beach Posted February 1, 2015 Share Posted February 1, 2015 Why would you volunteer your dignity on a silver platter to a liar and a cheater? Stop protecting her - be honest with your kids so they understand it's HER fault, not theirs. Link to post Share on other sites
MajorOak Posted February 1, 2015 Share Posted February 1, 2015 Why would you volunteer your dignity on a silver platter to a liar and a cheater? . Unfortunately many of us have been in this position and its one of the cruellest parts of the grieving process "bargaining" agoodperson, and you are my friend , you will be ok. You will come to understand in time that you are grieving and for good reason. The woman you knew (as the wife I knew) and loved are no more. They are someone else. You need to be strong for your children, but not ashamed of how you are feeling right now. Its not your fault. we are all thinking of you buddy. Link to post Share on other sites
MajorOak Posted February 1, 2015 Share Posted February 1, 2015 Always a good read http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/separation-divorce/473646-i-just-want-my-wife-back#post5661375 Link to post Share on other sites
Yasuandio Posted February 1, 2015 Share Posted February 1, 2015 Do whatever, promise whatever, till she signs the dotted line on a decent settlement to get the divorce, property and custody settlement over with right away (while she's in this desperate mood). Do it now! (You can always get remarried or work out differences later. Promises about what to tell the children can be revisited after the divorce per advice of a psychologist or councilor. Then too bad about the previous promise). Get while the gettings good. Yas Link to post Share on other sites
Try Posted February 4, 2015 Share Posted February 4, 2015 (edited) The kids cry and ask why she is doing this and I lie so they can be spared the pain. The last thing that your children need is for you to be lying to them. They need to trust everything that you say now more than ever. They will eventually learn of the lies and forever hold you accountable. How do I know this, because my mother lied about my father's affair to me because she thought that I was too young. When I learned the truth, I felt betrayed by both parents and not just by the cheater. Lying to children about affairs is not protecting them, it is just letting them know that they are not really part of any team. Studies show that it takes the cheated on spouse much longer to get over the lying that was associated with the affair, then it does to get over the sex of the affair. Why would you think that getting over lying would be any different to your children. Tell them age appropriate information about the affair, while leaving out details of the sex. Do this now. It is the right thing to do. Do not let your cheating spouse damage your relationship with your children. They need to trust you without question. Edited February 4, 2015 by Try 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Yasuandio Posted February 4, 2015 Share Posted February 4, 2015 The last thing that your children need is for you to be lying to them. They need to trust everything that you say now more than ever. They will eventually learn of the lies and forever hold you accountable. How do I know this, because my mother lied about my father's affair to me because she thought that I was too young. When I learned the truth, I felt betrayed by both parents and not just by the cheater. Lying to children about affairs is not protecting them, it is just letting them know that they are not really part of any team. Studies show that it takes the cheated on spouse much longer to get over the lying that was associated with the affair, then it does to get over the sex of the affair. Why would you think that getting over lying would be any different to your children. Tell them age appropriate information about the affair, while leaving out details of the sex. Do this now. It is the right thing to do. Do not let your cheating spouse damage your relationship with your children. They need to trust you without question. I completely agree with this. But to survive a divorce expitiously (without her foot-dragging), and financially (while she is in a desparate state to settle - I would "promise" anything off the record to get aformentioned accomplished. Sometimes people have to re-think promises made when the are proffered under extreme pressure, and you have to do what you have to do. Too bad so sad (for her). Next time, let her conduct be less than shameful - then there are no worries about what the children hear about. Yas Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts