Newbie with a issue: thoughts of my GF having sex w/ ex = turn-on? WTF

[club512]

First post - go easy on me. Just recently got into a rship with a new girl (I'm 41, she's 28). My first in 6-7 yrs (that's another subject), she's been getting over a bad breakup for past 2yrs w/ a narcissistic jerk who used and abused her (emotionally) and exploited her weaknesses (which he was very proud of).

 

She's a very sexual person, kind of a free spirit, and when we were friends she was very open about that ex and how great the sex was. At times he was very disrespectful to her during sex (which she allow - a boundary issue - although I feel she may have liked some of it) and enamoured that he had a large penis. Yay. But as of today she doesn't love him anymore and has no feelings, says she learned from that rship and thinking of him / that rship makes her sick and feel bad.

 

In the beginning when we talked about sex she used to bring up scenarios and acts that she did with him (almost like a conquest-like fashion or bragging I felt) and we'd have talks about this - - she says she feels like she can trust me so much that she can tell me anything, so she does. I tell her to leave out the details please, she apologizes but from time to time does slip up during discussions.

 

Now when we bring up sex stuff (i.e. how great morning sex is) - I know she's thinking of her ex. She makes the general comment but because she's shared so much I kinda know. But here's the thing - - I first get upset / hurt when we something like this comes up, and then I start thinking of him having sex with her and how she's enjoying it, and it kind of turns me on in a sense.

 

I find myself thinking of these things more often - - and I don't think it's a good thing for us. I'm thinking this is linked to my jealousy, my self esteem, and perhaps a detachment disorder I could possess....? I do love her, but WTF is wrong with me? That's not good, is it? To be turned on thinking of her getting it from her ex? Almost in like a porn-scenario runs through my head - - WTF?

 

I guess I'm pretty screwed up, huh? Anyone have similar issues / thoughts? WTF does this mean and what can I do?

[Darren Steez]

Brah you're going down a very dangerous road. She's already emasculated you with this chatter to the point where something that should be exclusively just between the two of you is now being dominated by a third person.

 

You think it's a turn on until you find out they've met in a bar somewhere..

 

Banish this talk otherwise you'll be in a world of hurt insecurity wise later on..if not already.

[aStranger]

Hey, lots of guys get turned on by the image of their woman enjoying sex with someone else - as long as it isn't someone she cheated on you with. You said this was an EX so I wouldn't be too hard on myself. Sex is more fun when its dirty and nasty. Go with it.