I really need some help.

[richard]

My message is a bit long but i really need some help. Please help me coz i'm very confused.

 

I'm 26yrs old and my girlfriend is only 18 yrs old. We have been in this relationship for more than 2 months now.I'm her very first boyfriend and she wants me to be the last and She told me that she loves me so very much and she doesn't want to lose me. During our first few weeks, I was at her place and we were both lying on her bed. Since i have a not-so hairy chest, she wonders if my leg is a bit hairy too, so she asked me if she could take a look at my leg. I agreed and pulled down my pants until she could look at my leg and i was only in my underwear. suddenly, i asked her(hoping to start something sexual between us) if the thought of looking at my penis came into her mind and she said yes so i showed it to her. I also asked her if she likes to see me cum, she agreed so i told her to play with it and she did, but i felt that it will take a long time so i asked her to give me a blowjob. She doesn't want to no matter how i pleaded so i just let it be. I then asked her if i could see her private part, she got so upset thinking that the reason i offered to show my penis was for her to show her stuff to me as well. Then she asked me if it's ok with me that we don't engage in sex, like i did with my ex-girlfriend whom i dumped after 6 years of relationship, so i have no choice but to agree since i really love her.

 

After more than a month in our relationship, we found ourselves together in my place. After only a few minutes of convincing her, she lets me touch and play with her bare breast and i was also able to kiss and suck it, but she didn't take off her shirt coz she said she's not used to it.

 

After a week, i get to play and suck with her breast again although there's still some resistance. I was also able to touch her butt but with her shorts on. I tried to sneak my hand into her shorts hoping to touch her private part and play with it but she kept moving my hands away every time my hand was about to enter her shorts and she told me not to do it but this time she's not upset about it and i even asked her if she's upset and she assures me that she's not. I kept on trying to get my hand inside but to no avail so i finally gave up.

 

Since my girlfriend knew that i dumped my ex-girlfriend after going steady for 6 long years and we have had sex, my friend told me that my present girlfriend might not have sex with me until we are married since she's afraid that i might dumped her in the future.

 

My questions are:

 

1. From what i narrated, does it mean that my girlfriend doesn't want to make love with me yet, since she told me if it's ok for me not to do it and i agreed?

 

2. If she don't want to make love to me yet does it mean that she don't really love me?

 

3. Is my friend correct, that my girlfriend might wait until we're married before engaging in sex because of what i did to my ex-girlfriend? If he's correct, does that mean that my girlfriend doesn't trust me?

 

4. Do girls get aroused while engaging in lenghty kissing(with french kiss) or not all girls get aroused? because when i asked my girlfriend if she gets aroused when we kiss she said she don't. is that normal?

 

5. is there any positive side that she allowed me, although there's still some hesitation, to touch and suck her breast? does that mean i'm closer to making love with her? but why doesn't she allow me to touch her private part from so many attempts?

 

Thank you very much for taking the time to read my message and for helping me.

[Tony T]

My questions are:

 

1. From what i narrated, does it mean that my girlfriend doesn't want to make love with me yet, since she told me if it's ok for me not to do it and i agreed?

 

She obviously doesn't want to make love with you yet, whether you agree or not. She is simply not ready. You have no choice but to agree with her request. You seem like enough of a gentleman to respect her wishes.

 

2. If she don't want to make love to me yet does it mean that she don't really love me?

 

It doesn't mean she does or she doesn't love you. That has nothing to do with it. It just means she doesn't want to have sex yet.

 

A lot of people who hardly know each other have sex, often the night they meet, just because they want to. There are other people who love each other more than life itself who defer the sexual experience until after marriage.

 

In my opinion, if you showed as much interest in her as a person and as a woman as you do in getting into her pants, she would probably have sex with you in a heartbeat.

 

3. Is my friend correct, that my girlfriend might wait until we're married before engaging in sex because of what i did to my ex-girlfriend?

 

You have only known this girl for TWO MONTHS. It is very presumptuous to think the two of you are going to get married. She is a very young girl and, even though she may say she wants to be with you forever, she can easily change her mind...just like you did with your last girlfriend.

 

You will have to ask her the reason for putting off sex. If she is a virgin, that could be a reason. If she wanted to have sex bad enough, nothing in your past would stop her. It may take her more time to trust you in this way. I really don't think you should press her on this issue. If you really must have sex that bad, you may need to find a lady who is more willing to compromise in this area.

 

3b. If he's correct, does that mean that my girlfriend don't trust me?

 

If he's correct, then it may or may not mean she doesn't trust you. Frankly, I don't think she's known you nearly long enough to establish a very sound trust in you. I personally have a real hard time with a man who uses the word "dump" so freely. If I was a girl and you told me you "dumped" your girlfriend after a six year relationship, I don't think I would want to have anything to do with you.

 

The better and less abrasive term, in my opinion, is breaking up or parting ways. Human beings, and especially those we have initimate relationships with, are not things we "dump."

 

4. Do girls get aroused while engaging in lenghty kissing(with french kiss) or not all girls get aroused?

 

Yes, most girls get aroused to one extent or another. It really depends on the girl. French kissing is usually a prelude to more serious things. Some girls get very aroused, others not. It actually depends not only on the girl but her mood at the time...and, of course, the guy she's frenching with. It also sometimes depends on how much she's had to drink and how long it's been since she got laid.

 

4b. because when i asked my girlfriend if she gets aroused when we kiss she said she don't. is that normal?

 

If a girl doesn't want to get aroused, she won't. A lot of it has to do with will. She wants to express her fondness for you and accomodate this frenching that you initiated but she doesn't want it to go any further than that. Or, more likely, she is aroused but doesn't want you to know it because she doesn't want it to go further. She has already told you very clearly she doesn't want to have sex with you at this particular time.

 

5. is there any positive side that she allowed me, although there's still some hesitation, to touch and suck her breast?

 

The positive side is that you got to feel it. There is no particular significance to a woman allowing you to touch her breasts. However, most women will not let a guy do that unless she is very fond of him or if he is paying the money she requires for the privilege. You just seem to be looking for every morsel of possible evidence that she wants to have sex. She can let you reach inside of her and touch her womb...and that still will not be an indication she wants to have sex.

 

The sign that she wants to have sex is when she grabs your hand and leads you to the bedroom, the back seat, the park bench or whatever is handy at the time and pulls off her clothes and rips yours off as well. That will be a pretty good sign.

 

5b. does that mean i'm closer to making love with her?

 

No, it only means you got to feel and lick her breasts. Nothing more. Now, with some girls it would mean you were minutes from the big event...but with this one it doesn't.

 

5c. but why doesn't she allow me to touch her private part from so many attempts?

 

She has the personal preference that you not touch her private parts. I think any human being has the right not to allow you to touch their genitals. That right is not provided for in the Constitution or any other place that I know of. You have to respect that. That may come with time but with this girl, you are going to have to use self control. It you persist in trying to do something she has told you she doesn't want, she may just stop seeing you.

 

The minute you cease to be interested at all, that's probably when you'll get what you really want here. You'll learn.

[Laurynn]

First of all, maybe I'm an old stick in the mud, but what on earth does a man who's 26 have in common with a young girl of 18? Aren't there any single women closer to your own age?

 

Secondly, you already said that you are her first real boyfriend...so I'd take that to mean that she's a virgin/knows very little about intimacy and the like. It sounds like this is all completely new to her......that, and maybe she is simply not ready to 'give it up' to you......which of course is her prerogative and right. Maybe she's overwhelmed by the fact that you seem a little too preoccupied with sex?

 

Aren't there other components of your relationship besides getting into her pants? What about friendship, common interests/goals, spending quality time together (outside of intimacy)????

 

She's more than just a body with boobs to lick and pants to get into. Much more.

 

If YOU really love her, you'll stop dwelling on all this and just take your time....be patient with her, don't push her. And for God's sake, if you do get to 3rd base, USE SOME PROTECTION!......be prepared. Don't do something in the heat of the moment that results in her getting pregnant. She's far too young to be pregnant.

 

I think you're analyzing this all far too much. Spend more time focusing on her the PERSON, not her the boobs/vagina.

 

Laurynn

[Paulie]

Lauryann,

 

FYI, 3rd base doen't really require protection. Unless you can readily transmit std's via the male finger. LOL.

[Laurynn]

See, I told you I was an old stick in the mud LOL

 

I guess at my age, we no longer refer to '1st base, 2nd base,' etc....so I foolishly figured 3rd base was, well, you know what....but now that I think about it, DUH.....sex would be hitting a homer! haha.

 

Thanks, I might need to know this in the future *grin*

 

Laurynn

[richard]

Thanks very much for all your help. It just that I compare sex and how much i'm worth to her too much. I really love my girlfriend very much that I didn't get upset or anything when she asked me she doesn't want to do it and I like her to love me that much too that I kept thinking that her making love to me is the ultimate proof that she loves me so much. By the way, this might sound like a stupid question but how will I know she really loves me? From what i've narrated, could you guys tell if she really loves me?

 

Anyways, thanks again for all the help.

[Tony T]

It would be pretty difficult to tell if this girl loves you from reading type on a computer screen thousands of miles away from where you are when you can't even tell when you're sitting next to her.

 

Love is a feeling and knowing you are loved is a feeling as well. You better get in touch with that part of yourself if you want this question answered because you are the only one who can answer it.

 

You may be able to provide enough information for a good guess but you have not done it here. And while sex may be one important expression of love, it's certainly not the only one. Many people have sex who hardly know each other...they just do it for the sport or for fun.

 

If you have to ask if this girl loves you, she probably doesn't right now...but give her a chance. It's pretty early in your relationship.

 

You really need to get off this sex and how much you're worth to her kick. Give this thing some time. As I told you in an earlier post, if you will pay more attention to her great qualities as a woman and relate to her on that level, she will want to make love with you a lot sooner.