Just got divorced, but my ex and I are still talking about possibly being together

[Camaro_Dude_99]

Hello, I really need some solid advice here, if anyone can help me please do so I'm going insane here, ok here goes with my story:

 

I met my now ex-wife about 3 years ago in Maine, I've known her my whole life seeing as her dad and my dad have always been best friends. I'm a Marine stationed in Quantico, Virginia, and I had to go to Cairo, Egypt as a Marine Security Guard for what was supposed to be a year and a half, but the more we talked the more we realized that we wanted to be together so I got in trouble on purpose to get sent back from Egypt to be with her.

 

Once I returned we got married on June 23 of 2003, we then moved with each other here in Virginia and lived together for about a year. While I was Egypt I was sort of dating someone for about a week, but couldn't do it so I told her about as I felt really guilty about. I found out that she had dated someone while I was gone as well for a lot longer than I was with the other girl. I forgave her for this, and still got married to her. While we were both living together though I was really jeaulous and insecure and wouldn't let her do anything without asking her a million questions and always putting her on a "timer" if you will. I know that this was horrible of me to do, but I was so worried about her cheating again, even though I KNEW that she wouldn't do it again.

 

She was so good to me, but I started to work too much and was hardly ever home, we started fighting a lot about money, and me not being home, and how she was lonely. I was too greedy for money and was spending what I didn't have. I was getting in trouble as well with the law by speeding all the time and she even had to come and pick me up from jail one night after being there for 3 days for wreckless driving. I was very hard on her.

 

So as time went on, we still fought quite a bit, but I thought that things were getting better, but I guess they weren't.

 

Then one day on July 31, 2004 I received a phone call from her mom saying that her 18 year old brother had passed away in a very bad motorcylce accident. I called my wife and asked her to come home from work and when she arrived I told her, she lost it, so as I waited for the Marines to give me emergency leave papers, I tried to comfort her. (Her dad had just passed away 5 years earlier). On the way home, she made me promise to take care of her and I of course said I would.

 

Once home and after the funeral, her mom was really persistent on making her stay up there with her, as she was all she had left. Then one night my wife went to her aunts and didn't return for 6 hours I was so worried, I waited up for her all night and when she arrived I was standing in the doorway waiting for her. Out of frustration I lifted my arms up and she thought I was going to hit her, and got really scared. After that she remained scared and told me that I was to come back to Virginia alone. I did so and thne received divorce papers in the mail. She told me that she couldn't handle me being jeaulous anymore, and didn't want to be with me.

 

We still talked on and off for awhile, and then I found out that she was sleeping with another guy. She said that she was sorry , but that she still loved me, and wanted to make it work. But still wanted a divorce. We kept talking and then I found out that she was with another guy. She moved in with him and accepted a ring which looked like an engagement ring from him. Yet all the while she's telling me that she loves me and wants me to love her and what not.

 

I just went home to finalize our divorce on the 23rd of March (2005), and afterwards she told me that she was getting all of her stuff out of his trailer (yes I said trailer) and that now we can start over and that she wants to move back down here with me. Yet I can never get ahold of her on her cell phone, so I took it upon myself to get the other guys number and called it and of course she answered the phone. I asked her why she is still there and she says it's to get her stuff out, yet it's the 3rd time that I've called there in 4 days that she's there.

 

I just don't know what to do. I'm so in love with this woman that it's making me insane. I feel like I'm just being kept as a backup in case things don't workout in Maine. I know that she loves me, yet sometimes I'm not so sure. If someone could offer me some type of insight on this situation I would appreciate it.

[BeachGirlinTexas]

Do you have enough discipline to pull back from her a bit? You need to dissapear or be a little hard to get for a while. Sometimes that's all it takes to make the other person realize what they've got.

 

If she knows you are there waiting for her panting like a puppy dog she's gonna string you along and be wishy washy from now until whenever. You gotta jolt her a bit somehow and let her know you've changed and she might risk losing you forever. Stop being so available and jealous and smothering.

 

Your jealousy and insecurity gives her the edge - she knows she's got you. You need to totally change for a while and start acting secure and give her all the freedom she wants. Throw her for a loop.

 

But ask yourself this - is your love for her making you insane or is it the fact you can't control her making you insane? There's a difference between love and obsession. Don't let it turn into fatal attraction or anything.

 

The more you smother her and become obsessive the further she's going to stay away from you. Learn to be more secure and confident.