommodates" me when I need, but all this is bringing out my old insecurities and irrational behavior.

 

Today we had a major fight about it after I tried to initiate. She has never liked discussing sex, and today I pressed her to talk about it. Bad move, as usual. I don't want her to feel guilty, I just want to talk about it with hopes of improvement, but she always says that talking about it makes her feel guilty and inadequate. I pressed and pressed my need to talk, which made her furious, but I would not back down (fool). The fight escalated, she got very angry and said some things we will regret. I suggested counseling to help us get through this, but she refused with anger saying it was my problem, not hers, because I pressure her with my behavior and comments that make her feel guilty. Perhaps I can be passive-aggressive at times, especially when I am pre-occupied about this and start pulling away emotionally.

 

I apologized for pushing the subject today, but that only made things worse, and now she will not talk to me. Time to give her space.

 

I love her a great deal. We have been married 26 years, but our libido mis-match has always been an issue for me, but we have both somehow learned to compromise. However, we have never been able to talk about it without her feeling guilty, and today I really pushed it too far for the first time in years - guess it has been building for a while.

 

I wish I could learn to talk to her about this without making her feel guilty - perhaps counseling would help me to communicate my needs without inducing guilt? I want this marriage to last another 26 years, and will keep working at it!

[bathtub-row]

Well, it's just as much her responsibility to talk about as it is yours. Just because she feels guilty isn't a reason to brush it under the rug. She obviously isn't good at handling things, and this isn't good for communication and understanding in your relationship.

 

I don't know what to tell you except that she's handicapped in this area. It doesn't seem like she wants to change or improve things so she just gets mad at you so that you'll stop bringing up the subject.

[Els]

Is she open to seeking medical treatment for her pre-menopausal symptoms?

[jackslife]

I'm in a similar situation, but at least we are in marriage counselling.

 

I'd insist on going to a marriage counsellor. Mismatched libidos are devastating and the person who wants it more tends to be made to feel bad, and the one who isn't interested can't (or won't) see what the problems are.

 

Communication is obviously a big problem here. But there are no easy answers, at some point you need to make the call that if the sex isn't there the marriage may be over. Ultimately your choice may be a sexless marriage or divorce.

[xxoo]

Hi Highfive. Nice avi

 

I was not familiar with your history, so I peeked back. If you read your last post on your last thread, does this resonate with what is going on right now? I understand that your wife's libido has been affected by menopause, but I'm wondering if the extent is also being influenced by your responses and, as you say, the reemergence of your old insecurities and irrational behavior.

 

The post:

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/marriage-life-partnerships/290859-i-m-human-husband-loving-lovable-imperfect#post3555511

 

Menopause, not unlike the birth of children, is a major life and hormonal event that can temporarily disrupt a couple's sex life. How much it affects a couple's sex life long term depends partly on how the husband and wife handle that adjustment period.

[d0nnivain]

I'd try some counseling. She needs to be able to talk about sex with her husband.

[Mal78]

I'm in the same situation with the same reaction. My husband is who has the lower drive and I have a huge one. Like you, I love him and I will work at it but the non communication is VERY hard. I hate that when I try to initiate a conversation it turns into an argument.

 

He gets angry and shuts it down. Period.

 

No further discussion. I don't think it's guilt for him. It's more that he doesn't see it as an issue because when we do have sex it's great. I orgasm perhaps 1/5 times. Throw in the in frequency it can be VERY frustrating :/

[Mr. Lucky]

She has never liked discussing sex, and today I pressed her to talk about it. Bad move, as usual. I don't want her to feel guilty, I just want to talk about it with hopes of improvement, but she always says that talking about it makes her feel guilty and inadequate. I pressed and pressed my need to talk, which made her furious, but I would not back down (fool). The fight escalated, she got very angry and said some things we will regret.

 

Can you give an example of how you "pressed" your need to discuss?

 

Is the issue frequency? Who initiates? Variety?

 

Hard to give feedback without knowing what you're asking her to do...

 

Mr. Lucky

[silversp]

Has your wife shared with you what has happened to her body/mind after being thrown into menopause? Now that I am going through it myself, I now know why my mother--who had me at 42 years old and then had to have a hysterectomy immediately following my birth--I know why she would cry just about every day when I was a little kid. And we are talking early 1960's here. Now, since I am going through it, I will give you a list of stuff that I am going through: First we have vaginal atrophy where the lining of the vagina becomes as thin as tissue paper. Anything going in can cause small tears which burn and hurt like hell. You add the motion of sex-I don't care if you have a vat of lubricant either-and you can plan on being miserable for at least a day if not more after sex. Add to that a bladder infection you just got as a side effect of the vaginal atrophy/sex combo and if you are lucky enough to not have it try to get to your kidneys, you will survive to see another day. I don't care how horny I am, that little menopause devil is sitting on your shoulder saying "Well old girl, I hope you REALLY enjoy this orgasm-that is if you can make to orgasm because your clitoris has shrunk--but I hope you really enjoy it because you are going to pay for days or even weeks for this." They tell you "have MORE SEX, it will make things better." Yeah, I would love to except I will have to recuperate a few days after this-unless you just want to have hubby do a quickie so you don't get beat up so bad. Yeah--that's it-just quick enough so HE has an orgasm because the ejaculate contains oxytocin and that will HELP YOU to feel better-at some point. Orgasm? Uh yeah--if you can make it that long or your husband doesn't lose his erection from______fill in the blank if you dare. Phew--you made it 3 days from the last sex with no bladder infection! Hooray--I will reward myself with masturbating to an orgasm that I can't seem to obtain during sex. But wait! I am in menopause and my clitoris has shrunk so it takes FOR-EV-ER to obtain an orgasm and then guess what you get the next day? Yeah-you might get carpal tunnel but the correct answer is: the BLADDER INFECTION! Woo hoo. The Menopause devil is on your shoulder telling you "see I told you-if you play, you pay!" Don't forget to add the few or more pounds that you have gained even though you try to watch what you eat and work out--the pounds still come and make you feel a little less desirable. Oh-and lets not forget the facial changes menopause can cause--instant wrinkles and sagging. Throw in some hair loss, some depression form all of the above and from the menopause itself and you have a perfect storm. Now you can risk your life taking hormones to try and get back somewhere you once were--that's if you are morally OK with how the homones are collected to process to give to you (Google "Premarin Mares"). Or you can do like me and get the plant based hormones and hope to heck you don't kill yourself. Let's see--smear one smelly cream on different areas each day for 2 weeks out of the month. Then another smelly cream that you are supposed to put some in your vagina and some on another body area so that equals 1/4 teaspoon and lets see--do that for days 1-25 of the month. Hope you get those 1/4 teaspoons right-not too little and not too much. Be careful not to get any on your family or pets and if you get the opportunity to actually have sex, make sure you can predict when said sex will happen so that hopefully you don't have to jump in the shower to decontaminate yourself so you don't get any on your husband because its not good for him. You feel like you should put him in a hazmat suit. So, if you haven't yet figured it out, Menopause is not fun. I can't imagine what it is like for your wife to not get pulled slowly into it but just be thrown right in that cold tub.

Have you done any research as to what happens to a woman when this happens to her? I suffered along for years not knowing what the heck was happening to me. Thinking gee I hope our insurance gets better so I can afford to go see what is wrong with me--it must be something really bad since I bleed everytime we have sex (duh-it was the tearing inside my vagina) Sorry if I sound a little bitter here but IMHO women really do get the short end of the stick.

I hope you can develop some understanding of what is going on with your wife and help her to feel better so that you BOTH can enjoy SOME sex.

I am new here and have some issues () and issues with my hubby which I think we are on our way of working out. But seriously it shocks me to see so many people whining and threatening to have an affair because the other partner (supposed LIFE PARTNER) is not having any or enough sex. Sex is great. But I think in this society so much emphasis has been put on sex that we have all lost our minds and lost what the meaning of true love between 2 people is.

Now I have to go sneeze and hope I don't pee my pants from having 3 kids. I Kegel my brains out but still if I sneeze more than twice I'm done.

[Michelle ma Belle]

Marriage is a two-way street. It takes two people to break it and two people to make it work. When one person shuts down and effectively ends communication it can have devastating effects both in the short term and especially in the long term.

 

Honestly, I will NEVER understand why people not only don't communicate but outright refuse to! UGH!

 

I've been here my friend only it was my husband who had the low to zero sex drive. I begged to discuss things, even asked for marriage counselling but he refused for a very long time and instead made me feel like I was the one with issues, not him.

 

Bullsh*t.

 

I eventually decided to go for individual counselling and it was the BEST thing I ever did. I realized a lot of things about myself and even about my marriage. In the end, I left my husband and that too was the best decision in the long run.

 

I'm not saying that is where you should be headed BUT if she is refusing therapy, that is a red flag. Don't let that stop you from seeking help for yourself. You never know what you might learn. I think everyone should be in therapy

 

Bottom line is you are powerless in terms of changing her. She needs to want it just as much as you do and from the sounds of things, she's not even close to being open to discussing the topic of sex and how it relates to your relationship.

[highfive]

Has your wife shared with you what has happened to her body/mind after being thrown into menopause? Now that I am going through it myself, I now know why my mother--who had me at 42 years old and then had to have a hysterectomy immediately following my birth--I know why she would cry just about every day when I was a little kid. And we are talking early 1960's here. Now, since I am going through it, I will give you a list of stuff that I am going through: First we have vaginal atrophy where the lining of the vagina becomes as thin as tissue paper. Anything going in can cause small tears which burn and hurt like hell. You add the motion of sex-I don't care if you have a vat of lubricant either-and you can plan on being miserable for at least a day if not more after sex. Add to that a bladder infection you just got as a side effect of the vaginal atrophy/sex combo and if you are lucky enough to not have it try to get to your kidneys, you will survive to see another day. I don't care how horny I am, that little menopause devil is sitting on your shoulder saying "Well old girl, I hope you REALLY enjoy this orgasm-that is if you can make to orgasm because your clitoris has shrunk--but I hope you really enjoy it because you are going to pay for days or even weeks for this." They tell you "have MORE SEX, it will make things better." Yeah, I would love to except I will have to recuperate a few days after this-unless you just want to have hubby do a quickie so you don't get beat up so bad. Yeah--that's it-just quick enough so HE has an orgasm because the ejaculate contains oxytocin and that will HELP YOU to feel better-at some point. Orgasm? Uh yeah--if you can make it that long or your husband doesn't lose his erection from______fill in the blank if you dare. Phew--you made it 3 days from the last sex with no bladder infection! Hooray--I will reward myself with masturbating to an orgasm that I can't seem to obtain during sex. But wait! I am in menopause and my clitoris has shrunk so it takes FOR-EV-ER to obtain an orgasm and then guess what you get the next day? Yeah-you might get carpal tunnel but the correct answer is: the BLADDER INFECTION! Woo hoo. The Menopause devil is on your shoulder telling you "see I told you-if you play, you pay!" Don't forget to add the few or more pounds that you have gained even though you try to watch what you eat and work out--the pounds still come and make you feel a little less desirable. Oh-and lets not forget the facial changes menopause can cause--instant wrinkles and sagging. Throw in some hair loss, some depression form all of the above and from the menopause itself and you have a perfect storm. Now you can risk your life taking hormones to try and get back somewhere you once were--that's if you are morally OK with how the homones are collected to process to give to you (Google "Premarin Mares"). Or you can do like me and get the plant based hormones and hope to heck you don't kill yourself. Let's see--smear one smelly cream on different areas each day for 2 weeks out of the month. Then another smelly cream that you are supposed to put some in your vagina and some on another body area so that equals 1/4 teaspoon and lets see--do that for days 1-25 of the month. Hope you get those 1/4 teaspoons right-not too little and not too much. Be careful not to get any on your family or pets and if you get the opportunity to actually have sex, make sure you can predict when said sex will happen so that hopefully you don't have to jump in the shower to decontaminate yourself so you don't get any on your husband because its not good for him. You feel like you should put him in a hazmat suit. So, if you haven't yet figured it out, Menopause is not fun. I can't imagine what it is like for your wife to not get pulled slowly into it but just be thrown right in that cold tub.

Have you done any research as to what happens to a woman when this happens to her? I suffered along for years not knowing what the heck was happening to me. Thinking gee I hope our insurance gets better so I can afford to go see what is wrong with me--it must be something really bad since I bleed everytime we have sex (duh-it was the tearing inside my vagina) Sorry if I sound a little bitter here but IMHO women really do get the short end of the stick.

I hope you can develop some understanding of what is going on with your wife and help her to feel better so that you BOTH can enjoy SOME sex.

I am new here and have some issues () and issues with my hubby which I think we are on our way of working out. But seriously it shocks me to see so many people whining and threatening to have an affair because the other partner (supposed LIFE PARTNER) is not having any or enough sex. Sex is great. But I think in this society so much emphasis has been put on sex that we have all lost our minds and lost what the meaning of true love between 2 people is.

Now I have to go sneeze and hope I don't pee my pants from having 3 kids. I Kegel my brains out but still if I sneeze more than twice I'm done.

Thanks . Yes, I did a great deal of reading, and I do understand (as best as a man can) about the changes brought on by menopause, and I have been supportive throughout. She is on medication for hot flashes, but not testosterone - apparently it can be harmful, so that is not an option.

 

As mentioned, I give her credit because she does "accommodate" me from time to time, but it feels wrong to me, cheap, and so one-sided. As Cheap Trick wrote, "I want her to want me"! So, I pressed the issue yesterday. Too hard. It was a awkward moment, she was angry that I initiated sex at a bad time, and I just wanted to explain how this has become very difficult for me, especially since her libido has further reduced the last few years. I was not trying to make her feel guilty - I just wanted to talk about it with the hopes of growing closer, in all ways. I was wrong.

[highfive]

Marriage is a two-way street. It takes two people to break it and two people to make it work. When one person shuts down and effectively ends communication it can have devastating effects both in the short term and especially in the long term.

 

Honestly, I will NEVER understand why people not only don't communicate but outright refuse to! UGH!

 

I've been here my friend only it was my husband who had the low to zero sex drive. I begged to discuss things, even asked for marriage counselling but he refused for a very long time and instead made me feel like I was the one with issues, not him.

 

Bullsh*t.

 

I eventually decided to go for individual counselling and it was the BEST thing I ever did. I realized a lot of things about myself and even about my marriage. In the end, I left my husband and that too was the best decision in the long run.

 

I'm not saying that is where you should be headed BUT if she is refusing therapy, that is a red flag. Don't let that stop you from seeking help for yourself. You never know what you might learn. I think everyone should be in therapy

 

Bottom line is you are powerless in terms of changing her. She needs to want it just as much as you do and from the sounds of things, she's not even close to being open to discussing the topic of sex and how it relates to your relationship.

 

Thanks very much . She has never liked talking about it! Always made her feel guilty for not being "good enough" (her words). Yes, perhaps therapy would help me to learn how to communicate with her about this, but it might not make any difference as she usually shuts down as soon as I mention it (I agree I am powerless to change her). My strategy is obviously flawed, has been for decades . In spite of this, there was been great, close, affectionate sex! I almost always initiate, and there was a time not so long ago that I could get her in the mood, but not now.

[pteromom]

We have been married 26 years, but our libido mis-match has always been an issue for me, but we have both somehow learned to compromise.

 

If you have learned to compromise, then why push her to compromise further?

 

However, we have never been able to talk about it without her feeling guilty, and today I really pushed it too far for the first time in years - guess it has been building for a while.

 

Well...yeah...it feels pretty bad when you know that you can't really satisfy your partner, and when you constantly feel that you aren't enough.

 

I wish I could learn to talk to her about this without making her feel guilty - perhaps counseling would help me to communicate my needs without inducing guilt? I want this marriage to last another 26 years, and will keep working at it!

 

Why not just accept her as she is? If she "accommodates" you when you need, just let that be good for now and see what happens. Perhaps when her body adjusts, her libido will come back a little. Perhaps it won't. (You say this has been a mismatch for 26 years.)

 

At some point, you have to just accept her for who she is rather than pushing her to be someone else.

 

Otherwise, you may push her to the point where she won't want to have sex EVER.

[highfive]

Can you give an example of how you "pressed" your need to discuss?

 

Is the issue frequency? Who initiates? Variety?

 

Hard to give feedback without knowing what you're asking her to do...

 

Mr. Lucky

 

Thanks. I pressed by not letting it drop after she said (many times) that she would not talk about it. I kept pressing my need to talk, she kept getting angry to the point she said some things I know she did not want to say.

 

Issue, for me, is not frequency but lack of desire / interest on her part. I always initiate (always have). Actually, what I want (and request) most is for her to let me please her, as she never can through intercourse.

[highfive]

If you have learned to compromise, then why push her to compromise further?

 

 

 

Well...yeah...it feels pretty bad when you know that you can't really satisfy your partner, and when you constantly feel that you aren't enough.

 

 

 

Why not just accept her as she is? If she "accommodates" you when you need, just let that be good for now and see what happens. Perhaps when her body adjusts, her libido will come back a little. Perhaps it won't. (You say this has been a mismatch for 26 years.)

 

At some point, you have to just accept her for who she is rather than pushing her to be someone else.

 

Otherwise, you may push her to the point where she won't want to have sex EVER.

 

Thanks, yes, I did reach the point of accepting (and loving) her the way she is, but yesterday I just LOST IT for the first time in a long while

[highfive]

Hi Highfive. Nice avi

 

I was not familiar with your history, so I peeked back. If you read your last post on your last thread, does this resonate with what is going on right now? I understand that your wife's libido has been affected by menopause, but I'm wondering if the extent is also being influenced by your responses and, as you say, the reemergence of your old insecurities and irrational behavior.

 

The post:

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/marriage-life-partnerships/290859-i-m-human-husband-loving-lovable-imperfect#post3555511

 

Menopause, not unlike the birth of children, is a major life and hormonal event that can temporarily disrupt a couple's sex life. How much it affects a couple's sex life long term depends partly on how the husband and wife handle that adjustment period.

 

Thanks - Yep, definite return of my demons. I was weak yesterday and they won.

[pteromom]

As mentioned, I give her credit because she does "accommodate" me from time to time, but it feels wrong to me, cheap, and so one-sided. As Cheap Trick wrote, "I want her to want me"!

 

You are going to need to redefine your expectations. Know that by giving you what you need, she is showing you love. Know that your need for her to want you is your ego speaking - not love.

 

Imagine that you don't care for cilantro. Your wife loves cilantro. So she makes food with cilantro, and you'll eat it (you don't want her to feel insulted or unloved) but you just don't care for it. Well, imagine that she doesn't just want you to eat the cilantro. She wants you to go ga-ga over it; to ask for it; to act thrilled about it. And if you don't, she gets sulky and moody and makes little comments about you not loving her because you don't want her cilantro.

 

That's what it is like for your wife, except moreso, since cilantro isn't a part of what makes a woman a woman, and her sexuality is. She tries to make you happy, but she can't FORCE herself to want sex when she has no desire for it.

 

Instead of saying "I understand you don't want it, but thank you for doing it anyway. It means a lot to me", you are saying and doing things that make her feel horrible. Like she isn't enough for you as she is. Like you wish she was someone else. Like the only way she can show you she loves you is to somehow force herself to feel something she simply doesn't feel.

 

I just wanted to explain how this has become very difficult for me, especially since her libido has further reduced the last few years. I was not trying to make her feel guilty - I just wanted to talk about it with the hopes of growing closer, in all ways. I was wrong.

 

How about growing closer in other ways, outside of sexually? To forget about sex being a focus for a bit, and just work on the friendship and closeness and laughing together. It may just lead to a revival of her libido. Because nothing is a bigger turn-on than knowing that your partner is happy with you exactly the way you are.

[highfive]

You are going to need to redefine your expectations. Know that by giving you what you need, she is showing you love. Know that your need for her to want you is your ego speaking - not love.

 

Imagine that you don't care for cilantro. Your wife loves cilantro. So she makes food with cilantro, and you'll eat it (you don't want her to feel insulted or unloved) but you just don't care for it. Well, imagine that she doesn't just want you to eat the cilantro. She wants you to go ga-ga over it; to ask for it; to act thrilled about it. And if you don't, she gets sulky and moody and makes little comments about you not loving her because you don't want her cilantro.

 

That's what it is like for your wife, except moreso, since cilantro isn't a part of what makes a woman a woman, and her sexuality is. She tries to make you happy, but she can't FORCE herself to want sex when she has no desire for it.

 

Instead of saying "I understand you don't want it, but thank you for doing it anyway. It means a lot to me", you are saying and doing things that make her feel horrible. Like she isn't enough for you as she is. Like you wish she was someone else. Like the only way she can show you she loves you is to somehow force herself to feel something she simply doesn't feel.

 

 

 

How about growing closer in other ways, outside of sexually? To forget about sex being a focus for a bit, and just work on the friendship and closeness and laughing together. It may just lead to a revival of her libido. Because nothing is a bigger turn-on than knowing that your partner is happy with you exactly the way you are.

 

Thanks - awesome advice - I hope I get the chance to act on it. I am concerned that I may have have pushed her too far this time.

[elaine567]

If things are as bad for her as they are for silversp, then how on earth do you expect her to have any desire or interest especially as her libido will be in her boots anyway? Anxiety and depression are also symptoms of the menopause, both will do nothing for interest or desire either.

It sounds absolutely horrendous.

If the skin on your penis was paper thin and small skin tears bled, burned and hurt like hell and on top of that you got urine infections which also hurt like hell, would you be initating sex much? I doubt it.

YOU may have read about the meopause but how much did you actually absorb?

 

Of course she feels guilty, you want sex and you want to see some improvement too, and an increase in her desire for sex, nothing like no pressure...

Everytime you bring it up, she has to defend herself, and she, where she is ATM, is at a loss to provide much enthusiasm.

 

The menopause is a big thing for a woman, it is the end of her reproductive capacity, to many women it signifies the end of her feminity, the end of her desirability. This may or may not be true, but it has to be considered whenever the menopause is mentioned.

It is a tangible reminder that she is getting old too...

[Mr. Lucky]

Issue, for me, is not frequency but lack of desire / interest on her part. I always initiate (always have). Actually, what I want (and request) most is for her to let me please her, as she never can through intercourse.

 

So you want her to act interested about that which, were she interested in it, you wouldn't have to wonder about her lack of interest ???

 

To stay in the relationship, you may have to be satisfied with her attempts at accommodation...

 

Mr. Lucky

[highfive]

If things are as bad for her as they are for silversp, then how on earth do you expect her to have any desire or interest especially as her libido will be in her boots anyway? Anxiety and depression are also symptoms of the menopause, both will do nothing for interest or desire either.

It sounds absolutely horrendous.

If the skin on your penis was paper thin and small skin tears bled, burned and hurt like hell and on top of that you got urine infections which also hurt like hell, would you be initating sex much? I doubt it.

YOU may have read about the meopause but how much did you actually absorb?

 

Of course she feels guilty, you want sex and you want to see some improvement too, and an increase in her desire for sex, nothing like no pressure...

Everytime you bring it up, she has to defend herself, and she, where she is ATM, is at a loss to provide much enthusiasm.

 

The menopause is a big thing for a woman, it is the end of her reproductive capacity, to many women it signifies the end of her feminity, the end of her desirability. This may or may not be true, but it has to be considered whenever the menopause is mentioned.

It is a tangible reminder that she is getting old too...

 

Thanks very much Elaine. Wise words that my heart is absorbing. I cannot undo the pressure I have subjected her to, but I can change. For the most part I have been doing ok, but sometimes my demons take control. I should have come here to the forum first to remind myself of my past progress and to review all the great tips I received! I hope and pray I can mend this

[highfive]

Thanks very much Elaine. Wise words that my heart is absorbing. I cannot undo the pressure I have subjected her to, but I can change. For the most part I have been doing ok, but sometimes my demons take control. I should have come here to the forum first to remind myself of my past progress and to review all the great tips I received! I can mend this

 

Plus - a BIG SHOUT OUT to Ronni W for all the great tips and support, many years ago! :bunny:

[xxoo]

What can you do to work through your own triggers of insecurity? I think this could be a good goal of individual therapy for you. Periods of low sex are unfortunate, yes, but it doesn't have to get all tied up in personal feelings of inadequacy. And if you could be calm and centered and support her through this time---be her rock---she'll lean on you instead of away from you.

 

But you can't fake it. You've got to dig in and find that peace before you can project it.

[highfive]

What can you do to work through your own triggers of insecurity? I think this could be a good goal of individual therapy for you. Periods of low sex are unfortunate, yes, but it doesn't have to get all tied up in personal feelings of inadequacy. And if you could be calm and centered and support her through this time---be her rock---she'll lean on you instead of away from you.

 

But you can't fake it. You've got to dig in and find that peace before you can project it.

 

To start, I have been reading my thread from 6 years ago!: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t159...light=highfive

 

Exercise and fresh air always help too! We humans can take ourselves way too seriously sometimes, and the ego takes over

[whichwayisup]

Give her some space.

 

In the meantime, keep going. Live life and don't stop doing nice things for her or helping out around the house. Even buy her flowers, chocolates or something that will make her smile. leave her a note saying "I love you and when you're ready to talk, I'm here to listen. I'm sorry for the other day. Let me make it up to you" Or something like that.