what do you think?

[bigtrouble]

I know how you feel, you truly care for her and you want her back, coz you feel you can best take care of her compared to the other guy.

 

But doing anything to stand between them is wrong, you don't know what she is going through right now. If you really love her enough go NC to calm yourself and heal.

 

If she needs you or want you, she will reach out for you. Patience.

 

This is only my opinion I can't judge the situation as I don't see it as you do, in the end you still have to decide what's best for you.

Edited January 13, 2015 by bigtrouble

[unforgotten]

The sooner you go complete NC the better chances you have.

 

Man I did some stupid **** back then. I even went and talk to her parents telling them what a douche this guy she is now with is (and he really is or at least was). My intention was not to make him look bad so she'd come running back to me but I was genuinely concerned about her. Of course he turned it all on me making me look like I wanted to sabotage her new relationship. He is her prince on a white horse now, everything he says is pure wisdom, everything I say is manipulative and selfish. Everything you do will push her further away from you and deeper into his arms. Think about it. Let it run its course. You go NC and improve yourself and man you have a lot of work to do, work on your mentality.

 

I am now about 40 days NC and honestly I'm not even ready to start a new relationship with her. Yes it would be different but not yet different enough. This BU was somehow a blessing for me even if a very painful one. But it showed me so much of what I lack and how I need to improve. In this time we bumped into one another and she'd be smiling and she'd even unblock me on FB. I still avoid her, did not contact her even once etc. I know its breadcrumbs and if she wanted to be with me she'd be with me. She's most probably gone forever but what I know is that nothing I can say or do will change that. It's her decision. I see now that the moment you go NC your chances are getting improved. Good luck.

[JerseyFresh]

Dude, didn't you write that she's been with this dude for 4 months now?

 

 

Okay, look. Whatever you're planning is a bad idea. If she gets wind that you sabotaged her happiness and try to break up what she has now, she will resent you and you can forget EVER getting her back.

 

 

Here's the deal. You have made it plain and clear to her that all she has to do is snap her fingers and you would come running. She's not worried about you at all because she knows that she has you in her back pocket. She knows you are waiting on the sidelines and you are her back up plan.

 

 

You want to know the benefits of going no contact (NC) on her? As soon as the honeymoon phase of this new relationship ends, she going to wonder where you went. Why you haven't tried to contact her. Curiosity is going to get the better of her and she's going to reach out to you. Basically, she'll pull on the leash to see if the dog is still there. She'll discover that the dog is no longer on the leash and she'll go looking for the dog.

 

 

But, here's the rub. Her contacting you isn't to try and get you back, it's to throw the dog a bone and lure him back on the leash. She's looking to get you in the friend zone. Looking for an ego boost from you.

 

 

You know that this dude is a douchebag, but it's the choice that she's making. Girls get attracted to guys with a "bad boy" image. But, here's the thing. If they have a rep of being a "bad Boy"; sooner or later, they'll start to treat them badly!

 

 

My hope is that we get you healed up enough to know that you deserve more than being some girls back up plan.

 

no, they've only known each other for 3 weeks. Her and I have been broken up for 4 months now but we had sex just in December she told me she missed me. she went on her first date with this guy like decvember 28th or something like that

[Elle1975]

thank SOME of you for the nice replies.

 

 

here is why I feel shes at least SOMEWHAT different than most other women. SHes NOT a whore.... she DOES wait 3 months to sleep with someone.

 

And yet, she dumped him the minute she realized he wasn't a match sexually, after 3 months of emotional connection, great values right there.

[amaysngrace]

wow.... some of you here are VERY VERY rude. Sometimes you have to play dirty to make **** happen. I don't mind one bit. I don't blame her for dating.... I messed up a bit. And I pushed her away. NONE OF YOU know her... yet you're all claiming to know what actions she would be capable or. Yet I've known her for 17 years. Nothing that has happened has really surprised me. I came here for support and for ideas of getting her back....

 

 

yet pretty much all of you have that same tired old "just ignore her and work on yourself" well sometimes that doesn't work... sometimes you have to fight for love... and VERY VERY RARELY does working on yourself actually get your ex back....

 

 

all of you here are stuck on the "youll feel better about yourself in a few months and you wont even want her anymore" YES I WILL.... I've wanted her back for 17 years.... so none of you really know ****. So keep your attitudes to yourself.... I didn't have one yet most of you do.

 

 

I've started making a really nice video that I think will get her thinking.... and whether you guys like it or not.... this dude is a douchebag and he will cheat on her..... why not help it move along.

 

Don't do anything more. Him seeing you makes him think she's a girl worth fighting over. That's probably why you were so wigged out for overreacting that first night. You knew that.

 

Men are protectors by nature. And territorial. In a way he's being with her simply because it feels like a win to him. He's winning her.

 

But she's no prize. If she can go from man to man to man like she does she's needy for attention.

 

Don't give her any. Let this new guy do it.

 

You said yourself no matter what it's never enough. So give nothing.

 

It will be the same as if you give plenty. It still won't be enough.

 

Let him be the sucker who tries to give her enough.

Edited January 13, 2015 by amaysngrace

[mtnbiker3000]

This BU was somehow a blessing for me even if a very painful one. But it showed me so much of what I lack and how I need to improve.

 

I suggest you get your @ss into the library and start reading. You have a lot to discover. The good news is, there's many people who have valuable things to say. I'd start with these 2 tiltes:

-No More Mr. Nice Guy by Robert Glover

-Breaking the Chains of Low Self-Esteem by Marilyn Sorensen

 

There are, of course, many, many more...

[ConfusedHumanBeing]

no, they've only known each other for 3 weeks. Her and I have beenwith broken up for 4 months now but we had sex just in December she told me she missed me. she went on her first date with this guy like decvember 28th or something like that

 

Out of everything Chi said, THATS what you took out of it?!?!?

 

Your priorities are way out of whack. You wont listen to us, so be prepared to never be with this girl again .

[EuTuBrute]

You guys broke up when you were young, she essentially broke up with you again...AND YOU WANT HER BACK!?

 

Look here is my story. I was in your shoes. All i wanted in my life was my ex gf of 2.5 years back. Well a year after we broke up, i got her back.

 

....Guess what happened, the same-thing that happened the first time. She broke up with coldly with no remorse and the silent treatment.

 

So all the people giving you advise have been there done that...TAKE THEIR ADVISE.

 

There will be others. They will be different than your ex, but isn't that a good thing!!?

[JerseyFresh]

I know where I messed up, and I believe if I got her back again that I could change those things and we'd be happy. Whether you believe that or not is fine.... whether you think i'm foolish or not is fine.... I just believe in fighting for who you want and that you love who you love. "Moving on" and hoping she comes back isn't what I want to do..... I'd like to somehow drop little hints to make her think about me..... I don't know why you guys think i'm so "crazy" for wanting to fight for her

[Light Breeze]

I know where I messed up, and I believe if I got her back again that I could change those things and we'd be happy. Whether you believe that or not is fine.... whether you think i'm foolish or not is fine.... I just believe in fighting for who you want and that you love who you love. "Moving on" and hoping she comes back isn't what I want to do..... I'd like to somehow drop little hints to make her think about me..... I don't know why you guys think i'm so "crazy" for wanting to fight for her

 

Let's say the situation is reversed. What if you were in a new relationhip and your ex gets creepy, starts harrassing and stalking you and your new GF.Then you ask her why she's doing this and she says because she's "fighting" for your love. What would you think/feel? That's right you'd tell her to f*ck off psycho creep. Well, that's what your ex will think of you and probably to a degree she thinks that already.

[JerseyFresh]

Let's say the situation is reversed. What if you were in a new relationhip and your ex gets creepy starts harrassing and stalking you and your new GF.Then you ask her why you're doing this and she says because she's "fighting" for your love. What would you think/feel? That's right you'd tell her to f*ck off psycho creep. Well, that's what your ex will think of you and probably to a degree she thinks that already.

 

 

 

I"m not OPENLY ****ing with them... its not like im showing up there doing crazy ****. This would be behind the scenes **** that would be subtle and she wouldn't know was me....

[amaysngrace]

If it's subtle and she wouldn't know it's you then how will she be thinking about you?

 

Are you on medicine? You maybe should be.

[sober and dry]

I"m not OPENLY ****ing with them... its not like im showing up there doing crazy ****. This would be behind the scenes **** that would be subtle and she wouldn't know was me....

 

You are not being reasonable.

Think again.

Let´s say that I'm in a new RS and all the sudden I start to see those little hints to make me think about my ex, how ingenuous should I be not to think that was my ex job?... Besides, what do you wanna do after this little hints? If your ex didn't realized that those little hint were your job, she must certainly will know when you try to reach her in a more direct way. So if she didn't think you are crazy with those hints, sure she will think that after that...

 

I'm not criticizing you for fighting for her nor if you should or shouldn't, but ask yourself, is this kind of actions fighting for someone's love?

I think it isn't.

[JerseyFresh]

Jesus... all these "are you on meds" or "are you crazy" comments.... people chill out. I'm no some psycho. I"m perfectly normal. I'd never hurt her or do anything actually CRAZY. But.... what's wrong with trying to push things in the right direction.

 

 

Have you guys ever seen the movie "hitch" ? the guy gets ANY guy a date with ANY girl by setting up the perfect scenario to get a woman open to the idea....

 

 

what is wrong with that? We send flowers to show interest.... we write poems.... we do all kinds of things to let someone know...

 

 

what's wrong with if a guy is a douchebag.... getting a girl to talk to him and getting him caught?

 

 

what's wrong with making a sweet video to show all the good times you had and then saying "hey... at first I thought this would be a way to get you back.... I've given up on that and just wanted to thank you for all the good times we had and maybe this will help you remember me down the road" and then leaving.... it COULD make her start thinking about you when she sees all the pictures and hears all of your songs that you guys had and she might say.... WOW>.. it wasn't as bad as I'd thought... I was just focused on the bad stuff!!

 

 

Why are you guys all calling me crazy for this??? Its not like i'm choking her and saying "you're mine... if I cant have you no one can" you guys have "crazy" mixed up with going for the gold. where are my true love believers in here???? isn't there ANY??? not someone who can say.... that sounds pretty good... but maybe add this in with it... or don't do that exactly....

[Hija77]

The only chance your relationship with this girl has is for you to let it go. Don't do anything jacked up, you'll only make it worse. That's the only relatively healthy, and proactive, option you've got. If she wants to be with you, she'll figure it out in time. You can't manipulate her into being with you. If you get rid of the current guy, there will just be another one. It sounds like she doesn't respect your feelings much, especially if she was dating people and lying to you about it. I'd take a minute to consider why you still want to be with her. Good luck however it works out. I'm sorry you're having such a hard time. Feel the pain. If you deny it, it only lasts longer.

[amaysngrace]

Hitch was a movie but I believe when asked by Alegra what he actually did to get her to hook up with Albert he said "nothing"

 

So there you go.

[sober and dry]

True love doesn't need those kind of hints/pushes you talk about in my opinion. True love happens naturally.

Please see the fact that after a break up, especially after the pushes and pulls you went trough, doing anything like that will only make it worse...

Try to see by her side.

If you try to "show" that her new guy is a douchebag, she will just see you acting needy and acting on despair, because, besides if your opinion about him is right or not, she is in to him and she will not see this unless it from her own.

If you make that kind of sweet movie she will just see it and reassure her decision, not start to think about you in a romantic way.

it wasn't as bad as I'd thought... I was just focused on the bad stuff!!

This kind of though can only be achieved by her ALONE, not with any kind of pressure or trigger from anyone.

Get it?

The best thing you can do for her, and CLEARLY for you too, is to let go, at least at this stage. You are still obsessed and didn't yet see the reality of the situation you are in...

[ConfusedHumanBeing]

Jesus... all these "are you on meds" or "are you crazy" comments.... people chill out. I'm no some psycho. I"m perfectly normal. I'd never hurt her or do anything actually CRAZY. But.... what's wrong with trying to push things in the right direction.

 

 

Have you guys ever seen the movie "hitch" ? the guy gets ANY guy a date with ANY girl by setting up the perfect scenario to get a woman open to the idea....

 

 

what is wrong with that? We send flowers to show interest.... we write poems.... we do all kinds of things to let someone know...

 

 

what's wrong with if a guy is a douchebag.... getting a girl to talk to him and getting him caught?

 

 

what's wrong with making a sweet video to show all the good times you had and then saying "hey... at first I thought this would be a way to get you back.... I've given up on that and just wanted to thank you for all the good times we had and maybe this will help you remember me down the road" and then leaving.... it COULD make her start thinking about you when she sees all the pictures and hears all of your songs that you guys had and she might say.... WOW>.. it wasn't as bad as I'd thought... I was just focused on the bad stuff!!

 

 

Why are you guys all calling me crazy for this??? Its not like i'm choking her and saying "you're mine... if I cant have you no one can" you guys have "crazy" mixed up with going for the gold. where are my true love believers in here???? isn't there ANY??? not someone who can say.... that sounds pretty good... but maybe add this in with it... or don't do that exactly....

 

First, I'm really tired of you calling everyone out for not being "true love believers" everywhere. If we didnt believe that, we wouldn't be here. Life isnt some movie. You are quoting Hitch (good movie) but do you know the difference? Will Smith didn't date the girl for a while before and after and have a history with her. Plus ITS A MOVIE!

 

What you are having a hard time grasping is women are emotional beings. They think about breaking up for a LONG time before they do it. Every girl will mull it over for a while before they do it. She was considering breaking up with you a while before she did it. MEANING that she thought about all those memories you are wanting to put in a video and yet she STILL left. Get where I am going here?

 

You "fight" for relationships when you are IN THEM not after. ANYTHING you do from here on out is going to look desperate, needy, and clingy. Almost like you cant move on. NO ONE and I mean NO ONE is attracted to that.

 

THATS your plan?!?!? Get another girl to flirt with him? Thats an awful idea and even if it worked, who says she is coming "back" to you? Nothing. A terrible and awful idea. For the love of god dont do that.

 

The video is even worse. You've already admitted you made a load of mistakes and you dont want to make anymore...a video sounds awesome in your head, but it doesnt come out ANYWHERE near what you think it does. Again, it comes off as needy, depressing, and all out sad. Would you date someone like that? I hope you answer no to that. She doesnt want that either. She doesnt want to be reminded of the past. She wants to move towards the future.

 

You are ALLLL over the place. You are way too emotional and have these crazy ideas that sound amazing in your head, but they are not good ideas at all.

 

THE ONLY COURSE YOU HAVE IS TO NOT TALK TO HER. Thats it. You let it be known that you care about her and want her and she didnt want that. You cant can twist her arm and make her care. Only she can. These gestures of good faith will not have the outcome you are looking for I can promise you that.

 

You love movies so much, PLEASE I BEG YOU WATCH THIS AGAIN: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AilwnpQzUnQ

[sober and dry]

Oh ConfusedHumanBeing, I don't know who you would remember of that, but it is just goooood

[gnick]

Please make and send the video then report your results back here

[ilovedmike]

Now I do not think it is the best route to take to continue to contact her but since you won't accept the "No Contact" thing and you are only focused on getting her back, I can tell you now as a woman who's dealt with plenty of stalker men, chasing her out in the open will not get her back. If you must be a creep, do it in private.

 

Sending her videos and doing sweet things will more than likely push her away..and she'd probably begin to find you repulsive.. She probably needs to know that you have moved on. (Not that you have really moved on) but you should make her think you have because that is attractive to women. (At least me. I don't like when men act like b.tches and whine over me) ..That's what chicks do and if she wanted to date a chick, she would have.

 

So don't bother her and see what happens. It's called playing hard to get. If you move on and she doesn't care then you are just left in a sad position. I already think you are in a sad position but it will be even worse after all of that plotting and scheming and you still didn't get the girl dude.

 

I hope you get what you want but I do highly doubt it...and when/if you don't, before you get angry and blow up from all of the frustration, check yourself into a mental institution if necessary. You would regret assaulting someone out of anger over some chick who could give 2 ****s about you.

 

Anyways, again good luck.

Edited January 14, 2015 by ilovedmike

[bigtrouble]

One thing about women once they make up their mind and on to something, they don't want to be reminded of anything that will set them back.

 

Makes them angry makes them go further, but in the end you gotta do what you think is best for you.

[JerseyFresh]

Now I do not think it is the best route to take to continue to contact her but since you won't accept the "No Contact" thing and you are only focused on getting her back, I can tell you now as a woman who's dealt with plenty of stalker men, chasing her out in the open will not get her back. If you must be a creep, do it in private.

 

Sending her videos and doing sweet things will more than likely push her away..and she'd probably begin to find you repulsive.. She probably needs to know that you have moved on. (Not that you have really moved on) but you should make her think you have because that is attractive to women. (At least me. I don't like when men act like b.tches and whine over me) ..That's what chicks do and if she wanted to date a chick, she would have.

 

So don't bother her and see what happens. It's called playing hard to get. If you move on and she doesn't care then you are just left in a sad position. I already think you are in a sad position but it will be even worse after all of that plotting and scheming and you still didn't get the girl dude.

 

I hope you get what you want but I do highly doubt it...and when/if you don't, before you get angry and blow up from all of the frustration, check yourself into a mental institution if necessary. You would regret assaulting someone out of anger over some chick who could give 2 ****s about you.

 

Anyways, again good luck.

 

 

OH ABSOLUTELY!! This would no be in the open. She will think I'd have moved on and forgotten about her. Then I'd be behind the scenes making **** happen. If she even catches wind that this guy could be playing her out already she'd kick him to the curb in a heartbeat. and who will look appealing then....... me! The guy who lived with her and helped raised her kids for a year and a half. The guys he knows loves her.

 

 

So my plan was to give her the video with a speech about how when I first started making it.... I thought it would get her back.... but now i'm over trying that and I just think the video will be nice to have to look back on some day.

 

 

See... we were together in high school.... for FIFTEEN YEARS after all she wanted was me... she said it would drive her insane how much she thought about me. Even on her wedding day. So.... even though we're done right now and she might hate me for some stupid reason... there's no way in hell that i'm not in the back of her mind somewhere. Its just that this new guy and her new "friends" have her thinking that i'm the last thing in the world she needs. But none of them know the story... just her lies because she'd never admit having any fault in our break up.

 

 

So.... she will watch the video, she will see.... HOLY ****... we did have a lot of good times and it wasn't as bad as I'd thought..... then she will see that I don't bother her anymore... hell, i'll even go bang a few models.... and then this guy ****s up on her.... and she'll be standing there saying.... WTF... I dropped someone who'd move mountains for me for someone who just wanted to **** me.

 

 

Of course it could fail.... i'm not delusional. And again... you guys need to stop with the "mental hospital" ****... i'm not some ****ing quack. Everybody here must have made some mistakes or tried too hard in the past to be on this site.... or did you all roll over and die???

[ConfusedHumanBeing]

OH ABSOLUTELY!! This would no be in the open. She will think I'd have moved on and forgotten about her. Then I'd be behind the scenes making **** happen. If she even catches wind that this guy could be playing her out already she'd kick him to the curb in a heartbeat. and who will look appealing then....... me! The guy who lived with her and helped raised her kids for a year and a half. The guys he knows loves her.

 

 

So my plan was to give her the video with a speech about how when I first started making it.... I thought it would get her back.... but now i'm over trying that and I just think the video will be nice to have to look back on some day.

 

 

See... we were together in high school.... for FIFTEEN YEARS after all she wanted was me... she said it would drive her insane how much she thought about me. Even on her wedding day. So.... even though we're done right now and she might hate me for some stupid reason... there's no way in hell that i'm not in the back of her mind somewhere. Its just that this new guy and her new "friends" have her thinking that i'm the last thing in the world she needs. But none of them know the story... just her lies because she'd never admit having any fault in our break up.

 

 

So.... she will watch the video, she will see.... HOLY ****... we did have a lot of good times and it wasn't as bad as I'd thought..... then she will see that I don't bother her anymore... hell, i'll even go bang a few models.... and then this guy ****s up on her.... and she'll be standing there saying.... WTF... I dropped someone who'd move mountains for me for someone who just wanted to **** me.

 

 

Of course it could fail.... i'm not delusional. And again... you guys need to stop with the "mental hospital" ****... i'm not some ****ing quack. Everybody here must have made some mistakes or tried too hard in the past to be on this site.... or did you all roll over and die???

 

Just make the f***ing video and send it. You clearly wont listen to anyone so just do it already. Quit talking about it and do it.

Edited January 14, 2015 by ConfusedHumanBeing

[unforgotten]

I have a feeling this might turn into another 32 pages thread like "What is she implying?" one.

 

Man this is so good, I had a really good laugh reading this last post. JerseyFresh, I admire your persistence but it's not gonna work out. If you however do follow your plan (I strongly suggest you do not!) please update this topic.