DesiredUsername Posted January 12, 2015 Share Posted January 12, 2015 So awhile back I posted how I was trying to figure out if my boss liked me. Well, low and behold a few days after, he hugged me goodbye and well....it was a lingering hug that sort of turned into all out passionate oh my god we have secretly wanted this for years type sex. I've gone to his house numerous times since. He's 20 years older than me, he's single, I'm married... but we have this really weird amazing ...."thing" together. I've been so fascinated by him since well before this happened. It feels to good to be true almost. Well one night I was laying with him and we were talking about an ex and love and all that. I sort of blurted out somehow without even thinking how I've never fallen in love this quickly. I was instantly like "oh crap" he smiled...I laughed and I was like omg embarrassed. He smiled and said it's ok, I've wanted to say it like 8 times now but he said he held back. I'm really worried that because it feels so strong and powerful that saying I love you so soon may have ruined something. The next day he text me how comfortable he feels with me how much he would love to just fall asleep with me. I'm assuming it's still ok? I don't know. Paranoid. I've never in my life been so strongly emotionally connected with someone like that and so quickly. I've had my share of men and it's never been like this. Is it just possible that we did fall hard and it will be ok? Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted January 12, 2015 Share Posted January 12, 2015 So now that you both have acknowledged that you are in love with each other when are you two going to divorce your spouses and be together? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Rainbowlove Posted January 12, 2015 Share Posted January 12, 2015 Sleeping with the boss...spells trouble in my book, but to answer your question, based on his response, seems like it's okay between you two. I just don't see this ending well for anyone. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted January 12, 2015 Share Posted January 12, 2015 (edited) I'm assuming it's still ok? I don't know. Paranoid. I've never in my life been so strongly emotionally connected with someone like that and so quickly. I've had my share of men and it's never been like this. Is it just possible that we did fall hard and it will be ok? No, it won't be OK, because it can't be OK. You are a married woman, and all three people in this triangle will get badly hurt by what you have done. Just so you know... Edited January 12, 2015 by Satu 1 Link to post Share on other sites
DKT3 Posted January 12, 2015 Share Posted January 12, 2015 Sleeping with the boss...spells trouble in my book, but to answer your question, based on his response, seems like it's okay between you two. I just don't see this ending well for anyone. I don't see it ending well for her and her family IE single and jobless. He will likely move on as if she was simply a speed bump. OP find and read Overit75's story. Just like yours, when it all came out she was thrown out of her home and lost her job. As far as your question, who knows. For all we know you could be number 5 on his roster of women he says it to. He could be being honest. Discuss it with your husband and see what he thinks. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
MissBee Posted January 12, 2015 Share Posted January 12, 2015 (edited) So awhile back I posted how I was trying to figure out if my boss liked me. Well, low and behold a few days after, he hugged me goodbye and well....it was a lingering hug that sort of turned into all out passionate oh my god we have secretly wanted this for years type sex. I've gone to his house numerous times since. He's 20 years older than me, he's single, I'm married... but we have this really weird amazing ...."thing" together. I've been so fascinated by him since well before this happened. It feels to good to be true almost. Well one night I was laying with him and we were talking about an ex and love and all that. I sort of blurted out somehow without even thinking how I've never fallen in love this quickly. I was instantly like "oh crap" he smiled...I laughed and I was like omg embarrassed. He smiled and said it's ok, I've wanted to say it like 8 times now but he said he held back. I'm really worried that because it feels so strong and powerful that saying I love you so soon may have ruined something. The next day he text me how comfortable he feels with me how much he would love to just fall asleep with me. I'm assuming it's still ok? I don't know. Paranoid. I've never in my life been so strongly emotionally connected with someone like that and so quickly. I've had my share of men and it's never been like this. Is it just possible that we did fall hard and it will be ok? What do you mean by will it be okay? What does "okay" look like for you? Since you're married is okay simply having an affair with him while still being married and your husband not finding out? Or is okay falling in love, leaving your husband and you and your boss having a great life together? Or is okay not losing your job potentially over this and having an affair and a marriage at the same time. There are many variables here so what is "okay" in your mind? I ask because I get it. I think lots of people get caught up and short-sighted, which is how I understand the term "affair fog". They are in the moment, in the intensity and the feelings and lose sight of logic and how things may actually play out and what other real life factors may encroach on the romance bubble. It doesn't seem like you're currently thinking about practical things (the 20 year gap, your own marriage, the fact that this may affect your career etc) just how you feel, the great sex, and the feelings. Pull away from the sex and feelings for a moment to think about what okay means for you, what you want from this and the various possibilities of how it may turn out and whether you're willing to be okay with them. Edited January 12, 2015 by MissBee Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted January 12, 2015 Share Posted January 12, 2015 Obviously she posted in the wrong section... No, things aren't going to be okay. You're married and he's single. You have a husband at home who is going to be devastated when he finds out you've been having an affair. And your single OM will be left along the sidelines hurting when your affair comes to light. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
DKT3 Posted January 12, 2015 Share Posted January 12, 2015 What do you mean by will it be okay? What does "okay" look like for you? Since you're married is okay simply having an affair with him while still being married and your husband not finding out? Or is okay falling in love, leaving your husband and you and your boss having a great life together? Or is okay not losing your job potentially over this and having an affair and a marriage at the same time. There are many variables here so what is "okay" in your mind? I ask because I get it. I think lots of people get caught up and short-sighted, which is how I understand the term "affair fog". They are in the moment, in the intensity and the feelings and lose sight of logic and how things may actually play out and what other real life factors may encroach on the romance bubble. It doesn't seem like you're currently thinking about practical things (the 20 year gap, your own marriage, the fact that this may affect your career etc) just how you feel, the great sex, and the feelings. Pull away from the sex and feelings for a moment to think about what okay means for you, what you want from this and the various possibilities of how it may turn out and whether you're willing to be okay with them. OP stated that she is in an open marriage, but also pointed out she was allowed to explore "physical" relationships. From what I know of open marriages they normally have more clearly defined boundaries and parameters. I'm just guessing here, but I bet falling in love or having this type of a connection goes past the boundaries set which is why I suggested she speak with her husband. Feeling in love with create issues in her marriage, period. Since its widely unacceptable for bosses to bed employees she is putting both her marriage and job at risk. With that being said its very unlikely that this will be OK. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
MissBee Posted January 12, 2015 Share Posted January 12, 2015 OP stated that she is in an open marriage, but also pointed out she was allowed to explore "physical" relationships. From what I know of open marriages they normally have more clearly defined boundaries and parameters. I'm just guessing here, but I bet falling in love or having this type of a connection goes past the boundaries set which is why I suggested she speak with her husband. Feeling in love with create issues in her marriage, period. Since its widely unacceptable for bosses to bed employees she is putting both her marriage and job at risk. With that being said its very unlikely that this will be OK. When did she state this? Must have been in some other thread. I just went by her current post. But yea, if she's in an open marriage then things may be different than one where absolute monogamy is expected. In that case OP, from what I know of open marriages there are particular terms and agreements and open communication that must happen. Does your husband then know of this relationship and your emotional feelings? If he is your primary partner then you need to discuss these feelings with him and go from there. Link to post Share on other sites
DKT3 Posted January 12, 2015 Share Posted January 12, 2015 What do you mean by will it be okay? What does "okay" look like for you? Since you're married is okay simply having an affair with him while still being married and your husband not finding out? Or is okay falling in love, leaving your husband and you and your boss having a great life together? Or is okay not losing your job potentially over this and having an affair and a marriage at the same time. There are many variables here so what is "okay" in your mind? I ask because I get it. I think lots of people get caught up and short-sighted, which is how I understand the term "affair fog". They are in the moment, in the intensity and the feelings and lose sight of logic and how things may actually play out and what other real life factors may encroach on the romance bubble. It doesn't seem like you're currently thinking about practical things (the 20 year gap, your own marriage, the fact that this may affect your career etc) just how you feel, the great sex, and the feelings. Pull away from the sex and feelings for a moment to think about what okay means for you, what you want from this and the various possibilities of how it may turn out and whether you're willing to be okay with them. When did she state this? Must have been in some other thread. I just went by her current post. But yea, if she's in an open marriage then things may be different than one where absolute monogamy is expected. In that case OP, from what I know of open marriages there are particular terms and agreements and open communication that must happen. Does your husband then know of this relationship and your emotional feelings? If he is your primary partner then you need to discuss these feelings with him and go from there. Yeah she stated it elsewhere, but I think taking that part out will keep this from being totally derailed with all that talk. Sorry OP, but now we can focus more closely on the topic. Link to post Share on other sites
GoldieLox Posted January 12, 2015 Share Posted January 12, 2015 Is there a small possibility you're confusing love and lust? Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted January 13, 2015 Share Posted January 13, 2015 Is there a small possibility you're confusing love and lust? I think she's confusing love and Limerence. Link to post Share on other sites
Lurkeraspect Posted January 13, 2015 Share Posted January 13, 2015 I think she's confusing love and Limerence. With a side of daddy issues. OP, how does your husband feel about all this? I'm guessing since you're posting in the OW/OM section, you perhaps identify that way and he doesn't know you've taken this way beyond your agreed upon open sexual relationship. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Southerncross Posted January 13, 2015 Share Posted January 13, 2015 He's 20 years older than me Without speaking to anything else you said, IMO this one thing right here will likely at some point be a death knell to a relationship with this person. The age gap is just too big. Think I'm wrong? Take a look around everyone you know. How many successful long term relationships are you aware of where this kind of age gap exists? Zero? One? Theres a reason for that. Most struggle once the gap gets much past 10. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted January 13, 2015 Share Posted January 13, 2015 I believe that you being married will be a bigger problem for HIM than you realize. That is going to be you main problem, and no, being in an open marriage won't make that better. Neither will divorcing. Will he still see you and continue the relationship? Yes. Until he can not any longer. There is also the age thing but that's another topic. Link to post Share on other sites
sandylee1 Posted January 13, 2015 Share Posted January 13, 2015 So awhile back I posted how I was trying to figure out if my boss liked me. Well, low and behold a few days after, he hugged me goodbye and well....it was a lingering hug that sort of turned into all out passionate oh my god we have secretly wanted this for years type sex. I've gone to his house numerous times since. He's 20 years older than me, he's single, I'm married... but we have this really weird amazing ...."thing" together. I've been so fascinated by him since well before this happened. It feels to good to be true almost. Well one night I was laying with him and we were talking about an ex and love and all that. I sort of blurted out somehow without even thinking how I've never fallen in love this quickly. I was instantly like "oh crap" he smiled...I laughed and I was like omg embarrassed. He smiled and said it's ok, I've wanted to say it like 8 times now but he said he held back. I'm really worried that because it feels so strong and powerful that saying I love you so soon may have ruined something. The next day he text me how comfortable he feels with me how much he would love to just fall asleep with me. I'm assuming it's still ok? I don't know. Paranoid. I've never in my life been so strongly emotionally connected with someone like that and so quickly. I've had my share of men and it's never been like this. Is it just possible that we did fall hard and it will be ok? This should b posted in the infidelity section under marriage and relationships. section. That said, are you unhappy with your marriage? Does your boss want you to leave your M? An affair is not a good idea and is an even worse idea with your boss. It won't end well. What do you really want out of all this? Link to post Share on other sites
SunshineToday Posted January 14, 2015 Share Posted January 14, 2015 Sorry to b the one to tell you this-but take it from one who knows, just because you use the L word in an affair it really doesn't mean a thing. People in an affair love the feeling of being wanted-desired and special. They will say a lot of things to keep that going. Even if it isn't true. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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