swimmergal Posted January 12, 2015 Share Posted January 12, 2015 My ex and I broke up 4 months ago. We had been together for almost 2 years. I stayed with him when he went to study abroad for 8 months and even visited him for three weeks when he was there. We were in love at first site, inseparable and always in tune with each other. I went on vacations with his family, and was always by his side even when he was far away. He came home after being in Europe and changed. He wouldn't talk to me, he wouldn't want to see each other as frequently. He was afraid for his future, it is our last semester of college and he felt he needed a job. After we broke up, I did not contact him. He called me a week after to see how I was doing, sent me a 9 page email at 3 am on Halloween telling me how he felt pressured by me and the world and that is why we broke up. I responded that I hope he would find himself and I would always care. Early December he asked if we could get coffee when he returned to school in January. I said yes and we went. We talked like old times, laughing and smiling. It was all small talk until I said I was surprised he contacted me. He teared up and looked away, not answering the question. We parted ways soon after. He sent me a text that evening saying it was great to see me. That was 4 days ago and I am so confused as to what he wanted from this. I want him back in my life but only if he wants the same. Any advice is nice. Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted January 12, 2015 Share Posted January 12, 2015 It's not a crazy story at all. Looks like you're not meant to be together at this point in time, but that could change. Just get on with your life and if you meet someone you can be with, follow your instincts. Link to post Share on other sites
MrWhite Posted January 12, 2015 Share Posted January 12, 2015 "I responded that I hope he would find himself and I would always care." These are normally the last words of someone who is saying good-bye, good luck, and is moving on. "I said I was surprised he contacted me" Maybe you appeared or communicated that you have moved on. If I contacted an ex and they said, "I'm surprised you called me?" I would assume that they never expected to ever talk to me again. Why not simply ask him what he thinks and feels? Send a message to contact you again in the future? (leave the door open) Like satu's comment, just do not wait around. Link to post Share on other sites
Author swimmergal Posted January 12, 2015 Author Share Posted January 12, 2015 (edited) He was the one who broke up with me and so every time I responded something final I thought it would be easier for me to move on. I felt he wanted that. A part of me wants to ask him to coffee to talk and figure things out, but I don't know if that is what he wants. At one point during coffee, I told him I thought he hated me and he said no, but he thought I hated him to which I said only a little. I want him so bad but am afraid he does not care anymore, even though he has been the one to call every time. Also how long should I wait to talk to him, I don't want to seem pushy. Edited January 12, 2015 by swimmergal Link to post Share on other sites
Marco Valerio Posted January 12, 2015 Share Posted January 12, 2015 Love's gone when one of the lovers stops fighting for the other one. If he stops fighting for you and for the relationship, then the best advice is to move on. Maybe he comes and goes because he misses things and moments he shared with you, but that's not enough for you to be hoping for his return. One day he will find someone new with whom to share those things he misses, and then you'll be left with nothing but emptiness and desolation. You can get all the attention and love you deserve from someone new. Link to post Share on other sites
MrWhite Posted January 14, 2015 Share Posted January 14, 2015 (edited) Sounds like bad communication and both of you do not say anything meaningful to avoid getting hurt. He broke up with you but keeps contacting you? Does he assume you have moved on and he has nothing to offer so why try? He might just need a little incentive to pursue. "I felt he wanted that" Assumption. (never assume anything - work, life, or love) "he thought I hated him to which I said only a little" This is what someone who has moved on or was not really in love might answer. I think he is working on figuring out what to do with his life, has NOT figured it out yet, he is free to try new things (not really doing it), and is mulling over if breaking up with you was what he really wanted. Not sure this applies here: (I have seen this unfold many times) Men in there 20s meet the girl they want to marry. They also want 3-5 years to do what they need and want to do. (Job, school, friends, travel, move, work, sex, life, etc...) They wish they could meet the same girl they broke up with after they did some or all of that. Could this be a case of finding the right person to early in life? Never to experience single life or be independent? Edited January 14, 2015 by MrWhite 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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