The dangers of getting back together with an ex... what now?

[TompaTomi]

Hey everyone!

 

Earlier this September, I spent the night with my ex girlfriend... it ended with us getting back together for 3 moths.

 

The initial break-up was last December 2013. I was in a very bad condition, had panic disorder, which has been cured since. She got pregnant earlier, wich we did intend, and lost the child. I was overstressed from juggling work and school, and in very bad shape, and health in general. The relationship crashed and burned, the berakup was ugly, and we had very minimal contact for 9 months. I did quite a bit of self improvement, got in shape, got therapy and got my life back together.

 

In september, we met up, and just could not keep away from eachother, we hooked up, and started to see eachother again and basically got back together. She too was suprised at how happy we could be together. A lot of emotions, wonderful passionate sex, just as before. And all seemed generally good. I could feel that she is still uncertain about quite a few things, but I was under the impression that she is just easing back into the relationship, and we were making progress. We started to meet eachothers friends and so on.

 

Then we had a fight around xmas. I kept asking her before how and when she wants to celebrate xmas together, as my family was coming home from abroad as well as several childhood friends. She did not give me a date. So i juggled my appointments so that I will be free the first day after xmas. And on the 26th, she sent me a few vague Viber texts, from wich I did not understand that she wants to celebrate it that day, and I already made an idiot out of myself setting up to meet old friends that day, (who helped me out of my mental breakdown while she was broken up with me). She was furious about that and started to pull away. I thought this was something we will come over.

 

We echanged a few stories about who did what the time that we were apart. I told her that I bumped into an ex boyfriend of her girlfriend, and we had a few laughs. A few days later she competely pulled away, and when I confronted her on what is going on, she told me I lost my last chance, because I lie all the time, and that this certain dude told her that we never met, and the last time he saw me was 3 years ago (when we were together) on a date with some chick. Now, none of this is true, I was completely faithful the entire time we were together. We had a huge fight, and some better talks, she even said she loves me, but can't handle the complications of being with me, she insisted that we do not lose one another like last time, because she cant live like that.

 

 

I went over a few days later to her place, turns out neither of us could sleep or eat since the breakup, so we had some junkfood together, and basically fell asleep during a movie cuddled up, then it was time for me to leave, though she did lie to me about going home to her parents place. And a few days later she even said we might say a lot of things now, we never now what the future brings, saying that "we are creatures of emotion and instinct".

 

The past couple of days she pulled away quite a bit. Her health is not at the best, she has had quite a few problems the past 4-5 months, and is actually going to the hospital tomorrow for tests. I'm pretty sure that her health issues are closely interconnected with her anxiety and trust issues.

 

Any ideas on what to do, I worked my ass of the past year to get to a point where I am fine even if we get back or not, then we got back, and now, she dumps me as a result of a misunderstanding and a lie... I am outraged, hurt and mad, especially since we were really happy the past 3 months. Should I wait and see if this blows over, or say my fairwell and go NC 4 life?

 

I feel okay I guess, I was afraid this might happen, but for such dumb reasons? I'm more dissapointed in her then I am heartbroken actually.

Why would you throw away a chance at happiness when there are so many good things, and you openly admit to having strong feelings for another.

 

I'm so angry and dissapointed I'm not sure I could even take her back, but her closeness is still very important to me. And to be completely honest, I am completely clueless as to what just happened, and how I feel, and what I should do. It's impossible to maintain NC at this stage, as if anything scares her, bothers her, she starts bombarding me on viber, and calls if don't respond, and then pulls back again. If I go NC, I need to talk to her, clean things up, and tell her she lost me and to leave me, or she will contact me.

(she broke up with me last Sunday, just to give you the timeframe)

 

I'm begging you for some help, I have no idea what to do.

[Marco Valerio]

I would say that the best chance for you is to go NC. I feel there's too much stuff between you two, lots of history that's playing against you and also I feel that the trust is gone. I think you should start fresh with someone else.

[dravas18]

I feel okay I guess, I was afraid this might happen, but for such dumb reasons? I'm more dissapointed in her then I am heartbroken actually.

 

I feel bad for you man, this reminds me of my situation, basically thinking that of all that was said and done there is no logical excuse as to why this could happen.

 

Well in general, men think with logic and women think with emotion, again in general.

 

She sounds like emotionally, there is probably more going on with her than she is saying, and probably more going on than she will ever tell you.

 

I think you 2 should decide on a timeframe to go NC from each other, cause the roller coaster isn't working for either of you. Each of you take that time to collect your thoughts and then meet up after the NC time is over, if you both want, and discuss things.

 

Either that or just go 100% NC because Marco is right, once trust is gone it is hard to ever get that back.

[HereNorThere]

Reptiles run on emotion and instinct, not humans. She's dangerous and you know it. You can stick around if you must, but it wasn't your panic disorder that drove her away from you, it was her who drove you to have panic disorder. The highs and lows from dating a person this unstable eventually become somewhat addictive, but they aren't worth it. Find a nice, stable, trustworthy person that deserves to reap the benefits of your new found health.

 

Stay away from the lizards, man.