i want to relocate but fiance can't

[vintage87]

Okay i have been with my now fiance for seven years. we have two boys ages 2 and 6 but he has two girls ages 1 and 9. so he has four kids. we have been through many ups and downs. family drama, cheating, financial difficulty, he got a girl pregnant during a break-up and very bad period in our relationship. we have lived together for three years. November we got into a big argument. i packed my things and went to north Carolina where my family lives. prior to this we were not getting along for a few months so i was fed up. while in nc he was devastated and cried and pleaded everyday. this was my first time ever standing up to him so i think he was shocked.

 

My fiance is a tough guy and i have only seen him cry twice in 7 years when his sister and best friend died. he really wanted me and his boys to come back home. i ended up coming back a few days before thanksgiving. when i came back he proposed and i said yes. things have been good but after two weeks i started thinking about living in north carolina. we live in Maryland near dc and the cost of living his extremely high. everything is too high. our rent is 1230 for a one bedroom. i work part time because im in grad school, and he works at a grocery store while working on obtaining his GED. i receive food stamps and some other county assistance with rent. however i have been living like this for three years and im sick of it. im not the type of female comfortable being dependent. i want to move to north carolina because it is affordable, apt and town homes rent between 500 and 900 there for a two to three bedroom. we could also afford two cars because here we have one old car. my immediate family, mom,bro and sister, grandmother left maryland within recent years but i always stayed for fiance and our boys we have together. my relatives have always lived in nc. however it has never bothered me until now within the past year it has been really hard to not have the family support. we can never go out on dates we don't have a babysitter an cant afford to pay one. i never have free time.

 

If one of the kid are sick one of us has to take off because we cant sen them to daycare or school sick. he is not close to his family so we only have each other here. it is really depressing here. economically it i overcrowd an traffic all day every day. i always feel like im running around to get everywhere on time. my lease is up in june and i want to move to north carolina so bad . i talked to him about moving and he said he can't leave his daughters. he currently has joint custody with the one year old and he sees his oldest daughter some weekend but mainly breaks. the part of nc i want to move to is 4 hours away. i don't think that is too far away. i told him he could see his daughters two weekends a month and breaks. he keeps talking about we can make it in Maryland but realistically it will take forever. i want to live comfortable and not barely making it like we have been for three years.

 

I expect to graduate with a master in social work. social worker don't make a lot of money but i could make 45,000 there and live decent. i also have more employment connections there. i have family that currently works or retired from nc state, county and govt. i have great references there. i already have five years of federal govt experience. i also feel like he will have a better chance there as well. im 27 and he is 29. i want a house in three years but here they are about 400,000 to 500,000. in nc you can get a bran new house for 150 to 200,000. i want better for all of us. im just really unhappy right now. i also feel torn because im afraid to leave without him and i don't know how that will effect our relationship.

 

I also want him to be happy and not unhappy if he did move. he adore his boys and they love him too i don't want them apart either if we go and he does not i really need advice!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Edited January 13, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
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[pink_sugar]

I live in California and North Carolina is a lot cheaper. My brother and sister in law live there. I used to think $1200 for an apartment was a lot, but I lived in an area that increased to $1600-2000 for a one bedroom apartment. Anyways, 4 hours is actually quite far. My mom lived 2.5 hours away most of my childhood and I only saw her once every few months. That 4 hour drive each way is going to get old after awhile, not to mention expensive. Not realistic long term. Does your fiance have plans to further himself after getting his GED? There aren't many job prospects with just a GED nowadays. If you stay with him, you want to make sure you won't end up regretting it later. If you are certain about making it work, think about moving outside of DC where it is cheaper. My husband has relatives living in Virginia where the cost of living is less and it's not too far from DC where they work.

[vintage87]

Please excuse the cap lock but my keyboard is broken. Yeah the rent is rising here and a luxury apartment cost between 1600 and 2000 as well. My apartment is kind of outdated and not worth 1200. Yeah you are right about the distance. I only see my family mom, brother, sister and grandma every few months too. I was thinking he could make custody arrangements to have his daughters every summer. However, the winters would be the tough part. I thought about virginia but i really don't like it their either. My fiance i planning to start a business or get a trade. However, he procrastinates a lot but promises this year would be different. Living here his slacking effects me greatly because i need help. I feel like down south i could get ahead. I saw a two bedroom townhome on craigslist today for 625 in north carolina. It was beautiful and cheap. I don't know what to do. I really want to move. My boys do need their dad and i have to be considerate of his other kids. Did the distance between you an your mom effect your relationship with her?

[Radu]

So :

- 9 yr old daughter with ex

- 6+2 yr old boys from you

- 1 yr old girl from 3rd baby momma

 

And he works in a grocery store.

 

He needs to make a choice, his boys or his girls ... as horrible as it sounds it can't be both, and you can't allow him to have both.

 

If he chooses his boys, he can still visit his girls and be a part of their lives, and he should probably go through the courts, to make sure he doesn't lose any time with the kids.

He could even have them over for vacations.

 

It's time to stop living paycheck to paycheck like one of the boys and understand he has responsabilities beyond making sure the kids get some food.

 

If both of you do move back home, go into saving mode and check to see if married, your income would be added to his, and thus increase child support to the other baby momma's.

[vintage87]

Thanks for your response Radu. I feel like it is still possible for him to be a great father.He is a really hands on dad and loves his kids. I love that about him and this is why it's so hard for me. But anyways he is currently going through child support with the youngest daughter mom. He was just awarded joint custody so he has that in his favor already.He could easily be awarded most holidays and summers. He barely sees the nine year old now. She is in school and her mother has her involved in multiple activities so he already spends most of his time with her during breaks. Yeah he really needs to get him self established I have already given him an ultimatum that the procrastination stops and I'm willing to give him more time. I just can't continue to stay here and struggle.

[Arabella]

So :

- 9 yr old daughter with ex

- 6+2 yr old boys from you

- 1 yr old girl from 3rd baby momma

 

And he works in a grocery store.

 

He needs to make a choice, his boys or his girls ... as horrible as it sounds it can't be both, and you can't allow him to have both.

 

If he chooses his boys, he can still visit his girls and be a part of their lives, and he should probably go through the courts, to make sure he doesn't lose any time with the kids.

He could even have them over for vacations.

 

It's time to stop living paycheck to paycheck like one of the boys and understand he has responsabilities beyond making sure the kids get some food.

 

If both of you do move back home, go into saving mode and check to see if married, your income would be added to his, and thus increase child support to the other baby momma's.

 

Radu, do YOU have children? I can't explain how could you give such horrible advice to someone. Why on earth shouldn't this man "have" all of his children?

 

The only thing that I agree with is that this man needs to step up and make sure all of them are properly taken care of. That means getting a real job.

 

OP, you made a choice to be with a man who has other children. This man owes ALL of them his time, money and love. Your children aren't any more special than the ones he has with the other women. The only difference between them is that he chooses to be with you, instead of them.

 

You cannot make him choose. Not only is it cruel to the children, but he may very well come to resent you in time, and take a toll on your relationship with him. One that you might not be able to overcome. You knew this man had a child before you got with him. You chose to be with him again after he got the third girl pregnant.

 

Time to be a big girl, step up and take responsibility too! Here's a more realistic plan of action, in my opinion:

 

1) Drop classes down to part time.

2) Get a full time job.

3) Help him to get a better job.

4) Trim your budget and get a cheaper place.

 

You "want" to get a house in 3 years? Well, too bad. You can get a house when you can afford it. You'd have him move and barely see his children so that you can have the lifestyle you want, on your timeline?

 

Unbelievable. Stop being selfish and do your part!

Edited January 13, 2015 by Arabella

[Radu]

Radu, do YOU have children? I can't explain how could you give such horrible advice to someone. Why on earth shouldn't this man "have" all of his children?

 

The only thing that I agree with is that this man needs to step up and make sure all of them are properly taken care of. That means getting a real job.

Because time is a limited asset.

 

You can wish for everything you think you can get, but unless you go for practical you will just be into dreams.

Considering his low paying job, his money that goes to two -2- other women, and the fact that he can't work 16hs a day, everyday, something has to -temporarily- give.

I did not argue for him to abandon his kids, i argued for him to focus on one aspect of his life, to fix it before it all goes to hell [the OP leaves him because she had enough]; that is why the move is needed, so that 2 of his kids can live better and they can improve their overall finances, that would also improve the situation for the other 2 kids who will be visiting.

 

I think i made the reasoning very clear in my post, and i honestly do not understand the tone of the post.

 

You fix one thing at a time, and then you move on to the next thing.

 

Time to be a big girl, step up and take responsibility too! Here's a more realistic plan of action, in my opinion:

 

1) Drop classes down to part time.

2) Get a full time job.

3) Help him to get a better job.

4) Trim your budget and get a cheaper place.

 

You "want" to get a house in 3 years? Well, too bad. You can get a house when you can afford it. You'd have him move and barely see his children so that you can have the lifestyle you want, on your timeline?

 

Unbelievable. Stop being selfish and do your part!

The OP has 2 kids, 2 and 6 yr olds.

The 6 yr old can go to school, but what will she do with the 2yr old ?

 

How much is daycare in the US, in the Washington area ? ... since she has no family there to help her out.

 

PS: The OP has her share of faults here.

She should never have accepted to have kids with a man who she has known for a few months [6yr old boy in a 7yr old relationship], she should never have had a 2nd child in this situation without an improvement in careers [he is working on a GED], etc ... which all lead to a situation where a grown-up without a GED and not so great prospects of employment has 4 kids by 3 different women, 2 of which are about a decade away from college.

All this is in the past, laying blame will get the OP no-where, action is needed now.

[pink_sugar]

Please excuse the cap lock but my keyboard is broken. Yeah the rent is rising here and a luxury apartment cost between 1600 and 2000 as well. My apartment is kind of outdated and not worth 1200. Yeah you are right about the distance. I only see my family mom, brother, sister and grandma every few months too. I was thinking he could make custody arrangements to have his daughters every summer. However, the winters would be the tough part. I thought about virginia but i really don't like it their either. My fiance i planning to start a business or get a trade. However, he procrastinates a lot but promises this year would be different. Living here his slacking effects me greatly because i need help. I feel like down south i could get ahead. I saw a two bedroom townhome on craigslist today for 625 in north carolina. It was beautiful and cheap. I don't know what to do. I really want to move. My boys do need their dad and i have to be considerate of his other kids. Did the distance between you an your mom effect your relationship with her?

 

Forgive me for being unclear, but $1600-2000 wasn't even for a luxury apartment where I lived. They are your very average apartments that often didn't even have a/c and 90% of them had no washer/dryer. The distance did affect my mom and I as she was not in my daily life. For a girl that is tough not having her mom. My single dad did most of the work.

Edited January 13, 2015 by pink_sugar

[Arabella]

Because time is a limited asset.

 

You can wish for everything you think you can get, but unless you go for practical you will just be into dreams.

Considering his low paying job, his money that goes to two -2- other women, and the fact that he can't work 16hs a day, everyday, something has to -temporarily- give.

I did not argue for him to abandon his kids, i argued for him to focus on one aspect of his life, to fix it before it all goes to hell [the OP leaves him because she had enough]; that is why the move is needed, so that 2 of his kids can live better and they can improve their overall finances, that would also improve the situation for the other 2 kids who will be visiting.

 

I think i made the reasoning very clear in my post, and i honestly do not understand the tone of the post.

 

You fix one thing at a time, and then you move on to the next thing.

 

 

The OP has 2 kids, 2 and 6 yr olds.

The 6 yr old can go to school, but what will she do with the 2yr old ?

 

How much is daycare in the US, in the Washington area ? ... since she has no family there to help her out.

 

PS: The OP has her share of faults here.

She should never have accepted to have kids with a man who she has known for a few months [6yr old boy in a 7yr old relationship], she should never have had a 2nd child in this situation without an improvement in careers [he is working on a GED], etc ... which all lead to a situation where a grown-up without a GED and not so great prospects of employment has 4 kids by 3 different women, 2 of which are about a decade away from college.

All this is in the past, laying blame will get the OP no-where, action is needed now.

 

I'm sorry for the overly harsh tone, but frankly between her post and yours, I was extremely irritated.

 

The OP comes across as being completely self-centered. She kept mentioning what she wants, what she needs and how unhappy she is, and never seemed to take into consideration what his partner or his children need.

 

I agree that immediate action is needed. That's why she needs to drop half of her classes ASAP and get a full time job. Doesn't get any more immediate than that.

 

Bitching about money and how they can't afford anything when she's working part time and studying for a master's is just completely flabbergasting.

 

She already has a degree that she could be making use of, and she chooses to take on thousands of dollars of expenses (or debt) to pursue a master's degree. She's working part time so obviously her employer isn't paying for it. That may help in the future (and even that is arguable... social work, unfortunately, is poorly paid) but right now it's not helping.

 

The choice here boils down to her being able to do her master's full time or taking a man away from his children. She would actually have him move so she doesn't have to give up anything to maintain the lifestyle she wants. How much more selfish can you get?

 

Imo, she needs to realign her priorities in a hurry before she ends up being the third single mom in this man's life.

Edited January 13, 2015 by Arabella

[Standard-Fare]

You really need to think about which desire is stronger for you: 1) Your desire to live in North Carolina, surrounded by your family and enjoying cheaper housing, or 2) Your desire to preserve and continue this relationship with your fiancee. You simply can't have both.

 

It's a tricky situation you've got here, but nothing will ever erase your fiance's obligations to his two other children. And you can't disregard that if you want to stay with him. These are the types of hard sacrifices and compromises lots of people have to make when they get married.

 

Assuming you stay around DC: Being familiar with the area, I'd recommend that you relocate closer to Baltimore as opposed to closer to DC. The housing prices are drastically cheaper. I'm also saying this because you rejected the Virginia burbs option. (If you hadn't, I'd recommend going somewhere like Sterling.)

 

If the two of you are willing to consider a completely new location as a compromise, you might want to look into either the Richmond area or Hampton Roads in Virginia. Either of those places would give you cheaper living as well as better access to your family in NC, yet they wouldn't pose quite such a drastic burden on your fiance.

[Radu]

I don't know her degree/field, but if she can pull the same wage with the level of education she has now, definitely.

 

Outside of that, i doubt it.

A GED also takes time to finish, let's assume until the end of this school yr + some other form of schooling.

If they both work hard, they could end up in a good position in 2-3yrs ... a very good position.

 

Personally, the fact that he has 4 kids by 3 women and his history, his suspected age, etc ... does not spell 'responsible individual'.

[Arabella]

I don't know her degree/field, but if she can pull the same wage with the level of education she has now, definitely.

 

Outside of that, i doubt it.

A GED also takes time to finish, let's assume until the end of this school yr + some other form of schooling.

If they both work hard, they could end up in a good position in 2-3yrs ... a very good position.

 

Personally, the fact that he has 4 kids by 3 women and his history, his suspected age, etc ... does not spell 'responsible individual'.

 

She said she's working on a master's in social work. This means she already has a Bachelor's degree or she wouldn't be able to enter any kind of master's program. Social work is, typically, a very low-paid career. Unfortunate, but true. Even she acknowledges this in her post.

 

She could drop half of her classes and go find a real job using her existing Bachelor's. She could be doing a lot better with her Bachelor's and a full-time job than her fiancee does working at the grocery store, AND continue working on the master's part time.

 

They don't have to leave the area. It's just easier for her if they do... at her fiance and his children's expense.

 

I agree that he sounds incredibly irresponsible, but so does she.

[pink_sugar]

I do agree with Arabella's points. If the OP wants a house in 3 years, she should be working full time and going to school part time. When I go back for my masters, I will be doing the same thing. The majority of adults with families seeking a masters degree usually work full time and go to school part time. However, this guy has 4 kids and still working on his GED while working at a grocery store. I think he needs to get his act together as well, but it is unreasonable to expect the guy to move 4 hours away from his other 2 kids.

[vintage87]

I did not mean to appear self-centered. I'm concerned about his feelings too because i would not want him to be unhappy if he chose to relocate with me. I also would not want to put a strain on his relationship with hi daughters or my sons. This is why i'm here because i feel bad.

 

THERE Is MORE TO THE sTORY THAT WILL GIVE YOU ALL A BETTER UNDERTAKING OF WHY I FEEL THIs WAY. I WILL PROVIDE MORE INFORMATION ABOUT THE CHEATING IN THE PAsT.

 

In 2009 a little after our son was born i found out he had been cheating. I went through all the emotions of being cheated on but did not break up with him. I caught him cheating again with the same chick. I decided that i could see whoever i wanted if he was doing it. I began to cheat on him and when he found out i was cheating all hell broke loose. Cheating is a double standard thing. He was hurt but his emotions turned to anger. I was every name in the book. He was very mean to me for a long time. He begin to date the chick he was cheating on me with openly in front of my face. When he told her about what i did she felt like she would do whatever it took to get me out the picture. However i was determined to fight for us. Looking back it was the worst point in my life. I BECAME suicidal, I WAs EXTREMELY dEPREssEd AN dROPPEd dOWN TO 88 POUNds. I REMEBER CRYING EVERY sINGLE dAY. I became pregnant with our second child because we were still sleeping together. He wanted an abortion and i wanted to keep it because at the time i felt like he would get back with me and we could be a family. The other girl had the same thing in mind because she got pregnant around the same time. We moved in together in august 2012 when i was four months pregnant and the other girl was a month pregnant. We fought everyday and things were worst until late 2013. I can't believe i endured all of this. In 2013 he started telling people we were together again and the relationship was feeling normal again. I was happy but resentful when he started getting his daughter more.

 

He finally got over me cheating that year because he stopped bringing it up. Last year we had three arguments unrelated but he was wrong and later apologized. The most recent one in november i left for a month. While i was in nc he broke down and opened up to me. Told me he has been over me cheating but he act angry all the time because of abuse and neglect when he was a child, i told him i will not allow him to treat me like crap over a mistake i made when he did wrong too, told me i'm his everything and he realize it when i left. I feel that he was genuine and came back. My boys were also asking for him.

 

So when i came back i realized all the crap i have been putting up with and the life i could have with family. Since i came back we have started counseling and he will be doing anger management. We have been going to church. He i filling out job app, all the things i have been asking for. However i'm tired an the fight has left me. I still love him. He has to do something now. This is why my original post was all about me.

 

I guess i can give it more time but i'm not tolerating bs anymore or marrying him until sure.

 

My degree is communication/ pr. I could not find a job in that field at all. I discovered social work is my passion. I love working with people and helping. Is know it i not a high paying career but i'm more concerned about making a difference in the live of others. I work with foster children now. Also i have filled out multiple app for him throughout our relationship. The job he ha now i filled out the app an he got hire. I'm not doing that anymore. I told him this too. He ha been filling out app this week.

Edited January 14, 2015 by vintage87

[vintage87]

KEYBOARd BROKEN EXCUE TYPING ERROR

[vintage87]

She said she's working on a master's in social work. This means she already has a Bachelor's degree or she wouldn't be able to enter any kind of master's program. Social work is, typically, a very low-paid career. Unfortunate, but true. Even she acknowledges this in her post.

 

She could drop half of her classes and go find a real job using her existing Bachelor's. She could be doing a lot better with her Bachelor's and a full-time job than her fiancee does working at the grocery store, AND continue working on the master's part time.

 

They don't have to leave the area. It's just easier for her if they do... at her fiance and his children's expense.

 

I agree that he sounds incredibly irresponsible, but so does she.

 

 

I'M CERTAINLY NOT IRRESPONSIBLE IN ANY WAY. THE APT THAT WE HAVE IS IN MY NAME. I'M CARRYING MY WEIGHT. THE MAN OF THE HOUSE I SUPPOSE TO LEAd THE WAY BUT I HAVE BEEN dOING SO FOR THREE YEARS AN FEELING OVERWHELMED. ANY WOMAN WOULD FEEL THIS WAY. I SHOULD NOT BE THE ONE CARRYING THE WEIGHT. I'M WORKING ON MY MSW PART TIME BUT HEAVY WORK LOAD. I HAVE TWO PART TIME JOBS IN MY FIELd BUT APPLYING FOR BETTER. I HAVE FIVE YEAR OF FEdERAL GOVT EXP SO I HAVE BEEN APPLYING FOR STATE, COUNTY, FEd JOB.

[vintage87]

because time is a limited asset.

 

You can wish for everything you think you can get, but unless you go for practical you will just be into dreams.

Considering his low paying job, his money that goes to two -2- other women, and the fact that he can't work 16hs a day, everyday, something has to -temporarily- give.

I did not argue for him to abandon his kids, i argued for him to focus on one aspect of his life, to fix it before it all goes to hell [the op leaves him because she had enough]; that is why the move is needed, so that 2 of his kids can live better and they can improve their overall finances, that would also improve the situation for the other 2 kids who will be visiting.

 

I think i made the reasoning very clear in my post, and i honestly do not understand the tone of the post.

 

You fix one thing at a time, and then you move on to the next thing.

 

 

The op has 2 kids, 2 and 6 yr olds.

The 6 yr old can go to school, but what will she do with the 2yr old ?

 

How much is daycare in the us, in the washington area ? ... Since she has no family there to help her out.

 

Ps: The op has her share of faults here.

She should never have accepted to have kids with a man who she has known for a few months [6yr old boy in a 7yr old relationship], she should never have had a 2nd child in this situation without an improvement in careers [he is working on a ged], etc ... Which all lead to a situation where a grown-up without a ged and not so great prospects of employment has 4 kids by 3 different women, 2 of which are about a decade away from college.

All this is in the past, laying blame will get the op no-where, action is needed now.

radu you understand where i'm coming from. My boys have no outlet because of the apt we live in. They love visiting in nc because they have a big yard to play in. Hi girls have what my boy don't have. One baby mama live with her mom an the other ha a house. Due to the fact that he doe not have a ged and a background in labor only job i feel like he could proper faster in the south. There are factories everywhere that pay 15.00 hourly. He might be more financially stable to support his girls there. The job market is challenging here because it is heavily populated. We could really do better as a family.

 

I knew my fiancee two year prior to being his girlfriend we were friends an nothing more at first. Knew him since 19 an got together at 21. I agree having a second child was not smart but i was blind then.

[vintage87]

Daycare i 250 weekly for my 2 year old

[pink_sugar]

I know this is unsolicited advice, but your boyfriend lacks real motivation and incentive. It sounds like you have issues yourself, but are on a better track with your masters degree and all. I hope you have done some growing up as far as the getting pregnant to keep him stuff. It's time to put on the big girl panties and really decide if your boyfriend can do what it takes to get his act together. How old are you both? Imo, it sounds like you can do better than this guy, but you need to step up and take responsibility. If you want to move back home and he doesn't, you have to decide if he is worth staying for.

[vintage87]

I'm 27 turning 28 in march...he i 29...yeah so now you see why i'm here because i have been wondering i if all this will be worth it cuz it has not been so far...we are getting older not younger

[Standard-Fare]

Quite frankly it sounds like your desire to move to NC has at least something to do with a desire to get away from this guy. That was the place you sought refuge when you guys broke up recently, and you saw that a different type of life was possible.

 

The relationship history you describe is not very encouraging. I don't blame you for having serious doubts about marriage and setting down long-term roots with this guy in a location you're not so sure about.

 

No one here has the "answer" for you, but it does seem like you have some big decisions to make around the corner. You should not exclude the option of moving to NC yourself with your kids.

[Radu]

radu you understand where i'm coming from. My boys have no outlet because of the apt we live in. They love visiting in nc because they have a big yard to play in. Hi girls have what my boy don't have. One baby mama live with her mom an the other ha a house. Due to the fact that he doe not have a ged and a background in labor only job i feel like he could proper faster in the south. There are factories everywhere that pay 15.00 hourly. He might be more financially stable to support his girls there. The job market is challenging here because it is heavily populated. We could really do better as a family.

 

I knew my fiancee two year prior to being his girlfriend we were friends an nothing more at first. Knew him since 19 an got together at 21. I agree having a second child was not smart but i was blind then.

In his situation, in his position, the only choice for the future that he has is in some form of trade skill and if manufacturing, to be motivated enough to climb through the ranks.

 

There are posters on this forum that either worked trade skill jobs or employ them, guys who know the fields very well; maybe they'll post.

 

Either way, what i got from them and from my own country is that these jobs are making a comeback, because everyone needs a heating, air conditioning or plumbing guy.

And they are not fields that ppl go for like crazy.

 

PS: It's great that you are finally starting to establish serious boundaries.

Either this relationship will work and he will learn to respect you, or it won't ... and you will still be in a better place.

[vintage87]

I know this is unsolicited advice, but your boyfriend lacks real motivation and incentive. It sounds like you have issues yourself, but are on a better track with your masters degree and all. I hope you have done some growing up as far as the getting pregnant to keep him stuff. It's time to put on the big girl panties and really decide if your boyfriend can do what it takes to get his act together. How old are you both? Imo, it sounds like you can do better than this guy, but you need to step up and take responsibility. If you want to move back home and he doesn't, you have to decide if he is worth staying for.

 

Yeah i have not made the best decisions in the past for myself or the relationship. However everything that I have gone through made me stronger. I have to really compare my options. I lpve him but starting to feel like I'm outgrowing him and I want better because I know i can do better than my current state. Thanks for your advice.

[vintage87]

In his situation, in his position, the only choice for the future that he has is in some form of trade skill and if manufacturing, to be motivated enough to climb through the ranks.

 

There are posters on this forum that either worked trade skill jobs or employ them, guys who know the fields very well; maybe they'll post.

 

Either way, what i got from them and from my own country is that these jobs are making a comeback, because everyone needs a heating, air conditioning or plumbing guy.

And they are not fields that ppl go for like crazy.

 

PS: It's great that you are finally starting to establish serious boundaries.

Either this relationship will work and he will learn to respect you, or it won't ... and you will still be in a better place.[/quote

 

Yeah since its so late. I think his best option is a trade labor position. You can make decent money with a trade. My father has been a welder for twenty years. Yeah I'm setting boundaries and without change I will not contemplate on moving

[pink_sugar]

Yeah i have not made the best decisions in the past for myself or the relationship. However everything that I have gone through made me stronger. I have to really compare my options. I lpve him but starting to feel like I'm outgrowing him and I want better because I know i can do better than my current state. Thanks for your advice.

 

I agree. From what you have said, your boyfriend doesn't sound like he's really trying to pull his weight or get his act together. I think it is time you re-evaluate if you really want to stick with this man in an area you're unhappy living in. It sounds like you got good things going for you and he's holding you back. He's 29, still working on his GED. It doesn't sound like he's going to change anytime soon. You need to do what's best for you and the kids at this point.