university_guy Posted March 29, 2005 Share Posted March 29, 2005 Hi My ex-girlfriend and i dated for almost 2 years.... we were friends for three years an made the transition when we both happen to be single... It was excellent. we had our two favorite things in common but had many things to compliment each other. (like she is an outgoing singer and I'm a shy computer geek) About a month before we broke up.. She mentioned a friend of hers (she is just out of Grade 12, me 2nd year University... I thought nothing of it ... she's allowed to have her own friends. But she was always careful saying things like "this doesn't bother you right", but it went downhill soon after. This "friend" began to invite himself over to her house when i was there. You could call it jealousy but i could sense little things he liked my girlfriend like alway mentioning how he's in the military band and i don't play my instrument anymore. (insinuating that I'm not into music as much as the two of them) It got to the point where we got into an arguement because he had come over one day when we had plans and stayed until 9:30 at night... plans ruined . It annoyed me before but when we actually planned days before and she let him stay was where i drew the line... I realized at that time she was starting to like him... I didn't know what i could do about it i couldn't forbid her to see her best friend. I watched helplessly as he stole her away. It was even worse than i thought; out of nowhere a week before last Valentines day she told me she doesn't love me anymore and went out with him 8 days after. i agreed to remain friends.... After about 2 weeks we began talking on MSN again. OK there is the background info...now for what's happening now. About a week ago she called me... in tears and she NEVER cries. She misses me and realizes she made a mistake and told me that I was so much better to her than Chris was. Although still with Chris at the moment. She has made it clear that she wants to come back to me. I still love her. but she hasn't broken up with Chris yet. I talk to her often on MSN and on the phone and she says she's going to break up with him soon. It seems like she is waiting for me to tell her i want her back THEN she will leave Chris... I've told her that i don't want to date her right now just because if i did i wouldn't yet be the guy she left. I would always be worried she would leave me for the next guy that comes into her life, Which it is true but I'm more waiting to see that she will risk being single for the chance to take me back instead of waiting until i say yes then doing exactly what she did to me.... to Chris. Except that she insisted (even the day we broke up) i have been the perfect boyfriend. Now I still love her and would take her back but... i don't know if she realizes she made a mistake and it wont ever happen again or is she just once again looking across the fence to greener pastures and the next "chris" that comes along will brake us up. Link to post Share on other sites
Numb Posted March 29, 2005 Share Posted March 29, 2005 Dam bro, thats a tough one to go threw. I would not talk to her at all for about a month just ignore her and see what she does, if she calls crying and is just not taking the NC very good and of coarse leaves the new B/F then that would be good since then she would be feeling alittle of what you had to feel. But if she calls a few times then stops and still dates "Chris" then I would be done with her since you where her "back up" plan. I just think she needs to feel what having a broken heart feels like, then maybe just maybe she will think about what she does and how bad it will hurt. But for it to work you CANNOT talk to her at all, just go out have some fun and enjoy yourself and either let her stew in it or move on either way you'll get a answer. Thats just what I would do, maybe someone else has a better plan. Link to post Share on other sites
ReluctantRomeo Posted March 29, 2005 Share Posted March 29, 2005 Sounds like a couple of my ex-es. I have to say that - whatever her other good qualities - faithfulness is not one of them. Not to you, not to new boy Chris. My advice is to move on. You want to be happy, yes? And to have someone to grow old with? Most girls are very good at being faithful and loving in the long term - pick one of these. Link to post Share on other sites
beatjunkies Posted March 29, 2005 Share Posted March 29, 2005 i dont know if i agree with the other posters.. Honestly it sounds like she wanted to test the waters and found out she didnt like it.. I have went through these phases when i was younger (im only 21 btw) Sometimes it takes breaking up and testing the waters to realize what you really want.. my ex broke up with me this time and I just wish this was all just a phase. its up to you if you want to give her another chance but if you really want o then do it, but dont make it too easy for her to get you back... make her realize that she has to earn you ... .let us know what happens.. Take care, Peace Link to post Share on other sites
Numb Posted March 29, 2005 Share Posted March 29, 2005 She may be testing the waters and if she is what are the odds of her doing it again, I would say pretty dam good unless she gets alittle heart break to understand the pain and that still might not stop her. I would make it very hard for her to come back, there's alot of trust lost there and it will take some time for him to be able to trust her. I would just do the NC for awhile to see what she does, see if she tries to win him back or just keep the other. Link to post Share on other sites
Donut Posted March 29, 2005 Share Posted March 29, 2005 I wouldn't even think of getting back with her until you know she's definitely broken up with him, doesn't speak to him anymore and she's crying and begging at your door for forgiveness. Step back and let her do all the running. Even then you still have the trust issue, which will come up and haunt your relationship with her and cause major resentment. Sometimes these things work out, but more often than not they don't. Link to post Share on other sites
Mz. Pixie Posted March 29, 2005 Share Posted March 29, 2005 I'm not sure how old you are but I went through this in my early 20's. The guy was my first love. We dated for a year, broke up and both moved on. We still continued to have feelings for each other. At the end of high school, beginning of college we were both single. We had continued to keep in touch and talked often. I expressed a desire to see where things would go between us again. He told me that he wouldn't feel comfortable until I'd been single for at least three months (i had recently broken up with a l/t boyfriend). He wanted to make sure I wasn't jumping from one relationship to the other and that it was really about him. During the three months I didn't date anyone seriously and at the end of that time we got together again. It was great and lasted a year or so again but ended up not working out because of various reasons. My point is, you could tell her she can't go from Chris to you that if she thinks she's made a mistake she must break up with him, stay single for a while and you guys continue to talk and work on a friendship. If she's really interested in you and not just out to "be with" someone she will take it and run with it. Link to post Share on other sites
d'Arthez Posted March 29, 2005 Share Posted March 29, 2005 Let her prove that she thinks she made a mistake. You don't need a girlfriend with two boyfriends (That's what happened to Numb, unbeknownst) Would you trust another man to just spend some time with her, if you were in a relationship again? You would always suspect ulterior motives. There is no way to make these trust issues disappear. She betrayed your trust in your sight! Closer it cannot possibly get. And then there is the resentment. Whatever she done with Chris you will be resentful for that. On the one hand, you want to know exactly what they did, and on the other hand you would torture yourself with that knowledge. If nothing happened, you would not believe that. Chances of it working out are slim at best. Are you willing to take that chance? If so, wait until she breaks up with Chris on her own accord. But the resulting relationship will not be a shadow of the former relationship of two years, especially in the first six months. If not: forget about her. Move on. Link to post Share on other sites
Author university_guy Posted March 29, 2005 Author Share Posted March 29, 2005 Thank you all for your insight, The outside opinions have helped me alot. so i'll wait until she has been single for a month or so and then i'll take her back... If I can see shes still sincere in her motives then i'll take her back. Link to post Share on other sites
Puma Posted March 29, 2005 Share Posted March 29, 2005 TO F*CK OFF!! haha, jsut kiddin, no but really! once you become unatainable...she'll want you more because of it. its the power of natural human nature to want what they cant have..its a very powerful drive that we each possess. also if you do decide to get her back...dont let it be that easy..i would go out with my friends, tell her she has to be ok with it..and dont fall into routine, caus eim sure thats what happened..because at one point you became borin to her and thus she pursued the new excitement of the riskier guy that came into the picture. also dont be jealous..the moment you see any other guy as a threat they become it!! have the confidence that belittles the other guy and she will stay with you for as long as you want. have fun..but please, dont go sayin how much you missed her if you do decide to get her back..let it seem like you can go on just fine without her..that works wonders. g l;uck Link to post Share on other sites
beatjunkies Posted March 29, 2005 Share Posted March 29, 2005 notice everyone is saying "make it hard for her to get you back" You HAVE to do this IF things get that far. Just let her chase you a little bit and try to not worry about it.. But D'Arthez is right on something.. You will want to know what they did and you will torture youreself.. haha I do this to myself just wondering what my ex and her new b/f have done. But you know personally I think it wouldnt bother me IF my ex and I were to get back.. I was on the other end and dated other girls and my ex seemed understanding and took me back on more than one occasion. So who knows.. I know this isnt much advice but I thought Id add my opinion in .. Take care !! Link to post Share on other sites
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