what do you think?

[tojaz]

thank you.... honestly. that was the nicest post yet that gave me advice without calling me a psycho. I appreciate it greatly. and yes... I feel like every song I hear was written about us. How sad is it that her texting me made my night.... even if it was just to ask for the key back... to know that she had to think about me for even one second put a smile on my face.

 

 

I told my mom what she said about asking for the key then changing her mind.... after my mom called her a "****ing bitch" she said "you know that was just her way of seeing what your reaction would be... to see if you'd bite and start asking her questions" thankfully I didn't. I think I handled it DECENT... sure I could have done better probably but seeing how I feel.... being short and ending it was hard for me.

 

 

I'm still in a pretty good mood even though I'm sitting home alone on a Friday night. If I had money to bet... shes probably out with him... I don't know lol. but I feel at least somewhat decent that she texted me.

 

You handled the key thing pretty well, you didn't take the bait. I know that was hard, you can expect to hear from her again fairly soon, so be ready. This might help >>>http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/coping/337989-no-contact-nc-guide-long-walk-consolidated-discussion

 

If I had money to bet... shes probably out with him... I don't know lol.

Try and give yourself a break, let your head catch up. Make an honest effort not to think about it for a day, not worry about what shes thinking, doing, etc. Clear the cobwebs and come back at it with a clear head, not much is going to change in a day.

TOJAZ

[JerseyFresh]

You handled the key thing pretty well, you didn't take the bait. I know that was hard, you can expect to hear from her again fairly soon, so be ready. This might help >>>http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/coping/337989-no-contact-nc-guide-long-walk-consolidated-discussion

 

Try and give yourself a break, let your head catch up. Make an honest effort not to think about it for a day, not worry about what shes thinking, doing, etc. Clear the cobwebs and come back at it with a clear head, not much is going to change in a day.

TOJAZ

 

 

 

That was a great post about the no contact. I just read it. Definitely cool. Has anyone here ever seen the movie "YES MAN" with jim carrey??? honestly.... I feel like that's me right now..... and what he does is so perfect and fits to perfectly into my situation. I think I will do that. if you haven't seen it, I recommend it.... its inspiring on so many levels.

 

 

I wish there were hidden cameras in my house.... because honestly for the last couple of weeks I cry.... loud and hard like a little girl... and it probably looks hilarious given my stature. I don't care... I don't feel less manly for crying. I'm an emotional person, any emotion I feel I show and its not hard to tell.... that includes love, pain.... anger.

 

 

hope you're all having a good day.

[frigginlost]

 

I wish there were hidden cameras in my house.... because honestly for the last couple of weeks I cry.... loud and hard like a little girl... and it probably looks hilarious given my stature. I don't care... I don't feel less manly for crying. I'm an emotional person, any emotion I feel I show and its not hard to tell.... that includes love, pain.... anger.

 

 

Actually, it's totally normal and helps a ton! Ya gotta get that sh*t out of you. It's been months since my ex split, and I still ball at times. It does not help that my ex has been sniffing around my door to see where my head is at and I am being the bigger man in being friendly, but holy hell when the tears come, they come hard!

 

Back to NC for me.

 

We all understand what you're going though *believe me*. What you're feeling is absolutely normal. How you process it, is the tough part...

[JerseyFresh]

Actually, it's totally normal and helps a ton! Ya gotta get that sh*t out of you. It's been months since my ex split, and I still ball at times. It does not help that my ex has been sniffing around my door to see where my head is at and I am being the bigger man in being friendly, but holy hell when the tears come, they come hard!

 

Back to NC for me.

 

We all understand what you're going though *believe me*. What you're feeling is absolutely normal. How you process it, is the tough part...

 

 

 

thank you brother. I hope you're feeling ok today. I'm going a little nuts because I know she has off all weekend and is probably spending time with him doing things we couldn't do.

 

 

She complained that we didn't go out enough.... problem is I was helping raise her 2 kids and paying all the bills. Her parents would NEVER take the kids when we wanted to go out because her mom didn't like me much AND because she wasn't working at the time so her mom saw no reason to babysit.

 

 

Now shes working and her mom takes the kids all the time. She has weekends off so time and money to do things.... and ALL this guy has to do at this point is take her out and have fun... he has no other obligations so its easy for him financially.

 

 

It was hard as hell for me. paying all the bills, still trying to find time and money to treat her and the kids properly. Now this guy is taking her out CONSTANTLY and shes probably like "ohhh, this is what its supposed to be like" but shes probably not remembering all the important **** that I did do. if all I had to do was take her out I coulda blown 5,000 a month doing just that..... but iw as blowing 5000 a month to put a roof over her and her kids heads

 

 

now im not saying shes money hungry by any means. when we started dating almost 2 years ago I had NOTHING. I was in a really bad place and she swooped in and saved me. we'd just go bowling or to cheap dinners and she was happy as can be. I didn't even have a car and she'd pick me up and let me drive. it was perfect. SO... i'm not saying this to put her down that she used me for money. Just saying that in the big scheme of things she doesn't see the good I did.

[frigginlost]

thank you brother. I hope you're feeling ok today. I'm going a little nuts because I know she has off all weekend and is probably spending time with him doing things we couldn't do.

 

 

She complained that we didn't go out enough.... problem is I was helping raise her 2 kids and paying all the bills. Her parents would NEVER take the kids when we wanted to go out because her mom didn't like me much AND because she wasn't working at the time so her mom saw no reason to babysit.

 

 

Now shes working and her mom takes the kids all the time. She has weekends off so time and money to do things.... and ALL this guy has to do at this point is take her out and have fun... he has no other obligations so its easy for him financially.

 

 

It was hard as hell for me. paying all the bills, still trying to find time and money to treat her and the kids properly. Now this guy is taking her out CONSTANTLY and shes probably like "ohhh, this is what its supposed to be like" but shes probably not remembering all the important **** that I did do. if all I had to do was take her out I coulda blown 5,000 a month doing just that..... but iw as blowing 5000 a month to put a roof over her and her kids heads

 

 

now im not saying shes money hungry by any means. when we started dating almost 2 years ago I had NOTHING. I was in a really bad place and she swooped in and saved me. we'd just go bowling or to cheap dinners and she was happy as can be. I didn't even have a car and she'd pick me up and let me drive. it was perfect. SO... i'm not saying this to put her down that she used me for money. Just saying that in the big scheme of things she doesn't see the good I did.

 

I hear ya buddy...

 

The hardest part, and the one that tortures us the most, is trying to wrap our head around what is going on in their head. I've just come to the conclusion that it really does not matter in the long run. I'll never know, and as much as it kills me knowing that she is trying to string me along, the only sane thing I can do, is become a ghost.

 

My ex has three little ones, and it absolutely f'ing kills me not being able to see or hear them. I have heard through the grapevine that she is seeing somebody else, and while it absolutely sucks, I have zero control over it. It is what it is. I know that I was a fantastic boyfriend to her and her kids. Her friends all told me the same thing while we were together; we have never seen her as happy as she is with you.

 

But it does not matter now. Whatever switched flipped in her head, flipped, and made me the bad guy and out of my life she went.

 

I thought for weeks on how to win her back, how to make her see the light, and how to show her just how happy she was. And yes, I even drove by her house a time or two as when things ended with us as it was sudden and the day before my birthday. I could not wrap my head around "why"? Now, after some time under my shoes, it really just does not matter. The "why's" don't matter. The only thing that matters, is that I know I did the best that I could, and in the end, it is her loss.

 

It does not change the fact, that at the drop of a hat, I can start balling like a little girl and want to curl up in the fetal position and vomit (I was going to marry this girl and take her three kids on as my own) but I know that the only person that I can change in all of this, is me.

 

Keep posting here buddy, let it out. It f'ing helps...

 

Hope your day get better brother.

Edited January 17, 2015 by frigginlost

[JerseyFresh]

I hear ya buddy...

 

The hardest part, and the one that tortures us the most, is trying to wrap our head around what is going on in their head. I've just come to the conclusion that it really does not matter in the long run. I'll never know, and as much as it kills me knowing that she is trying to string me along, the only sane thing I can do, is become a ghost.

 

My ex has three little ones, and it absolutely f'ing kills me not being able to see or hear them. I have heard through the grapevine that she is seeing somebody else, and while it absolutely sucks, I have zero control over it. It is what it is. I know that I was a fantastic boyfriend to her and her kids. Her friends all told me the same thing while we were together; we have never seen her as happy as she is with you.

 

But it does not matter now. Whatever switched flipped in her head, flipped, and made me the bad guy and out of my life she went.

 

I thought for weeks on how to win her back, how to make her see the light, and how to show her just how happy she was. And yes, I even drove by her house a time or two as when things ended with us as it was sudden and the day before my birthday. I could not wrap my head around "why"? Now, after some time under my shoes, it really just does not matter. The "why's" don't matter. The only thing that matters, is that I know I did the best that I could, and in the end, it is her loss.

 

It does not change the fact, that at the drop of a hat, I can start balling like a little girl and want to curl up in the fetal position and vomit (I was going to marry this girl and take her three kids on as my own) but I know that the only person that I can change in all of this, is me.

 

Keep posting here buddy, let it out. It f'ing helps...

 

Hope your day get better brother.

 

 

awesome.... finally all the good people with hearts started posting haha. YES man... ironically her and I were like REALLY done the day before my birthday back in December. we broke up in September but we slept together early December and she was telling me she missed me and was lonely... then BOOM back to bitch mode and started seeing someone.

 

 

Yeah I miss her kids terribly and so does my son... they thought of themselves as brothers. its tragic that she can move on and possibly have someone else around the kids so soon (not sure if she does but she IS a very good mother and i'd be surprised)

 

 

Anyway.... after she texted me last night I drove by just to see... and she was home this was around 9 pm..... so a few hours later I drove by again (give me a break she lives 5 blocks from me) and she was gone.... and she hasn't been home since... so i'm sure she was with him all night and all day today. its killing me.

 

 

It baffles me that she cant think to take a break from dating for a month or two and give herself some time to just relax and hang with friends or her kids. nope... she had to jump right into something. its ****ing pathetic and yes... I pushed her right into his arms by acting so crazy that first night. I wish I had a time machine lol

[tojaz]

 

Anyway.... after she texted me last night I drove by just to see... and she was home this was around 9 pm..... so a few hours later I drove by again (give me a break she lives 5 blocks from me) and she was gone.... and she hasn't been home since... so i'm sure she was with him all night and all day today. its killing me.

 

Jersey, I'm not going to bust your chops here, because it's hard and we all get weak and do things like driving past their place, but having learned from experience..... your torturing yourself man! There's no sense keeping the wound open just so you can remember how much it hurts.

 

That's one of the things I meant by giving yourself a break. Knowing what shes doing doesn't help you, and at times does more damage then good. Time to get out of panic mode and start moving forward, you'll backslide from time to time, but one foot in front of the other!

 

Next time you feel like driving by, write it out here instead. There's always someone around.

 

TOJAZ

[ilovedmike]

Too bad Mike doesnt have your mindset. I mean..For the most part you seem like a guy a chick could appreciate if she were with you. Shoot.

[JerseyFresh]

Too bad Mike doesnt have your mindset. I mean..For the most part you seem like a guy a chick could appreciate if she were with you. Shoot.

 

not sure if this was to me. but thank you if it was...

 

 

I mean... she IS an amazing woman. probably the best I've ever known regardless of what she's doing now. Shes told me she "can't" be nice to me because she doesn't want to lead me on. so shes going the other extreme. THAT aside... shes a dream come true. I knew it when I had her... I just didn't really know I was ****ing up as bad as she saw it.

 

 

But... there must be something good about me... I had her when we were young and again now.... for almost 2 years. Maybe there's some special quality about me she will miss enough to come back.

 

 

is it possible to stop listening to the saddest songs in the world??? its all I want to hear... and it makes me sad... but also makes me feel better if that makes sense.

[JerseyFresh]

ive been sitting home all day without moving... and have NO desire to go ANYWHERE.... been drinking a bit but im sober. I have no clue what else to do. shes still out, still hasn't been home. Which is fine... I mean I've "accepted it" but I cant get OVER it haha. im just like WTF is she doing... she must be having so much fun if she hasn't been home in 24 hours....

 

 

then part of me is like... ok.. her family is ALWAYS getting together, its nothing for her to go to her grams all day from 9 am to 10 at night with her family. its actually pretty normal.... she could have been with him last night and with her family all day... I cant imagine shed have the kids around him for an entire day like that already. but ya never know I guess....

 

 

that's why for ME... knowing is beter than NOT knowing.... I feel like driving by and hes there.... im like... OK hes there... now deal with it. when I DONT know whats going on I think all the craziest **** like they're eloping or shes moving into his place already lol

[frigginlost]

ive been sitting home all day without moving... and have NO desire to go ANYWHERE.... been drinking a bit but im sober. I have no clue what else to do. shes still out, still hasn't been home. Which is fine... I mean I've "accepted it" but I cant get OVER it haha. im just like WTF is she doing... she must be having so much fun if she hasn't been home in 24 hours....

 

 

then part of me is like... ok.. her family is ALWAYS getting together, its nothing for her to go to her grams all day from 9 am to 10 at night with her family. its actually pretty normal.... she could have been with him last night and with her family all day... I cant imagine shed have the kids around him for an entire day like that already. but ya never know I guess....

 

 

that's why for ME... knowing is beter than NOT knowing.... I feel like driving by and hes there.... im like... OK hes there... now deal with it. when I DONT know whats going on I think all the craziest **** like they're eloping or shes moving into his place already lol

 

All normal feelings buddy.

 

I woke up today in absolute torture as I wanted to know what the ex was up to with the supposed new guy (if there even is one) and fought like hell not to contact her. All because I have been in contact with her last week. Bad move. In the end I did not contact her and will not. Even knowing that I think I know where she is as this was a very special weekend for us last year with her little girl (sports competition) and I know that competition is happening right now.

 

It's rough, but we gotta power through.

 

And don't drive by that house!!

[JerseyFresh]

All normal feelings buddy.

 

I woke up today in absolute torture as I wanted to know what the ex was up to with the supposed new guy (if there even is one) and fought like hell not to contact her. All because I have been in contact with her last week. Bad move. In the end I did not contact her and will not. Even knowing that I think I know where she is as this was a very special weekend for us last year with her little girl (sports competition) and I know that competition is happening right now.

 

It's rough, but we gotta power through.

 

And don't drive by that house!!

 

 

trying my absolute best. coming up on 24 hours since she's been home. My brain won't stop wondering what she could possibly have been doing all this time.

[Simon Phoenix]

Yeah, you gotta stop driving by the house dude. It's just fueling your anxiety. No matter what you do, do not drive or walk by it. Even if you have to go some crazy route to work or out, you have to avoid it. It just serves as rocket fuel for your anxiety.

[tojaz]

trying my absolute best. coming up on 24 hours since she's been home. My brain won't stop wondering what she could possibly have been doing all this time.

 

One of the hardest things to accept about what your going through Jersey, are the things that are out of your control. What she does, where she does them, and who she does them with are all out of your hands. There is absolutely nothing you can do to change that.

 

You want to know because it feels like a last bit of connection, and we all tend to hold on to that like it's keeping our head above water, the reality is that it's a lot more like an anchor weighing you down. She is kicking your azz and she doesn't even know shes doing it!

 

Your not going to see that just yet, the wounds are still too raw. Work on the things that you can control and even more importantly..... What would happen should she notice one of your many trips past her place, or two, or three? Do you think that would help or hurt your chances?

 

TOJAZ

[JerseyFresh]

Just an update. she texted me today around noon because she found something I had been looking for.

 

 

SO I stopped by and we talked at the door for a few minutes. I feel a bit better. She was very nice while still having just the tiniest bit of attitude (but that's just an Italian jersey girl for ya) anyway.... she told me she does like this guy but that her guard is up and she wont just trust anyone right away. That he does sleep over on the couch some nights because he gets out of work late and that's when they see each other. She said they've kissed a lot but nothing has happened and that she doesn't intend for anything to happen until he proves himself worthy (I know you guys say crock of ****... but as I've said she is one of the last women I know with morals and self respect... im no saying shes perfect but I do believe her. she seemed sincere) she even asked me what I think she should do to try and see what type of guy he is...

 

 

I kept that advice at a minimum and said i'd rather not get involved and just let them be and if it works COOL and if it doesn't COOL. I told her to just make sure to protect herself and the kids and that should be her number one goal.

 

 

I told her that I'm done doing stupid **** like showing up or driving by or texting her. And that the last two weeks should prove it. She agreed and said thank you. I told her that if I win her back I want it to be because i'm the better man. but in the meantime i'm going to step back.

 

 

she also admitted to me that she stalks my instagram almost on a daily basis.....

 

 

I left with a handshake and that's it.... her defenses seem to be down a bit hahah

 

 

im going to just sit back for a few days and leave her alone and see if she texts me again. Im not really worried about this guy in any way shape or form besides that he just seems to be playing the role PERFECTLY. saying the right things and all that... but man to man I don't feel inferior to him at all.

[JonjMie]

I'm going through the same dudes, it's so hard, how to you stop yourself

Driving by, I've done it today, she's not seeing anyone yet but I know she's going on a date this week. So in a few weeks or months there will be some other guys car in the drive and he'll be sleeping in the bed we shared, using the shower I did and playing with the kids etc. and my mind will make it seem she's so much happier than she ws before, which she might be early on, all I hope is that I find a way of not driving there, any tips ? She's about 10 miles away, quick route on a dual carriageway.

[JerseyFresh]

I'm going through the same dudes, it's so hard, how to you stop yourself

Driving by, I've done it today, she's not seeing anyone yet but I know she's going on a date this week. So in a few weeks or months there will be some other guys car in the drive and he'll be sleeping in the bed we shared, using the shower I did and playing with the kids etc. and my mind will make it seem she's so much happier than she ws before, which she might be early on, all I hope is that I find a way of not driving there, any tips ? She's about 10 miles away, quick route on a dual carriageway.

 

man i'm the LAST guy to give you tips on how to NOT drive by haha. I seem to differ from everyone here on the opinion of that one. I've found a way to check up on her without her EVERY KNOWING I did it. its literally full proof. And for that reason... I do it almost on a daily basis..... I don't know if ill do it today because after we had our talk I feel a little better. I think if she'd been talking to me and at least giving a **** about how terrible I feel from the beginning i'd have dealt with this a little better.

 

 

I am one of the people who feels better after they drive by... if you've read my post.... KNOWING hes there... I can deal with it and be like ok man up.... knowing hes NOT there, I sleep a little better.... but being at home and not knowing at all drives me insane.

 

 

It was nice to see her... sometimes just that 5 minutes we talk makes me feel better for a few days.

 

 

I know everyone here will say its shooting yourself in the foot by seeing her... but she initiated it AND she admitted she checks my instagram out which makes me feel much better because it was like OH OK... you miss me too but you're just better at hiding it because you have the power.

 

 

I know how you feel about thinking about the future and another guy playing with her kids and all that.... I really have no advice man. in MY world... there seems to be a balance between the fairy tale and the real world..... while veryone here is in the real world and says "leave her alone at all costs that's the only way to work"

 

 

I'm in the fairy tale world.... where I say.... leave her 95% alone.... but make sure she remembers you here and there without being pushy. lol

[tojaz]

Just an update. she texted me today around noon because she found something I had been looking for.

 

 

SO I stopped by and we talked at the door for a few minutes. I feel a bit better. She was very nice while still having just the tiniest bit of attitude (but that's just an Italian jersey girl for ya) anyway.... she told me she does like this guy but that her guard is up and she wont just trust anyone right away. That he does sleep over on the couch some nights because he gets out of work late and that's when they see each other. She said they've kissed a lot but nothing has happened and that she doesn't intend for anything to happen until he proves himself worthy (I know you guys say crock of ****... but as I've said she is one of the last women I know with morals and self respect... im no saying shes perfect but I do believe her. she seemed sincere) she even asked me what I think she should do to try and see what type of guy he is...

 

 

I kept that advice at a minimum and said i'd rather not get involved and just let them be and if it works COOL and if it doesn't COOL. I told her to just make sure to protect herself and the kids and that should be her number one goal.

 

 

I told her that I'm done doing stupid **** like showing up or driving by or texting her. And that the last two weeks should prove it. She agreed and said thank you. I told her that if I win her back I want it to be because i'm the better man. but in the meantime i'm going to step back.

 

 

she also admitted to me that she stalks my instagram almost on a daily basis.....

 

 

I left with a handshake and that's it.... her defenses seem to be down a bit hahah

Being blunt for a moment, Welcome to back burner status.

 

I think you played it pretty well though Jersey, I think I would have liked it better without this >>

I told her that if I win her back I want it to be because i'm the better man. but in the meantime i'm going to step back.

but still well played sir.

 

Now can you stick to it?

TOJAZ

[JerseyFresh]

Being blunt for a moment, Welcome to back burner status.

 

I think you played it pretty well though Jersey, I think I would have liked it better without this >> but still well played sir.

 

Now can you stick to it?

TOJAZ

 

 

 

haha I THINK I CAN.... here's why... I felt MUCH better knowing that she doesn't trust him yet. I made sure to throw in there that a guy will play ANY role for ANY length of time to get what he wants and that guys can be manipulative and lie quite easily... I followed that by... just protect yourself and the kids... no need to rush. To which she agreed lol

 

 

So, no ttrusting him and not sleeping with him yet.... means hes just some guy she hangs out with..... while she thinks about how well I used to **** the **** out of her 5 times a day. And if she sees me out having fun and bettering myself.... I truly believe she will say.... OK I want him back

 

 

I was the love of her life for 17 years..... you don't just meet another guy right away that is SO ****ing perfect he can take your attention off of that. This is just a rebound that happens to be a "nice guy" or is at least pretending to be. simple as that

[ConfusedHumanBeing]

haha I THINK I CAN.... here's why... I felt MUCH better knowing that she doesn't trust him yet. I made sure to throw in there that a guy will play ANY role for ANY length of time to get what he wants and that guys can be manipulative and lie quite easily... I followed that by... just protect yourself and the kids... no need to rush. To which she agreed lol

 

 

So, no ttrusting him and not sleeping with him yet.... means hes just some guy she hangs out with..... while she thinks about how well I used to **** the **** out of her 5 times a day. And if she sees me out having fun and bettering myself.... I truly believe she will say.... OK I want him back

 

 

I was the love of her life for 17 years..... you don't just meet another guy right away that is SO ****ing perfect he can take your attention off of that. This is just a rebound that happens to be a "nice guy" or is at least pretending to be. simple as that

 

Everytime you possibly take a small step forward, you take several steps back.

 

Look man, it doesnt matter who the guy is or what he does. Your focus is way out of wack. It doesnt matter what she says as well. When it comes to breakups, you REALLY have to decipher words and actions. Words mean absolutely nothing when no action is involved.

 

She is saying the right things to you because she feels guilty for doing this to you. She feels bad....but she isnt changing. Why? Because she doesnt want to be with you, but cares about you enough as a person. Guilt is INCREDIBLY common and thus these breadcrumbs will keep being thrown your way.

 

You are trying to warp so many truths to make yourself feel like you are still in the running. The paragraph I highlighted makes my stomach churn a bit. At this point, how many years you've known her doesnt mean anything and I dont think it has for this whole time. When feelings are gone, its almost a death kneel.

 

I think therapy needs to happen and I'm being honest as someone who has seen this too many times. I think talking about it will help the obsessiveness of it and hopefully help you realize that you have no control in this. I strongly recommend it. Not as a dis, as actual advice.

[ilovedmike]

Just an update. she texted me today around noon because she found something I had been looking for.

 

 

SO I stopped by and we talked at the door for a few minutes. I feel a bit better. She was very nice while still having just the tiniest bit of attitude (but that's just an Italian jersey girl for ya) anyway.... she told me she does like this guy but that her guard is up and she wont just trust anyone right away. That he does sleep over on the couch some nights because he gets out of work late and that's when they see each other. She said they've kissed a lot but nothing has happened and that she doesn't intend for anything to happen until he proves himself worthy (I know you guys say crock of ****... but as I've said she is one of the last women I know with morals and self respect... im no saying shes perfect but I do believe her. she seemed sincere) she even asked me what I think she should do to try and see what type of guy he is...

 

 

I kept that advice at a minimum and said i'd rather not get involved and just let them be and if it works COOL and if it doesn't COOL. I told her to just make sure to protect herself and the kids and that should be her number one goal.

 

 

I told her that I'm done doing stupid **** like showing up or driving by or texting her. And that the last two weeks should prove it. She agreed and said thank you. I told her that if I win her back I want it to be because i'm the better man. but in the meantime i'm going to step back.

 

 

she also admitted to me that she stalks my instagram almost on a daily basis.....

 

 

I left with a handshake and that's it.... her defenses seem to be down a bit hahah

 

 

im going to just sit back for a few days and leave her alone and see if she texts me again. Im not really worried about this guy in any way shape or form besides that he just seems to be playing the role PERFECTLY. saying the right things and all that... but man to man I don't feel inferior to him at all.

 

 

Man I bet you were in smiles from EAR TO EAR.

[JerseyFresh]

Everytime you possibly take a small step forward, you take several steps back.

 

Look man, it doesnt matter who the guy is or what he does. Your focus is way out of wack. It doesnt matter what she says as well. When it comes to breakups, you REALLY have to decipher words and actions. Words mean absolutely nothing when no action is involved.

 

She is saying the right things to you because she feels guilty for doing this to you. She feels bad....but she isnt changing. Why? Because she doesnt want to be with you, but cares about you enough as a person. Guilt is INCREDIBLY common and thus these breadcrumbs will keep being thrown your way.

 

You are trying to warp so many truths to make yourself feel like you are still in the running. The paragraph I highlighted makes my stomach churn a bit. At this point, how many years you've known her doesnt mean anything and I dont think it has for this whole time. When feelings are gone, its almost a death kneel.

 

I think therapy needs to happen and I'm being honest as someone who has seen this too many times. I think talking about it will help the obsessiveness of it and hopefully help you realize that you have no control in this. I strongly recommend it. Not as a dis, as actual advice.

 

 

bro you are the most negative person I've ever met. You're like a cancer. Yes, sometimes it DOES matter how long you've known someone. Every time I post something good you try to shoot it down. Shes asked to see me twice in the last few days and both times went well and I played it cool. Has she still seen this guy? sure.... but that's fine. Her guard is up. He will **** up. There's just something not right about him. I felt it the first night. He reeks of lies.

Edited January 20, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Inflamatory comment

[JerseyFresh]

Man I bet you were in smiles from EAR TO EAR.

 

I definitely felt a LOT better. But I know I have a lot of personal ground to cover LITERALLY in the next 2 weeks or so if I have any chance.

 

 

That's the window I feel.... I think if they hang out for another 2 weeks at the rate they're going then things are going to get serious.

 

 

So, I have to make a miracle happen between now and then and I think I can.

[ConfusedHumanBeing]

bro you are the most negative person I've ever met. You're like a hasn'tr. Yes, sometanimes it DOES matter how long you've known someone. Every time I post something good you try to shoot it down. Shes asked to see me twice in the last few days and both times went well and I played it cool. Has she still seen this guy? sure.... but that's fine. Her guard is up. He will **** up. There's just something not right about him. I felt it the first night. He reeks of lies.

 

And you reek of depression.

 

It's not negative its being honest. I'm not going to hold your hand and pat you on the back and tell you what you want to hear like you keep telling everyone on here to do. Ive never seen someone so out of touch when it comes to a breakup. Is this your first? That would explain a lot.

 

My ex hasnt been a factor for three years so I dont know why you decided to throw that out there. Probably because you have nothing to use.

 

Im just trying to help. I don't know you.... I DO know what im talking about and what everyone else here is telling you is the exact same thing im saying. You get all butthurt when someone is honest with you. Its CRYSTAL clear what she is doing to you, yet you are in such denial that you refuse to see it. You keep warping these little meetings into something positive when in reality, you are hurting your chances. If you would have not talked to her from the start, she would be BLOWING up your phone wondering where you are. She has ALL the power in this and thus, you are the doormat. When you are saying things to her about "getting her back", she can sense the depression too. You "played it cool" in the sense you didnt beg, but still doesnt mean anything.

Edited January 20, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Inflamatory comment

[ZiggyZoo]

And you reek of depression.

 

I never attacked you and yet here you go running your mouth again. It's not negative its being honest. Ive never seen someone so out of touch when it comes to a breakup. Is this your first? That would explain a lot.

 

My ex hasnt been a factor for three years so I dont know why you decided to throw that out there. Probably because you have nothing to use.

 

Im just trying to help meathead. I don't know you.... I DO know what im talking about and what everyone else here is telling you is the exact same thing im saying. You get all butthurt when someone is honest with you. Its CRYSTAL clear what she is doing to you, yet you are in such denial and some internet tough guy that you refuse to see it. You keep warping these little meetings into something positive when in reality, you are hurting your chances. If you would have not talked to her from the start, she would be BLOWING up your phone wondering where you are. She has ALL the power in this and thus, you are the doormat. When you are saying things to her about "getting her back", she can sense the depression too. You "played it cool" in the sense you didnt beg, but still doesnt mean anything.

 

Youre obsessed on this and dont see it..Jesus christ man... Keep making all the wrong moves and continue to be the second place doormat and the backburner. No skin off my nose.

 

For the record, ive never seen a bigger douche rocket on this forum for people trying to help him

 

I don't think I've ever agreed with anything more. I've been following this saga from the beginning, and this is the first time I've felt compelled to say anything.

 

OP, you are so hell-bent on the fact that YOU'RE right and YOU know what to do, that you see a slight in every comment that contradicts what you've made up your mind is the truth. The only posters you haven't verbally attacked are the ones who have agreed with your way of thinking, and who are far outnumbered by those just trying to help. You're hurt and need someone to lash out at, but everyone here is just trying to help. We've ALL BEEN THERE. Seeing our ex with some chump who isn't fit to wipe their ass, and hearing that we were so special, and just knowing that we can fix it all and have our fairy-tale ending.

 

But the thing that I would love you to stop and consider is this...if your ex loves you and is meant to be with you, then why isn't she? If this ugly leprechaun can't measure up to you in the looks or fitness department, then why hasn't she kicked him to the curb? If she gives you backrubs when he's not around, then why isn't he gone for good, and this going on every night? The only thing left for them is to have sex, and I'll be willing to wager that she tells you it isn't nearly as magical as the five times a day you pounded her oh-so-good. But guess what? SHE LIKELY STILL WON'T LEAVE HIM FOR YOU. You can only be told this so many ways, by so many people, but she's just not that into you.

 

I wish you could fast forward six months into the future, and look back on all this. I'll be willing to bet that you'll be cringing at all the stunts you've considered. A video? Hiring someone to flirt with her new man? Driving by her house and confronting her when she gets home from a date? Just take a step back and think about what advice you'd give, if a female friend or your sister was telling you this is how some guy was treating her. I'd bet you'd tell her to stay away from him and probably want to kick his ass.

 

To recap: the golden rule of any breakup is this...if they want to be with you, nothing on earth would stop them from being with you. Their words don't mean anything. Your past doesn't mean anything. She had made t abundantly clear that she does not want to be with you, otherwise she would. I'd suggest you gather up your self-respect and just leave her alone. If she wants you, she'll find you.